SamanthaEvans

It was cooler, with rain, today! After the first 100% rain-free July in Vancouver's recorded history, things are looking pretty dry and brittle, here. The temperatures have been good--around 23-24° most days. But much as we complain about the rain we get, we're also a little bit addicted to it, I think. High today was 19° with very light rain much of the time in my part of the city. It will be much the same tomorrow, then back to full sun on Sunday for Pride Day and the Monday holiday. Soooo much nicer than the summers I spent in the Toronto steam!

I just remembered that I wrote a longer post about cock rings awhile ago in which I describe the variety available, not including the metal ones. When I wrote it, I often cleaned the silicone rings after using them, but I don't do that anymore. You can boil them or put them in the dishwasher. I decided that they weren't very expensive and that it would just be simpler to throw the used ones away. Probably bad for the environment or something, but sometimes simplicity is the best thing for me. Someone recently brought a package of 3 rings that looked like the silicone ones but were actually made of gel. I don't use gel toys, ever, so I set them aside. These things are really inexpensive so I don't think there's any advantage to saving $2-3 for inferior, carcinogenic material made in a country with uncertain quality control.

I'm a serious animal lover, but I think my puppy is going to win awards for unexpected adorability. She's losing her baby teeth. Yesterday, I noticed one of them on the carpet where she'd been working on a Kong stuffed with food. I picked up the tooth and told her she was a good girl. A little while ago, she came over to me and nudged me with her nose. When I reached down to pet her, she dropped something on the floor. Another tooth! She was very proud of herself, wagging her tail and having trouble keeping all four paws on the floor because she really wanted to jump up and wiggle! So now I have two canine pre-molars on my desk. I wonder whether the Tooth Fairy might want them?

Il Re, I always keep a couple of packages of the three gel-type cock rings on hand to use with those who are interested in trying them. I start with the largest one and have the man put it on himself. I throw away the ring or rings we've used when the meeting ends. The package doesn't say that they're disposable, but I'm a zealot about cleanliness. I agree with you about metal accessories. I can't imagine how those could be good! There are leather ones that are adjustable. Some men prefer them. I've had clients who used cock rings all the time and found that they were ideal for them. However, I'm very picky about what comes in contact with my body. If a man wants to use a particular kind of cock ring, I usually suggest we go together to purchase it or that I buy it before we meet. Brand-new toys and accessories, still in the unopened package are great. But if I can't be certain where it may have been or how it may have been used before it met me, I will decline to make contact.

I just want to say, if it's not clear from what I've said already, that I don't consider this to be an adversarial, me vs. Mod or Council or anyone else kind of thing. I had an idea and wondered what people thought of it. The participation has been fantastic and constructive! I don't know that Cerb needs to change, but we do come up against this question fairly often. Having a discussion is a good thing to do. I am always concerned about credibility given to anonymous people. Always. Anons who think they can get to meet me without disclosing anything about themselves never get very far. For whatever reason, companions who are younger than I am and usually new to the business contact me fairly regularly, wanting advice. I don't like to give advice too often, especially to people I don't know. But I do pay attention to the similarities in the stories I'm told. I do agree with the importance of identifying the negative players on Mod's list--absolutely! And I know that I and many other ladies here do encourage others to use the reporting system when they have trouble with a member. Some do. Some don't. It's hard to help people when they're not able to help themselves. Anyway, I'm genuinely valuing this discussion and the many thoughtful responses.

I don't think there's much mystery about why there are few reviews or even recommendations for some women. Among others, women who are more than 35-40 years old, BBWs, curvy ladies who aren't quite BBWs but definitely aren't spinners, are reviewed far, far less frequently than women in their early to mid-20s. One might have the impression that we're not able to make a living or provide great experiences because of it, but it's not true. Many of us do very well, indeed, and often earn more annually than younger women who do face the pressure of enormous competition from other women with similar looks, experience and background. This is one of the reasons I am ambivalent about reviews in general. While a lot of men say that they write in order to express gratitude for the time they spent with a lady, and to encourage others to meet her and perhaps enjoy a great experience, too, it's also abundantly clear that a great many men feel that having spent time with a gorgeous young woman says something about who they are, as men, and, recognizing that every companion turns away many inquirers, they want other men to know that they made the grade, her grade. Reporting that they've had a lovely evening with a woman in her 40s or 50s, no matter how stunning, cultured and educated she may be, doesn't earn those men the same boost to their reputation among other online clients, or to their own egos. There is nothing easy or simple about working in our profession. I think that it is particularly trying for young women who face enormous pressure and manipulation precisely because of their youth and beauty. They are the most objectified, dehumanized women in our industry, often feeling over-valued for their looks and unappreciated for their character and personality while being preyed upon because of their inexperience. With high competition, reviews do matter because they may be the critical factor that sets one lady apart from another equally beautiful woman. Men know this and exploit it, promising stellar reviews or threatening to write bad ones in order to create some advantage for themselves. A sweet and kind 24 year-old woman contacted me a couple of weeks ago, wanting someone to talk to. She was feeling panicked because, after working for a year, she's no longer viewed as a fresh, sweet young lady, but as someone who's been around awhile. It's harder for her to find the kinds of clients she prefers. She'd had one appointment in the three weeks before she wrote to me. She has a full-time day job with great advancement potential, but it's too soon to expect a fantastic income from that work. This wouldn't be a problem but her mother has terminal breast cancer, isn't sick enough to be in hospital or hospice yet needs to have someone with her full-time. She wants her mother to be comfortable and paying for her care is an enormous burden that she recognizes will end only when her mother dies. Her father is gone, she has no siblings and no other family to help. Someone had responded to an ad and was pressuring her to take a major cut in fees, promising to write a glowing review and saying that he was sure he could send other clients who would treat her well. She has so many concerns at the moment that she wasn't able to recognize that he was a pimp and not someone she should haggle with. Her new worry is that, if she turns this man away, he may write a bad review about her. I appreciate your thoughts, piano. I agree that we need to do as much as possible to expose the bait-and-switch schemes and other negative practices. Directing attention to the ladies who are true professionals and valuable members of the community is also important, though it hasn't worked as well as one might hope. For example, the Member's Choice awards are no longer being offered after having been hijacked a couple of years ago. Recognition could be awarded to point out ladies with great reputations on the board or those who have been thanked many, many times, but I'm not sure that would satisfy everyone. None of the ladies in the top 10 for reputation are under 35, for example. Given how many feel about the "best body parts" threads, I would be very surprised if the ladies in general would appreciate beauty contests, either. It's a worthwhile discussion. Additional Comments: Pete, I absolutely agree with you. Thanks for bringing this up and showing how easy it is to work the numbers, so to speak, if that's what someone wants to do. I also agree that recommendations and reviews don't always mean as much as we may think. The simple fact is that most men never write them. They may lurk in the forums, looking for companionship, but after that, they keep to themselves. In addition, many, many men don't even know that review boards exist, let alone have the desire to participate in them in any major way. I also agree with you about Cowboy Kenny's work exposing the scam artists and bait-and-switch operators.

Mod, thanks for outlining your thoughts about this general topic. It's helpful to have your view of what's possible here at Cerb. I really don't know if there is a best way to qualify someone to have the right to post negative reviews, here. My original idea has centered on the problem of anonymity which I do believe encourages some very negative, dangerous and destructive behaviour. While earning the right to more privileges sounds reasonable, and would be in many cases, we have had long-time members with high post-counts, some of whom had received awards from the membership, who had to be permanently banned from the site because of serious misconduct. And, time-consuming as it is, there are men who do bide their time, engage in discussions, post frequently and make a reasonable contribution to Cerb only to use their perceived status as a means of pressuring companions to provide free services or to engage in activities they didn't want to be doing. Younger women and those who are new to the industry or who have recently joined Cerb are particularly susceptible to this kind of pressure, particularly if they believe that a good review is essential or that their earning capacity can be seriously damaged if they have a bad reputation circulated in the private groups here. Well-established, reputable ladies are not immune to harassment, either. I've recently had a very troubling situation with someone who seemed to think that being able to frighten or hurt Samantha Evans would be an accomplishment he could be proud of. We regularly see threads started by members purporting to be concerned about something that they say they experienced with a companion who, for the sake of discretion, they don't identify. I know that I'm not the only one who takes a jaundiced view of such threads. I'm certain that the original posters receive a flurry of PMs asking about the identity of the woman referred to. I also have concerns about ladies being pressured to verify clients. Positive statements are never a problem, but who will be the first one to issue a warning or a cautionary note? Clients know who they've seen. Women are often reluctant to complain about even significant amounts of violence, harassment, theft and interference because of their legitimate fear of retaliation. And while it is extremely difficult to point to even a handful of cases where a paid companion has stalked a client or caused harm in his personal life or employment, unfortunately that kind of thing is so common that we ladies spend a significant amount of time supporting one another, sharing ideas and resources to help protect each other. Again, where anonymity is available, people will use it to their own destructive ends. Just my concerns.....

Fantastic! I have no idea how that box was unchecked, but many thanks for the help!

This is a minor matter, but I notice this morning that in the "Comments" underneath posts, I don't see the names of people who have posted Thanks or Comments, just a vertical green bar that's maybe 5px wide. I like seeing the names!

Well, yes. Insofar as credibility is at least partially grounded in a person's real identity rather than a handle and an anonymous e-mail address, this system would allow members to buy credibility. The corollary is that anonymous members' credibility would decline. However much anyone will weigh the relative merits of opinions is difficult to say. History is meaningful. Good sense and a good heart are also meaningful This is true. However, such people tend to claim entitlements to real or imagined privileges already. We deal with perennial pests and irritating prospective clients all the time as it is. In the end, if a companion decides that this proposed verification is all the screening she needs to do to feel safe, that's up to her. I don't think there is a system that will guarantee that a prospective client will be able to see the companion of his choice. Our decisions about who we will entertain are as individual as we are. I have declined meetings with men who have passed my objective screening requirements without difficulty because for reasons that may be difficult for me to pinpoint I simply don't feel that we would be compatible in ways that matter to me. I've also imagined that others would be fantastic guests only to find to my dismay that they were not. I am NOT advocating adopting a tolerance for negative reviews. I hate them. But it may be that Cerb will need to find ways to relax its policy at some point. If that happens, how might we safeguard the tone and atmosphere many of us have worked hard to support? I agree with you that a verified member might be less likely to write vulgar material. I certainly expect that the bulk of such commentary would be provided by anons who have no investment in positive atmosphere or reasoned engagement. It could be that only certain kinds of negativity would be allowed. Perhaps a review may include boxes to click indicating whether the lady's photographs are real, whether her incall location is clean and private--things like that. Perhaps Cerb might continue to remove negative additional commentary. I'm not sure what would genuinely be helpful; that's something that's worth a broader conversation. I do think that many people find the other *erb boards to be troubling, at best, yet they participate on them because they have a huge readership. I have met good clients from one of those boards, but I have only rarely posted anything other than ads there.

I haven't thought this through completely. There are many things that should be considered and so I think a good discussion can only be helpful if my idea has much merit at all. It may not! But it's been on my mind for quite awhile, so I thought it could be worth talking about. I can't imagine why board verification would replace a companion's own screening requirements. I'm sure that some verified members might think that it's better to disclose their information to the board management than to a paid companion, but that would be their right. Whether a lady would decide to see a man under those circumstances would be up to her, as well. Knowledgeable gentlemen should recognize how exceedingly rare it is for a paid companion to reveal their clients' identities to anyone. When men have been outed in the US, it's often because the police have acquired a copy of a Madam's black book, not because the SPs involved have reported them. There are three major verification sites. I haven't found any references to their databases being compromised, which is reassuring. To become a member of one of those sites requires providing personal information that can be verified by the site OR references from other companions. They say that, once verified, they destroy the records. If that's true--and it probably is--all it means is that the individual gave the site information that was proven to be true and accurate. It doesn't mean that he gave accurate information to an SP. I've had clients who cited membership numbers for P411 and Date Check, but they were all Americans and they also gave me personal details at the same time, which I checked out myself. I didn't feel pressured to accept them as clients, however. Their complete disclosure does matter to me, though, and I did see each of them at least once. I agree! I don't think it would be up to Mod or the Council to decide whether an allegation was likely to be true or not, or what is or is not assault. However, if the lady has filed a police report and if the police lay charges, that would be significant. Meaghan, I'm not sure how much difference reviews actually make, to be honest. There are few reviews available for many of us, myself included, largely because we're older women, curvier or don't conform to the model stereotype that some review board members seem to favour. Be that as it may, it's more than possible to have a lucrative career without a slew of reviews. I hate the negative stuff, too. Whether Cerb is interested in altering its policy I can't say, but if there was a way to be sure that posted reviews were written by people whose membership shows that they're genuinely willing to stand behind what they say, that could give their reviews a type of credibility that's not available anywhere else on the Internet as far as I can see. What concerns me most is when some group of anonymous board members decide to launch a vendetta against a well-reviewed lady, often in the explicit determination to ruin her reputation. I have known several cases like this where the SP had no choice but to retire her identity and start over again, building a new one from the ground up, which is, as we know, a slow and difficult process. In the situations I know about, the women had not done anything wrong. They were simply well-known and highly-reviewed and that's what made them targets. Meanwhile, there are no consequences for the anons.

My father died when I was a child and my relationship with my mother was never very good. She died seven years ago. To my great delight, after I returned to Vancouver five years ago, I became close to a married couple who are old enough to be my parents. They're vibrant, independent, creative and good, good people who have been a font of wisdom and perspective for me. I've felt as though I've had a second chance at having parents and building healthy, solid adult relationships with them. Last fall, the man's father had a catastrophic fall that resulted in a serious brain injury from which she is still recovering. Her progress has been almost miraculous. From the care and attention her brother and sister-in-law have given her, I've seen that it truly is possible to love someone into wellness. Many people, lacking such dedicated family members, would not have been as fortunate. This afternoon, my adopted mother called to say that she has a tumor in her breast. It's been scanned and biopsied. The doctor says that there's a 50% chance that it's cancer, but they're waiting for the lab reports in a few more days. At the very least, she will have to have surgery to have the thing removed, perhaps sometime next week or the week after that. If it's cancer, there will be a lot of decisions to make. She's 79 years old. She wanted me to help her plan how to tell her children and friends. And so we talked. And I was good, I think, the whole time. I'm usually able to be "the strong one." But right now.... I'm not.

I just want to underscore the importance of recognizing and staying within your own boundaries. If you're not comfortable with this scenario, there's no reason for you to go through with it. That said, many men come to us to explore or engage in things that just aren't available to them with other partners, or that they're nervous raising with them. Erotic play can take many, many forms but not everyone's comfort level or repertoire is the same.

It looks like this was a round-up of street-based sex workers, possibly due to neighbourhood complaints and probably also because it was fairly easy for the police to observe, and probably film, a lot of what was going on.

Phaedrus, my friend, you don't see it because your interests are very different. Those who insist that it's good to haggle with or put pressure on us to cut them a special deal aren't really interested in negotiating as much as they're interested in control overall. In my experience, the question is not so much about negotiation as it is about who sets the fee? Who has the right to decide what a lady's time and intimate companionship is worth? Underneath this question are a host of control issues. Who decides what is or is not acceptable; what we will or won't do; what we should or should not expect; how we're going to work, where and when; how many people we may entertain and under what conditions; what risks we should accept as unavoidable for ourselves; how much our safety and security may be risked; what we should expect from neighbours, friends, family, our community if we're discovered to be paid companions--these and many other related things are all about the rights that we women have to determine our own actions. Some men don't accept that we have a right to as much autonomy and integrity of ourselves as persons as they are and so they want to control us, to limit us, to deny, dehumanize, depersonalize, degrade and demean us beginning with our essential worth as human beings. Those men never make good clients. As Sandi pointed out, above, by announcing that they expect special considerations, they communicate that they expect to be the ones who control their time with us and everything that happens in it. It's not about the fee. It's about our right to make choices and decisions that could result in them not getting what they want, on their terms, when they want it.