SamanthaEvans

Well, I'm relieved to know now that it wasn't Bryan. A client I've seen only once called today to confirm our meeting tomorrow. No problem with that. Then he said, "I hope you like the roses. Sorry you weren't there when I came by with them." I felt flooded with relief and then irritation. I took a breath, then another, collected my thoughts and asked him if it would be okay for me to drop by his office sometime, maybe leave a small gift or a personal card there for him if he wasn't in. He was flustered, then. I explained that it's not okay to come to my house without an invitation. Suppose someone else had been here with me? Suppose my son had come home before I did, or had even answered the door? I never run the risk that clients might run into each other and I don't want to have to explain anything to anyone, particularly my son. He started falling all over himself, apologizing for not having thought things through. He'd felt comfortable with me and said he must have gotten ahead of himself, making assumptions. He thinks of our engagement as a private little affair and has enjoyed thinking about it that way. He recognized that he'd crossed a boundary that he shouldn't have approached. He asked me whether I would have accepted the gift if he'd called first. Of course I would, and said so. He's feeling sheepish and awkward, now and determined to make it up to me. It's enough for me that he understood things from my standpoint, wasn't defensive about what happened and didn't question my response. He's asked to take me out to dinner and I've agreed. So, all's well. I've called the VPD and left another message. I'm happy not to need to deal with the police again and very happy that Bryan wasn't involved. Thank you, everyone, for your expressions of care for me personally. I do appreciate it, more than you may know!

Happy birthday, Cato. May your day be filled with joy!

I'm not over-reacting, Ostirch. I'm as protective of my privacy as I'm sure you are of yours. I make a point not to draw unnecessary attention to myself not only for my sake but also to maintain the confidentiality and discretion I offer to my guests. I reported the delivery to the VPD this evening. They will talk to the florist in the event that my stalker was the guy who bought the flowers. If so, I am happy to cooperate with them to prosecute him. Honestly, I hope it won't come to that. But stalkers are notorious for trying to get around the rules. The way they see it, laws and community standards don't apply to them in the way they apply to others. Unfortunately, it's just not possible to be sure that someone won't do something dangerous if they've become fixated on someone else. Having decided that regular boundaries aren't worth their attention, they may become a real threat. I want to emphasize how rare it is for independent paid companions such as myself to have serious problems with our guests. By far, the vast majority of the gentlemen who visit us are kind, thoughtful, pleasant men who have no interest in creating problems for anyone. Most of the troublesome ones don't pass our screening requirements. Those who plan to be abusive are very reluctant to pay our fees, even if they expect to retrieve the funds from us, perhaps because they recognize that we will not keep confidentiality agreements if we have been harmed in any way. I'm happy to say that I've had no conflict with any of my visitors in a very long time. I hope that this was an impulsive gift from a misguided client. If so, we'll talk about it and, depending on how that conversation goes, I may or may not see him again. I do recognize that good men hope women will be pleased to receive flowers. This was a handsome gift. I would feel much more at ease if the fellow had signed the card. Ultimately, my safety and peace of mind are more important than anything else. I'm sure that the gentlemen I entertain appreciate this.

Sometimes people behave impulsively. That's understandable, but when it comes to relations between paid companions and clients, surprises may not be interpreted in the ways that they were intended. After a lovely long walk with my dog I came home in the late afternoon today to find a box containing 18 exquisite long-stem roses on my doorstep. There was was a generic Valentine from the florist; the note said, "Thinking of you," but there was no signature and I don't recognize the handwriting. The florist's seal was on the box, so I called them. They didn't deliver anything to my house today. Whoever bought the roses must have gone into the florist in person and then delivered them to my house himself. Since it's Valentine's Day, they've been swamped with customers and have no idea who might have purchased the roses. I've had a quiet day to myself: I didn't see anyone today. I never encourage people to drop by unexpectedly. But someone has presumed to come to my place, uninvited, and left this ostentatious, expensive, anonymous gift. While it may be that the fellow thought he was doing something thoughtful and kind, my experience of it is very different. I feel unnerved. My boundaries have been violated, and my privacy has been breached by someone who didn't have the courtesy to identify himself. I wouldn't have been happy if I'd answered the door this afternoon. I would have told him off in no uncertain terms and I would probably have refused to see him again. I'm assuming that this may have been someone who has only visited me once or twice. I'm sure that none of my longer-term, regular clients would do this, just as I never call any of them without having been explicitly asked to do so. Discretion and confidentiality are essential to everyone. However, unless the person who delivered the flowers confesses, I will probably never know where they came from. That is deeply unsettling to me. I had a difficult time with a stalker last year. The police were very helpful and I know they got the message across to him loud and clear when they visited his home. He consented to a no-contact order and knows that if he were to breach it he would be arrested. I don't think he sent the flowers: he has too much to lose to risk doing something like this. Gentlemen, please take time to think things through very carefully before doing anything surprising or unexpected. In particular, never arrive at a companion's place uninvited and never send anonymous gifts or messages. What might seem to be a romantic gesture to you can easily seem much more ominous to us, unfortunately.

That shyness, or erotic apprehension, can be a lovely thing, for me. It's a reminder that we're real people who honestly don't know each other well, have no idea what to expect, hope to enjoy one another, are aware of the things that may go wrong or at least not happen exactly as anticipated, and who know that pleasure and delight are too often fleeting, ephemeral things. It's my experience that the gentlemen who are not at all hesitant or who seem to feel completely in control from first contact are rarely ideal clients for me. Encounters with such men are more likely to be a disappointment in some way. I imagine that they're overly invested in a fantasy about themselves or me and may not be able to shift from that to the reality of two real people who may not perform according to plan. The ones who are a bit shy and cautious tend to be terrific because they're not taking themselves or me for granted. While the whole engagement sometimes has strong fantasy elements, I feel that we're both real people having a real encounter.

It's a bit of a judgment call. The tiny ones make you work harder to keep them inside. The larger ones are heavier, and so you have to work harder to hold them, too, because of the weight. My kegels are in great shape, if I do say so myself; I prefer the sensations I get from the baoding balls. But none of them are very expensive, so experiment!

Congratulations and thank you, RG! Your thoughts are always worth reading: funny, sage, reflective, real. You are a major part of what makes Cerb such a good place!

The Closet of Anxieties regularly featured in Bloom County:

I didn't have a specific monster, but I was very wary of whatever might be lurking in my bedroom closet when I was a kid. When my own children were small, we gave them a big Fisher-Price flash light that they could use to shine on any monsters under the bed or anywhere else in the room. My daughter got a lot of use out of it and would often deliver very stern lectures to those monsters, too!

Alex sounds like a wonderful friend and companion. I'm very sorry for your loss, Nicki. And I'm glad for both of you that he died so peacefully, right where he wanted to be--beside you.

Hmm... This has possibilities! From my childhood pet, it would be Kitty Springwood, or now, Penny Springwood.

Good thread Emily. Thanks for starting it! I think I'm pretty easy to get along with as long as I'm comfortable and feel safe. I have clear standards and requirements that I believe are more than reasonable. I have many clients who have never objected to my screening methods and I'm as busy as I want to be. To me, this means that the things I ask for fit within reasonable parameters. Some men are very reluctant to divulge information that may make them traceable in some way. They're entitled to their views. I don't think that anyone should do things they're not comfortable doing, whether they're a paid companion or a client. I reckon that if my screening requirements are too difficult for someone, he'll find another companion who may be more comfortable with him. What I know for sure is that no one is entitled to see me unless I choose to have the meeting. I turn down almost 75% of those who contact me whether because they want things I don't provide, seem to be time-wasters rather than serious clients, refuse to follow my screening or are disrespectful in some way. Some of the disrespectful ones object to being screened and, rather than saying so politely, insult me by pointing out that I'm just a whore, that I must be planning to set them up somehow or that I'm desperate. These guys are no loss to me! The ones who want to argue about or ignore following basic instructions, whether about screening or directions to my place, too often will inappropriately attempt to control other aspects of our encounter if we meet. I'm not interested in having power struggles with clients.

I want a snow day! The little bit of snow we've had so far this winter hasn't felt like anything "real" to me. I love Vancouver, but I do miss Ontario snowy winters. IF we had a good dump of snow, I will go somewhere with the dog. She's insane about snow. There's nothing more fun that watching her run around and play in it. She's convinced there are important Things underneath the snow, and that They Need to be Tracked! She turns into a furry nose-blade snow plough. And then if you throw a snowball, she chases it with incredible energy, even though she doesn't ever bring them back. After playing in the snow, I'd come home throw something into the slow cooker for dinner and then curl up with a good book, a pot of Earl Grey, the dog and the cats.

See? It does happen! :icon_biggrin:

And to think, not so long ago in Saskatchewan, my Mom went to school by horse and sleigh or carriage. Technology has changed the way we live more in the last 100 years than in the preceding millennium.

This is a challenging question. I have regrets. There are opportunities I wish I'd taken. There are things I wish I hadn't done, or could have done differently. If I had my life to live over again, knowing what I know now, I hope I would make some different choices. I hope I would have been able to learn from my first experience. But if I could change the past, would I be who I am today? I'm not sure. I like myself right now. I don't want to be a very different person even if I could change a few things for comfort's sake. I tend to be a bit anxious sometimes. I know I worry too much, too often. I'm working on changing that, now. Anxiously churning things over doesn't help me feel better or be prepared for what may happen in time to come. Instead, I'm trying to focus on being more grateful for the good people, circumstances and events in my life.

The recommendations that I've appreciated the most, and that prospective clients have mentioned, aren't explicit, but still give the kind of information many seem to want. Am I the woman in the photographs on my website? Was our correspondence helpful, meaning not only did you get the information you needed from me, but did you also get a sense of the kind of woman I am? How well did that impression match with your experience of me in person? Did you enjoy your time with me, whatever we were doing? By that I mean, did you find me to be warm, pleasant, attentive, hospitable and perhaps interesting? Everyone feels a bit nervous when meeting someone new, especially in anticipation of an intimate engagement. Did I help you feel relaxed, confident and at ease? Would you see me again, if the circumstances allow? I think that explicit details about erotic activities are less useful, much as I appreciate that you enjoyed our intimate time together. What I do with you may have more to do with the chemistry between us, how you feel or how I feel that day than anything else. I will always do my best to ensure that you have a pleasurable time, but I can't guarantee to engage in a specific act, no matter what! If we've met several times, the intensity and variety of our activities may change as we get to know each other better. Genuine trust based on real experience with another person enhances an encounter, for me, at least.

I have a set of the silicone ones that Penelope posted. I love them! I wear them a couple of times a week, sometimes more, when I'm doing errands, walking the dog or doing housework. They're great for toning the kegels and they feel good, too, but not in a way that's overly distracting. I've tried the small ones, like in the photo WiT posted. I didn't like them very much; they seemed a bit small. Then someone visited me and brought a pair of the "medicine balls" (also called "baoding balls") that can be found in a lot of health food stores and Chinese import stores. They're intended to be rotated in the palm of your hand, providing stimulation to a lot of accupressure points. They're larger than the ben wah balls, fairly heavy, and they have soft, lovely chimes inside them. I've acquired two more sets of them <ahem!> since then. They come in different sizes, some are laquered with painted designs on them. The small and medium sized ones are lovely. Put the pair inside a condom and tie a knot in the end. That becomes a very effective handle or drawstring for removing them later. If I'm already nicely aroused, a walk around the block becomes a wonderful thing. :icon_wink: A set of these would make a nice little gift to give a lady. Take her for a walk. Be prepared for her to need to pause from time to time to bury her face in your neck while she tries to be unobtrusive as she climaxes!

Recommendations are lovely things, but not essential for a companion's success in this industry. The great majority of clients either don't know about review or recommendation boards or they know about them but don't post on them for all kinds of reasons. The character of reviews on some of the boards is so mean-spirited and destructive that I'm not sure it's to any woman's advantage to be reviewed on them. Indeed, there have been more than a few notorious campaigns on some of the review boards where a cadre of members have chosen to target some of the best-reviewed ladies, posting so many unfavourable reviews that the companions were eventually driven out of the business or forced to re-invent themselves and start over after taking an enormous financial hit. At the same time, positive reviews are too often dismissed as shill unless posted by long-standing members who have written a great deal on the site. Paid companions who are over 40 or who are larger can do very well in our industry, but usually won't be reviewed anywhere nearly as often as young women. This is not because there's anything wrong with them, but because clients seem more interested in keeping their liaisons with them private for a host of personal reasons. While recommendations and reviews can help identify a potentially suitable companion, there are many ways to find us. Some paid companions don't purchase a lot of online advertising, usually because we have a network or client base that's large enough to keep us busy. Even so, Google is a great resource since most companions' websites are optimized for search engines. Everyone is different, of course. What one man enjoys won't interest another, or the way that a companion expresses herself may be more engaging for some men than for others. The best thing is to take a bit of time, exchange some e-mail and perhaps a phone conversation or two. With a bit of thought and care, you should be able to find a companion who can provide you with the kind of experience you want to have.

Lana, it's an unfortunate fact that most clients don't write reviews. Most don't know about escort review/recommendation sites and even those that do tend to say little or nothing on the boards they read. However, if a companion negotiates her rate, there's a very strong likelihood that will be mentioned in a review! I haven't see this in awhile, but it does happen occasionally. I agree with fortunateone that callers are competing with clients who are willing to pay your rates. If someone says that he can't afford what you charge, he should be staying within his price range. That's his problem, not yours!

I never haggle or negotiate, either. It's insulting to be asked. My fees are clearly stated on my website and in e-mail I exchange with prospective clients. One of the reasons I prefer e-mail, initially, is that it's so easy to be very clear and explicit about important things like this. I've rarely had a problem with it. I had a meeting with a brand new client last week. We'd had a very positive e-mail discussion and had spoken twice on the phone. He seemed like an ideal client. I was looking forward to meeting him. When he arrived, he handed me an envelope, which I put in a drawer. (I never count the contents in front of clients.) As I was pouring coffee for us, he said, as casual as can be, that he couldn't stay as long as planned, after all, unfortunately, and that he was sure it was okay that he'd reduced payment of my fee accordingly. I was stunned. After a long moment, I said that he should have told me that he needed to cut the meeting short before he arrived. I said I was sorry he couldn't stay, and handed him his coat with a smile. It was his turn to be surprised, then. He asked if I was going to give him a refund. I said no. I also said that it was clear we weren't compatible. He said, "You do have a very high opinion of yourself. You should re-evaluate it." I bit my tongue, opened the door and wished him well. My general experience is that the men who contact me are real gentlemen who would never engage in games like this. That's what was so surprising about this fellow. His smooth sense of entitlement was almost chilling and makes me wonder how he deals with people in other situations. Not well, I imagine!

Congratulations Phaedrus! Keep at it!

Happy birthday, OD!