SamanthaEvans

I just want to endorse what WrinkleInTime, Berlin, Carley and Malika have said. Anal sex can be glorious when done with sensitivity. Good communication is the key to just about everything that's new or potentially challenging. If your companion doesn't like it or doesn't want to try it, let it go. But if she does, enjoy! Personally, I love anal sex for a lot of reasons. I like the intensity I feel. The nerve endings are more alert, ready to tighten up or relax--their job is to respond, and they do, beautifully. I enjoy the feeling of having to submit to it, by which I mean that I have to relax deliberately and as completely as possible in order for this to happen. I find it very arousing and I have magnificent orgasms from it that feel somehow deeper and stronger, possibly because the man isn't stroking directly against my g-spot. Anal sex is usually and "end of scene" activity. After oral and regular sex, anal usually is the last thing. Most men find that it doesn't take long to reach orgasm in part because the woman feels much tighter than with vaginal sex. But if you're a guy who feels that he can carry on for hours at this, please recognize that the woman involved probably won't share your opinion. A long ride really has more to do with intensity and heightened sensations for both parties, not a long time at it!

YMMV means that the writer liked whatever happened but recognizes that others may prefer something else or that the chemistry between the two parties may be what makes the difference. Greek may cost more with some companions. Others may include it as part of the menu of options if they're basing their fees on their time rather than specific activities. Make sure you discuss your interest in anal sex with the companion when you book the meeting. Don't just arrive and expect her to be ready and willing to do this with you. Understand that, for some of us, offering Greek can mean that the woman is willing to try having anal sex, not that she's guaranteeing that it will happen. If it's not something she does very often or if the man is larger than most other men, she may have a hard time accommodating him. Also, if for whatever reason she doesn't feel comfortable or that she's able to relax well enough, she may not be able to go through with this activity. To maximize your chances of a good encounter with Greek, it helps to be calm and very respectful, to proceed slowly, and, when it's time for anal sex, to let her take the lead. Ask her to tell you what to do and when. Let her be the one who is completely in charge. Even the most willing companion will generally not appreciate having the man suddenly become very dominant with her at this point, the first time they're together. Where you can take the lead is to be sure to use LOTS of lubricant! Use whatever your companion has provided since she may have strong personal preferences or requirements (for example, many women avoid lubes that have any kind of sugar in them because those ingredients are more likely to cause yeast infections). Use much more lube than you think you could possibly need. Too much is just about guaranteed to be enough to ensure that both parties have a very nice, comfortable and pleasant encounter!

When I was a little girl, we often played hide-and-go-seek indoors on rainy days. Now that I'm an adult, I've discovered that this is still a great game to play with a willing and creative partner..... Failing that, a good book, a pot of tea, a cat cuddled up close beside me and the dog on the floor at my feet--I'm happy.

Love is everything. It is our motivator and goal, our beginning and end, our reason and means for acting. When we feel loved, we feel confirmed as persons: recognized, met, accepted. Love nourishes and sustains us. By love, we celebrate what is lovely and we deplore what is not. The best of us will search loveless places and unloved people to find love in them and to express love for them. There is something to love everywhere, in everyone, though only loving people see it. Pain and fear are not the worst things in life. The worst is to feel that we are not loved because in that radical isolation, pain, fear and every loss intensify unbearably. But when we know we are loved, there is clear light and fresh air, we're filled with hope and a renewed sense of possibility that becomes a creative drive. Pain becomes manageable; sometimes it vanishes. Fear evaporates. The losses we suffer open us to discover new opportunities to love and to be loved again. There are different kinds of love. Motherly love is fierce and self-sacrificing. Fatherly love is strong and protective. The love between siblings, friends and neighbours sustains communities. Erotic love is the force of creative, vital nature. Hatred is love informed by anger which is, in turn, infused with fear and grief. Apathy, not hatred, is the antithesis of love, yet love is the only cure for both. The greatest love is indelible and ineffable: it binds souls together, transcends time and space, and it is stronger than death. Love judges only by its own measure. Love shines its light into all the dark corners of our being. The greatest condemnation is not to love. The paradox of love is that, unlike most things we value, to have more of it we must give it. The surest remedy when we feel we are not loved, or not loved enough, is to love more and to love more freely. Love is not a commodity. It is the ultimate reality, the ground of our being. Love is God and without love there is nothing good or godly. Love is the only thing that matters.

One of my favourite quotations is, "Be compassionate. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." I don't know who was the original author; it's been attributed to many people. What matters to me is that it's true. We all have struggles, joys, pain and sorrow, celebrations, things we're proud of and things we're deeply ashamed of. Human beings are complex. Reducing any person to just one or two things is always a huge distortion of who they really are. Those who begin with compassion and genuinely seek to understand have richer lives than those who consign others to neat, single-issue boxes or files. Compassion teaches about others and about ourselves, too. I'm heartened by the general response I've seen on the boards recently. Most people try to take time to pause, to reflect and then to speak. But.... it seems to me that we could all use a bit of a refresher course in dealing with trolls. In general, the most insensitive and accusative statements are made by people who are or appear to be relative newcomers to CERB. They say enough to get their post count up a bit, but when the time seems right for them, they launch a strong counter-opinion in the least respectful, most condescending or challenging ways possible. They are not here to engage in reflective, constructive conversation that respects the views and rights of others. Instead, they like to see what they can get started by taking a strong, emotional and powerful position that usually disagrees with most of the participants in the group. Throughout, instead of taking part in honest discussion, they state put-downs and make personal attacks on other parties, distort what they or others have said and generally try to keep themselves as the centre of attention. Eventually, they pretend to log out but return under another name on another computer, or they say that they're going to be unavailable for days or weeks to come, or they continue baiting and stirring the pot until they're ready to deliver their final denunciations directed at specific people or the whole group. Trolls divert discussions, hijack thread, sow seeds of suspicion and discord, try to create factions and frequently aim to destroy groups by undermining members' trust in each other. Never feed trolls! It just encourages them. If you find that you've inadvertently been reeled into their tricks, back out. Stop posting. The best way to get a troll to give up is to ignore what they say and do.

Cat, I wanted to give you rep points for your post, but apparently I've given you some too recently to do it again. I always learn from you. Thanks for sharing your story and for showing the issues so plainly. I agree with you. It would be wonderful if sex workers could come out without fear of reprisals. I would do it, but the consequences would be very unfair to my children. Maybe one day, though!

If you want to work as an independent SP, you can come into the country as a visitor and work anywhere you want to. You can be in Canada as a visitor for up to six months. If you want to dance or work for a massage parlor, you may need to have a visa--do a search on the threads, here, for info about that. A website and a Canadian cell phone should be enough to keep you going. There are quite a few wonderful ladies who tour all the time and do very well. One thing you may want to be careful about is what's in your luggage when you return to the States. Prostitution is legal in Canada, but it's not in most of the States. Being suspected of being a prostitute is enough reason for a Canadian SP to be barred from crossing the border. For you, it might be enough to earn yourself a lot of hassle from the border officials. You might consider using FedEx to send extra lingerie, sex toys, etc. home from wherever you are in Canada so that it won't be discovered in your luggage when you cross the border. Make sure you buy some things in Canada and declare the purchases when you cross the border. I know from experience that the border officials can't quite believe that a woman will go anywhere and not do some shopping!

I have a Facebook account and use it to stay in touch with family and friends. I don't use it for this work, though, and I can't see any significant advantage in making a Facebook page for Samantha, anyway. Samantha does have a Twitter account, but I'm not a great Twitter-er. Social media are a sink-hole for time, I find! I know that MySpace still exists but I've never used it. Besides, Rupert Murdoch owns it and that's enough reason for me not to do anything with it. I put much more time into Cerb than anything else and I'm glad to be here.

I don't know Amy Winehouse. I know what I heard: she was a woman with an extraordinary talent the likes of which we rarely see. I've read a lot of the things about her that many others here have read and I don't know how much, if any, of it is true. I can see from her photos and from accounts of her behaviour that she was a deeply troubled woman. I'm sure that, as an addict, she was battling demons that I can't even imagine and that she was contending with them by herself. She made the choices it takes to become addicted; I'm pretty sure about that because that's how it is with most people. What drove her to consider such choices to be reasonable, appropriate or inevitable I don't know. I doubt that many people do. What I am sure of is that no one is ever prepared for the meteoric rise from nobody to mega-star that Amy Winehouse and some others have experienced. I'm also sure that few people realize how someone's fame affects others in their lives--how fame can distort their relationships and create malignant dependencies in their friends and family members. Those very things can feed an addiction like kindling feeds a fire. Addiction always involves many people other than the addict. Some celebrities' family and friends actively encourage the star's addictions because they can profit from the manipulation and control they can exert over the addict. This kind of fame is a hideous toxin. It took everyone in the so-called "27 club." It took Michael Jackson and many others, too. I'm very sorry that Amy Winehouse has died today, whether by accident or by her own hand. I'm sorry that the demons in her head were too much for her to overcome. I'm sorry if she was unable to get true help or if she was surrounded by people who had complex needs and hopes of their own and who could not be good for her, or with her. I'm sorry that we have lost that amazing voice, that staggering talent. I am just as sorry for the families and friends of the people who were murdered in Norway today. I don't know any of them, of course, and I can't really imagine what they must be going through other than that it probably seems like a nightmare that doesn't stop in the clear light of day. I wish I could do something for the victims' families. If there is something that can be done, I will try because I have no tolerance for the slaughter of innocent people. I am also sorry for the family and friends of the man who killed all these people in Norway. A lonelier, more desperate and lost group of people is hard to imagine tonight. I hope that, in time, they may find some kind of peace and understanding, that they may find ways to make sense of what this man has done and that they may not be unjustly tormented by ignorant outsiders who may try to hold them responsible in some way for this man's choices. I have to say that I am sorry for the man who committed these monstrous acts. The demons besetting him have won today. That is a genuine tragedy. Whether he or any of us will ever understand what drove him to do what he did, I don't know, nor do I know if understanding would help any of us become more compassionate people, such that no one we know will ever be in danger of being so dangerous to anyone else. Finally, I want to say that we do not live in a world of competing sorrows. Experiences of pain and loss are individual: there is no hierarchy or scale of values. The grief one person carries gracefully might easily be impossible for another to shoulder. In the end, pain is pain, grief is grief, loss is loss. All are real.

In this morning's e-mail I received this link to a short video satirizing Melissa Farley's work. "Thank You, Melissa Farley."

This is one of my favourites actually. Born Whore's piece, "It's You I'm Afraid Of" says a LOT for me! I agree with you 100% Berlin and I've started to use "prohibitionists" instead, too. Sex work is not slavery. And we all know how well Prohibition turned out, don't we? Canadian rum runners made quite a bit of money in those days!

I never book first-time meetings that are less than 90 minutes long. Two hours is also a fine amount of time. I'll take re-bookings for an hour, but not first meetings. I don't charge a lot more for that additional half hour (I have a "new clients" rate). I do find that the extra time is always valuable. We can relax and get acquainted a bit before getting busy doing other things. Taking the time tends to make for a much better meeting overall, in my experience.

Congratulations, WIT!

I think that's just it, Nicolette. These researchers know that the men who pay for sex with companions are ordinary men. That's what's so threatening. If the men they know and love--husbands, friends, fathers, brothers--are no different from men who pay for sex, then they want to make sure that no one can buy sex, period. They fear that women like us are out to take their men away from them (even though we're not) and that they will be exposed as women whose partners resorted to seeing prostitutes, which implies that they weren't able to keep their men happy.

The longer I "know" roamingguy on this board, the more I like him (and I started out liking him just fine). I like his sincerity. I like his passion. I like his clarity. I like how he is who he is and he puts himself out here, plain and clear. I like that maybe one day, he'll bring me a fresh-caught salmon... :icon_smile:

Thanks, friends. I want to be clear that I'm not saying there is anything wrong with paying for sex. Obviously that's not what I think. But our culture has embraced the idea that there is something wrong with doing this. Not because it may be s exploitative of paid companions; not because it may contribute to inequality, inequity and violence against women; not because it might encourage men to think of women as objects or playthings; but simply because it's just not right to pay for sex. Paying for dinner and a movie is fine, with or without sex afterward (or before). But explicit, clear transactions involving the exchange of money for sex with someone like me are deemed somehow to be wrong in and of themselves. High school vocational counselling never suggests considering prostitution as a viable, fulfilling profession, after all. So, my question is not whether you think it's okay to pay for sex, but whether you were ever encouraged to think this when you were growing up.

I completely agree with Megan and would feel the same way if someone contacted me to say that he knew of me in real life. I would feel threatened and highly endangered, no matter how friendly he purported to be. Most of all, though, you have no idea what your friend does or does not know about his new friend. We never know what goes on in our friends' relationships even after many, many years. It's too easy to assume that the paid companion is trying to live a double life and expects to keep her occupation a secret. I think it's just as likely--maybe even more likely--that the man isn't telling his friends the whole truth. Whatever is the case, if the relationship doesn't work out, I hope you will consider yourself duty-bound never to tell your friend that you think you knew about his girlfriend's occupation. Even if he tells you himself. Don't humiliate him or yourself. This is a secret you must keep, forever.

WrinkledInTime recently posted an article in the "News" section of this board about Melissa Farley's recent so-called research, published as "The John Next Door" in the latest edition of Newsweek magazine. Berlin pointed us to an article at the Good Vibrations Magazine site, "Melissa Farley and the US Government Want You to Stop Buying Sex" written by Laura Agustin. This article centers on the idea promoted by Farley and others that the best way to end human trafficking is to end the demand for prostitution. Of course the "End the Demand" group never mentions, let alone comes to terms with, the fact that most human trafficking has nothing to do with the sex trade but has lots to do with domestic labour, industrial labour, farm labour and construction. The "End the Demand" folks really want everyone to stop having non-marital sex. The thing I find striking is that Farley and the US government think that society needs to deliver a much stronger message to men--young men, in particular, for some reason--that it's just wrong to pay for sex. Period. Gosh. I thought that society was already pretty clear about that. Most of the clients I've discussed this with have told me that it was one of the hurdles they had to get over: the idea that there's something wrong with paying for sex. I sure grew up thinking that there was something wrong with selling it! Is there anyone here who was raised to think that it isn't wrong to pay for sex? That is, that you get sex by marrying someone, or maybe by having committed relationship that includes sex, or maybe by being lucky enough to be offered sex in some other way, but not by paying for it? My impression has been that many men have been encouraged to believe that only "losers" (defined in various ways) pay for sex and that no one else should. Thoughts?

Thanks for that link, Berlin. The article is by Laura Agustin, an internationally recognized authority on human migration, human trafficking and the sex trade. It's very good to read her response to Melissa Farley.

I like Daniel's avatar. Those colourful crayons grab my attention and make me think of bodypaint crayons and things to do with them!

I like Phaedrus' handle because it's inventive and witty. Those qualities, coupled with his genuine inventiveness and wit in the forums, are extremely attractive! (Disclosure: I'm a Platonist, most of the time.) I've also gotta say that I just really like mrrnice2 because he's truly a nice guy in every way and he has an awesome avatar, too!

I just love Megan, period! She's smart, sexy and she has a fabulous sense of humour. She gives great advice, too!

If you have a particular vibrator in mind, consider asking your companion whether she already has one. I know that many of us have a virtual trunkful of toys! If you were seeing me and I have the toy you're interested in, I'd be happy to bring it to the meeting. Otherwise, I would be happy to accept it as a gift, provided it's still in its original packaging and hasn't been opened. Have fun!

V is for vivacious.

Really? I thought July 14th was Bastille Day! Here in Vancouver, it's cold and rainy today, so... indoor nudity only! :icon_razz: