Hi all -
I just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughts. Your input was much appreciated and has helped me enormously in sorting out my thoughts. Dummpy - your points are well taken. Time away with the SO is great idea and is something that my wife and I have tried to on a semi-regular basis in recent years. As it stands, we've not done so for a while, so I'm thinking that it's time that we do so. There's nothing like a few nights in a hotel to get reconnected, so I'm thinking I'll try to arrange something for sooner, rather than later. As for the guilt, I was telling someone in a PM earlier today that it's something that gets the best of me from time to time, but as I reflect on things, I'm equally conscious that the hobbying sustains me. My kids mean to world to me and there's absolutely no way in the world that I want to be the outsider looking in, watching my kids grow up from afar. I find the rewards of the day-to-day to be so great, that I'm (at least for now) prepared to live with the less than satisfactory relationship that my wife and I share. And, it's not as if I haven't told her how I feel. We went for counselling about 4 years ago and about once every six months I point out how frustrated I feel. It makes little difference. My wife is into the kids - that's it. All her affection is directed towards them, with none left over for me. She's admits to it rather matter-of-factly, and seems not to care that I'm unhappy about it (well not enough to change her ways). Having said that, we get on very well most of the time. There are rough days, but we share common values and agree on most things. I suppose that's the main reason why I stick around. I'm certain the alternative (at least for now) is worse. I want to be there for the loose teeth and the tears and the early morning hockey practices and the delight that comes with being in a child's young life. The question is - will a day come when I just simply cant take to loneliness anymore? That's the odd thing. My hobbying is as much about the affection as much as it is about the sex. That's what make CERB so great - it helps fill a void in my life, providing me with the types of contacts that help me get through the rough patches. I thank you all for that. I'm back from the brink and I credit your willingness to share your diverse perspectives (both publicly and privately) as key reasons for keeping me afloat.
take care, RB