JoyfulC

There was something else that could have been done -- that WE as an industry could do (get back to doing because it used to be standard procedure in our circles) -- to have prevented this. VERIFICATION. I know the hobbyists here will freak at the suggestion that SPs should require some verifiable contact info on customers before accepting them, but that really is the most effective way of preventing crime against SPs. This guy was pretty smart -- but let's never ever forget that it was verifiable evidence that led to his arrest. If it weren't for things like surveillance cameras and IP addresses, he'd probably still be out there robbing and threatening other SPs. Who would have ever suspected a fine young white boy with a promising future? I'm guessing he never considered that he was leaving this trail of evidence. But if the SPs had insisted on a phone number that was listed that they could look up against the name he gave, or a name they could call a hotel desk and ask for him by, or a company switchboard that they could ask for him by first and last name through, then they probably wouldn't have been robbed or murdered in the first place. But you and I both know why these SPs didn't ask for this -- because they are competing with other SPs who now see customers on a "no questions asked" basis. I'm sorry to say that I finally gave up and started doing it myself. I felt pressured into it. And I definitely feel less safe because of it. I feel that my chances of being robbed, assaulted or murdered by a predator I open my door to, "no questions asked", is at least as great or greater than my chances of getting an STD/pregnant from unprotected sex. I know I'll get flamed up one side and down the other for this -- too many customers are worried we're going to call their wives. But that's just sophistry. Here in Ottawa, you couldn't get a pizza delivered without providing verification information -- so why in the world would an SP take a customer on a no questions asked basis?? Again, I know why because I'm doing it myself: because it's become necessary to do that to compete. Just like on the price thing, we're so busy competing with one another that we never stop to think that cooperating a little might be best for us all. I wish CL would discontinue carrying adult ads too -- they halfass it and undercut legit adult advertising sites. And in retrospect, I've been puzzled as to why the police would release so much information about how they caught the guy -- perhaps, in light of our failure to take care of ourselves by insisting that customers give us something we can trace back to them, the police have decided to let the predators know what tracks they're leaving. Because it's a known fact that predators try to avoid leaving tracks. Faced with a requirement to verify, this character would have moved on to the next, "easier" target. But sadly, these days, legit customers would have done the same thing. That's why I don't view any customer who objects to verification as being sincere in any sadness expressed when an SP is robbed, raped, assaulted or murdered. ..c..

I have no idea what I did wrong to cause my original message to repost -- sorry! Yes, I think he did it too -- but again, based on the evidence released to the public. If they have such a good case against him, why are they taking a chance on possibly screwing up the outcome of a trial by engaging in all this media circus? Next thing you know, the defense will be arguing that he won't be able to receive a fair trial, grounds for appeal, yada, we've heard it all before. I appreciate that they're probably very excited to have solved the case, but it's not done yet. They still have to secure the conviction in court, and I hope they don't do anything to bollocks that up.

Yeah, no doubt she has some questions for him! ;) But still, it's odd that the police are releasing so much info publicly. It seems like they only do that when they're trying to get ahead of the ball. I think this whole thing with trying people in the media has gotten way out of control. And sometimes, it backfires.

The evidence against him looks pretty damning, BUT he hasn't actually been convicted yet. In the US, technically, you're innocent until you're proven guilty in a court of law -- not the media. If she was serious enough to want to marry him, you can't blame her for being the last to give up on him, and not the first. It's these chicks who write to and even marry convicted criminals in prison that flip me out! (... I guess you'd know where he is at night though!)

Actually, SPs need to be diligent PERIOD. Especially in a downturn like this. Robbers tend to target us because they believe we won't put up a fight, have wads of cash lying around, and won't report a crime to the police. Sadly, many robberies of SPs result in physical/sexual assaults as well. Robbers aren't the sharpest tools in the drawer. They often use logic like, "hmmm... she charges $250/hour, 40 hours a week, that's uh.... hey! she's holding out on me only giving me a few hundred bucks!!" It seems to me that robberies and muggings have picked up in recent months in Ottawa. Ladies (and gentlemen!), be careful out there!

(CNN) -- Police in Boston, Massachusetts, are searching for a man suspected in the murder of one woman and the armed robbery of two others, all of whom, they say, he may have met through their [cl] ads for personal services. (I tried to link the article, but unfortunately, it has the name of a banned site in it, so it doesn't work. Search on CNN or your RSS feeder -- good luck!)

Yep, dat's me! Use the passing lane. And if you'd like to wave as you go by, remember, fingers are cheap -- use more than one!

One of the stupidest things I ever said to a guy in a session was this guy who came in, an obvious nervous newbie, and he noticed my wedding ring. He asked, "where's your husband now?" Hoping to break the ice with a little humour, I said, "in the next room with a shotgun and a videocam!" Wrong answer! I guess he didn't get my sense of humour. He's one of the few that never came back... (And yes, we do sometimes put the TV on to mask sound -- music works great for most guys, but for others, the sounds of car chases, guns being fired, screaming victims and/or canned laughter does a better job. ;) )

Can I make a suggestion? If anyone here has seen an SP advertising on CL in Cornwall, why not tell her about CERB and invite her here? This is a much more civilized place than CL, and I'm sure they'll learn a lot here and also open up new possibilities for themselves participating here. (Not to mention, have a lot of fun!)

Is Hearst on the Southern route of the TransCanada? We took the Northern route (11 & 17, I think). There's a corridor, maybe somewhere between Dryden and Kenora (Vermillion Bay?) that is the loneliest stretch of road I've ever been on! On the way out, it was pouring rain and we probably should have filled up before. We didn't realize how long it would be of nothing but 2-lane, with the odd pull-over. And it was DARK. When we finally popped out the other side, I was never so happy to see a truck stop in my LIFE! On the way back, we'd just come through that stretch when we saw the police setting up roadblocks. We stopped and asked, and were told that a truck carrying cheese had jackknifed so they were closing the road. ??? For a truck carrying cheese?? Yes, we were told that cheese is highly flammable (... makes sense, lots of carbon and hydrogen, eh?) and if it were to catch fire, it would be a mess. This had led to many jokes around our kitchen about careful handling of cheese so as to avoid a conflagration. ;) I'll post when I get set up to visit Cornwall. As I say, I already have people there. And the retirement set is fine with me. I'm just not enthused about having to post on you-know-where...

I always used to drive a little over (about as much as you) too -- and I think I did it because that's pretty much the speed most people drive! But I'm not sure. When we were driving cross country, the limit in Saskatchewan was 90, and most people drove 110. When we crossed the border into Alberta, the limit jumped to 110, and suddenly everyone started driving 130! Go figure. The roads between Ottawa and where we live are just terrible, though! And we've seen lots of deer near the road.

Sorry, I didn't mean to change the thread. I often leave my other business phones lines up because they rarely bother us. You can imagine how weird it was trying to do a session (and a FIRST session) whilst someone was yelling loudly over my answering machine. I knew there was some kind of emergency, and in the back of my mind, I was probably a little distracted, wondering if I was needed ASAP -- but it wasn't anything I could do anything about! But too, as it turned out, it was a weird day for everyone. We were so stunned when we found out what was happening that I think we completely forgot about the distraction.

Can I ask an honest question here, without offending you? Why do you choose to speed?

I suppose a lot depends on the speeds you drive. We never exceed the speed limit and usually drive 10 or more clicks under, especially through areas with lots of deer. (One popped out of the median and dashed across the 417 just ahead of the car ahead of us last week, between the Embrun and Boundary Rd. exits.) Still, no way can I see Cornwall being an hour from Ottawa. You'd have to be flying low. (...or, in other words, have Quebec plates ;) )

An hour from Ottawa? I'm not getting this -- because I live out in the sticks not far from Embrun, and that's 45 minutes. So that would mean Cornwall is only 15 minutes or so from Embrun? ..c..

It's tragic that the point that these people miss is that _any form of slavery_ is inhumane. It doesn't matter what a person is forced to do. Years ago, I had a friend whose father, an East Indian, was forced at the point of a gun by the Japanese Army to teach Japanese to Indonesian labourers during WWII. Others were forced to perform as doctors, nurses, cooks, teachers, farmers, lawyers, labourers -- all jobs that people might choose for themselves freely, but still slavery if one is forced to do it beyond his or her free will. I agree that the people involved in these anti-prostitution groups have little regard for the actual OPINIONS of those of us who choose prostitution. I also agree that they'll have about as much luck shutting prostitution down as they'll have shutting sex down.

I'm giving up my apartment in Ottawa at the end of this month, and one of the advantages of this is that I hope to have more time to visit clients who usually have to travel to visit me. But if I'm going to travel to other cities and get a room, I wouldn't mind picking up a few new friends there to make it more worthwhile. I am wondering about Cornwall. I have a couple clients from there already, and I have often been asked to visit there although I never have. Any advice? Where do SPs advertise there? I'm a little confused about it, frankly, because for years, people have been assuring me that Cornwall is "less than an hour" from Ottawa. But where I live now is 45 minutes east of Ottawa down the 417, and Google Maps tells me that Cornwall is at least an hour from there. I'm not even sure what the population is there. (...see how much I get out? ;) ) Any advice or insight would be welcome. Feel free to PM me, since it's not really an Ottawa topic.

All this talk of phones reminds me of the first time I saw someone I've come to be good friends with (and will be seeing tomorrow, in fact!). It was September 2001. The session had gone spectacularly well, and it was obvious that he and I had a terrific click, both physically and spiritually. The only problem was, the damned phone in my office downstairs rang off off the hook the entire last half of the session. And when the answering machine would pick up, a male voice was leaving loud hysterical messages. Normally, I try to put everything else out of my mind while in a session, but this was really distracting. At the time, I was working with a skydiving association, and I assumed that there'd either been a bounce (fatality) or an aircraft accident for someone to be phoning on that line, screaming into my answering machine. So when my new friend went to the washroom afterward to freshen up, I slipped downstairs to see what was going on. I arrived as the Executive Director of our association was leaving me yet another message. I picked up, and he told me to turn on the TV, CNN, NOW! I'm thinking, what in the hell could have happened in the sport in Canada that would make CNN?? As I searched for the remote, I questioned him, but he was too freaked out to articulate further than to say, "you won't believe it, but it's real!" It was September 11. I turned on the TV to see a replay of a plane flying into the World Trade Centre. A few minutes later, my new friend came downstairs and sat next to me -- and for over an hour, we just sat there in silence, watching CNN, unable to believe what we were seeing.

I don't blame you! A year or so back, another SP asked me to do a duo with her and one of her regulars. I agreed. Five minutes before they were to arrive, she phoned me and said that they would be late BECAUSE ANOTHER CALL CAME IN AND SHE TOOK IT. If it's not bad enough that she made her regular wait while she picked up a little last minute profit, I was furious that she had the nerve to waste my time so casually. After committing to the appointment, I never would have done that to her. (Another time, this same SP was three hours late for a duo she'd asked me to participate in on my birthday. Needless to say, I'm not enthusiastic about working with her any longer.) So believe me -- it's not just you guys this happens to!

Those are all excellent and reasonable suggestions. (Myself? I would also prefer that the hobbyist turn off his cell phone during a session. I mean, I guess I understand if the guy is the Leader of the Free World and must be oncall at all time to avert nuclear Armageddon-- but really, the only thing more unnerving than having a cell phone ring in the middle of a session is having the guy jump up and answer it. Oh wait, no, make that have the guy jump up and answer it with "...hi, honey!" ;) ) As for bumping for regulars, these days, with business the way it is, it's understandable that we all want to give preference to our regulars over unknowns (especially in areas where no-shows are rampant) -- but perhaps it's best just to be honest with prospective customers, and let them know that you only take reserve bookings in advance for regulars, but you'd be happy to accommodate a newcomer with one hour or less notice. Thank, Apex!

You know, I've never once bought a lottery ticket -- or played a slot machine or purchased stock. I'm not a gambler. But my husband buys lottery tickets. I never dream of what we'd do if he ever won big -- rather, I pray he won't. Because study after study has shown that people usually end up worse, in the long run, for winning big in the lottery. Marriages split up. Families are alienated. People don't know how to manage their unearned windfalls, and are beset on all sides by everything from helpful advisors looking to get on the gravy train to outright con artists. I think the way the province markets the lotteries is downright criminal. I'm not prepared to say that it should be illegal -- fools and their money will be parted, regardless of the law, so the provinces should at least be able to take a cut of that action -- but I think they should be a little more responsible in the way they market it. After all, gambling is a vice -- and playing the lottery is gambling, even if it's very low level stuff. ..c.. ("Just imagine" how they'd market us if they took over our business!)

With respect to guys seeking out SPs, the ones that always creep me out are the ones who tell me that "if anything should ever happen to your husband..." EEEEEEKKKK! How in the f*ck am I supposed to take that? When I was single, there were a few guys who seemed to seek out SPs, but I often found that they embraced the stigma more so than the average person, and that caused problems since my life never did well at mirroring the stigma. They were looking for something in me that just isn't there. And luckily, that was usually obvious before it ever went anywhere. As for customers wanting to date, most of mine simply wouldn't be able to! The reason they choose a professional solution is because they don't have the freedom to go out and date. (I can't really think of any of my regulars who couldn't find action without paying for it, if they had the time and freedom to do so.) Last week, some guy contacted me through the live-support feature on my web site. Right from the start, he didn't come across like a customer. He insisted that he gave a great massage, was good looking, fun to be with -- usually customers want to know if **I** offer this. Then he emailed me his pic. When none of this worked, he finally admitted that he'd seen a good friend of mine, and afterwards, she'd asked him out. (His claim -- she might tell a different story.) I explained that she and I are both SPs and we're friends, but that's where the similarity ends. She's single, socially active and extremely gregarious. I'm happily married, bookish and practically a recluse in my private life. I don't think there's anything wrong with a guy trying, though. And I can see why a guy would want an SP for a partner. While some might get all hung up on insecurities, others might place a high value on a woman who knows her womanhood and understands manhood well enough to be a pro, and also a woman who has the confidence and independent streak needed to work in this business. And I have seen many happy relationships that SPs have had with men they met outside the business, and even some with men they met as customers. True love can and does happen just about anywhere. ..c..

Your post was so bang-on in so many respects that it's a keeper for me. One thing people need to realize, though, is that while the rates you quoted may seem high, they wouldn't have jumped overnight. Just as with most things, hikes would have been incremental and in keeping with rising costs in other things. I do believe the main thing that kept our rates from rising along with everything else was our failure to assess our rates against our costs and ask for more. The disposable income was there all along, as was the demand, and people aren't really as militant about refusing to pay higher prices as they make out when they post on boards and such. (The conspicuous consumption I've seen go by in men's underwear in recent years is astounding -- considering the price differential between a pair of Tommy Hilfiger's and a pair of Fruit of the Looms. If people are willing to pay that much more for underwear, then I imagine they'd be agreeable to modest regular rises in the costs of luxury services.) (Off topic -- you know... I can't help noticing these "post icons." For the first time. Eek! ;) ) ..c..

The sad thing here is that you seem to make the assumption that the only reason an SP would perform certain acts is out of desperation. That's more than a little subjective, eh? I guess I see it as being the other way around. True prostitutes -- women who are professional sexual guides -- tend to be people who are open-minded, well-informed and therefore better-equipped to take calculated risks, and care about delivering (sharing even) a quality experience with her patrons that lasts well beyond the bounds of their encounter. Yes, there are many women who are in this just for the money, and many of them are desperate -- but those are actually the ones who seem most likely to be looking for reasons to be restrictive, often resorting to shame and fear-mongering to dissuade customers from expecting anything that they wouldn't feel comfortable providing, no matter how reasonable a request may be. I will agree with you, however, that it's these same SPs who are most likely to make decisions on the basis of how attractive they find a customer (for example, kissing or doing bbbj with someone they view as "hot" but not with someone they view as "not") or charge extra for certain acts. It simply doesn't work that way -- although, sadly, I think that's what many SPs believe when they can't generate sufficient repeat business or when business slows down. The money-driven SPs actually benefit from the true prostitutes in the business because, for men, variety is the spice of life. Men who've enjoyed truly satisfying experiences will go looking for others -- even if many result in a less-than-satisfactory or downright disappointing outcome. The thing is, they know true prostitutes are out there -- and their nature sends them searching. I agree with you, though, that there are many women who are in this business just for the money, and have little more than disdain for any customer who doesn't have the decency to be "easy." (This is a euphemism among SPs for customers who stay on their side of the condom, pay in full and leave early.) And that's a huge problem with our business -- I don't know if other businesses have the same thing. Take accounting, for example -- is the accounting industry beset by people who are only in accounting for the $$, but actually don't want to do anything more than than the most basic work, shaming any customer who dares to ask for something more exotic? ..c..

..c..