MightyPen

It's really crucial for me to believe that my partner is enjoying herself (a lot!), though I understand that orgasms themselves can just sometimes be elusive so that's not my exclusive yardstick for the encounter. I like my own excitement and orgasms (no kidding!), but the truth is I can experience those just about anytime all by myself. One of the unique appeals about an encounter with an SP is spending time with a wonderful, sexy woman and sensing HER excitement. That makes the encounter "us" and not just "me", which is kinda the point.

Congratulations! And thanks for being here. Looking forward to the next 500. :)

Rogers is having widespread problems. Rogers Wireless suffering widespread outages: Company confirms voice service down in Ontario and Quebec, but problems reported in B.C. too Hang on everyone! It's the inevitable start of the Telecompocalypse! :)

Brilliant idea! I am SO on board for the RAWR clock. :) Congratulations on your anniversary MM... sadly we haven't met in person (yet), but I know you're a real asset to our little community. I hope it's been a great year for you, and here's to many more happy years to come. *RAWR*!

It's far from new, but a quiet mood drew me back last weekend to watch again. This, like that inspired it, is a movie with no plot and no dialogue; just images, music, and a theme of contemplating ourselves, the natural world we live in, and the distorted one we have built around us. I still remember in my late teens when my "cool friend" first pointed me to Koyaanisqatsi (Hopi for "life out of balance"), and later sitting in the theatre with friends, watching it while sitting very still and with very wide eyes. Went back several times. It still pops up at the Mayfair sometimes... if this sounds interesting and you're curious, then a big theatre is by far the best way to get the full effect.

All the best from me. We're strangers, but from what you've written here I can see you've been through much already and come out the other side. I send you sincere thoughts of strength, determination, defiance, endurance, and the possibility of triumph over this next challenge. "We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty. Just a little while longer. So you hold. You HOLD!"

Hey! Look at that you're right, I'm just a smidge past the 500 mark. And it's only taken... uh... five years. :) I think the next 500 might come a little faster. I took few minutes to look over some of my history, and refreshed my memory about some of the great conversations I've been able to join. I'm really happy to have CERB as a unique outlet with some amazing people. Thanks everyone!

Good points Cristy, and it goes to the heart of the difference between CERB and certain "review" boards. I think you're right to exclude some types of experiences from this discussion -- health issues, baiting and switching, age issues, fraud, that type of thing. These really do need sharing, just like unsafe clients should be reported. But you'd hope that mere hiccups in an experience would prompt a gentle and private discussion between the client and provider, as it should between any two people who like and respect each other as people. Or maybe the client needs to reflect upon his own contribution to the situation, and could benefit from a few pointers from the provider. Instead, some clients dash off to the nearest computer to post a scathing review for others to see on one of those review boards. Sometimes this is just petty revenge for a minor disappointment. But I think mostly it's done to score points within the culture of those boards, where detachment from, and disdain for providers is encouraged and a power dynamic of "us vs. them" is routinely enforced. In those places, the client is on top because he has the money, and the provider is an anonymous, subservient, essentially dehumanized agent whose sole function is to perform sexual acts in certain ways. The client believes he has purchased the entitlement to a specific set of services performed to some particular (though arbitrary and subjective) standard, and if the provider fails to deliver what he wants as he wants it, he'll issue punishment in the form of a bad 'review'. You can see some of that revealed in the phrase "take one for the team", used when one of those board members visits a new and unknown provider; it's clear who the team is, and she's not on it. So yeah... is it unkind to shout from the rooftops about minor perceived shortcomings of an experience, without trying a simple human discussion and without any consideration for the impact this might have? Absolutely. But kindness would imply acknowledging the other person as an equal who deserves understanding, and is a 'member' of the same 'team', instead of a mere vendor of services and 'meeter of needs'. And that's not something that would be tolerated in certain us-guys-on-top, money-first online communities. CERB draws the line elsewhere. Now granted, the positive-only rule excludes what could sometimes be useful discussion if it was restrained and considerate. But what we gain is not just a generally positive and egalitarian community of clients and providers, but we've remove the elements that would otherwise build an ugly, client-on-top, and plainly misogynistic snakepit where what you describe is the daily norm.

[url]http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/what-we-mean-when-we-say-sexual-satisfaction[/url] In a recently published study, The Journal of Sex Research gathered the written responses of 449 women and 311 men in committed relationships to answer the question, â??How do you define sexual satisfaction?â? Because, who better to ask what defines sexual satisfaction than normal ole regulars? The results were varied, but they were split into two themes: personal sexual well-being and dyadic processes (aka what happens between two people). ... The heavy-hitters that define satisfaction here are "feel", "pleasure", "activity", "relationship", "partner", and coming in last, "orgasms". Note that "every day", "huge penis", "big boobs", "erections", "wet", "with many people", "as much as Brad and Angelina", and "more often than my friends" aren't on this listâ??clear cut proof that what really matters and what actually satisfies us has nothing to do with the feelings of inadequacy, awkwardness, or competition so intrinsically tied to how we advertise "sexual satisfaction". Even talk of dysfunction or negative feelings ("He couldn't get it up," "She doesn't want to have sex," "I'm not attracted to them,") are completely absent from these definitions. What we really conceive as sexual satisfaction didn't come down to a number or what we lack, but only what we have. Pure, sex-positive pleasure. The ultimate definition the study came up with was, â??The emotional experience of frequent mutual sexual pleasure.â?

But... uh... wait a minute. How could the "discuss allergies in advance" subject of this thread have changed your experience? You don't seem to have known you were allergic to some types of perfume beforehand, so you couldn't have warned her. She probably wasn't wearing poison perfume, so not sure what she should have warned you about ahead of time. Now, if the point is simply "hey, don't wear too much perfume" then... well yeah, I'd agree. And in my experience SPs generally wear little or none anyway, if only because you can take the scent home with you and that badly undermines discretion. But that's another discussion entirely.

Totally agree that CERB is an awesome and special place, a unique spot on the Web. Over the years it's provided an amazing place to discuss all-things-sexual with people who are deeply informed, thoughtful, and more inclined to share helpfully and as honestly as they can, than to strike some silly posture or try to score points (the bane of most discussions on the 'net). I've made some new friends, and met some wonderful ladies up close; others I continue to admire from afar. And CERB has helped prove to me that the world of sex work is full of decent, regular folks who can look out for each other. You find the whole range of humanity here, though the less community-minded types get thankfully filtered out over time. If you really wanted to show someone that sex work can be healthy, and that clients and providers can interact in a positive, supportive, and respectful way, then CERB would be high on the list of exhibits. Thanks to the mod, and all the good folks who make up the community. I'm enjoy my time here immensely, and I continue to learn a LOT. Here's looking forward to tomorrow and beyond.

I think anything unusual that could have an impact on your session is worth bringing up ahead of time. All people come with built-in, widely understood warnings like "caution: do not expose to open flame (for very long)". But if there's something the provider should know about and which could interfere with pleasure for both of you, and it's reasonable to think it could come up during your time together, I'd say yes, let her know. For example: "Latex makes my skin red, sore, and break out in blisters; let's not do that." "Peanuts will make my throat close, then I'll turn blue, and then I will stop moving for a really prolonged period. Let's not do that." "Keanu Reeves is driving my heart, and if it drops below 150 beats per minute it will explode. Our work is cut out for us." Totally worth sharing that up front. ;)

Whoa. There's too many other reasons why some request might go unfulfilled for this to be the first or most "likely" reason. It's not that this never happens; but let's not jump there as a first reflex. But otherwise I agree with your points.

The first thing to do is communicate well during the appointment. Maybe she's forgotten some of your favourite details. No problem; bring up the topic of the missing bits with a smile and a laugh, and guide her and the session on the course you had discussed. If you haven't established friendly, positive back-and-forth communication with your provider, then that's your first problem right there. Then again maybe there's some reason why, now that the moment is upon you both, she doesn't really feel comfortable following through. Again, communication during the session is key. Raise the subject in a friendly way to make sure she hasn't forgotten, and if she's not comfortable with X, work together to find another way to have fun that works for both of you. But ultimately, if all of your discussions to resolve the problem fail, then you need to remember that the contract between the client and provider is solely for time spent together in which things will probably happen, but there's never a guarantee. She's a human being, not a vending machine; your money gives you no claim over her body. So all of those details you discussed are requests, but there's never an ironclad guarantee they'll be fulfilled. If you ultimately aren't satisfied with a session, and your conversation with the provider hasn't resolved that to your satisfaction, then just don't go back. Chasing after your money with "but you didn't do X! Give me Y dollars back!" is crass and fruitless. And, last of all: don't compare sex work to other industries. The comparison is always misleading when it comes to these types of up-close human interactions. Your SP is not your mechanic.

Cor! That's a nice pair of boobies there, luv!

I'm sorry to hear about your unhappy situation. As others have said, pretty much everyone goes through this more than once, so I can imagine your despair. The details don't really matter if you don't want to share them. There are lots of common "wrong ways" to express affection -- jealousy, attempts to control, that kind of stuff. They're the 'dark side' of how we sometimes act when we care for someone, born out of fear we might lose them. My instinct is to warn you, though, that if you're in a lot of emotional pain and yearning to replace what you've lost, then seeing SPs might not be the best course of action for you right now. One of the big hazards as a sex work client is confusing the nature of your relationship with the provider, and based on what you're looking for and your state of mind, you're in a prime position to make that mistake. Talk to some friends. Talk out the situation here in public if you like. If it's really bad, find a professional therapist. But unless you're very sure you can keep a level head, I'd save the paid companionship for later, once you're healing and on the upswing.

It's a great, modern business model grounded in the online social world. You know, it occasionally amazes me that 'net-based services, now a major engine of our economy, rely on technology virtually unknown 50 years ago. And computer games. Grand Theft Auto V is in the process of making its second billion dollars of revenue, if we needed any more proof that gaming constitutes its whole own entertainment industry now that can rival films. Interesting times.

"Do you not know, Doctor, that in the Service, one must always choose the lesser of two weevils!"

Yeah. The current government in Canada (I hate "Harper government", 'cause fuck that guy) pursues strictly its own narrow, conservative, lopsidedly male and socially unaware interests. So it recoils in uncomprehending horror from the prospect of giving women reproductive control, as if it was still 1890. It can't do anything about Canadian access right now, but we're not going to lift a finger to provide it to others. So much for the "Promoting gender equality and empowering women" part of the Millennium Development Goals. It's a shame, because Christopher Hitchens in one of my favourite clips of him in a debate: But it's our fault we've got the government that we do, and the fault of the stumbling Liberals in the last election. We've got to come up with a credible alternative, and right now the left is fractured and ineffective. Let's see what we can do next time.

Well it's not exclusively children, but it looks like a common theme of the defenseless. A CBC website mentions: luring children from playgrounds luring two mentally impaired boys, both 13 assaulting an 82-year-old woman in a wheelchair From the CBC website: Sex offender Michael Stanley has a horrendous record

The world certainly has its share of jerks, but only a minority are like that determinedly. Others are just like that because they don't know any other way to be, and have been shaped by the negative encouragement and rewards of others around them. Some of them come around once they're away from the group that regularly misleads them, and are presented with chances to do better. The best way to avoid suffering the company of jerks is to be as self-sufficient as you possibly can; then you're free to choose who to spend time with, and who not to. That security makes it easier to take the risks of meeting new people. Like the video you linked to reminds us (and thanks!), there's still plenty of caring to be found in most people's nature. Sometimes it takes the innocence of an animal to bring it out. There are lots of people who are incapable of empathy with other humans, having been wired to believe that anyone in any kind of difficulty must somehow have chosen their own misfortune, and deserves it. Yet even some of these same people would move mountains to save a dog or a cat they perceive as suffering innocently. That latter impulse -- to reach out and selflessly protect fellow living things -- is one of the reassuring glues that ultimately holds our species together. People differ enormously in how widely they can cast that net of caring -- some for all living things, others just for people who look or live like they do, others just for their friends, others just for their immediate families, and a sad few just for themselves. Learn to avoid that last type especially, and your life always improves.

I think there's a lot of overlap, and people can be both types at different times. I know I've done both -- arranged some visits weeks in advance (when I'm travelling or the SP is touring) and run up to impulsively schedule others within a couple of hours. The only reliable difference is that the well-in-advance appointments are always longer and lingering, with lots of chatting and savouring the time together. The shorter-term appointments have chatting and fun too, but tend to be shorter and more about tending to a particular desire that's struck me.

Interesting thread! I envy all those who were comfortable enough with themselves and found opportunities to explore early on. Also... am I the only one who can't see the phrase "bi-curious" any more without automatically thinking of " " ? ;)

I think cinelli just mistook belgbeer's "how do I handle it?" to mean "how should I go about challenging her view?". But I think belgbeer's just looking for a way to assure himself in advance it won't be an issue when he arrives. So yeah, little harsh, but I can sort of see the mistake that led to it.

If you're concerned about it, and you're communicating by e-mail or message, then I think you could just include that information casually in your initial introduction. "Hi! My name's X and I'm a Y-year old Z male", where Z is your race. That's all. Now she knows, and you're comfortable because she knows, and you can proceed without any worries.