MightyPen

Not that articulate -- it's overwritten, self-conscious and disjointed. Too bad. On the one hand it's interesting to read about someone's first tentative exploration of intimate service, even if it ends up going badly. Maybe especially because it ends painfully. A person willing to write honestly about that could cover some serious ground if he was willing to explore why it really went wrong. It would be an opportunity to share some insights into himself, what he needed and hoped for when he started, and how that was naturally different from what he ultimately found. But I agree -- it won't be that. He wouldn't need to identify the MP or spam CL with obsessive links to his story if that's all he wanted to do. Instead, his mission is to poison Bethany's well. It's not there yet, but it'll get there.

Yeah, I chose 15-20, but would have chosen 10-15 minutues of chat if that was an option. Any less than that, and I'm just bumping and sliding wetly against a stranger.* More, and I'm probably looking for ways to move things seriously forward... * Hee hee -- reading that over, it actually doesn't sound bad at all!

I can tell you with some authority that "throbbing member" and "towering manhood" are right out! More seriously, being a generally polite kind of guy, I sometimes stumble over nouns for body parts in this context. :) I guess I generally stick to the ones on your "acceptable" list (at least, the ones without the cutie little "-ies" suffixes). Especially when talking about a woman's body. I can sometimes get more graphic talking about my own parts, but my feet are planted firmly in respectable territory when describing my partner. It's not a case of me being timid -- just iron-clad respectful. It's probably not surprising that hearing a woman use deliciously filthy language can be hugely exciting for me. It's pretty obviously a case of the woman comfortably venturing into a language space that I have some personal barriers visiting myself. And anything a partner can do that helps bring me to new places I don't visit on my own is a welcome part of the experience!

I'm absolutely thrilled for you that you got to experience this feeling. And happy too I suppose that, having found it, you didn't let it completely overwhelm the other things you value in your life. I agree with others that a lot of the miscommunication in this thread has been about the definition of "love" we're each using at different times. But what you felt was that transforming and transcending feeling that we experience when we're with just the right person. That's the almost supernatural feeling that poets have been writing about as "love" for ages. There's no accounting for the unique little elixir of attributes it takes for each of us to respond this way to another person, but its power is undeniable. I think discovering what you do respond to in this way is a chance to learn an awful lot about yourself, what you value and yearn for, and about many parts of you that usually languish deep in the subscionscious. I suppose some folks can value more highly that "true" love that lies in the calmer bond achieved deep into a long relationship -- that agape sense of constructive union. But that's a matter of perspective, and I think what you're describing is one of the greatest emotional peaks we can experience within a full life. It's sometimes transitory, but it's always an unforgettable jolt and a reminder that being alive and human is more complex and mysterious than we think. Some folks never experience it. You did.

As you say, a hard concept to grasp or define. And highly subjective. I think the quote above captures an important part of a healthy relationship -- but I feel that way not just about lovers, but also relatives and close friends. I agree that I love those people. But I'm not in love with them, which is a different concept (in my mind) altogether. I guess I'd say that the idea expressed in the quote is necessary, but not sufficient, for my own concept of "in love".

Thanks, but I did read through the whole thread first. Notice that I shifted my subject early on from SP relationships to love in general. My comments on love were about its limitations in all cases, and my point was that love with anybody has large elements of fantasy, even after a long relationship. That's not meant to diminish the experience any of us has had of being in love with another person, or to cast doubt on whether your particular experience represented real love. I originally quoted your post because it was your comment about love vs. fantasy that prompted my post (that much of love is always fantasy), not to comment on your particular case. I've removed the quote in case that made you think my post was just about you.

I've met several SPs I've shared deeply with and come to care about, and who I'm pretty sure felt kindly toward me during the limited time we spent together. There can be real, honest, and intimate sharing both ways, even though the circumstances of the encounter are artificial. I like to experience that connection and affection to its fullest while I'm with an SP I really click with, and I don't hold my feelings in check during a session. That would waste some of the best parts of the experience! But I always make sure to recover perspective in between visits. On the subject of falling in love in general, though... I think the object of early love is always mostly fantasy. We fall in love so easily, when we know so little about our new partners. Naturally we fill in the gaps, consciously or unconsciously, with a host of expected or hoped-for attributes. We build all of the undiscovered parts of our new lover using pieces we find in ourselves, and fall in love with the result. Personally I thrill at the experience of discovering over time where that model went wrong, and replacing the rough scaffolding of my guesswork with the real thing as I learn more about my partner. But others I've known, through laziness or indifference or just lack of skill at communicating openly, cast their idealized and half-imagined partner in marble early in the relationship and then fiercely resist any facts that might chip away at its perfect form. It takes time and close attention to understand a partner, and even then the best you can achieve is a good approximation based on what they choose to share of themselves while in your company. After all, who really shares everything with any one person? The spouse who believes with deep certainty that their cheating wife or husband is actually faithful is in love with a fantasy, too. There's no escaping that we'll never know everything about someone, not even the people we love deeply. Most we have to take on faith. Every person we know remains part fantasy. If we never fell in love with fantasies, we'd never love at all.

Game of what? (Nah, just kidding.) But no, actually, I'm meeting a friend for a late and probably long lunch (and NOT in a place with a TV on the wall), so here's one who won't be watching. :) Hope that team there wins the, uh, thing.

A-ha! And you thought this would be about MY sexual failures (a work in three volumes -- just finishing up the index). But no, I'm wondering whether anyone else has seen this little independent movie from England that I just stumbled across last week. The trailer is here: Part-time musician and independent film maker Chris Waitt heads out to see why every woman he's ever dated has dumped him (and why he's having a bit of dysfunction Down There). It's really more about relationship failures than sexual ones, but it does spend enough time on the latter to justify the attention-grabbing title. :) Calling it a pure documentary is a bit of a stretch -- Chris is certainly a lot more insightful than he lets on most times. This isn't journalism. But it's all done with great humour, and some scenes had me laughing to the point of tears and gasping for breath. Among Chris' encounters: - a doctor's genuine medical advice on the condition of his equipment, plus a few dubious alternative therapies and an attempt to "wake the snake" with tantric massage - a dominatrix (who's clearly having a lot of fun at this point) who canes Chris while making him apologize to every woman he's ever wronged in the past, and includes the exchange "DON'T be pissin' the Irish off!" "Uh, she's actually Welsh." - a late-night talk in the street with a pair of older Scottish gents who are well into their evening, and who manage to share a few of their insights into sexual technique ("Don't just rush in there... kiss her wee mouth, kiss her wee neck..."), one-night stands, and sex when you're in love. - we get to meet Alex, a young journalist from Moscow, who is thoughtful, fun-loving, artistic, bisexual, and quite possibly the coolest woman on the planet. Takes some luck or creativity to see it, as it's not released yet in North America. But apparently it's being remade by Universal, so a studio version will be along sometime. Waitt is Executive Producer, so it looks like Chris has made good in the end. Grab and watch at first opportunity. Best watched with a friend, so you can share!

This! I was going to mention the movie if it hadn't already come up. It was a great influence on me when I first saw it, because it made kink seem okay. In fact more than okay... I was struck by just how much exuberant, healthy FUN all of the kinky clients seemed to be having. And what a supportive little community they created amongst themselves by the end. Definitely made a lasting impression.

The shortlived bit of TV genius called "Firefly" had the best quotes of all time. Some need context, but... Mal: [To someone who has just done something incredibly stupid]: Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin' to a middle. ***** Saffron: But we've been wed. Aren't… we to become one flesh? Mal: Well, no, uh… we're still two fleshes here, and... I think... that your flesh oughta… sleep somewhere else. ***** Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow, and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his full, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast." [Cut to Mal, who is openly staring now.] Mal: Whoa. Good Bible. ***** [After a crewmember is inexplicably hailed as a hero by a town full of downtrodden miners of mud:] Wash: We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero! ***** [Mal shows Zoe their new ship he's just bought, which looks a bit junk-y:] Mal: Try to see past what she is, and on to what she can be. Zoe: What's that, sir? Mal: Freedom, is what. Zoe: [pointing] I meant, what's that? Mal: Oh. Yeah, just step around that. I think somethin' must've been livin' in here. ***** Oh, I could go on and on.

I managed to spend some time with Flora while she visited Ottawa recently, and her site perfectly reflects her nature -- creative, playful, comfortable with all kinds of sensual expression, and vast in her interests, experience, and talents. What the site only hints at is her striking intelligence, perceptiveness, ability to adapt to the needs and interests of her client, and how constantly she is engaged with the person she's spending time with. Not to mention a deliciously wicked sense of humour that I instantly bonded with. And just in case that all sounds a bit too weighty, the fact is that ultimately, Flora is just a whole lot of fun to play with. Our meeting took place in a very nice suite in an upscale hotel downtown, and Flora was dressed elegantly in a black evening dress, heels and nylons, along with some long black gloves for an extra seductive touch. I booked a two-hour session so we could take our time and really enjoy ourselves. We chatted a bit at the beginning of the session, I took a quick shower, and then we moved directly on to some interests I had described in our initial e-mails. Flora undressed seductively and teasingly, and paid a lot of attention to my specific interests, which we kept up actively for the remainder of our time. I'm pointedly NOT listing the elements of our play together because I prefer to keep them private, between me and Flora. I think her site speaks for itself, fluently and comprehensively. I have to say, I've found Ottawa's pickings exceedingly slim when it comes to a smart, playful, talented woman who's specifically interested in exploring the kinks and fetishes of her clients. In this respect Flora is a long, deep, refreshing drink in the middle of a kink-less desert. (Although, if being parched and rubbing gritty sand in odd places is really what you're after, I'm sure Flora could arrange that too.) So, at the risk of making it harder for me to book some time with her the next time she returns to Ottawa, I have to recommend her heartily and without reservation.

Hey, interesting topic -- especially because trying to sort out the meaning of a word requires delving into ourselves. Our answers will reflect how we feel individually about the idea of paid companionship, and what it means to be on the consumer end. For myself: of the two terms, I find "John" is passive, limited, and subtly judgmental. The word only signifies an anonymous guy paying for sex. Now, that part is accurate in a limited way, but the term ignores our active engagement with another human being, and the generic name "John" suggests a built-in need for anonymity and therefore shame. Y'know, sometimes that's all true; but not for me. "John"? No thanks. "Hobbyist" gets a bit better. I think it manages to suggest that we're bringing a little more to the table -- an active interest, something we spend some time on, that we care about, and that we choose to do as a kind of self-expression. The only problem here is, just like the OP, I think the term treats the providers as impersonal or just casual objects with whom we indulge our hobby. And while I'm sure that describes the breezy, casual fun and indulgence of some genuinely fun encounters, it misses the deeper meaning that sessions can have. Sometimes, for some folks, there's more going on than a casual dalliance with a hobby. Personally, I like the term "client", because that establishes in a single word that there are two active sides to the interaction, the consumer and the provider, and it instantly treats the provider with some respect. It suggests there's genuine expertise worth paying for on the provider's part, and also a business-like responsibility for both parties to treat the interaction like grown-ups. And since I personally think that the best providers are a kind of intimate therapist, it does a good job of encapsulating the nature of the relationship between the two players. A conventional therapist isn't actually your personal friend, but that doesn't mean they're not honestly engaged in helping you explore parts of yourself and guiding your journey with expertise and care. Likewise, a great service provider isn't your lover, but she can still guide you, open doors, and help you to satisfy deep human needs in ways you aren't otherwise able to. And speaking now only for myself, I think that, as with a conventional therapist, the relationship with the provider can't be an end in itself. Hopefully we clients can take what we learn and experience with a provider, build it into ourselves, and carry it with us into other parts of our lives, other relationships, and engage our interests with real-life lovers. We can't always succeed at that in our imperfect lives, but I think it's a healthy thing to strive for. Yup. "Client" works best for me.

Glad you enjoyed it. After I posted my note here in the Ottawa section, I found it had been mentioned in another part of the board: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=21370 I'm still surprised that there's so much mystery, puzzlement, and misinformation about a service that touches on the universal desire for intimacy and human connection. I get that the patrons of sex workers run the spectrum -- from the real creeps who are contemptuous and even violent toward the women, to those who are just looking for "big boobs!", and then those who are reaching out for someone to connect with intimately (but who will find only the vague approximation of it available from a paid companion). The world at large is ready to accept the second type of client (see things like the "Cathouse" series you can watch right now on cable), and it's certainly familiar and justifiably concerned with the first. The guy they spent the most time talking with in this interview was the third type, and I gather from the discussion in and around the documentary that he caught most listeners, and even the reporter, by surprise.

Did anyone else catch this half-hour report on CBC radio Monday morning? It looked briefly at the consumers of the sex trade. I found it odd that it took a tone of astonishment that clients could actually be regular people who want to treat the women they see well, and were looking for some level of human connection. http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/2010/201001/20100111.html (It's in "Part 3".) So on the one hand it's nice to see a report willing to concede that there can be healthy social and psychological reasons to see an escort... but disappointed that some folks wouldn't concede that this could ever be true. I wish they'd done a longer report, it being a subject close to my heart.

I posted this on another discussion site, but thought it worth copying here so folks will have some ideas how Jillian's visit to Ottawa is going. She's certainly made at least one new friend! I've lurked on here for a while and found its reviews a great help regarding what to try, and not to try, around our city. I'm a very occasional hobbyist -- seeing SPs only a few times a year -- and while I've been close to writing reviews in the past, this is the first time I thought an experience was really worth sharing (and that I had some new information to offer). Jillian ("Joyful Jillian") is Halifax-based "mature courtesan", and has an ad on http://www.escorts-canada.com in Halifax. I happened to stumble across her announcement of an Ottawa visit on CERB. Because I'm drawn to mature SPs (being on the mature side myself), Jillian looked interesting. I contacted her by e-mail and we arranged a meeting on Monday evening. Let's be clear -- Jillian is exactly as advertised. See her current posting on E-C: 45+, 4'9, 135. If you're motivated primarily by the physical body, and you're looking for a young and lithe SP, Jillian is not for you. But if you're intrigued by a sexy mind in a real mature-woman's body, and you want to spend some time getting to know your SP and really opening up, this could be worth a try. Jillian is the kind of woman you might see anywhere on the street or in the office and not suspect anything especially kinky. But in private, she can do some wonderfully naughty things, look you steadily in the eye while she's doing them, and smile with delightful mischief. For now Jillian is visiting Ottawa only for a few days, but she's considering moving to Ottawa full time (and after our visit I really hope she does!). We arranged a meeting in a downtown apartment she's borrowing from a friend for her stay. When I arrived she was dressed in heels, stockings and a black dress, and we sat down to drink a little wine and talk. As it happened, Jillian and I really clicked and ended up talking quite a bit before moving to the bedroom; and for me that level of comfort and familiarity was a big part of making the visit enjoyable. Jillian advertises herself as a courtesan, not just an SP -- she likes to get to know the people she spends time with, and lets you get to know her too if you're interested. By the time things got physical it felt like a natural next step in an intimate date. Jillian is no clock-watcher, and she made the point in our e-mail exchanges that she always allows extra time at the beginning and end of the appointment for chatting, warming up, and cooling off. Booking a 1.5 hour appointment will get you two hours in her company. Jillian's menu is broad, but always safe. She has a talented and enthusiastic touch and an open, playful mind. She can guide or be guided, and can talk wonderfully dirty without blushing. At one point she told a wonderfully sexy story in very arousing circumstances... We pleased each other in several ways, and used some of her toys. I won't list a set of services, but again the menu is broad and Jillian is experienced at all of them! We had enough time that we were able to think of a few new things to explore. Jillian's attention never wandered, and I never felt rushed. She seems devoted to ensuring her clients can relax and truly enjoy a session; she was completely engaged with me the whole time, undistracted, considerate, and focused on ensuring I was truly enjoying myself. I tried to return the same consideration! By the time (much later!) we were done, I was pleasantly exhausted and thoroughly satisfied. We took showers part-way through, and again at the end of our time together. (The apartment lacked air conditioning, which might be distracting on especially hot days.) The "donation" is quite reasonable and shouldn't dissuade anyone; again, contact her by e-mail for details. I hope we're lucky enough in Ottawa that Jillian chooses to settle down here at least for a while; I'll certainly be looking her up again the next time she visits.