SamanthaEvans

Thanks, Cat and Scott. One of the best articles I have ever read, anywhere, about how things really could be--even, how they should be--for our teenage children is "An Immodest Proposal" by Heather Corinna. It's given me a lot to think about. I have a 16 year-old son who is very devoted to a particular girl and open with me about what he feels and hopes for. I find myself balking at the idea of allowing them to have sex in our house, and then feeling ashamed of myself for not being more consistent in my own thinking, realistic about what he and the girl are up to, and more generous overall. I guess this just goes to show that Scarleteen is good for parents, too!

Many of us here are parents and I know that, despite having grown up in supposedly sexually liberated times lots of us find it difficult to talk to our children--particularly teenagers--about sex, gender, sexuality, sexual relationships, expectations, negotiations, birth control, STIs and all that. Fortunately there are some very good resources for teenagers on the interwebs. One of the very best is http://www.scarleteen.com/. It's American and, not surprisingly, given its accurate, no-nonsense content, it receives no government funding or support. It doesn't rely on commercial advertising. It operates solely on money donated by visitors. Sex education varies in quality and focus all across Canada. Scarleteen is a vital resource for young people here as well as in the States. They're having a funding drive. Canadians can donate, though we won't receive tax credits for our donations. Nonetheless, I'd like to urge everyone who is in any position to make a donation, however small or large, to have a good look at Scarleteen and consider offering them your support.

Alas, it's true, etasman. I'm not advising anyone to do anything illegal. Besides, playing "the parents are asleep upstairs" is still a great idea!

You might consider asking your chosen companion whether she offers "car dates." Many do. If you're not comfortable with actually meeting in a car and driving to a secluded spot, you could have the same experience at her incall location. Just a thought!

Thanks, Megan!

That guy, Murphy, needs to find a better way to get stress relief! He should see a few of us! We'd help reduce his aggression and purr along nicely!

I like your idea, Souperman. I think it would be interesting for people to know a bit more about our lives, why we're in this industry, etc., provided that they're written positively. We don't want to play into the hands of the folks who think we're all victims of unscrupulous traffickers, pimps and madams. Speaking for myself, I'm happy to admit that I got into the sex trade because I was in desperate circumstances, facing the loss of my children if I couldn't support them by myself. But I haven't found this to be a degrading, humiliating, dangerous or particularly demoralizing way to make a living at all. I love what I do.

This is all sounding wonderful. I think it could really re-focus people's attention after craigslist went down. There are people out there who are looking for something more. And, as the legal issues continue to be debated, it could also be a source of positive, reliable, solid information from and about sex workers and our clients. This is so important! Too many people have bought the line that everyone in this industry is the victim of traffickers, has a drug problem and is completely trapped. The magazine would be a great place for a sex toy review and information column, too!

I'm a painter. But even though I love making artwork, it's often very hard for me to devote time to it. When there are other demands on my time and focus, it can feel very selfish thing to go into the wordless place where I can just watch the way light falls on people, animals, places and things, and then try to render that on my canvas. But some paintings have been haunting my dreams for awhile. And so, when I heard about a couple of very fine art shows this year, I decided to enter them. No matter what, I would have paintings ready to send in. I've finished my entries for the first show and I sent the photos to the jury today. I don't know whether they'll be included in the exhibit in May. Right now, what I care about is that I got them done, I think they're good and I like them.

His eyes, his smile, a sense of playfulness are all very attractive. But I also really appreciate it when a man I haven't met acknowledges how he feels, as in admitting if he feels a little awkward or shy. I find that very endearing. Being real is soooo much better than fake confidence!

Hmmm.... Sometimes I provide a light lunch or a snack if a meeting is a couple of hours long. It can't hurt to put watermellon on the menu.....

If you're looking for a lady to fist, expect that it may take awhile to find her and expect to pay a premium price for it! Even women who have been fisted, or who enjoy it in their private lives, may be unwilling to take the obvious risks with a stranger. If it's something you're curious about but have never done before, you might check into your local BDSM scene. Some organizations hold workshops and demonstrations periodically; they can be great places to learn how to do many things.

If I'm the sub and I'm tied down, I hold a very large jingle bell in my hand. It clatters and makes a distinct noise if I drop it. A key ring, an empty cigar tube or a couple of loonies also work nicely to give an absolute STOP signal.

I wouldn't think too badly of this companion the first time something like this happens. We don't know what her childcare arrangements were supposed to be. Speaking as a parent, I know from lots of experience that babysitters can be unpredictable or have emergencies in their lives that suddenly make them unavailable, leaving the parent scrambling for an alternative or having to cancel her plans. When unexpected things occur, most people resort to patterned behaviour. The sitter needs some toys--get the toys. When people don't know each other, introduce them. These sound like they might be automatic reactions, not planned. I don't think quick25 has anything to be embarrassed about. He behaved very well. If he enjoyed his time and would like to see the lady again, I suggest that he ask her about her childcare plans and say that, for everyone's peace of mind, he doesn't want to run the risk of seeing anyone other than her when they're together. .

I'll bet some of the ladies in Ottawa have met at least one Anal Ambassador....

Anal Cayenne -- ouch! Anal Cougar -- maybe... Anal Tempo -- important! Anal Firefly -- ??? Anal Silver Ghost -- shudder!

True enough, Seymour. But let's be honest. Those who are dedicated and creative enough to have a secret that that their employer, family and friends don't know about are also quite able to find a way to resolve the cell phone matter. Moreover, if a man can afford to spend $300-500 for a date with me, he can afford a $40 cell phone and a $15 pay-as-you-go time card for the thing--the price of a modest lunch for two. He can throw the phone away after the date. A few of my favourite clients gave me their real names and contact information in the second or third e-mail. It was their way of letting me know that they were not wasting my time, that they really did want to see me, and that I would be safe with them. It was also an expression of trust in me and my discretion--a very fine way to begin a relationship. Gentlemen visiting from out of town sometimes give me their hotel room number (and their real name goes along with it) in lieu of a cell number. Not only can I call the hotel to verify that they are registered, but they have voice mail for the room, so I can leave a message if I need to.

I agree with everything the other ladies have said, here. I'd just like to say that if I know a prospective client is as nervous as you are, I won't see him. It's reasonable to be nervous or a little tentative. After all, you're meeting a stranger for an intimate connection. I think it's important for me, as a companion, to do what I can to help ease a guest's mind and help him relax, reassuring him that I am who I said I am and that he can expect to enjoy himself. If I do say so myself, it's rare for me not to succeed.... But I would not be comfortable with someone who is so suspicious and, frankly, paranoid. From my standpoint, such a man is not with me, but is engaged with hostile, dangerous fantasies that may encourage him not only to misinterpret things I do or say but also to act abruptly or unpredictably on such misinterpretations, putting me in harm's way. That's not a risk I will take.

I mostly do incalls, either to my residence or to a hotel. I will do outcalls, but only to four and five-star hotels downtown or near the Vancouver airport. Visitors to my residence will know, just from the part of town, that they're in a safe area and, when they're on my street, they can see that it's a very discreet location, yet not so hidden away as to raise the specter of risk for them, or for me. When I go out, someone always knows where I am and when I expect to leave. If the date is going to be for several hours, I always call at agreed intervals. Someone also knows when I'm entertaining at home and when I expect a date to end. SecretAdmirer, I appreciate the things you say about companions' safety, and I can understand your reasons for having your lady visit your residence. It's true that this is legal. What is not legal is for the companion to have a driver or security guard. In the event that someone has a problem at a client's home and needs to call her driver/guard, if things are dire or escalate, the driver/guard may be deemed to be living off the avails. So, while an outcall to a client's home is technically legal, the additional security for the woman is not. For me, that's an imbalance that's not to my advantage.

Wow! This is really smoking along! And I like the new layout on the first page after the login, too!

Well, I'm in Vancouver and over 35......

Maybe I'm a bit cranky at the end of a long week, but I have to say that I am weary of hearing the assumption that paid companions are likely to stalk, harass or blackmail clients if we have any of their personal information, even if it's just a cell number. I think this is a way that some men project and deflect guilt connected with their decision to seek out paid companionship. It's not simply unreasonable, it's narcissistic. As I always say: no matter who you are or who you think you are, no matter what you do or who you know or love, the person who is taking the most risks is always the paid companion. Always. I think I spend too much time reassuring potential clients that I'm balanced, safe, sane, warm, genuinely human and real--in other words, that they can trust me. Just yesterday someone wrote to me saying that he didn't want to give me his number in case it was part of some kind of elaborate set-up. He told me outright that he wanted me to calm his mind because he was worried I might rob him or give him some terrible disease. I am stymied by such men's lack of insight and empathy. He's worried I might rob him? Well, gosh. He's making arrangements to be in my home, in my bed, in my body. I will lavish time, care and attention on him. I will do my best to make him feel so wonderful that he'll want to come back and see me again. I have to try not to worry that he'll tell my landlord or the neighbours what I'm doing. I have to try not to worry that he'll show up sometime without an invitation. I have to try not to worry that he might hurt me or refuse to leave when it's time. I also have to try not to worry that he might rob me. And I have to forget that, if something unexpected happens or there's an emergency--a fire breaks out or maybe he has a heart attack--he will be portrayed as a decent man in an unfortunate situation while I will just be a hooker. Every man will say that he's not like the kinds of men I've just described. Just about all the time, that's true. Nearly every one of them are just doing their best to get through their lives. They don't want to hurt anyone or cause trouble. They're a lot like us companions. We're all just doing what we do, trying to keep on keeping on. Relax. Stop the fear-mongering and suspicion. Stop assuming that the whore with the heart of gold is a rarity. We're here by the dozen. Calm down. Take a deep breath. We're all on the same side, and we're in this together. Give your companion your cell number.

Katherine Hepburn, for me--no question! A fierce mind and a great wit with no need to be conventional, and she remained devastatingly sexy for decades because of these qualities.

I understand, WiT. Everyone has a story and most of them are fascinating, I think. But it's very difficult to write an honest memoir or autobiography and tell the truth about the choices one has made without some kind of organizine principle or structural goal in mind. It sounds like Poilleau's life can be seen in many ways as a cautionary tale about working in this industry. That is, if one works hard, appeals to the client base that's best for them, their particular assets and style, and keeps things in balance, it is possible to make a good living in the sex trade and some will make a very fine income, indeed. However, when all of that is dismissed or diminished because one has seen the light, and now not only knows what's right and best for everyone but also feels called to save others without obviously appreciating the personhood of those "victims" and the integrity of their lives, I hear warning bells.

We're going to see more and more of this kind of thing in the time to come, while the courts figure out what they'll do with changes in the law. I am frankly tired of the approach this writer takes, portraying all of us as hapless victims, forced into the sex trade and unable to make appropriate decisions and choices for ourselves. That may be true for some, but it's not true for many, and I venture to say it's even less true for independent companions who work indoors--that is, most of us. About 85% of paid companions work indoors, and most of us are independent, not working for agencies, in brothels or massage parlors. We are no more likely to be drug addicts or alcoholics than other people. Sex workers with addiction issues don't do well in this industry. In most cases, their chemical dependencies are what drive them into sex work, not the other way around. I do think it's true that the majority of women enter the sex trade because of overwhelming life circumstances that make them desperate to earn money, quickly. That's certainly true for me. Like the writer of this book, I was in the midst of an acrimonious divorce and fighting to keep my children while my ex could afford lawyers and to create endless court delays. Even now, years later, he refuses to follow court orders to pay child support; I am the only one who provides for our children. When I was doing "career planning" in high school and in university, I never expected to become a paid companion, but I'm not sorry that this is what I do. I would have a much harder time living with myself, knowing that my children were not okay and that I couldn't care for them adequately simply because I refused to spend a few hours in the company of some very good and generous men. While I think my story is not at all uncommon, I know other women who work in this industry without having similar pressures and responsibilities in their lives. They love this work and actively chose this profession, not out of desperation, but as a clear, deliberate choice. Writers such as Foilleau generally portray paid companionship as degrading work with clients who are violent, abusive, angry, drunk or drugged and who have little or no genuine respect for women. This has never been my experience with any of my clients. Some I have liked much more than others; a few have become close, genuine friends. Some men I simply didn't enjoy or I couldn't form the kind of rapport with them that matters to me. But I have never been abused, threatened or placed in any kind of risk by any of the gentlemen who have visited me. Significantly, I can't say the same thing about my former husband who is a "respectable" professional with a high profile in his community. I was at much greater risk of lasting harm during my societally-approved, middle-class marriage than I have ever been with the men who have paid for my companionship. The last thing I want to say about writers like Foilleau as well as the anti-sex feminists who campaign for increased restrictions on sex workers' lives and rights is that these folks' arguments always de-humanize us. We are portrayed as unable to make responsible decisions for ourselves, ignorant of the meaning of our work and/or enthralled to patriarchy, traffickers and pimps. Therefore, they say, our own experiences are not to be believed. They claim that the statements we make about our lives are products of the traumatic abuse from which we need to be rescued and protected--against our will--because we have lost the capacity to do what's right for ourselves, our children and our families. Sensible, cautious, clean and sober, independent paid companions are not endangered by our clients anywhere nearly as much as we are by paternalistic, moralistic people like Tania Foilleau. In a misguided attempt to save women and men in the sex trade, they campaign to increase the risks for workers and our clients. One cannot save or help those whom one does not fundamentally respect. Foilleau and others like her are not our friends, they are our opponents.