SamanthaEvans

It's extremely unlikely that the federal government will attempt to make prostitution illegal if the SCC rules in favour of decriminalization. Prostitution is not a big issue in Canada and never has been. In poll after poll, most Canadians surveyed do not express any interest in making it illegal for someone to be a prostitute. As a fair-minded country, Canadians aren't interested in criminalizing men who see prostitutes but don't cause any problems for them or for others in their neighbourhood. It would be MUCH easier to enact prohibitive legislation if there had been a recent case that the government could cite as a reasonable demonstration of how dangerous and harmful prostitution is and show that it needs to be severely curtailed. But there simply isn't a case like that. The Picton murders and subsequent inquiry demonstrated the vulnerability of street-based sex workers and highlighted the insecurity of sex workers in general. Public opinion consistently lies in favour of protecting vulnerable groups rather than outlawing them. And yes, I know that public opinion can be fickle, but let's also remember that the present federal government is more responsive to poll results than any other in recent history. The other thing to keep in mind at all times is that criminalization will require increasing police attention and court time to address prostitution-related crimes. In most jurisdictions, there simply isn't enough money, let alone political will, when it comes to expanding the police force unnecessarily. Conflicts related to prostitution are frequently viewed as inter-personal, with one person claiming to have been badly treated by another. This kind of problem never gets a great deal of attention from the police or the public unless there's significant violence or someone dies. Our courts are already overloaded. In some jurisdictions, people who have been charged with violent crimes have been allowed to walk free because it wasn't possible to bring them to trial in a timely manner. Is there much political will to expand the number of judges and generally increase court times and services in order to prosecute prostitutes and their clients? It's doubtful, particularly since the great majority of us work without anyone's notice. Even though we're easy to find if someone wants our companionship, we're not usually easy to notice in other ways. Canadians are more concerned about things like human trafficking and the sexual exploitation of children and minors--rightly so! Ultimately, the big question is whether criminalizing prostitution will make it go away. The answer is no, of course not. We're not called "the oldest profession" for nothing. Ours is a capitalist economy. If prostitution were to be criminalized, expect to pay higher fees and to have to provide significantly more verifiable personal information if you want to see a professional companion. We'll still be working.

I'm a companion. I offer companionship rather than provide services. Sometimes I refer to myself as a "paid companion" or "professional companion." I use the word "courtesan" in advertising occasionally. I have no problem with the word "prostitute," but others find it off-putting or reductionist and so I use it mostly when making a particular point about my work or our industry. The gentlemen I see are my guests or visitors. If I'm talking about some aspect of our profession, I generally refer to them as clients because that's a way to be clear about things like professional boundaries and expectations.

I'm very relieved to know that dear friends in Calgary are high and dry, able to offer a home to others who have been displaced by the floods. Other good friends in Canmore are okay, working hard at an emergency shelter in a local church. I'm glad I don't live in southern Alberta, but thinking more about the Big Quake that's overdue here....

I don't think that two e-mails and two texts is too much over a five-month period of time. You might e-mail again and say, once more, that you're interested in seeing her when she's next in your city. Ask when that might be, if she knows her plans. Keep your message brief and to the point. If she replies, wonderful. If not, let it go. If or when you see her advertising in your city, you could contact her once more and see if she'll meet with you. If you don't get a reply then, you'll have your answer.

There's a lot of wisdom in what's been posted here already and I don't have much to add except to say that there is enormous grace and blessing to be found in our relationships with people who have known and loved us for a long, long time. We all want passion. We yearn for transcendence. We want to feel as young and vital and sexy when we're in our 80s as we did, or should have, in our 20s. If so much life didn't get in the way, maybe we would! Love is a complex glory. I think we have considerable responsibility for those we love and for those who love us, too. The personal vulnerability and openness that's part of such intimacy is enormous and doesn't come easily to anyone. I think it's harder to achieve it the older we are, in many ways. I agree with MightyPen about finding a good counsellor to help you sort out what you feel and think, what you need and what's possible. I also agree with Porthos: you should talk to your wife about how you feel. Maybe the counsellor can help you do it if it seems like too big a task to do without some support. I would advise Porthos to take his wife away somewhere lovely on vacation. A romantic time in a beautiful setting can be very healing for all of us. Maybe something like this would help you, too, Empty83. And even if sex isn't possible, because of illness or inability, I think that what most of us want is genuine, intimate connection with another person who truly knows us. Sex is one way to achieve it, but it's not the only way. Long talks, especially when we really focus on listening intently, finding ways to be overt about recognizing the other person and celebrate their contribution to our lives every day--things like that can help strengthen the bonds that have weakened between us. Everyone wants to be loved. Most of all, we generally want to be loved by someone who knows us very well and loves us anyway. And by all means, spend some time with one of us, or even several of us. We're not going to create problems in your life. But be very careful. Right now would be a very bad time to fall in love with the wrong woman, see? Be playful, be engaging, try out something new, but when the encounter is over, close the door on it and walk away. Wishing you much peace, Samantha

In the US, States and even counties determine laws to a much greater extent than has ever been the case in Canada. Here, criminal laws are federal, period. If something is a crime in Saskatchewan, it's a crime in New Brunswick, too, because the criminal code is the same everywhere. Provincial courts do take into account things like community tolerance, customs and the like when issuing sentences. Police forces seem to operate somewhat differently in different parts of the country, at times. For example, in Winnipeg, there is little help available from the RCMP for prostitutes who have been assaulted or who are being stalked by clients whereas the police are considerably more helpful in similar situations in Vancouver. The tax issue isn't something I understand very well, in terms of the division between federal and provincial tax laws. However, I DO pay HST (now Provincial sales tax and GST in B.C.). It's the law for anyone who earns over $30K a year from self-employment. And there's never a problem with being paid in cash. All the CRA and the laws care about is that income is declared, in full, no matter how it's received.

I am very interested in getting rid of laws that make it a criminal act to work safely and securely in a legal profession, laws that make it illegal for my clients to visit me in my workplace and laws that make it illegal for someone to rent me an apartment, house or hotel room. There is nothing inherently criminal in these things. I also think it is grossly inappropriate for someone to be threatened with or to carry the burden of a criminal record because they were a prostitute at some point or because they engaged the time and companionship of or rented an apartment to a prostitute. A respectful agreement between consenting adults to exchange intimate companionship for a mutually-acceptable fee should not qualify as heinous activity that is a real or potential danger to other people. If criminal legislation is abolished, as I think it should be, I'm not interested in having special regulations imposed upon independent paid companions. There are municipal by-laws that apply to people who work from their homes. There are laws about parking and noise and being a public nuisance or interfering with others' quiet enjoyment of their homes. I'm happy to comply with these laws as much as anyone else does. But if by-laws are created and imposed upon us because of stereotypes about the kinds of people we're assumed to entertain or presumptions about our health status, I'm not likely to comply. I'm most likely to flout laws that compromise my safety, well-being and the privacy of my family, friends and visitors to my home. I do favour establishing professional standards, but that's very different from municipal by-laws, and it's complicated when most companions have very short careers in our industry. However, some clients might feel reassured to know that someone they're interested in meeting is a member of a professional organization that requires them to uphold certain standards which could include confidentiality, safer sex practices and other things. Rules of this kind could benefit everyone. Obviously, there will always be people who break laws and refuse to comply with rules. When the laws and rules are harmful, refusing to follow them makes sense.

It's pretty clear to me that the huge amount of public education we've been doing since Justice Himmel's Ontario court decision, the Picton hearing and the Ontario Court of Appeal decision is just a start. If the SCC decides to uphold the OCA and, by extension, Justice Himmel, things will be in flux for quite awhile and public education will need to increase. For example, the public should know is that there are many thousands of independent paid companions in Canada and that we've been working in their neighbourhoods for many years, very quietly and discretely, without causing a problem for anyone. Most of us don't want to change what we're doing or the way we do it. If we haven't caused a disturbance already, it's highly unlikely that we will in time to come. People will raise concerns about noise, traffic, parking and any potential dangers related to lust-crazed men roaming around their neighbourhoods. But most of these concerns are unrealistic. Noise problems are municipal by-laws offenses already. As for traffic and parking, well, I know that a psychiatrist lives about a block and a half to the west of me and that he sees five or six patients in his home every weekday. They park on the street. There's a marriage and family therapist who runs her practice out of her home, about two blocks north of my home. She probably has five or six meetings per day, too. As for me, I haven't seen five or six clients a day in years. But even if I did, that traffic wouldn't be any greater than the psychiatrist's or the therapist's. Heck, a family with three active teenagers is likely to have more people arriving and leaving during the evening and on weekends than I ever could. So we'll need to talk about the scale of our work and the kind of impact a one or two-worker brothel like mine has on the community. Bigger establishments are a different matter, but they also can be regulated via municipal by-laws, building codes and the like. I think that people will quickly begin to understand that these places are not going to spring up overnight, like mushrooms after it rains. No one knows how many will open, or where, or who will fund them. There are ladies who want to work in publicly recognized brothels, but no one knows whether there's enough clientele to support more than a couple in most cities. I don't want to work in a multi-worker establishment: it's just not my style and, after all these years, I don't want to change. I'm also quite certain that virtually none of my regular visitors would ever consider going to a known brothel. Their privacy is extremely important to them. This is why I don't agree with Miss Jane when she says that "the whole foundation of discretion nowadays is dependent to a large extent on the existing criminal laws". The criminal laws have influenced the way that many of us work, it's true. But I think that many people will have enduring interest in privacy and discretion even if the laws change. Perhaps one day, decades from now, the social climate will be different. But I doubt that my guests or I will be alive to see it. As I've said elsewhere, if the SCC strikes down the laws and prostitution is decriminalized, I think the major focus will be on multi-staff, commercial establishments for quite awhile, not on independent companions. The large houses will attract a lot of attention. But regulating independent women like me is a much greater headache because our work varies greatly. For example, I usually entertain one person a day. For much of the rainy winter, I met them at my home. In the last two weeks, I've only seen four visitors here. I've met everyone else in hotels, mostly downtown. Now, I've been working for quite awhile but most paid companions join our profession for less than six months; the next-largest group works for just under a year before retiring. Keeping track of all of us is all but impossible. What will the public accept? It's very hard to say. Different communities, different neighbourhoods and different parts of the country will probably take different attitudes and approaches. Vancouver will be very tolerant, in general, much as it is with marijuana. Toronto will probably be almost as accepting. But Red Deer? Regina? Fredericton? I have no idea. I wouldn't be so sure about the difficulties for independents, Curve. That is, legislators and by-laws writers may try to regulate independent companions, yes. But will they succeed? We are notoriously difficult to regulate, now and highly adept at working around laws, restrictions and limitations. I don't imagine many of us will change. I for one will accept whatever advantages new legislation may bring and am more than likely to reject restrictions that I don't consider to be of benefit to me and my visitors. I've been quite comfortable working outside the bounds for a long time and am prepared to continue, if need be.

Were it not for Lee Richards, I would know nothing about traditional Croatian penis warmers. But thanks to his thoughtful, detailed and in-depth evangelism, not to mention well-positioned advertising, I am confident that I will be able to retire in the lap of luxury. I'm also confident that Mr. Luxury won't need to wear one of these. After all, keeping penises happy is one of my specialties! Thanks, Lee!

Never offer or agree to provide something that you're not comfortable doing. Never, ever. You will feel used and degraded, or worse. This is a reasonable way to make a living IF you can enjoy yourself and the men who visit you. If not, you can start feeling as though your soul is being shredded. Don't let anyone tell you what everyone else is doing. They're probably wrong. And don't let anyone tell you that you won't get clients if you don't do X, Y or the almighty Z. That's not true, either. There are plenty of clients out there for every companion. Even in tough economic times! Give you very best, all the time, no matter what. Who you are, your diligence, creativity and sensitivity are the things that matter more than anything else in this business, every day.

I agree with Cleo (and with everything that Berlin has so helpfully posted, above). The laws have always been about sex workers and will always be about us. Laws around the world aim to "protect" the public from us: we're considered to be drug addicts and criminals likely to commit theft and extortion while also being one of main sources of infectious diseases. We're also considered to be appropriate targets for aggression and violence because too many people believe that this is part of doing business and, in any case, they think it's not really possible to rape a prostitute. This week, I've heard and read commentary from people who say they're in favour of decriminalizing prostitution because it's one way to lower the incidence of violence against women who are not prostitutes I'm becoming very irritable when I see anything that attempts to pit the interests of sex workers against the interests of our clientele, as though we are opponents or even enemies. It's not true. Sure, men sometimes complain about prices, particularly when they want to see someone whose time and company they can't afford at the moment. Sometimes children throw tantrums in late November because Santa Claus doesn't appear until Christmas, too. Occasionally someone has such unrealistic fantasies about what a rendez-vous could be like that it's impossible for it to be a success in any way. In the great majority of instances, however, there is no fundamental conflict between companions and clients. We want the same things: to have a mutually enjoyable time together that's safe for both parties at the agreed rate of exchange. No aspersions cast against either party about their reasons for doing what they're doing. No drama. No nonsense of any kind. Just good fun for everyone, with no strings attached. That's why there are no sex workers or workers' groups advocating the criminalization of our clients. Decriminalization is all about the safety and well-being of sex workers. Period. The safer we are, the better things will be for our clients, because no matter what, we are always the ones who are most at risk of harm. Always.

I don't think there's anything to be gained by focusing on the worst-case scenarios and negative what-ifs. We also can't compare Canada with European countries where one of the problems they face is steady migration of workers in all industries which puts considerable stress on employment, employers, police and social services generally. Canada is a genuinely moderate, liberal country, even with the Harper government. Prostitution and regulating the sex trade are not big issues here and certainly don't compare to problems with the economy, the environment, health care delivery and patronage. The SCC hearing this week will be fascinating. The court's rulings, whenever they happen, will be even more so. How the government does or does not respond in terms of legislation will also take time. Things may change. Or not. Worrying in advance won't make a difference in the end. If we have a negative outcome, our basic screening requirements may become much more strict. Prices may rise. One thing is sure: my colleagues and I will continue to work as long as there are suitable gentlemen interested in meeting with us. So, relax.

Penises are the most unpredictable things in the world, I swear! Don't worry about this, as others have said. If it happens often, see your doctor! And know that, even if you require a little blue pill sometimes, you may not need it every time. Meanwhile, remember that there's a lot more to a quality interaction than having an erection. Pleasure is a multi-faceted thing. Explore other options and find some new ways to enjoy yourself.

Most sex workers who have been involved in conversations with municipalities say that the focus has been on multi-staff brothels, not on independent women who work quietly. To be sure, the brothels will face stiff licensing fees and restrictions about locations, at least. There may be other things, such as inspections, health checks and safer-sex practice requirements. I, for one, think that many of these things will benefit all of us. For example, to return to the general requirement that all sexual contact must be done with condoms establishes that as the norm for companionship engagement and eliminates a lot of the pressure for uncovered contact that most of us experience now. While it may seem that licensing individual, independent escorts would be a good idea, the notion is largely unenforceable. The great majority of women who enter the sex trade leave it within six months and another huge proportion work for less than a year. Trying to track down every provider who's decided to make this her summer job before going back to school would be a by-laws enforcement nightmare. It's much more likely that licenses of some kind may be required but only enforced if there are complaints made about noise, late-night traffic and so on. It is essential to recognize that Canada is NOT Sweden. The Ontario Court of Appeal heard a great deal about the so-called "Nordic model" and its outcomes. The OCA was not impressed. Canadian courts in general have been very reluctant to adopt uneven criminal laws such as allowing for something to be sold, legally, but making it illegal to buy it. Even more important, however, Sweden is not known to have experienced anything like Picton's activities. In Canada, the recognition that sex workers were preyed upon by a serial killer because they worked in the most unsafe conditions in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside is not going to be forgotten anytime soon. We all need to recognize that for the last two and a half years the police in most regions have not been arresting or charging independent sex workers who have been working quietly from their own homes or rented apartments. Some ladies have been harassed by former clients who have attempted unsuccessfully to have them charged. There have been sweeps of some massage parlors and there has been some interest in investigating situations in which temporary foreign workers may have been pressured into providing sexual services. But because the prostitution laws were coming up to be examined by the Supreme Court of Canada, and because some things are certainly bound to change once the SCC makes its decisions, it's not a good use of police or judicial time or resources to prosecute anyone under laws that may be overturned. This respite is significant because it's gone on so long. For two and a half years, women have been able to relax a little bit, feel less fearful of being arrested because they entertain at home. And yet there are no significant increases in the deterioration of Canada's moral fabric. Brothels have not been spring up across the street from elementary schools, nor has there been an obvious increase in the numbers of lust-crazed men prowling around otherwise respectable communities or neighbourhoods. Things have been pretty much okay. Meanwhile, plenty of us have been making money and taking care of ourselves and our clients, as before. This is the status quo. It's going to make an enormous difference to Canadian voters as well as to the SCC that what might be considered to have been a temporary suspension of the prostitution laws has not obviously caused any harm, anywhere. The SCC usually returns decisions within a year of hearing a case. Sometimes more quickly. Most of us expect the court to make rulings sometime in 2014.

EvaAdore, the kind of resources you're looking for do exist in a number of places. In general, though, we don't talk about a lot of details on public boards because that compromises our safety and security. While some ladies are looking for information about what to do and how to do it, there are other people who work hard at figuring out how to get around restrictions and defeat security plans we make. Finding an experienced mentor in your area really is a great way to go. And be prepared to pay her for the time she spends with you. Increasingly, those of us who have been working in our industry for a significant amount of time are asked to mentor new companions who, sadly, often prove not to be so interested in what we have to say, particularly about some of the harder aspects of our work. We need to be careful what we say about security measures, screening, what we earn and how we manage money, for example. Charging for our time is an excellent way to be sure that those who ask for help are serious.

Always trust your gut feelings, Befuzzled. The worst that can happen is that you're mistaken about the situation and you have to give up on a lovely tryst for awhile. There are many reasons for the police to park on a residential street. Perhaps someone in the neighbourhood has been up to no good recently and the police are paying them a visit. It may be that the police have gone to give some bad news to someone. Or it might be that one of the neighbours has called the police about something, such as a suspicious-looking person outside their house last night or a robbery. Whatever has happened, if a police cruiser was parked in the vicinity of my doorway, I wouldn't be the least bit upset if a client hesitated before coming to my door. A simple phone call at that point makes good sense to me and if the visitor didn't feel comfortable coming in, I would understand completely. Good for you for tipping the lady the next time you saw her.

My son and I took our 12-week old puppy to the vet for vaccinations. Juno so enjoyed hearing that she's completely adorable that she didn't seem to notice being stuck with a needle. After that, we went to an outdoor café for coffee and more public admiration.

If the Harper government wants to focus on prostitution laws after the SCC renders its decision, I have a sense that the Canadian public will see this as one more example of being out of touch with voters. Prostitution has never been illegal in Canada. There's no compelling reason to change that. Even the sorely misguided prohibitionists claim not to be interested in prosecuting sex workers. Whether Stephen Harper will continue on as leader is an important question. Having little to no hope of defeating Justin Trudeau or of living down the spate of fiscal scandals, he's likely to step down sometime later this year or next. But whether he's still the PM or not, the government will have a hard time convincing voters that the sex trade is a greater concern than who is appointed to wallow before the patronage pork barrel. I imagine the SCC will agree with the Ontario Court of Appeal, for the most part, and will then leave the regulation of brothels up to municipalities which are, after all, better-equipped to evaluate community standards and keep an eye on things. I doubt that municipalities will be too concerned about women working alone or with another lady. They're much more likely to be interested in larger-scale operations and safer-sex practices, while collecting steep business licensing fees. Their opportunity to make money will be the deciding factor in the end. Sex workers' groups have been meeting with municipal officials across the country for many months, exploring various options. I'm sure that the by-law drafters will have realized, by now, that it would be unwise to expect sex workers to cooperate with regulations that are punitive or have a strongly negative impact on our trade. We've worked outside the law for many generations. Many of us are content to continue doing so.

To me, it's one thing if someone asks for an opinion or some advice. It's quite another thing to have someone offer it, unasked. That said, I don't think that any two clients can expect to have the same experience with me except in terms of the roughest of outlines--as in, dinner + playtime. The quality of engagement is a highly personal thing that depends on our respective moods, the rapport between us and that indefinable je ne sais quoi that happens or doesn't. If I want advice about my business model or some aspect of what I'm doing or considering, though, I would discuss that with one or two of the ladies I know simply because we're in the same business and I think that means we understand a lot of very subtle things about one another and our work that other people simply can't appreciate.

Saran wrap is as effective as a dental dam, provided that it's NOT the "microwaveable" kind, which has tiny holes in it. But female condoms do NOT cover the whole area. Most of it, but not all!

Congratulations, Cat. Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences with all of us. You're one of the very finest companions anywhere, ever. With love, Samantha

I'm never offended by this. I encourage my guests to take their things with them when they go to shower and, if they bring anything back with them, to put it in plain sight, usually on the dressing table, where they and I will notice it when it's time to part company. I also try to remember to ask visitors to be sure they have everything with them before going out the door. One time, a fellow couldn't find his cell phone. He knew he'd brought it in with him. It wasn't in any of his pockets and it wasn't anywhere in the bathroom. He checked the car; it wasn't there, either. When he called the number from my landline, we heard it ringing in the laundry hamper. He's a fastidious fellow who'd scooped it up inside his towel which he'd put in the hamper in the hallway. Another time, my guest was wearing his watch when he came to bed, but I didn't notice when he removed it and put it on the nightstand. I found it sometime after he'd gone. He'd crossed two bridges by then--significant psychological boundaries for us in the Lower Mainland--and was nearly home. I had an early-morning meeting away from home the next day. Figuring out how to return the watch was a big hassle for both of us. An inexpensive watch I might have left in an envelope in my outside mailbox, but not that Patek Philippe!

As others have said already, SPs are real people with real feelings. That this happens sometimes is one of the realities of our work. It's not a lot of fun for anyone, though. Give yourself a pat on the back. She told you how she felt and what she had decided to do. She trusts you and was willing to make herself vulnerable with you. She didn't send an e-mail goodbye, ignore your messages or stop returning your calls: many others would have done something like that. She's taken you and herself seriously. That says a lot about your character and how important the time you spent together has been for her. Don't sit around, waiting for her to contact you again, though, and don't initiate contact with her, either. She needs this separation.

In many respects, it comes down to what it takes to make a living and whether there's a viable market to achieve it. In our profession, many ladies have little difficulty making a comfortable income because there are plenty of gentlemen who are able and willing to pay our fees. But since women in most straight forms of employment tend to make considerably less than men do, and since many women are also the sole parent or the parent who bears the greatest financial responsibility for their children, the demands on their disposable cash tend to be complicated. How many women can readily afford to pay someone $600-800 or more for a visit once a month? Even in these economic times, there are more than enough male clients to go around. I turn down prospective clients very frequently. Not only do I believe that those gentlemen are not likely to be compatible with me, but I can afford to choose not to see them. I suspect that we're a long way from the time when good male escorts will be in a similar position.

At the moment, brothels are completely illegal in Canada. This may change after the Supreme Court of Canada renders a decision, probably sometime next year, but I wouldn't expect changes to come quickly. According to the current laws, every companion who works independently is operating a "common bawdy house"--a brothel--even if she's the only one working there. Some ladies would like to share an in-call space with one, two or a few others. Many of us won't change anything, being content to carry on much as we always have but without the threat of criminal prosecution hanging over us. Undoubtedly, some brothels with many ladies will open if it's legally possible. Where, how and when that might happen is anyone's guess at this point, though. In large cities, municipal regulations will likely come into play that may limit where such establishments may be located, their hours of operation, etc. Expect for there to be considerable community resistance, at least initially, too. If you want to wait for legal changes and all the other things that would need to happen, expect to wait for quite a while. In the meantime, why not do some research, find a lady in your area who is well-respected and contact her? Believe me, we see lots of men who feel shy and uncertain about engaging with us. You can tell the lady of your choice that you're feeling nervous. She will be prepared to help you with that and I'm sure that you'll forget all about your nerves in no time!