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Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

What an amazing young spinner visiting from Kingston. A Gem. http://caescort.club/6134539756 I texted her yesterday afternoon and booked for early evening. We met at the bar and had a drink before heading up, nice downtown Hotel. She's a really nice person, bubbly with a mild quirky side to her...made me smile a couple times. She has a friendly and very pleasant personality. Did our exchange once we were upstairs before she went into the bathroom to get ready. I booked for an hour. She came out looking so hot in black lingerie and short black see-through robe, set up proper lighting and asked if she could put some music on, to which I approved. She had an assortment of oils laid out on the nightstand and asked me to choose one. Seems she starts with a light massage for one hour bookings. This massage turned into body-slides. I've never experienced a body-slide before (now I can see why some like MAs). She got me to flip over, covered my front with oil and did a short body-slide session before she moved up for some great kissing then she went down for a really "sensual time". I didn't want to end there so I had her stop so I could return the favor, she's really responsive and let out some wonderful sounds. When she was done I laid down and she followed up with more "sensual time". Once we were ready for more fun I learned that she can really ride, then we moved around and she was really responsive. Nothing mechanical about this one. She's staying for at least the weekend and maybe more. I know I'm going back to see her before she leaves. She aims to please and she's a wonderful sweetheart. Repeat: For sure I will. She's in my top 3 experiences of 2017. Recommend: Don't miss her. True GF experience. Pics are 100 percent real and accurate. Skills and personality: I give her a 10+ WIR

Hold on what?? How do you know?

similar body type but much older than the pictures. vey friendly and personable. knows what shes doing.

I remember my first kiss(es), it was back when I was in little school(grade 6) and it was funny the way it started, let me explain. My friends and I would talk about movies we had seen on TV the night before, and how they fought and threw grenades etc.. The girls next to us would share there stories too and love the romance side of movies. Later on that day during recess I was chewing gum and some girls asked me for some so I told her she could get the one that I was chewing but she would have to get it out of my mouth but not with her fingers. You guessed it, I was already manipulating girls at that age(look at me today). So here goes my first ever kiss with a girl, the gum went from my mouth to hers and her friend wanted gum too and I had told her that I had split the gum in half in my mouth(it wasn't true) and she came for it and felt with her tongue to find it(I still remember that moment). She was mad(just playing) that I didn't have it so her friend said she was ready to share, so they did. We had a three way mouth/tongue action going between all of us. I still meet those girls at the store but never talk about any of this but I'm sure that we are all glad we got that experience at a young age. BTW, I still love kissing very much, it's a important part of making love to me.

Well said! But are we doing a dis-service if we report a special service that an attendant maybe had a weak moment or because we are so darn seductive she fell under our magic, lol, and we get her in trouble or the establishment in trouble over everyone expecting to receive that service? We know that it has happened before. The title "cheap massages" is sort of troubling. Hopefully not encouraging members to negotiate extras at a very economical price and report here or is the intent to list massage places with the fees charged? It was wise not to discuss extras that might be available as majority of massage places are just that, a place to get a massage. Majority of student that graduate high school and enrol in training for massage probably have no idea about happy endings. They probably think a happy ending is to pass the course and find employment. I assume a client requesting such extras or a masseuse providing such services can be charged by LE. Not sure what the law is but that lady Simi was in the news not long ago about being charged. Going to one of the "many" Massage Parlors in Wpg and trying to negotiate very low fees for extra service should be a no-no just as clients get annoyed about SPs adding fees once sessions have begun. Discussion on showing respect to attendants at massage parlors and not making them feel low down and dirty is a whole new discussion. The massage industry is getting to be a very touchy business in more ways than one.

https://www.lyla.com/

I've always done outcalls and you at least have the option of not seeing the client ever again if he acts up.....and he does not know where you live. clients show up for incalls drunk or high ALL the time so just doing incalls does not avoid that. customers can "act up" or be violent ANYWHERE. there is no avoiding that it is part of this occupation. the craigslist serial killer in the U.S. was murdering sp's working out of hotel rooms and recemtly a Canadian sp was shot out east in a decent hotel. violence can happen anywhere. do what you are comfortable doing. everyone has different comfort levels - some prefer providing incalls while others prefer outcalls. everyone is different.

13. Rescue Me. You are Prince Valiant. You are Captain Courageous. You are a schmuck. You see a provider and become a regular, and then it dawns on you. I LOVE her. I frickin' love her. I am going to rescue that wanton woman from this life of abject misery and make her an honest woman!!!! I will shower her with stuff I can't afford and leave my wife and kids for her... because I know she loves me. She just had great sex with me, didn't she? (it was great for me, and I am sure once she woke up, it was great for her too!) Schmuck. Schmuck!!! Double Schmuck. You let the "fantasy" take hold of your reality and forgot that what you just shared was something that you just paid for. Over there. On the table. In that unsealed envelope. Providers are verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry good at making you feel fantastic - that's what they do, that's the JOB. Whoops did I just say that? Why yes, yes I did. Forget what you see on TV. Forget what the moral majority says in the propaganda. Providers are real women who live in the real world and the job that they perform provides an income. Many providers could blow you away with their talents outside of CERB. They are interior designers, computer programmers, actors, writers, teachers, health care workers, office managers and artists doing this... so if you THINK you know better, think again. Enjoy the fantasy. If she wants you in her life in another capacity, that's her call... not yours. 14. Did I mention bacon sandwiches? Providers - I know I did mention it but I forgot to add that I like it on lightly toasted white bread. Easy on the butter. Remember that well constructed bacon sandwiches will make you rich. 15. The Menu. Now that we are fully aware that ALL providers wishing to be considered to be ELITE will have a supply of homemade delicious bacon sandwiches at hand, please be aware that there is another menu. You know what I am talking about. The menu is there for your edification and for your adherence. In other words, special orders may not be available, or if they are available, there may be an upcharge. If it's not available, it's just plain not available. Don't push for it, don't try to sneak it in there, don't go there. In short, don't be a dick. Now before you get all whiny like a little bitch that fell in the playground and skinned their knee, think. When you took the time to read the list of services available did it say that she had a penguin suit and was willing to feed you like a mama penguin feeds her chick? (really don't think about that, it's kinda gross.) Did it say that she would use a feather duster to clean your place WITHOUT using her hands??? No... it did not. (but if you find one like that, PM me, cuz that would be interesting to see.) In all cases, Your Mileage May Vary. Nobody (except for me because I am special) gets everything they want. Be happy that you get to spend time with someone that special... because she will rock your world with stuff that is on the menu! 16. Appreciate her. You have just spent time with the MOST incredible woman you have ever met. You are walking on a cloud. She just did things with you that you only dreamed about and you pinch yourself to see if this is all a dream. It's NOT a dream. It's REAL. Why not up the ante a bit? I mean she did make you a bacon sandwich for God's sake. She did things with you that you have wanted to do for eons. She smelled amazing. It is not inappropriate to buy her a little gift. Like a yacht. Or a Ferrari. Or a mansion with a suite that I could live in. Okay... forget the yacht. Why not a little something something for her? Check her website. Many will give you ideas of her tastes. Oh... and say thank you. Mean it. Respect her. If she approves of your review, post it. Let her know that she rocked your world. It's late now... I must sleep.... but we are not done... yet.

One minor exception to OD's post is timing, nothing wrong with 5 miniutes prior - must be the military in me many years ago.....

7. I am cleaning. Can we have BBFS sex? Dear M. Delirious, As a fertile woman, still in her sexual prime, I would be delighted to collect, ahead of time, 18 years of child support, and of course, a generous college and university trust fund for our child. Also, please consider the following as part of our contract: marriage, full salary from you when I am on maternity leave, upscale housing and 25 years of above average spousal support for a stay at home mom who enjoys the finer things in life, plus my regular hourly compensation for every time you would like to be intimate with me. If you would like to discuss our future, long-term arrangement, please contact my lawyer for an appointment. If the above is not a suitable option for you, perhaps the following will be: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom Still not interested? Learn about what your potential new friends can bring to your life! AIDS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV/AIDS STDs: http://www.cdc.gov/std/ And here is where you can play Russian Roulette: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=list+of+casinos+in+canada Most sincere and warmest regards, Gabriella xox ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The short answer to the question is... are you fxxxing crazy?!! ;) Happy hobbying!