SamanthaEvans

Congratulations, Angela!

I really wish our culture could forget about "virginity" altogether. It's an outmoded notion that mostly has to do with whether a woman is an appropriate partner for a man and future mother of his children. The idea is grounded in concepts of women as property such that a woman who is not a virgin is somehow "used goods" or "damaged" or perhaps of poor character since she hadn't preserved her virginity until the right man came along. It also sets up intercourse as the be-all and end-all of human sexual activity which, in my professional opinion, is not only utter nonsense but it's also the starting point for all kinds of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and unnecessary anxiety. Whether someone has or has not had intercourse says nothing about their integrity, their willingness to take responsibility for themselves, their character in their dealings with other people, their attentiveness, their playfulness or how sexy they are. Having intercourse for the first time doesn't make a man a man. It doesn't transform him into some kind of Alpha, it won't make him more successful in the rest of his life, more attractive to women, or more respected by other men. It doesn't make him more of anything at all. He just becomes a guy who's had intercourse with a woman. If you think it's a problem to know what to say to other men about how you had your first experience of intercourse, well... with all due respect, friend, think about that for a minute. What business is it of anyone else's, anyway? One place where I'm happy to sound very old-fashioned is this: Real gentlemen don't tell tales. If you have to have a story to tell, roamingguy is right: lie. Sex is one of the things that everyone lies about, anyway. You can be sure that most of the stories you've heard other guys tell are more fictitious than true. That little rant aside, here's my advice. Find a paid companion who appeals to you. Someone you think you can really enjoy, not only because she's beautiful--we're all beautiful--but because you like the way she expresses herself, her sense of humour appeals to you, or whatever makes someone be attractive to you. Plan to spend a whole evening with her. Four or five hours, at least. Most companions will have a special rate for a long engagement; it's okay to ask what someone's fee for a long evening will be. Go out for dinner. Take her to a great or romantic restaurant. Have a leisurely meal. Talk, a lot. Talk about real things--about who you are, what you do, what your hopes and dreams are, what you think about current events, all of that. Listen to her, too. Ask questions, not so much about her life as a paid companion, but about her. Get to know her. Let her get to know you. After that long, relaxed meal, go for a walk, a drive, an unhurried journey back to your place, a hotel, or wherever the rest of the evening will transpire. Be completely unattached to outcomes from that point. Let her take the lead and trust that it's all going to be wonderful, whatever happens. Because it will be. Women like men to pay attention to them. When a man engages with us in a real way, as a real person, we feel great and we're much more likely to want to make him feel just as good. My point in all of this is to say that what I think you really want is not simply to have intercourse for the first time, but to have a great experience in every way. Find someone who can help you have it.

So very sad.... Thinking of her family and friends tonight.

Congratulations, Lee! Surely this will help in your quest to get your transmission repaired, right?

Religion is about fear. Our ideas about hell and damnation are usually both about the things we fear the most--pain, alienation, isolation, meaninglessness--and our beliefs about God or gods. Add into the mix the notion of a moral universe, where everything happens for a reason, where the good guys really do win in the end, and where there's some kind of balance or settling of accounts, and we have a very potent concoction. I believe in hell sometimes. When I feel at my worst, I may think I'm living in a corner of it. When I feel misunderstood or lost or angry, I may hope that someone else will end up in whatever version of hell I might design for them. But I know that these are just mind games I'm playing. Ultimately, I don't know about heaven or hell. I do know that the future is an imaginary thing. It doesn't exist. I have only now, this time, this moment, this breath, this heartbeat.... what I do now is what matters.

So, I was cleaning up, removing stuff I don't need from my hard drive, archiving other things. You know: housework. I came across a couple of things--classics, really--and I just knew that they belonged here.

A detailed discussion about screening potential clients is better suited for the SP-only section than the public boards. While some men may be reluctant to provide personal details early in the discussion, there are other ways to qualify them, whether from verification services, references from other companions or other information. The men on this site are like men everywhere. Most are good guys who want the same things we do: the opportunity to spend some mutually-enjoyable time together on terms that are acceptable to both parties with no strings attached. Always recognize that membership in and reputation with a board or website is no guarantee that someone will be a good or a safe client. Similarly, a man who has never contacted a paid companion before and who doesn't belong to any board may be a fabulous client. Everyone starts somewhere! In general, my advice is to take your time screening prospective clients. Be wary of those who insist on meeting right away without giving information about who they are unless you're both very sure that this is the way you want to work and you have help available nearby if you need it. Take a pass on anyone who argues about your rates or demands extras or special consideration. Most troubles begin over conflicts that could have been avoided with clear communication, so make your limits and expectations extremely clear from the outset. For example, if you use condoms for everything (including oral sex performed on him), make sure you say so. Never relax your limits just because you need the money badly, because it's late at night, because you've had too much to drink, because you're tired or depressed or because you're already late paying the rent or another bill. Nothing is more important than your safety at any time. Ever.

wildstallion, some companions may be willing to consider your idea. Keep in mind that most won't travel outside the province or the country with, or to meet, someone they haven't seen before. If you're wanting the lady to travel to the same place as you and your SO, and be available to meet with you privately there, expect to pay for her travel, accommodation and expenses in full, in advance. Most of us won't risk being out of town and suddenly responsible for such costs if your plans change suddenly or your SO finds out what you're up to!

Not wanting to spam this thread, but I think that folks might appreciate being warned about the welcoming staff at the Fat Bastard BBM place. My advice: wear a raincoat--these guys drool, a lot!

I've just got to say how grateful I am to Berlin for starting this thread. Every time I look at it, I find something that makes me smile or laugh aloud. For sure, too much cuteness is hard to take, but it seems that our collective sense of humour is pretty harmoniously twisted. It also pleases me to see how some things appeal to others here. From your posts, my sense of many of you is more rounded-out in ways that admiration for a pretty woman or indignation over a legal or social problem just can't be. Thanks to everyone who participates!

Hey, Lee! Happy New Year! I have great news for you re: your transmission. I've got a box of trained hamsters and four wheels for them to run in. The cute little guys will run for hours and hours, especially at night. I'm sure you can rig up something or other that will make their incredible energy output workable for your van. After all, hamsters used to power the interwebs, right?

Great thread! Friends and family Pets Things that make marks on other things, like conté crayons or charcoal or paint on paper, on boards, on walls... My health Underwire My toothbrush Sex Music Earl Grey tea Pikes Market Spice Tea, too Mascara

I love animals of all kinds, but dogs are the ones that steal my heart, every time. We have a standard poodle at the moment because my son has allergies. She's a lot of fun--so smart, very funny, gentle, patient. I need to go and give her a hug right now! So, while I'm doing that, please enjoy this great video, .

This is a great thread! Thanks for starting it. I don't know how to be anyone but me, so I don't try. That said, there are aspects of who I am that I don't express in all areas of my life. I think that most people would say the same thing about themselves. As I get older, I notice that I'm both much more confident and more protective of myself, too. What that means in practical terms is that I don't see anyone unless I think I'm going to enjoy being with them. Life is just too short for that. If I have the sense that I'm not what someone is looking for, I don't hesitate to say so and, as much as possible, to make some suggestions about others who may be more like what he wants. Going through meetings when I feel that the other person and I are basically incompatible is an emotionally and spiritually draining experience for me, not worth whatever I'm being paid for my time.

Dear ones, I'm shocked. I've been away from the boards for a bit, recently, while taking care of some personal stuff and then madly getting ready for Christmas. Only now am I getting things back to a normal pace. I finally logged in this morning to find many private messages about this. Your care and respect mean more to me than I can say. Cerb has been, and continues to be, a wonderful place for me. I'm very pleased to know that my contribution has made a difference to folks here. I've learned so very much from the many members of this board and our fascinating, funny and energetic discussions. Thank you, everyone, for making this the unique place that it is! Samantha

I've never charged a cancellation fee, per se, but I do require new clients who cancel at the last minute to pay a deposit if they book another meeting. I've only had to do that three or four times, ever. I take some time exchanging e-mail and having at least one or two phone calls before I meet a client for the first time. This helps me establish a rapport with him and almost completely eliminates cancellations except for good, valid reasons. That's the whole point, anyway: for both the client and me to recognize that the other one is a real person deserving real respect and proper consideration. I do ask for deposits for long meetings, particularly if they're made far ahead of time. The possibility of booking a whole day, several evenings or a weekend and then having the time cancelled on short notice isn't something I entertain. I've never had a problem receiving the deposit and I've never had someone cancel suddenly, so far.

Basic economic principles apply to the sex trade as well as to other industries. If you've got a product that no one wants or is satisfied with, you've got a problem. But if there's a demand and you can meet it, you're in business.

Megan, I'm grateful to you for raising this question. It's something we tend to dance away from too often, I think. Perhaps that's because it's so difficult to answer it and feel satisfied. The thing is, most gentlemen will never know the real reasons that any particular paid companion has entered this industry or whether she is being exploited by someone else. Moreover, just because someone found the sex trade to be a reasonable option does not mean that she's oppressed. For many of us--myself included--deciding to become a paid companion was a way both to take charge of our lives and to get out of being abused or exploited by someone. If you suspect that a companion is working against her will, by all means, ask if you can help her. Expect to be turned down, though. There's no reason for her to trust you. Indeed, she may have trouble trusting anyone. If you feel that something is off and you don't want to stay for the meeting, consider whether you might pay her for her time anyway. If she is being abused by someone, the consequences for having a client leave early and pay less could be very bad for her. Of course, if you suspect that a companion may be underage, please leave and call the police. Immediately. Far better for you to have made a mistake if she turns out to be of legal age, than to have walked away and left the problem to someone else who may, or may not, come along and do the right thing later. The police will not be interested in pursuing you for paying for sex. They will be very interested in the possibility that an underage person is being coerced into providing it. Above all, I think it's good for all of us, companions as well as clients, to remember the sage advice... "Be compassionate, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

The metaphor of the half-empty glass seems incomplete to me. Surely what matters is what's in the glass. Is it champagne or battery acid?

You're an inspiration to all of us, Cat! Thank you for being who you are and sharing your thoughts, ideas and beliefs with us!

A very thoughtful and honest post, Mrrnice2. We're fortunate to have you among us. I know an elderly man who says that the thing he's learned in his life is that, in the end, it's not what we have, or what we've accomplished that really matters. It's the relationships we've formed that make the difference. It sounds like you might agree with my friend. And I'm sure that, like him, what you put into your connections with other people makes a huge difference in their lives, too.

I've never offered 15 minute appointments and can't imagine ever doing so--it's just not my style at all. I only offer half hour meetings to established clients, and that doesn't happen very often. But if I were to consider this, I would be concerned about volume and its implications. I work in a very discrete setting and attract no attention here. But if I were to have many clients coming and going throughout the day, I think discretion could become more difficult!

I think the first thing you need to do is take stock of your life, your marriage or relationship, your work, your unfulfilled longings and desires. What is it that you really, really want? Are you absolutely certain that you can't get it at home? Is it that time has gone by and you think it's too late to turn up the heat or add a little spice? Are you ashamed or embarrassed to want whatever it is that's ruling your fantasies--so much so that you can't face the prospect of telling your partner but you can discuss it with a stranger who you can be pretty sure will be receptive or, at least, not judge you? What about your emotional life? This is the tricky thing! If you're feeling that you miss romance, heated intimacy, the chance to share something secret, passionate and beautiful, something that you will always remember in a hazy, golden sort of way... If what you really want is to fall in love, however temporarily or even frequently, you need to sit down and work through things very carefully. If you're wanting a way to relieve a bit of stress, engage in some kind of kinky play or fulfill a fantasy, that's great. We can do that. But if you're feeling emotionally unfulfilled, you're setting yourself, your partner and possibly your paid companion up for a lot of grief. The companion will probably send you packing in fairly short order, if she's smart. You and your family will have a lot to sort through and it won't be pretty. In other words: work on your relationship or get out of it as cleanly as possible before you start to play because you will definitely get caught. Your boundaries won't be firm, you won't think straight, you will make assumptions about yourself, your partner and your companion that no reasonable person would make. You may imagine that you can get away with it but, trust me, that's your first self-deception. However, if you want something that's simply fun, no-strings-attached, valuable, but not a replacement for any of the key life needs that everyone has, then you must be very, very careful about everything you do. Elizabeth pointed out the importance of thinking of your partner as THE most perceptive woman in the world. Elizabeth is wise: listen to her. Women always know their partners better than anyone else does and just about always better than the men themselves. We're wired that way. I always know a great deal more about my clients than they're aware of. Always. The ones who are too obsessed with keeping details to themselves and revealing nothing at all are, in my books, unsafe potential clients. Fortunately, these are rare. Most men trip up all over the place. If they're having trouble lying to me, it's pretty much a sure thing that the women who know them well aren't fooled unless they want to be. A couple of my finest regular clients were up-front with me from the outset. They told me who they were, where they worked, what they do, etc. and expected me to help them keep everything private. We've gotten along nicely for several years, perhaps because they didn't have to juggle too many lies and deceptions.

Remember that things can happen unexpectedly. She may have had a health problem, or something may have happened to a family member or someone she loves. Sometimes it's very difficult to explain or describe things over and over again, especially if you keep your work and your private life separate. Much as condolences are helpful at times, there are also times when reading them is too painful. Send a note or a message, by all means, if you want to. But then move on. This is a no-strings-attached arrangement, after all.

Stunning accomplishment--congratulations!