SamanthaEvans

Bribing someone to write a favourable review or recommendation is a serious problem, in my opinion. I don't want to be associated with a paid companion who does this because it demeans all of us who would never do such a thing. It also encourages potential clients to think that they can pressure us into lowering our rates, or to do things they haven't been offered by using recommendations and/or reviews as incentives or threats. I consider making unsubstantiated claims against nameless paid companions to be harmful because it may incline potential clients to question not only the validity of the recommendations they read but also the quality of engagement they may expect from all companions. In this way, such claims can function as a slam against every one of us. I hope Apex is able to give Mod a name or names to back up his statements.

Froggy, I want to say, as kindly yet as firmly as possible: Get over yourself. Now. Paid companions and clients do sometimes form permanent, committed relationships that are enduring, solid and richly rewarding for the two of them, their families and friends. It's a lovely thing when it happens. But whether it can happen successfully has everything to do with the man's ability to step away from the kinds of jealousies and possessive feelings that you're expressing. The simple reality is that most men are not good at what feels like sharing their partner with other men. There's nothing wrong with having a strong desire for monogamous exclusivity, but if your partner is a paid companion her livelihood can be a source of friction, resentment and pain if you can't or won't take a breath and step away from it, recognizing that how she earns her living is not at all about you. If you really want to get through this for the next year or so until she feels she can retire, I think you need to become more like her in some ways. Many paid companions, including me, become adept at compartmentalizing pieces of our lives. I spend the "working" part of my day answering e-mail, talking to clients on the phone, making appointments and having meetings. I start work in the morning and by 3:30, I let go of Samantha and turn back into me. I spend time with my son when he comes in from school. We walk the dog in the park together, maybe do some errands, then come home. I make dinner. I talk about homework. My real-life partner usually comes by for a little while before dinner, for the evening, or later on, or I may go out to see him. After my son has gone to bed, I check my e-mail and verify my schedule of appointments for the next few days. Then I turn off the computer and go to bed, whether on my own or with my partner. I don't talk about work with my partner, but he knows what I do: it's not a secret. I don't talk very much about my "real" life with my clients. I devote my attention to my clients when they're here. When they leave, I let it all go in the shower and when I do the laundry. As I write this, it's almost 1:00 p.m. on Thursday. I honestly couldn't say who I've seen this week without looking at my calendar. By the time I get into bed at night, neither I nor my partner will feel that I've had sex with anyone else recently because those clients are not in my mental or emotional space at all. I am only with him. No one else exists in my heart, my mind or my focus. Whatever I've done with a client that day is gone. If I was a psychotherapist, I would probably spend a lot of my time listening to people as they work on problems and issues in their lives. At the end of the work day, I'd leave all of that behind me and go home where I might listen to my family and friends talk about problems and issues in their lives, too. I hope I would be able to be as present and resourceful for my family as I am for anyone else. I wouldn't expect my family to avoid talking to me because I heard someone else's story that day. If I was an actor, I might portray someone who has a husband, partner or lover in a play or film. That "working" relationship wouldn't overlap or interfere with my "real life" relationships though: it's just work. "Just work" doesn't mean drudgery. Work can be enjoyable, rewarding and deeply fulfilling. But who I am in my worklife is not all of who I am all the time. I am a much more complete, balanced, complex woman than Samantha is. It's not easy to get to know me, though it's quite easy to get to know Samantha. If the woman you love is similar, congratulate yourself that she's let you in to know her. Understand that this is something she works very hard to avoid doing because it's surprisingly difficult for healthy paid companions to be emotionally close to clients and the consequences are potentially painful, or worse. Give up your paranoia that she may fall for someone else in the next few months. Trust her. In a companion/client relationship, it's all about him. In real life, it's all about the two parties, together. Focus on that. Enjoy being a couple. Focus on her. Put her first, focus on what she enjoys, love her and be as loving, considerate and thoughtful as possible. She will return it all two-fold, or more. If you withhold love, care, attention and affection, telling yourself that you're just protecting your tender feelings from the harsh realities of her working life.... stop. All you'll be doing is making her work to have a part of you. She doesn't need that. She gets plenty of that at work. If you want to be a partner, then be a partner, not a client.

I was much more irritated than scared, Josbu, but only because I didn't think that the client had an actual interest in harming me. It's always possible that I could be wrong about that, though. While most successful companions have well-developed intuition, all of us take calls sometimes that we wish we'd turned away. We're human. I do think that many clients who say that they're in love are hoping for special treatment--particularly of the off-the-clock (that is, not paid for) variety. I'm sure lots of us have experienced sudden, mostly-groundless yet powerful infatuation at some time. I don't think I'll forget a particular new client who swept me off my feet one day. Everything he did, every way he touched me or looked into my eyes, the way he urged me just a bit farther, longer, harder... got to me big-time. It was one of the finest first encounters I've ever had and it left me so deeply rattled that I wouldn't see him again. To feel such openness, to feel so known, is powerful; it's also disconcerting when it happens out of context. That is, I revel in this kind of love-making with my real-life partner whom I love deeply and to whom I am fully committed. To have similar feelings stirred spontaneously by someone I don't know well is confusing. I chalk it up to biology--the mating instinct and all that goes with it. Such lust can be part of love, for sure, but love is more than that. When we're in love, our defenses come down. We open ourselves up to the other person, exposing and making ourselves vulnerable in the hope of developing a deeper bond. Unfortunately, this is also where the possibility that the relationship may become exploitative, abusive or dangerous may begin. It happens in dating relationships and it can happen in client/companion engagements, too. Relationships between companions and clients almost always have very strong fantasy components which, if coupled with either party's inability to distinguish between genuine love and in-the-encounter passion, can give rise to dangerous instability. And so, while a client and I may engage in our own playful and kinky version of "Beauty and the Beast," if the client believes that he has fallen in love with me, but I reject him, Beauty may become the Beast's unlucky victim. Real love is not found in what we feel or what we say: love is shown in what we do, regardless of how we feel at the time. The proof is in what one does when hurt, disappointed or angry. Love always seeks the highest good for the other party. That's why, if a client says that he loves me, I will be as warm, loving and understanding as possible when I decline to see him again.

A school for paid companions sounds like a good idea, but as long as there are so many legal restrictions on sex work, and as long as there is such a negative stigma about being a courtesan/paid companion/prostitute/erotic entertainer/erotic masseuse, etc., I think it's just a fantasy, and a fairly romantic one at that. Intriguing as it is to think about going to a courtesan school to learn the intricacies of the Kama Sutra, the most important thing that new companions need to learn is how to keep themselves safe from harm. While there are companions who have made a free and deliberate choice to go into the sex trade because they genuinely want to do the work, their number is very small. The simple fact is that most women enter this business because something has happened to make this choice necessary. Many of us are mothers who had an urgent need to make a significant income very quickly so that we can take care of our children in safety. Few enter this industry whole. Most women stay in the sex trade for less than six months before moving on to something else because they find that they don't enjoy the work, it's not what they expected it to be, they've solved some of their major financial problems, and/or other "straight" options have opened up for them. Having said this, I should also say that, as with many other things in life, why one starts to do something is one thing, and why one continues to do it is often a different one. I would be very interested in doing some well-focused "continuing education" with other companions who have been doing the work for awhile and expect to continue to doing it. Studying the Kama Sutra would be fun. Honest, realistic information about investment strategies and financial planning would be useful. Exchanging stories would be terrific, too!

Oh, yeah... sigh... Paid companions are better than girlfriends because we never make demands or talk about the future. A client can't walk though the door, at home, and have his partner naked and in bed within 5 minutes, or at least, not since the very early days of their marriage. But we're always ready, we always look as lovely as we can, and we always say yes to sex. The sex is always as good as we know how to make it. His pleasure comes first, or, at least, we don't have long meetings where we say, "Okay, so let me show you how I like it...". The men think that we're real, that women really can be this way all the time. They know that's not true, but they hope it might be. When a client says he loves me, I tell him I'm flattered. I change the subject. I know that what he means is that he feels something strong, right then. That's good, but it's still something that's all about him and not really about me, the woman who is not Samantha. Last summer, I had a client who became obsessed. Difficult. Demanding. Leaving flowers at my door, messages on my voice mail, in my inbox, whining when I didn't answer them at length. He wanted to drop by, take me to lunch, go for a walk, I said no over and over and over again. Then one day he came by my house and planted pink flamingos on the lawn, each holding a little card with a message for me. That's when I told him that if I ever heard from him again, I would report him to the police for harassment. A couple of months later, he created a new identity and a new e-mail, pretending to be someone else in the hope that he could get a multi-hour meeting with me at a downtown hotel. But my e-mail program picked up the fact that his IP address was the same as my harasser. I wrote a brief, straightforward e-mail and told him that I would report him if he tried that again and that I would be sure that the police knew all of his personal information so that they could find him and pay him and his wife a little visit. So far, that's kept him away. A couple of weeks ago, a new-ish client whom I'd seen four times said he thought he was falling in love with me. I told him it wasn't love, it was lust: he's in lust over the prospect of having his cock down my throat and fucking me in the ass. My policy is to believe very little of what a man says shortly before, or after, a blowjob. In my experience, the men who think they've fallen in love really want all the benefits of great sex without any of the relationship obligations. It's a great fantasy! I'm happy to explore this as often as they like . . . at my full hourly rate. :motion:

Sean Connery, of course! Especially this one: But even now, at 80, he's still a fine-looking man, I think! I do love a man in a kilt! These make up for this unfortunate one, don't you agree?

For me, most of the best first meetings have started out with three or four e-mail exchanges between the new client and myself as well as at least one telephone call. I only see regular or returning clients on a same-day basis. I find that I feel more comfortable if there's a bit of lead-up time to get a sense of the guy, what he's like, what he's looking for and what I can offer.

I'm willing to test a case of these..... :icon_razz:

Many factors determine the kind of relationship I have with a client. The range of things clients have wanted from me is very broad, so it's difficult to define our interactions in a simple way. Most of my clients are older men in their 50s, 60s and 70s. Quite a few of them have erectile difficulties due to diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, the medications they take to treat these conditions and other causes. Over the years, I've had several clients who wanted to explore their erotic responses with a safe, non-judgmental partner with whom they didn't have a long-term or complex emotional relationship. I had one long-time client who was quadriplegic: he could feel everything, but he couldn't move. Paid companions had been his only erotic outlet for years until he married his nurse. I've had several men who wanted to see me the first time they took Viagra; they wanted to know if or how it would affect them. I've enjoyed all of these meetings. While not exactly clinical, they haven't been emotionally deep encounters, but they have been satisfying for me because I felt that I was truly beneficial to the clients. I have quite a few regular clients with whom I've built up a great rapport over months or years of meeting. I honestly care about them and I feel cared about, in return, without a major emotional attachment in either direction. I know they're married. They know how I make my living. No one wants to change anything in their lives. The boundaries are well-placed and, within them, we enjoy each other. I offer a wide range of submissive escort services, which is not common in Vancouver. I do it because it's a type of play that I truly enjoy and because, in my experience, those who have a good background in BDSM play are able to be very clear about what they want. They're comfortable with negotiating and sticking to agreed limits and boundaries. I have a great time with these clients and I'm sure they know it! I'm often asked to provide genuine companionship without sex--lunch meetings, dinner meetings, accompanying a client to the theatre, on a shopping trip, to a concert or to a private party. If I do say so myself, I am excellent company, at ease with most people in lots of circumstances without having an expressly erotic aspect to the encounter. My point in saying all of this is that I generally find it easy to establish a good rapport with the men I see. This is one of the reasons why I continue to choose to be a paid companion. I also enjoy meeting new people and exploring their needs, desires and fantasies: I learn a lot about people this way. I have a strong sex drive, too; I arouse easily and have no trouble reaching orgasm most of the time. In other words, the work is often sexually fulfilling for me. But it's also true that I do these things because I'm being paid to do them. I wouldn't see most of my clients on any other basis. I have an intimate partner in my "real" life. Companionship is paid work for me. In screening potential clients, I try hard to determine whether we may be genuinely compatible--whether our personalities, likes and dislikes may mesh or enhance each other. If I find that I don't like someone enough, I will decline to see him a second time. If the question is really whether I will care about you if we meet, the answer is that I expect that I will. Yes, you will pay me for my time and, yes, I care about the money I make. But I also care about treating you handsomely and ensuring that we have a mutually fulfilling experience together.

Jug... this is chilling. You think it's not likely to happen, but if you knew the companion outside of hobbying and were attracted to her, having discovered that she's one of us, you'd set up a meeting without telling her and hope for the best? If that's what you're saying.... well, if it happened to me, I'd feel that my consent had been violated. Even if I was attracted to you in real life, being set up like this would be devastating. It would feel like a major breach of the boundaries I maintain between my ordinary life and my working life and I would feel very unsafe for a long, long time, anxious about what you might do or what you might say to others. I would feel extremely threatened. As for the companion being someone you hate and your statement that you'd meet her to be sure you had her identity correct before you "make her life hell," frankly, that just stops me cold, even as I sit here, writing this post. In thread after thread on this board, I read men's claims that they have well-founded concerns about fallout from meeting us. I don't recall any companion here relishing even a slim chance that she might be an unpleasant, disturbing surprise for a client, or a hope that she might be able to make a potential or former client's life hell because of something that's gone wrong in a meeting. Over and over again, other companions and I try to urge gentlemen here to relax, to be careful, but not paranoid, to trust us a little bit because we want a lot of the same things that you want. We try to point out that we have more to fear than you do. My impression is that most men here understand this, and that most believe that they're not going to hurt us because they don't think they're violent. Physical violence is only one kind of abuse and, horrible as it is, it's not as bad as emotional and psychological abuse.

It hasn't happened to me and I hope it never does. However, not long after I moved back to Vancouver, someone contacted me, giving the name of one of my cousins--it's not an unusual name. I hadn't seen that cousin in 20 years, but I was sure we'd recognize each other. I liked everything the guy said about himself, though, so I didn't want to turn him away categorically and I didn't want to talk to him on the telephone. I ended up writing to him and saying that I was concerned that we might know each other in another context and I asked a few general questions about how long he'd lived in Vancouver and whether he had two brothers and a sister. I said that if he did, I had attended his brother's weddings to his first and second wife. both of which were quite awhile ago and were also very large parties. I was relieved to find that he wasn't my cousin. We had a good laugh about it all when we finally met.

I'd say that a "true" GFE relates to a woman who has done no research, believes her previous and current boyfriend(s) that bbbj and/or other things are "totally safe" and has never been tested for STIs because she thinks the guys she's been with are all so nice that they couldn't possibly be infected with anything.

Rob, I recognize that you've addressed your query to other men, but I'm going to poke my nose in anyway. If setting up a meeting with a companion causes you so much stress, you might consider doing an incall appointment instead. Let your companionhandle the hassle of providing the place. You can arrive with whatever extras you want to bring with you. If something happens and you need to re-book the meeting, consider sending her a tip to compensate for the inconvenience of cancelling close to the meeting time. And... one more thing. You'll find that, by and large, the most reputable and experienced companions will not meet in a hotel with the poor security arrangements you've described in your post. I can't think of any 4 or 5-star hotel in Toronto or Vancouver that would let anyone take a room without a credit card for security. A place that will accept a made-up auto license plate number is an ideal crime scene, from my point of view, and not an appropriate place for the kind of intimate rendez-vous most of us provide. Just saying.... :icon_wink:

True, though I would argue that there's no such thing as free sex! :icon_razz:

I'm a real woman. I have real feelings about many things and for many people. While I find it helpful to compartmentalize my work as a paid companion, keeping it separate from the rest of my life, I certainly do care about some of my clients more than others. For example, those I've seen frequently over an extended period of time can mean a lot to me. We've shared experiences that matter to me and I look forward to seeing these gentlemen again in the future. But I happily give references to other companions when asked. I never worry that I'm "losing" a client. To begin with, I'm not that insecure. I expect that clients may enjoy variety. Not only am I rarely the first paid companion they've known, but I'm also aware that most of them are married. When I want to be the only woman in a man's life, I will get married. In the meantime, I seek to cultivate a good relationship with the gentlemen with whom I spend my time and also with other paid companions. References are one way to keep us safe. Helping other companions helps me, too. When we look out for each other, we're all safer, healthier and stronger--and better companions, too. It's important to remember that we sell fantasies. One fantasy is that the companion is a fabulous girlfriend: devoted, attentive, responsive, affectionate, understanding, generous, kind and happy to be with the client. He knows that, in conventional relationships, he can't meet a woman for the first time and be in her bed within a few minutes, or even on the same day. He gets to pretend that reality is suspended, for a little while, and that his deepest desires and fantasies can be played out without any repercussions for the broader relationship with this particular partner. (Many men come to see us because they want to experiment with something or try something out that they feel they couldn't ask their regular partner to do with them.) Some clients want to believe that they're the world's finest lovers, so studly and erotically compelling that a woman won't be able to think of anyone else once they've been together, whether they actually hope she will leave the business or not. Others want to believe that they have a string of broken hearts trailing in their wake. More than a few think of paid companions as damsels in distress whom they might protect, defend or rescue from a terrible fate. These are all fantasies--the client's fantasies. I'm sure that some companions occasionally have trouble maintaining good boundaries between themselves and their clients. They may become a bit needy, demanding or even a little desperate for attention and reassurance. I worry about these women. Paid companionship is harder than it seems to most people. Companions who have a lot of difficulty with boundaries may take too many risks; engage in self-defeating, inappropriate or aggressive behaviour; or be unstable. This is the worst kind of work for such women. Working in our industry can be very harmful to them emotionally and psychologically. Both good clients and good companions help establish and maintain good boundaries for themselves and each other. Asking for a reference is one way for a client to do that.

I've been in this business for quite awhile and I still have the pre-date anxiousness, for sure! I try hard to make sure that the gentleman knows as much as possible about the kind of companion I am, and even though I've never had anyone leave disappointed, it's possible that a new client might be surprised, or uncomfortable for some reason. Attraction is a subtle thing, sometimes. I do enjoy meeting a new gentleman, though! There's something thrilling about it, for me. Knowing that I get to put a face and body together with e-mail and phone calls, at last, is exciting. Starting all over again is a wonderful thing, every time.

"Everyone" is a much less reliable source of information than they appear to be. "Everyone" knows that women over 30 can't be successful paid companions, which is nonsense. And "everyone" also knows that the only companions with any hope of making a living look like perfectly airbrushed Barbie dolls--also not true. "Everyone" assumes that all men want the same thing, when the truth is that most men want different things in different combinations at different times. Telling the truth is the best way to be sure that the men who come to see us will be happy clients: truth in advertising has that effect.

I prefer gentlemen over the age of 50 and rarely see anyone under 40, though I have had some lovely times with a few men in their 30s. I just feel that I have more in common with older men. I completely agree with Sandimoon that men 35+ tend to be more confident and less rushed in their approach. As men age, they seem to be willing to take more time and to be less goal-oriented in their sensuality. I find this very appealing. Some of the very best lovers I have ever known were in their 60s. They understood women very well and were comfortable with their own talents and foibles. Physical characteristics are far less important to me than good hygiene, a sense of humour and being recognized as a real woman rather than as someone who just provides services.

Spa airbrushing is beautiful-looking and safe. I've done it a few times, so that I could wear a particular style of dress to a summertime wedding or garden party, but not for work. I don't sit in the sun or go to a tanning parlor, ever. My skin is quite fair yet it will tan if I let it, but I'm a bit too vain to risk the damage that sun can do to skin--drying it out, burning, etc. Most of all, though, I'm concerned about overexposure to ultraviolet light from the sun or from tanning beds. My understanding is that it's cumulative exposure over time that increases the risk of skin cancer.

I've thought about privacy issues and paid companionship a lot. Some men are almost rabid in their insistence that they will have 100% anonymity in their dealings with companions, no matter what. They often say that their privacy is more important than anything else, which presumably includes the companion's safety. And that's the problem. I sell fantasies. I can appreciate that, for some clients, a big part of the fantasy is to think they're getting away with something that no one will ever know about--including me! Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to be invisible, sometime? An encounter that leaves no trace is appealing to many people. Unfortunately, it's also part of the plot of many murder mysteries and true crime stories. Too often the victim in these stories is a prostitute, paid companion, courtesan or a woman falsely accused of being one of us. As we're all aware, even the federal government doesn't consider our safety to be as important as that of women who are not in the sex trade, and the police don't pay as much attention to our demise as they do to the death of the banker's wife next door. Feeling powerful is erotic. I think that some men enjoy imagining that they're navigating through a demi-monde riddled with crime and deeds of darkness when they see one of us. They go on and on about their safety and security, and they book meetings with those of us who will agree to see them. They get off on the company, the sex and the feeling that they have come away unscathed, that they have bested or tricked the underworld and lived to tell their story. In other words, the encounter may be, at least in part, about their feeling that they can compete with other men and come out ahead. Sensible women avoid men's pissing contests. Most of us won't see someone who demands iron-clad anonymity. It's far too likely that he may be hoping to get away with something violent. Speaking for myself, I'm happy to play a convincing fantasy game full of elaborate plot twists, subterfuge and secret passwords exchanged in train stations only when I know a few things about the client. What it comes down to is this: we're on the same side. I am not a client's enemy. We want the same things.

Thanks Mod, and everyone. My system can't access the CD drive, so I can't backup most of my data. The most important documents are all in a dropbox in cyberspace. Other important stuff--photos and so on--are still on my hard drive. I'm going to buy more dropbox space and upload those things. My computer is very old. It may just be better to buy a new one and transfer data files if possible, find the disks for any software I need and start over. So much for a peaceful weekend! I have no idea where or when I picked up this Trojan. My antivirus software is always up to date, but I suppose things slip by occasionally.

That's what I thought, too, Sid. AVG said that it couldn't run in the presence of another anti-virus program and that, as part of the rescue disk scan, it needed to update the AVG files that had to be on my computer. So, I uninstalled Avast, installed AVG, and then the rescue disk did something for awhile before crashing and reporting that it couldn't run when I tried to use it to reboot the computer again. Apparently AVG's software is very difficult to remove, but their website does provide a remover for when their uninstaller doesn't work. So, I've got rid of AVG. I downloaded and installed Kaspersky and am now downloading the ISO file on the laptop. When I tried to download it on the desktop, it got about half-way and then crashed the computer. I may have to take the computer somewhere to get it cleaned up if this doesn't work. I'm not sure where to do that, though. Computer repair guys are everywhere!

Thanks, Adam. But you're right: it doesn't help. Besides I've been a PC user since they came over on the ark as a box of parts! I have tried creating a rescue disk with AVG. I had to download AVG and install it, as well. Doing all of this took two and a half hours last night. Finally, I had the rescue disk scan my computer. I went to bed and left it running. At some point, the computer crashed. This morning, the rescue disk doesn't work. I get an error message and can't scan anything on my system. So, I've downloaded Kaspersky and will try again. First, though, I have to uninstall AVG, which is likely going to take at least an hour--I'm watching the progress bar slowly, slowly fill up. I remember now that the reason I don't run AVG is that it slows my PC down to the point of being almost impossible to use. Anyway.... If Kaspersky doesn't work... I have a friend who has a chainsaw..... [An hour later] I can't uninstall AVG, now. The uninstaller just hangs... does nothing. And I can't install Kaspersky as long as AVG is running. This is madness! That chainsaw looks more and more reasonable!

Thanks, guys. I'm downloading the AVG recovery disc now and will run it. I hope I won't have to re-format my hard drive--that would be... awful. I'll let you know what happens!

I'm soooo frustrated! Reviewing my website hits, I found that someone has been able to hijack part of my site and add to the URL, loading huge files over top of the web page. I contacted the site hosting company and asked what I should do to stop this. They said that I must have a virus or some malware on my desktop PC, so scan everything to get rid of it, then change all my passwords, etc. That sounds like good advice, so I've been trying to do it but everything I try inevitably makes the PC die. I run Avast anti-virus software. It caused the computer to shut down three times in a row, which has never happened before. I switched over to Spybot Search and Destroy and ran a "quick scan." After about half an hour, when it had scanned about half of my hard drive, the computer crashed again. I wasn't running any other software at all during any of these attempted scans. My intuition is that the virus, bot or malware fights the scan and cuts the connection. I could be completely wrong, though! I've never had this problem before. I'm running Windows XP on a computer I've had for four years. Does anyone have any ideas or recommendations?