MightyPen

The thread does make me think of Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing, and his modest little list of requirements for the opposite sex: Rich she shall be, that's certain; Wise, or I'll none; Virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her; Fair, or I'll never look on her; Mild, or come not near me; Noble, or not I for an angel; Of good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall be... of what colour it please God. Nice that he's not fussy about the hair. Fun to watch Kenneth Branagh do the part in the 1993 film.

Maybe I'm reading too much into your question, or maybe not. It's true you don't want folks just walking in -- that would be awkward and weird. What would I have done? The answer could be as simple as, "I would suggest she lock the door." But I'm not sure if that's what you're asking. ;) Maybe you can break it down. You ask "what would you have done?". Can you list a few of the things you considered doing, or which you think about now that you look back on the situation? What do you think were your options? Right now I can't tell if you are asking: a) I felt ashamed and I wanted to leave. Should I have felt ashamed? b) I felt ashamed and I wanted to leave. Should I have left? c) I felt we didn't have privacy and I wanted to ensure we did. Should I have asked her to lock the door? ... or something entirely different than those. The answers will be different depending what exactly you're asking. Help me out. ;)

My younger brother (with whom I've always been very close) and his wife had their first child last week, which was wonderful in itself. And they named him after me, which was a really overwhelming gesture. It was a really good week (more for that first reason than the second, of course, but both left me feeling great).

Warm. Smart, with a sense of humour to go with it. Truthful. Looks me in the eye. Believes in herself, in her capabilities, and her attractiveness. And I'm not talking about "stunning beauty" attractiveness -- just that she believes herself to be an attractive and sexual human being and that she deserves to play. At that point, you've got my serious attention. Everything after that helps make a woman unique, but those are the qualities make her worth knowing, and knowing better.

I'm not sure what you're asking, or what else you think you should have done. Are you asking if you should have left? Just because you saw truth for a minute instead of illusion? Folks are working for a living, after all.

Hmm, Klute is an interesting film to bring up in this environment. :) Jane Fonda really is gorgeous, and I remember guilty pleasures watching the silliness that was Barbarella just to see her in... uh... intriguing outfits. Ah, those were the days. Now when I think of Jane Fonda, I always think of her 2007 interview with Stephen Colbert. Colbert had his own crush on Fonda in his younger days (like many of us...) and had tried to disavow them by putting them "on notice". Fonda decided she wasn't going to let that go unchallenged, and took steps to rekindle his fantasies during their interview... :) Jane Fonda and Stephen Colbert Stephen has the best job in the world!

Tie between Marlene Dietrich and Ingrid Bergman. I break one way or another depending on whether I'm feeling naughty or nice. ;)

I remember as a kid being riveted by the Monty Python skit "Blackmail", particularly the Stop The Film segment. In the skit, the price to "stop the film" steadily rises while we see grainy, jerky footage of a man visiting a house... being greeted by a woman... and then they're seen through an upper story window as they strip... and she, now in black underwear, toys with and raises a whip... at which point the film freezes, the man in the film having called in to pay the fee and stop any more of the film being shown. Hey, here's the skit online (Stop the Film starts at 1:34): Blackmail skit Watching it now, it's just funny... but at the time, my young brain knew I'd just glimpsed something secret and sexy and totally outside my awareness. It stuck with me as a fantasy for a long time. Finally, a few years ago on a trip to London, England, I made a point of arranging a similiar encounter for myself just so I could live out one of my earliest sexual fantasies. :)

Thanks -- I found this in time to catch "The Crimson Permanent Assurance", which I think is the most worthwhile part of the movie. (I can watch Grail or Brian all the way through, though...)

Vaccines don't alter your DNA. All vaccines do is introduce a dead virus to your immune system, so that your immune system will more quickly respond to the live version of the same virus the next time it encounters it. You get an advantage against future infections without having to suffer the live infection in the first place.

There is no connection between vaccination and autism. A brief panic over this was prompted by a British study, since discredited as deeply flawed and retracted by the journal that published it. This special by Frontline might be useful to the casually interested or anyone who might be wondering about vaccines after reading some of the posts in this thread. You can watch it online: The Vaccine Wars I'm open to other views but they need to be backed up by facts and research, and not just driven by speculation, invention, or innuendo.

Awww, that's really too bad. I liked him in almost all of his roles and I'll miss his work. I remember first seeing him as a disturbed British sergeant in early installments of Sean Bean's "Sharpe" series. I just watched The Shipping News and was surprised to find him there too. Rest easy, Mr. P.

Thanks for the reference. I hadn't heard of "Sex at Dawn" 'til this post and I'm curious enough to check it out sometime. I'm always a bit leery of "A explains X, Y, and Z" theses. I can see where you're coming from, and I think there's some truth to what you're saying, but it doesn't quite match up with the way I see the world. Here are a few thoughts on your various points. a) Monogamy isn't our natural state. Well duh. ;) I don't think monogamy is enshrined in our culture because it's believed to be easy or natural. I think the idea is that people give up their natural inclinations to polygamy out of respect for their one chosen partner. And everyone knows it will be hard to stick to that -- it's part of the point. The tension and frustration this often imposes in our sex lives (especially once the relationship's initial glow wears off) is a perfectly natural and common result. What people do about that tension and frustration tells you a lot of what you need to know about that person and their relationship. b) That explains swinging, group sex, and porn. I dunno. These are outgrowths of the natural desires for a varied sex life, sure. But the psychology of each of these things is much deeper than "I want more partners". Our modern brains deal in symbols, and sexuality is VERY heavily laden with many layers of symbolic meaning. Some people who are hung up on power relationships may seek out many partners to "own" or "be owned" by many people. Some folks are looking for partners in leather, or to have another man's wife, or to pay back a cheating or disappointing husband. Check out the variety of specialized fetish porn on the 'net. There's LOTS going on in the minds of participants in the sex culture and sex trade. I agree that a natural inclination to simple variety, as well as sharing the self openly with a group of other human beings, is part of it. But this just grazes the surface. c) And that's also why prostitution is cool and we like it. Hmm. I think the same deal applies -- sure, a natural desire for multiple partners explains promiscuity, and service providers offer is a piece of the puzzle. I'll bet that for some folks that's the whole story. But the services people are seeking are hugely varied. Not just MORE sex, but DIFFERENT sex, or sex people are ashamed of, or sex with favourite toys or clothes or in special situations. Too much going on here to apply one label. d) Service providers are like waitresses, teachers, or diplomats. Those aren't the parallels I'd have chosen. (Although Waitress and Teacher open up all kinds of cool roleplaying opportunities.) I'll stop trying to list the variety of what all other people are after, and just explain my own attitude: service providers for me, when things go well, are more like therapists. They help remind me that it's always possible to make new intimate connections with the people around me. They get my fantasies out of the privacy of my own head and into the real world, where I can enact them and see what happens. I get to have fun sex with the trappings I enjoy and an accepting partner, which I find hugely satisfying and fulfilling. Sometimes this encourages me to explore something more deeply; other times, once even a powerful fantasy is acted out, it loses its power over my imagination and I put it aside. I get to laugh and have fun. And I always come away having learned something new about people and about me. And I meet some incredibly cool women who are completely comfortable with their sexuality and just plain fun to be with. A good session leaves me feeling great for days. e) [being a Service Provider is] a social role requiring intricate knowledge of human interactions, and [serves] a valuable function for society. At the level we're dealing with the industry here on CERB, yes I completely agree. f) The building of community is the most natural state of human-kind. Yes. We're herd creatures, not solitary predators. Our psychology is wired for connection and community because that's where we're strongest. Consider the many ways in which our current cultural and economic setup conflicts with this. :) For great illustrations of how people build communities, watch "Buffy" or "Firefly". Joss Whedon totally gets it. I could go on, and maybe I'll return to the thread later, but those are my initial thoughts. Additional Comments: Right, but he's not saying that's what really happens... just that some cultures who didn't have our biological knowledge believed it to be the case. And that the belief contributed to their celebration of multiple partners, so that the child would get the best of all of them.

"Barney's Version" hits theaters wide in January after a limited release in December. Mordecai Richler's novel (yay Montreal!) about an aging curmudgeon explaining the events in his life is adapted to the screen, and the lead is acted by Paul Giamatti, who is loads of fun to watch in everything he does. TRAILER We're not talking about a blockbuster here, but it will be thoughtful and funny and, I think, pretty good fun.

Earlier today I paid a visit to Jolie, an Ottawa SP I'd noticed a while ago on CERB and who I've thought periodically about calling. A few things attracted me to Jolie: - being in her 30s she's mature like me, so wouldn't leave me feeling all middle-aged and creepy; - her ads on CERB are thoughtful and make her sound fun and friendly; - and (here's an odd one) she actually writes her ads using complete sentences with proper spelling! Which you wouldn't think would be a big deal, but I've actually found it usually promises she'll hold up her end in an interesting conversation. On all counts, my instincts were right and I wasn't the least bit disappointed. I set up my appointment with Jolie by PM on CERB a few hours in advance. Although she has a phone number, I chose PM because it gave me a chance to describe my interests and make sure I didn't miss anything important, and it gave her a chance if she was inclined to learn a bit about me from my posts. It worked out and we arranged a two-hour appointment in the early afternoon. I'm always inclined to longer appointments when someone looks promising, since it gives us a chance to chat, see if we click, and hopefully start to genuinely enjoy each others company before moving on. Jolie advertised that she was hosting in a downtown apartment; the building was easy to find with decent parking, tidy and safe. A quick phone call for the buzzer and apartment number, and in a minute I was knocking on Jolie's door. Jolie was nicely dressed and made up; the first thing I noticed was her dark red lips and an enticing cascade of dark reddish hair. I was happy to see she had remembered my clothing interests; her skirt had a generous part which offered teasing glimpses of her legs in dark nylons and heels. The apartment was tidy and sufficient for the purpose. We had plenty of time to sit down and chat first, and we found by coincidence that we had both come from the same home city and ended up in Ottawa around the same age. Very quickly I was struck by Jolie's easy smile and her open, friendly, and down-to-earth personality. We talked comfortably and started to get to know each other a bit, and I felt myself relaxing and really enjoying myself. Jolie would be a great companion for a few hours in a pub over a couple of drinks. After a bit we moved on and got closer, and here things really took off. I'm always pointedly gentle and careful at the beginning with someone new, and Jolie was fully able to take the lead and get things warmed up. Clothes were discarded in layers, revealing a few of Jolie's sexy underwear details as we went. For the next hour, we explored and teased, roaming over each other's bodies and finding little trigger spots and interests. This part of our time together was open and extremely comfortable; the lead passed back and forth, and Jolie proved talented, imaginative, and generous at each turn. At one point I whispered a little story in her ear, describing a sexy scene we might try, and Jolie's response was gratifying and visceral. She returned the favour, and we passed our little fantasies back and forth, building on each other's ideas while teasing and enjoying each other. We also laughed many times, something that's always important to me as a sign of real comfort and pleasure. By the end of our session I was well spent and deeply relaxed, though with much left to try and plenty of curiosity for our next time... I'm certain I'll call Jolie again sometime soon; I'm keen to get to know her some more, and try out a few fun fantasies with her. I recommend Jolie to anyone looking for a sexy, thoughtful, curvy, mature, imaginative, and talented companion. If you've read Jolie's ads you already have a sense of the woman; tasteful, warm, open, and feminine. If you're thinking about maybe paying Jolie a visit, then stop waiting -- I think you'll be as happy with the outcome as I was.

The OP took something important to her partner and then played a power game with it. He suggested something to her; she imposed something on him. Putting someone who trusts you in a situation like that is bad, bad form. If there's any truth at all to the story, then crowing about it publicly is just the rancid icing on the whole rotten cake.

Or just as badly, depending on your point of view. :) Is it time to haul out that old Socrates "kids these days...!" quote from the 5th century BCE...? "Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers."

Good rules, and true. Thanks for posting them. Careful, though -- Bill Gates didn't ever actually say this. It lends the rules a little extra authority if we think he did, but then again I think they're good advice even without him. http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_bill_gates_speech.htm

I really need some kind of conversation and basic connection if I'm going to enjoy the session at all. It just starts simply -- how are you? how long have you lived here? how do you like Ottawa? -- and goes from there, unfolding naturally for as long as we're both comfortable. On average, maybe the first 15-20 minutes of a two-hour appointment. I have no illusions about the depth of my relationship with an SP, but at least some friendly conversation and a little laughter lets me feel I've spent some time with a person, and not just someone's body.

There's a much bigger problem here than just the wife's ignorance of biology or simple prudishness. Wherever her discomfort stems from, her reaction is to try to control the husband by aggressively inflicting needless shame. I'd expect there to be similar problems in other parts of the relationship, if the wife is that freakishly controlling. Your friend has a serious relationship issue to sort out.

I agree -- Ramachandran's stuff is absolutely brilliant! He's put solid evidence behind the idea of the mind working as a bundle of independent "modules" that our conscious mind is totally unaware of, and that those modules form the vast majority of our mind. It's the stuff that's broadly labelled the subsconscious or unconscious. Best illustration is the woman who was blind due brain damage; her eyes still worked fine, but the brain pathway for conscious awareness of what she was seeing was destroyed. But her unconscious positional/orientation sight pathways still worked fine. Her conscious mind was completely blind, but she could perform orientation tasks -- like putting an envelope through a slot that was sometimes oriented horizontally, other times vertically -- 95% of the time by just "guessing" which was the right way. Her subsconsious mind knew exactly which way the slot was oriented, and where it was. Most of us have had a pale version of this experience if we let our mind wander while driving. You do all the driving tasks just fine without being aware that you're doing them. That experiment helped form an awful lot of my own ideas about how our minds work and determine who were are... including otherwise inexplicable aspects of our sexual selves. Fascinating stuff. Anyway... now we're way, way beyond "brown showers"... but thanks omehgosh, I wasn't sure the nature of my interest was getting across. Neat subject to pursue in a different thread, maybe.

Me either. That's why it puzzles and, therefore, interests me. What has to be going on in one's mind in order to overcome the natural revulsion? Anyway, that's enough on this subject for me.

I agree, Soleil, that this fetish carries considerable health risks. I'm with you in emphasizing the need to always play safe, and certanly that could be difficult for this particular practice. The psychology of it all still amazes and intrigues me, though. The mind takes all kinds of odd twists and turns.

It's funny -- lots of conventional sexual things would seem repugnant if you didn't experience pleasure, sometimes largely psychological, that goes with them. ("Ew! Gross! The parts we pee with don't belong anywhere near each other!") So, imagine that your personal wiring has somehow left your deepest desires focused on something really unconventional. By nature, and not by choice, you find feces and associated acts erotic. Now what do you do? I can just imagine the gratitude such a person would feel if they found someone willing to help them safely explore such a difficult sexual obsession. What fascinates me about this is the astounding breadth of things we can become sexually fixated upon, and the meanings we associate with them. In the case of feces, I imagine it's got to do with humiliation, degradation, and "ultimate shared dirtyness". The ickyness must be part of the attraction. It would be interesting to hear from someone with this particular fetish about the mental space it puts them in.

Interesting topic. I'm not a sex worker, just a client. Neverthteless: I think you could write that whole post with "lawyers" instead of "sex workers" and it would work equally well, and produce pretty much the same answers. :) Clearly the subjects have a talent on which they've built a career, act confidently and capably, but suffer the indignity of slings and arrows from a judgmental and resentful culture. Sure -- like any group some individuals could be masking something else... but who isn't to some degree? It all depends on the person. In my couple of decades of very occasional "hobbying", I've met women who run the spectrum. The only women I've ever seen more than once were those who seemed to be genuinely at ease with themselves, with sexual expression and intimacy, and with their chosen line of work. I think that for these confident women, the petty judgements of a narrowminded and uninformed prevailing culture are irrelevant. They get direct validation every day from their own personal experience. It's not exaggerating to say that some of the SPs I've met represent for me the very summit of who and what a woman can be -- just regular folks, but sexy, expressive, bright, engaged, and living their lives to the fullest. For SPs who have their eyes open and heads on straight, I can't imagine anything about the profession that would interfere with their self-esteem. But for anyone who is doing a job they hate because they think they have no other choice, days can be long and hard and satisfaction is hard to come by. That's equally true whether you work unhappily in a bedroom, or just staring at a computer all day in a dull, anonymous cubicle.