buggernot

Better still, do a few years of Yoga, have a rib removed, and then get a chiropractor to configure your spine so that you can fellate yourself. Totally cuts out the middle man, nobody knows what you like better than you do, it's free and always available, and never any comments about not liking to swallow. Unless you don't like your own spunk of course... Posted via Mobile Device

I think that's a different thread altogether and one that has been brought up a few other times before. Posted via Mobile Device

Well, I did say most, not all - if there is a good example of an exception to a rule, it would be you! I challenge you to recall a time when we parted company where I did not have an ear to ear grin ;) Haha, and here I was worried about how I worded low end. Cheap? Definitely can't say that! Economical? No, too Wal-Marty. You my friend, like many others I have met, are simply priceless... Posted via Mobile Device

You know, Mr Stud was simply putting into words what a lot of people were thinking and just not saying. I have heard some sp's speak about having the most amazing sex with guys they didn't find physically attractive, and absolutely terrible sex with guys that were 'hot'. And conversely in my own experience, if you take it from a $/hr ratio for time spent with someone, most of the best times I've had have been on the low end, most of the worst have been on the high end. Beauty and 'worth' are too subjective and complex to be given a simple answer, and making personal connections are the key to everything. That's life.

Your best bet is to use a web service that allows you to transfer large files. Converting the video to make it smaller will be time consuming and using a program like WinRAR to cut it up into chunks means you're sending 10-20 large emails to send 2 videos. There's a few services out there like YouSendIt or MailBigFile. The recepient just gets an email with a link to click on as the file will be stored elsewhere. Since they are free, there's still limitations like file size and number of recepients, but it's the simplest way to do it. There's also stuff like Pando that does the same thing, but both the sender and recepient have to install software on their system, and some people don't like doing that for fear of malware.

Too late for that now of course, but I was too social last night anyways. Ouch! Now, I go to sleep...

Annessa, we don't have to fight over Kate, I'm more than willing to tell my mom to put another chair for you as well at the table for xmas dinner. Way more than willing...so much so I'll even convert religions. Do Mormons do xmas?

Sorry. Hockey reference on an escort discussion board - very taboo. First time I've seen any mention of the sort here actually. How 'bout those Leafs?

Did you try the kid's section? Bad joke, sorry. But maybe you could try looking online and order a dozen condoms of a smaller variety. I would imagine that they may be hard to find in pharmacies or even sex shops because honestly, would they be big sellers? How many guys are going to stroll up to the cash at Shopper's Drug Mart with that box of Extra Small rubbers in hand?

You'd think she'd skip the heels! Somewhere in Boston, Zdeno Chara has a huge boner

That's fucking criminal. Are you sure it wasn't 50 to the agency and 100 to the girl? I remember talking to an agency girl once in Ottawa and she said on a $220 call, she would get $140. $50 is terrible - not even a decent living wage because it's much more than an hour's work and she'd have to take on 15 clients a week to live modestly. That's a small reason why I prefer indy. Understandably, agencies work for some girls since they can't or don't want to handle all the booking and whatnot. But I much prefer that they get most, if not all the cash in their pocket.

That’s really all I wanted to say by this. Thank you all. Sometimes I feel bad for not being able to see the majority of you on a regular basis, but such is life. I do have some great memories though, and that’s what counts in the end. Hope it goes both ways. p.s. Kate, my mom wants to know if you like bacon wrapped balls of venison because that’s what she’s making for xmas dinner. I told her you'd be out of the slammer by then and not to mention anything about the ankle bracelet in front of everybody. Sound cool?

Last, but in no way whatsoever least, the dotted Kate. Just when I figured there was no way I would stumble upon another unbelievably remarkable gal before the year drew to a close, I had the opportunity to meet Kate. Dot. The day after, I called my mom to tell her the good news: "Mom, I think I met somebody!" "Oh really? That's wonderful, what is she like?" "Well, I think...I think she's perfect! She's pretty and she's cool and she's smart and she's funny and she gives me that warm gooey feeling inside. Doesn't that sound like love to you momma? She might be the one for me, I'm so excited right now!" "I'm happy for you dear, I've prayed for this day to come for so long. You know how much I worry?" "Unfortunately yes, yes I do." "So where did you meet this angel?" "Uh...I can't tell you that." "Why not, what's the big secret? What have you got to hide, what the hell have you been up to?!" "Listen mom, it's better if you just stop asking questions, ok?" "Are you gay? I'll still love you if you are...just tell me goddammit!" "I'm hanging up now mom, you've done enough damage already throughout my life." "What's that you little fu...(click/dial tone)" In spite of that exchange, it didn't put a damper on that giddy feeling inside from my encounter with Kate . It was still meant to be, I just knew it! So I bought some flowers, picked out a ring, and gleefully sought to contact her to express my innermost feelings. I painstakingly poured out my heart into a love letter that took days to perfect and was to be delivered by the infallible cerb private messaging system. With great trepidation and anxiety, I mustered the courage to click 'send message' and...hey, what the fuck?! Suspended user? Oh fuck me, that's just great - now what the hell am I supposed to do with this plastic decoder ring and purple tulips? Jesus fucking christ, this is like the 4th time this has happened to me in the last 3 months! Alright, back to the Advertisements and Announcements section...fuck! Thank you miss dot, maybe there's still a chance for us in the future. You are awesome. I'm not sure my mom feels the same way though - I couldn't tell her what really happened, so I told her that you're in jail right now for beating up a 12 year old. I'm not such a good liar. But don't worry, we can work around it.

There's no pics of her here anymore, such a shame. Suri could stroll the catwalk and not look out of place. Thankfully she does not, because it's rare to find someone so beautiful who has such humility about it. Girls that suffer from hot chick syndrome I cannot stand or tolerate, and it makes me ill seeing snivelling reprobate's kowtowing to every fart they take just because they're beautiful. But with Suri, I would go out of my way to do her bidding for the simple truth that she is not like that at all. She's also the only teenager on this list, and it is plain to see when you meet her. Her intelligence and cultural knowledge belies it, but underneath that is a 19 year old girl who has a charming innocence and wonderment about her. I never understood before why older, mature, successful men would ever carry on with or date girls that are young enough to be their daughter. I always assumed that they were just horny old coots that didn't value maturity and wisdom, were going through a mid-life crisis, or needed that trophy of being involved with a statuesque younger woman. But in a small way, I get it now from getting to know Suri. That lack of world weariness that comes when you get older, the things you automatically dismiss as being improbable...that disappeared when I was with her. It brought me back to when I was younger and naive and thought anything was possible - and it feels good. These traits have also contributed to her mystifying on/off escorting endeavours. And it may look like it's on the off switch for good now, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she's going to surprise everybody. Suri - you are the shit and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

I think she took this picture shortly before we met as that was the outfit she was wearing. What a sight to behold. Now, I could go on - and on and on and on - but I ain't gonna. Instead, we shall celebrate this little lady who likes to steal dresses from 10 year olds with a song. One that maybe she could have wrote herself to describe how she is a delicate . You're too cool for school, hope I run into you again for 2010. Oh for fuck's sake, I wasn't trying to rhyme that, it just happened.

A lot of photo shoots can be deceiving. They hide certain features or don't capture someone's personality at all. That is not the case here - this picture tells you exactly what you will be getting when you meet Maria. That adorable, playful smile and subtle twinkle in her eye illustrate Maria's personality to a T. And she also uses these pictures to their full effect in what I believe to be the best advertising campaign on cerb whenever she travels here to Ottawa. She posts an ad saying she's coming, then updates it every few days with one of her pics. Simple and very effective. God, she's cute... Maria represented a few firsts for me - first time I was with a touring girl, first time meeting a sp in a hotel, and probably the first time I made arrangements to see someone more than 24 hrs in advance. Never been interested in the girls that are in and out of the city for a day or 2, and mostly for the reason I don't plan ahead for anything. But something about Maria was so alluring that I had to meet her. And I was so excited, that I became anxious in the time leading up to it. And I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy at all times but for this occasion, I wanted to at least make a better presentation and dressed up a little, leaving the stinky sneakers at home. Don't ask me why this tryst was any different, but it was like I had to make everything right to make sure things went well. Of course, there was nothing to worry about. Within a few moments of chatting with this lovely girl, her abundance of qualities showed through clearly. So bright, talented, well-read, well-traveled, full of life and passion and positive energy...she was essentially the complete opposite of me in every way. And opposites do attract because she had me at bonjour. Then there was that admission when she told me how much of a turn on it was for her having total strangers knocking on her door to have their way with her. It's not the promiscuous behaviour that I find sexy - I don't judge about that either way - it's when a girl knows what she likes/wants and is proud to admit it. That is sexy and Maria is just that. I doubt we'll ever cross paths again, but in no way is it from lack of want. It was really tough for me to make time in advance and it likely won't happen again. So Miss Maria, I'll probably miss you from here on in, but you are a beautiful person through and through. It may have only been once, but you still left an indelible impression.

They call this one Grasshopper. Doesn't really look like one though, does she? What eyes! Before meeting Sabrina, I had been out of commission for awhile. Caught this nasty bug (no relation to the grasshopper family), which kept me away from smoking, drinking, working, eating and fucking for like 3 weeks. And when it was gone, my energy level needed a bit more time to rejuvenate. Combine that with an unexpected loss of income from being laid up as long as I was - it made for a lengthy period between any happy happy joy joy. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I had a huge itch and some scratch to take care of it - and an impulse to try something new and different. Enter Sabrina... Sabrina is very serious when you first meet her but, as anyone knows that has met her, it's simply caution. Then we played the guess my age game where she thought I was younger than her. I won that one being almost 10 years her senior. But what I really remember is relaxing and chatting when the fun and games were over, Sabrina lying on the bed on her belly, legs curled at the knee with her feet in the air; her netbook shining on her face making her eyes glisten as we talked for awhile. She'd ask me questions and I'd tell her stupid stories that she chuckled at, showing her soft playful side. And she talked about having a plan, where she wanted to be in the future, and was so frank and real with every word she spoke. It was sweet and even though I could have stayed there for hours, at one point I realized I had been there for way longer than I was supposed to be. So I excused myself and bid adieu. She also completely butchered my cerb handle with that adorable broken english. Butternuts. Yeah, that's me. Guess it's better than muthafucka so I won't complain ;) Definitely a very unique and sweet woman. All the best to you grasshopper. From butternuts.

What can be said about Annessa that hasn't already? Cerb's karaoke queen, a woman with strong convictions and opinions, and is known to be posting those thoughts any time of the day here. We all love her, and she has been a bright light for sp's in Ottawa. She is one of those people that can walk into a room full of strangers, and have made friends with all of them before the day is done. Even a cynical mook like me. Before I met Annessa, I had never been with anyone of the oriental persuasion. It's one of those things that really doesn't matter in the big picture, but you still have a curiousity to try something different. Haven't got around to a green lady yet, but I'm not Captain Kirk either. Now the only problem with Annessa is that she's only half-Thai, so I wondered at the time if it really counted? I mean, the other half is Irish and that's something else I've always lusted after as well - the lovely accent and pale skin ideal is so bone inducing to me. But if I went around telling anyone that I was with an Irish girl and then showed them Annessa's picture, they'd say I was off my fucking meds again. And no offense to her, but even a red wig with a green hat won't change certain attributes. But yeah, if it didn't hold true for one, then it couldn't for the other, right? So should I take the plunge with this merely half-Thai beauty, I thought to myself. Fuck yeah, of course! Who gives a shit about any of that crap, she seemed so sensual and exotic it was irrelevant. And I was 100% right about that intuition. So much so that I had to call her up again 3 days later to solve all my problems. One of those being me want sex, the other was coming to the conclusion that 1/2 * 2 = 1, which meant I really could say before I died that I had spent an evening with one whole asian lady. Just got spread across a longer time span than normal. No offense to you though darlin', but I still can't fake the same logic for the Irish fantasy. Annessa...it has been way too long since the last time...you are always such a blast ;)

Look at that face, isn't she adorable? I had been reading her posts on cerb for months and thought - no, I knew - that this was one cool fucking person and I really, really, really wanted to meet her. I had introduced myself to her over cerb a few months prior to meeting, after seeing a CL ad in Casual Encounters. I remember reading it and knowing it was her from how she described herself and what I knew from cerb. I also wanted to reply to the ad in a desperate attempt to get into her panties. Even if I had no idea who it was, I still would have wanted to fuck this girl out of common interests alone. Alas, it didn't seem right to me that I had inside knowledge, whereas she knew nothing about me. So I sent her a pm and mentioned how blatantly obvious that listing was her work, and we got to chatting a bit about music and whatnot. And that was that for a while. Fast forward to February on a Friday night. Don't know why I remember this, but it was the 13th to boot. And of course the next day being that Hallmark hellhole we call Valentine's. Even with it being the stupid fucking day that I think it is, it still has the ability to remind me about being alone. *sniff sniff* Fuck you St. Valentine(s), I got my suspicions that one of you was an altar boy lover or a date rapist anyways. Called OPG and just my luck, Erin was working that night and available. When she arrived, she had no idea who she was meeting so I reintroduced myself as that guy from cerb that liked that stuff. Or some shit like that, she knew what I was talking about. "Oh so you're...wait, I don't know how to pronounce it...?" Ah bollocks. Yeah at that time, I was actually known as 'buggerot' which was a typo on my part when I joined cerb. Always a thorn in my side...and not just because of the fact I am the most anal retentive spelling nazi out there, but it made me wonder if anyone glancing at it thought I was some pretentious parisian prick, or that I was this rare and incredibly fetid style of cheese. Or both. But that was the last straw in my mind, I emailed mod the next day to get that shit fixed. Thus, it can be said that Erin was responsible for creating what is now known as buggernot. Don't hold it against her. A 2 hr appointment did not seem like 2 hrs at all. Not because she left after 45 mins either. Erin is SO awesome. And besides all the other things you know about her - edgy/sexy/smarty/cool - one thing did surprise me that I couldn't pick up from text based communication. She is fucking hilarious! I tell her this and she says to me she gets that a lot...but also said she didn't understand why. It's because you have a great sense of humour my dear... Much to my chagrin, I have only met up with her one other time since then. We still drop notes to each other here and there and have attempted to hook up a few times, but haven't been able to get together for quite some time now. Erin, I do miss your smile and I'm glad to have given you a few even though I haven't been around. For me, she is the smartest and coolest chick on cerb....bar none. And what's even cooler is that she could fuck you up faster that you can say 'women's rights'.

Ok, so I said this wasn't about sex, but this is the only girl on the list that was never a cerb member, and there's no other source of reference here, so I will talk about the naughty bits with her. And technically, I met her in 2008 as well. But I started out the year seeing her exclusively, so this is where it begins. Celia was a university student punker that had this great mix of cute/sexy going on. Very cool, very bright, very opinionated and oh so interesting to chat with. She wasn't really an escort, she was a poor student that didn't have a job and needed to pay for essentials like food, shelter and weed. The latter being quite expensive when you're chronic. And she loved sex. Easy to see why, if you ever had the pleasure of witnessing one of her orgasms. She would lose complete control of her body, going into violent contortions, all the while an instantaneous bucket of sweat would exit her pores in a simmering heat flash. And if you could hold on tight enough to keep going (not easy), she would keep coming over and over. My headboard is missing teeth because of her head. Fortunately I managed to keep the teeth in my mouth intact. Eventually, she met a guy in real life that she really liked and couldn't keep doing this anymore. I'm happy she met somebody (and what a lucky fuck!) and wish her the best, and thankfully every time I go to sleep there's my splintered headboard staring at me as a reminder. And it makes me smile every time. Actually no, I get a woody...sorry, got that mixed up with something else. To this day though, I still wonder if she ruined me from enjoying other women when they don't react like Linda Blair.

It's that time of year when all critics, bloggers, and any 12 year old with an iPhone and a Twitter account are posting their best of lists in homage to the year that was. And even though I am none of those things, I'm bored and felt like paying tribute to some truly amazing people that I met this year through my adventures in escorting. 2008 was my introduction to this, and throughout that year I had some really good experiences, but I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing. Late in the year, I delved into cerb and also hit a point near the end of 2008 where I ran screaming from dating...what a colossal pain in the arse that is! I'm still learning all kinds of stuff, but this year has introduced me to some ladies that I truly want to thank for letting me into their lives because each and every one gave me back something unique and special. And none of this has anything to do with swapping dollars for sex. Not a best of list by any means...and ordered chronologically from when I was lucky enough to meet these ladies. And yes, I’m well aware of the fact that there is a full month left in the year, but I’m not planning on seeing anyone new for the time being. Besides, xmas is coming and I could spend the next year with these girls alone and still have way too much fun doing it.

Sounds like something you would do if you were thinking about stripping. Escorting isn't like that at all. Sure, your appearance is going to be one of the driving factors for business, but it's how you perform that keeps it.

Congratulations to None of the Above! You were the most deserving amongst this lot of miscreants and layabouts...now let's get high

That's awesome Sabrina...you've worked hard for it, are sweet as can be, and deserve all good things that come your way. Love, Butter Nuts

I think this is the 3rd time this has been posted Posted via Mobile Device