SamanthaEvans

Oh, no offense taken, at all, Sixernine. The word "service" doesn't offend me. And providing services isn't a lower-ranking kind of thing, either, from where I stand. Heck, don't doctors provide medical services? I was just trying to respond to your query about whether our children might get an unspoken, subtle impression that what we do involves or requires a kind of subservient inequality with our clients. I think your question is a good one. I also hope none of our kids ever thinks that way.

I think Miss Cloe is right on the mark. What do you end up with if you turn your feelings into reality? Sounds to me like the two of you should talk!

Thank you, etasman, both for the compliment and for your words about courage. You're absolutely right. Courage is also essential. My kid has lots of it, too. Thanks for reminding me!

I'll see how the "spring break" offer turns out. After wondering whether it would make a difference, I've now made three new bookings for tomorrow and Friday. Will they show up? Cancel or Postpone? I'll see! Another tricky aspect of pricing is how much you want to work. Low rates attract more clients, but do you want to do a lot of volume? I don't offer half-hour sessions. It's not my style to be in a hurry. I prefer to offer a leisurely, relaxing experience to the client. It also takes time to be ready to see another client. I do just as much preparation whether the client is going to be with me for one hour or two. I'd do the same for half-hour meetings. In the end, I'd be less relaxed and less ready mentally to offer a great session if I felt I had to see five or six clients for half an hour each, every day. I'm not putting down anyone who gives this kind of service, it's just not right for me.

That's a really well thought out response, Joyful. Thank you for sharing it. Pricing is always troubling, to me. I have posted rates, and I do get paid what I ask. But I don't charge returning clients as much as others, and I've given significant discounts to a few people at various times. If a regular said that he couldn't afford the fee, I'd probably lower it for him. But a new client whom I haven't seen before? No. Similarly, I ask new clients to pay me when they arrive. Regulars, no. I've even taken personal cheques from a couple of them! I decided to run a "special offer" for spring break because I have extra time available. I haven't noticed that it's made a difference in the number of contacts I've had. There could be a lot of reasons for that, though. I have thought of offering first-time clients an "introductory" price, as you described. I'm glad to know this has worked well for you. I may give it a try.

I'm not at all worried about this kind of thing happening with my son, Sixernine. I am no one's servant, period. Like Emma, I only use the term "service provider" here. I say that I'm a companion, too. I provide genuine companionship, warm friendship and a non-judgmental attitude. I feel it's an honour to have the opportunity to know my clients on personal and intimate terms. I have their trust and they have mine. I do have sex with them, not because they've paid for it, but because I choose to. Two of my long-time, regular clients occasionally want me to go out to lunch, or just cuddle with them while they talk about whatever is on their minds. They want my opinion about things they care about. I feel that we're equals. There's nothing subservient about me. In my opinion, unless a woman has a pretty strong sense of herself; unless she's able to set her own limits about what she does, where, when and with whom; unless she's able to take care of her own emotional and psychological needs without depending on her clients to shore her up; and unless she believes in her whole self, in all of who she is, with and without clients, in and out of bed, she'll have a very hard time in this profession. That's not because the clientele is difficult: if you like men and enjoy sex, they're not hard to be with at all. It's because human needs for closeness, physical contact, affection and sexual activity are truly essential: they're a fundamental part of our makeup. We can have a hell of a great time together in bed, but we're fooling ourselves if we ignore how truly naked we are. Not everyone can share so much with many partners and feel whole. The ones who can't are wise to find another path. I think that my work encourages me to have greater empathy and compassion for other people. It's my belief that compassion is the antidote to discrimination and inequity. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through this profession. My ideas of who and what is attractive, and who I might choose for a temporary or ongoing partner (unpaid, that is), have changed significantly. Men I once would not have approached with an eye to ending up in bed together are often the most sensitive, creative and playful! As for what my son might pick up from me, I notice that children reflect what their parents feel. My son is a strong young man with an admirable sense of justice and empathy. I've seen him help and defend other kids who are having a hard time and are unpopular or difficult to be with. Once, when I asked him why he stood up for another kid, he said, "I looked at him, and right then I knew that it was really, really hard just to be him every day. I couldn't walk by and not try to stop what was happening. If you don't speak out when someone is being hurt, it's like you're saying it's okay to hurt them. He's not really my friend, but you don't have to be my friend to deserve to be treated right."

It sounds like you've got about as good a set of supports and back-ups as any parent of such young ones can have, Red. I'm glad that the grandparents are able to help you when you need it. As for feeling "half zombiefied," I think that's what it's like when the kids are so young. It does get better! You're doing a great job with your kids, I can tell.

Emma, thank you so much for describing your situation. You're a real source of wisdom and good, plain common sense on this board. We both do what we do so that we can provide for our children, and we can see the positive results. I also agree with you that working as a provider gives your sons greater respect for women. I believe you totally. I hope I might be able to tell my own son about my work, someday. Unfortunately, I have a very hostile ex-husband who has already spent a lot of time and money in court trying to avoid paying child support. He would go to any lengths available to him to take action against me if he were to learn how I make my living. As time goes by, the power of that threat diminishes. I do think that by being able to provide a good home and be the best mother I can be I am teaching my son to have a high regard for women. He knows that things have been difficult for us, at times. He also knows that we're doing well, now. As I write this, I realize that being a provider may have helped me retain a balanced view of men, in general. My divorce was nasty. No woman who's been with an abusive man would be surprised about that: they often get worse when the woman leaves. I have never had a client treat me with anything but respect. Yes, I focus on attending to their pleasure, first and foremost. In that respect one might say that our engagement with clients is not exactly "balanced." However, at least 80% of the time, the men have been as giving and dedicated to pleasing me. They don't have to do it, but they want to. My self-esteem doesn't rely on my clients' praise, or even on receiving pleasure from them, but it's wonderful to have it, even so. I'm certain that feeling good about what I do, continuing to feel good about men, and having empathy for them and the circumstances they struggle with helps me in raising my son to be a strong and loving young man.

I think you made the right decision for you, Brandi. I don't think it would have been wrong if you had gone to the funeral, though, if you could do it discretely. In the other part of my life, I've worked closely with quite a few funeral homes and attended dozens of funerals over the last 15 years or so. I'm writing from that experience. Unless the person is quite elderly, or has been shut-in for a long, long time, or has a disability that seriously restricted their ability to be out in the world, most funeral services have a wide variety of people attending. They don't all know each other. Many people will be there who may hardly know the deceased, but have accompanied their spouse or a friend who did know him/her. If the death was sudden, it would be very unusual for members of the family to be greeting people at the door of the funeral home or church when people arrive. If the deceased had been ill for a long time and was on good terms with his/her family, it's more likely that family members will be greeting people when they arrive. You might need to make a judgment call about this, but it would be unusual for anyone greeting folks as they arrive to also ask questions about why someone is there. You can always call the funeral home and ask how many people they're expecting to attend the service. They'll tell you if it's really just a small, private family service, or if they're expecting a couple of hundred people. If the service is being held in a church, there will usually be a lot of people there. If the whole service is being held at the graveside, fewer people will attend. Funeral homes are asked this very question several times a day. Estranged family members, former spouses and other people who have had a difficult relationship with the deceased, or with members of his/her family, often call the funeral home and ask this question. There's no need to feel conspicuous for asking! There's usually a guest book available for signing. I wouldn't sign it, if I was at a funeral for a client. There's often a gathering after the service, too. I wouldn't attend. That's where questions about how someone knows the deceased would be most likely to be asked. And I wouldn't go to the burial if it's happening after the service. Again, more than half of the people who attend the service also won't go to the graveyard, so there's nothing conspicuous about staying away. Going, however, could raise questions. But if there will be more than about 80 people at the funeral, to arrive at the funeral home or church only a couple of minutes before the service starts, and to leave when it's over, shouldn't be a problem. Many other people will do the same thing for different reasons.

Thanks for your responses, Kih and Simon. Thanks, too, for the vote of confidence for single mothers!

In addition to being a provider, I'm also self-employed in another field. It's work I enjoy, but it doesn't pay well enough to support my children and myself. I take on contracts in my other career, but the majority of my income comes from being an SP. My son has no idea about my real line of work. To keep things as separate as possible, I only see clients between about 10:00 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. on weekdays and I do outcalls at most one or two evenings a week. Those evenings are usually booked up weeks in advance and are very stable. I'm always home by 10:00 p.m. at the latest. When my son goes to visit his father in Ontario, my schedule can be as open and flexible as I want it to be. I generally ask clients to confirm meetings with me in the morning of the day we're getting together. I always explain that I'm a mother and it's possible (but not very likely) that something could happen to my child--he could come down with a bug or something--which is the only reason I would need to postpone our meeting. So far, that's worked very well. I don't think that being a provider has affected my parenting. I am who I am, and how I am, everywhere. I think I'm very fortunate that my children have felt that they could talk about sex, sexuality, safe sex and STDs with me very openly. They trust me to be open-minded and to give them straight, honest responses to what they talk about. It never seems to have occurred to them that I have any special reason for being very well-informed, it's just the way things are. My kids tease me and say that I was probably a lot like Hermione Granger, the girl in the Harry Potter novels, when I was growing up.:lol: I did go through a period when I felt misgivings because there's a big part of my life that I can't share in any way with my children. I finally realized that children rarely know their parents very well in many ways. The parent/child relationship is largely about the children, and rightly so. One of the hardest things even for adult children is to recognize their parents as complete human beings who are separate from them and who have thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams that have nothing to do with their kids at all, but are part of who the parent is, as a person. Looking at my situation that way makes it easy to separate these pieces of my life.

I've hunted around a bit and couldn't find a discussion about this, so I thought I'd start one. Many SPs are parents. I am one, myself. I have one son living at home now. As we all know, things can happen unexpectedly with kids. They get sick, something happens at school, they get injured playing sports, have their bicycles stolen--lots of not-unusual things like that require immediate attention from Mom (or Dad). How has being a parent affected your life as an SP? In what ways has being a SP affected your role as a parent, or your parenting? Let's share some stories, ideas, advice or anything else that comes to mind.

Hmmmm.... I've wondered about this before, but I never buy tickets, so it's not gonna happen, even so, I'd probably Retire Set up a trust fund for my son's university education Buy a house Invest the rest to ensure a steady, guaranteed income Work without having to think about my old age or my security Travel a bit Write Get bored and come out of retirement? OR maybe, if the winnings were large enough... Set up a trust fund for my son's university education Buy an island off the coast of B.C. Hire a realllyyyy good lawyer to help me figure out how to open up a "club" (aka brothel) on my island where interested clients might sojourn for a weekend, a week, a few days to enjoy the delights of the ocean, the scenery, and the wonderful SPs.... No neighbours to upset. Private property.... I reckon all it really takes is a LOT of money. "Madam Samantha" has a certain ring to it, doesn't it? :wink:

Gah! I look at my list and think it's time I start hanging out with some younger men! But anyway, in no particular order.... 1. Sean Connery. I can soooo easily imagine being on my knees performing the religious service I do so well and listening to the sound of his voice. 2. Leonard Cohen. It's proof I'm Canadian. All Canadian women want to fuck Leonard Cohen, don't we? 3. Morgan Freeman. His voice, and his eyes--full of mischief. 4. Harrison Ford. Of course. 5. Richard Gere Hmmm... I seem to have a thing for the basso profundos, I guess. Except for Richard Gere. The token tenor/light baritone!

I've had a couple of close calls. I had a query from someone whom I discovered I might know, or with whom things could be uncomfortable once we were known to each other. I prefer for new clients to contact me via e-mail rather than on the phone. When this particular man e-mailed me, he said his availability was limited to certain times, with more options on some days than others because he teaches at a high school in a nearby town. He signed the e-mail with his real name, which rang a bell for me. His restricted availability gave me a good out; I declined the appointment after I checked and found that he was teaching at my son's high school. I didn't tell him that I couldn't see him because of who he was. I didn't think that would be fair to him, and it could potentially pose some problems for my son. More recently, I had a query from someone who has the same name as a cousin of mine. I haven't seen that particular cousin in many years and I surely don't want to entertain him. I told him, in e-mail, that I once knew someone his age with the same name, and that it would be awkward for us to encounter each other now. I asked about his general line of work, trying to figure out if it was my cousin. The reply I got was ambiguous, though, and I realized with some chagrin that I needed different information. It was a relief when I remembered a dog my cousin's family had owned years ago. Lots of people who knew my cousin back then would have known of the dog, too. I described it in general terms, and got a reply saying they weren't the same people. The contact is terriby allergic to dogs! He became a very good client--I've seen him four times, now.

So true! Another good thing about getting a bit older is that it's easier to recognize this kind of thing. When I was in my early 20s, very firm without a stretch mark to be found, I had a hard time feeling attractive. I looked great, but somehow it was all cancelled out when I thought my thighs were too big or my backside was too round. I don't obsess about things like that now. Life is too short! No man ever decided he wasn't staying for the appointment. Not then. Not now. Really, I think that the older ladies in our profession could help a lot of non-SPs re-think many, many things. Of course, if we did that, it might be bad for business.... :lol:

I'm another who mostly does incalls but I take a cab when I do an outcall, and then only to the major hotels. I had an unpleasant experience at a private residence once, and so I just don't go to those.

Good Q&A. I just wanted to chime in and say that if you have a preference in condoms, or if there are some that you don't tolerate, it's fine to say so when you make the appointment. Some women--like me--prefer to provide the condoms themselves. I'd make sure to have what you like, if at all possible.

Good Q&A. I just wanted to chime in and say that if you have a preference in condoms, or if there are some that you don't tolerate, it's fine to say so when you make the appointment. Some women--like me--prefer to provide the condoms themselves. I'd make sure to have what you like, if at all possible.

When I came out of retirement, I thought it might be a long-shot. I've had ongoing private arrangements with several men, none of whom consider themselves to be paying a prostitute for her time. They think of themselves as friends who help ensure that I'll be available to spend time with them. It works. I had no idea whether I would find clients easily. But when I began seeking clients more actively, I was pleasantly surprised about the response. I'm not perfect-looking. I'm a smaller-type BBW, very curvy, and I've had three children. I would never volunteer for the hypothetical Playboy feature! I'm not ashamed of how I look, at all. I am who and what I am, and I'm comfortable with it. And I know I'm much better in bed now than I was 20 years ago--no question about it! It's obvious that there are many, many men who actively seek women like me. Most of my clients are in their late 50s and 60s; I have two regulars who are in their 70s. One of them teases me that I'll be even better when I'm older. 8-) Those who've talked about it have told me that they like to look at the gloriously lovely young women, but they don't feel quite right having sex with them--they start thinking about their own daughters and that makes them very uncomfortable.

I'm all for decriminalizing prostitution. I'm NOT in favour of legalizing it. I don't want the government regulating what I do, where I do it, who my clients are, how much I charge, my health status, or anything else. I agree with Erin: we have laws to appeal to if we're assaulted, threatened or harmed in any way. Likewise, there are laws to protect neighbours' interests in the peaceful, quiet enjoyment of their property. So, unless an SP's clients are causing a public disturbance, she shouldn't have to worry about entertaining them in her home. Registering a business is a fine idea, though strictly speaking, it's not necessary. The CRA wants us to declare our income from all sources but they don't really care whether the business is registered or not. I've been self-employed in another field for more than 15 years and have filed annual tax returns, declare my income and pay my taxes without ever needing to be registered as a business. It's very true, though: what you put in the bank is never a secret from the government. It's a very good idea to keep records of cash income even if you don't deposit it in the bank.

I met with a long-time friend who is also a criminal lawyer today. I wanted to go over a number of things including my website. He's never represented a provider in any legal action, but has represented a few men who have been charged with being found in bawdy houses, so his advice might be incomplete, or too cautious. With that caveat, he was very helpful, particularly about incall locations. Basically, he said that any place that is used for prostitution on a regular basis qualifies as a bawdy house. So a provider who works from home can be charged with keeping a bawdy house even if they're the only one working there. They can also be charged if they rent another location and use that for their workplace. However, in Vancouver at least, the police aren't interested in charging providers who keep things low-key and quiet, he said. If there are complaints from neighbours, the police might be interested then, depending on the neighbourhood. He also told me that, in this province, a landlord can evict a tenant if she is using her rented home as an incall location. This is because the landlord could be considered to be "living off the avails of prostitution," which is a crime. Providers who have live-in partners who are not sex workers can also be charged with "living off the avails." In the end, it's all about keeping things very quiet and low-key, he said. He also told me to be vague about what I do in my website descriptions, not to refer to specific activities, even with acronyms like CBJ, not to show any images with my face (which I wasn't doing anyway), and to limit the images I do use to a couple of artistic shots. Those pics are of me, but are in an antique style and don't snow any frontal nudity. He said that if anyone queried the photos as implied offers of sexual activity, the connection between the old-style photos and sexual acts isn't explicit. They're less explicit than many works of art, he said. Overall, though, he said that independent providers aren't under scrutiny in general in this province, and aren't likely to be unless there are complaints about noise, traffic and drugs. He did wonder what would happen if a disgruntled client went to the police if he was angry about a bait-and-switch operation, both because it's a complaint, and it could point to the involvement of others who might be assumed to be pimping or otherwise living off the avails. None of that relates to me. I think that it's a good idea to get independent legal advice and not to take anyone's word for what's legal and what's not, wherever you are. My friend's opinion is just one opinion, other lawyers might see things differently.

Hotels are expensive, so I can appreciate the dilemma this poses for some. Escorts do different things, depending on their comfort level, so whether that would make a difference for you could be a factor. Personally, I don't do many outcalls. I do see some out of town clients in downtown hotels. I never see clients in their own homes. I don't think I would be comfortable seeing a new client anywhere other than my home or a four or five-star hotel.

Actually, I DO analyze potential clients pretty closely and I turn a lot of them down. My criteria may not be the same as any other girl's, and when it comes to seeing the client, mileage is likely to vary a lot, too. I tend to make my decisions based on my intuition and my gut reactions. I wouldn't be likely to consult a review list, though I do check out bad date lists sometimes. Some of the men I've entertained said that they'd never seen a provider before, but our time together was lovely for both of us, judging by how I felt, what they said, and whether they asked to see me again. I'd hate to see a man have a hard time finding a SP just because he hadn't been reviewed.

I have clients in their mid-60s and 70s who have this experience pretty often, sometimes even with Viagra, though it's usually just temporary then. Oral usually takes care of things. Adding a bit of prostate massage always works! I was in a very playful mood with one client a few weeks ago. It was the first time he'd visited me, and so we had a nice long session with time to get comfortable together. But when the condom went on, he went soft very quickly. After a little bit of oral, he said something about condoms being too uncomfortable because they're never big enough and always too tight. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but without thinking about it, I took the condom off and blew it up like a balloon, way beyond the size of any man I've ever seen. He started to laugh. By the time I'd tied a knot in the end of it, put it on the bedside table and got a fresh one, he was in stitches, laughing so hard. When he recovered, he asked if I knew any more tricks with condoms. I told him I could roll the fresh one over my fist and most of the way up my forearm--did he want to see that? He started laughing again, and then he was tickling me, and soon we were wrestling on the bed... No problem when the condom went on that time! (He's booked another meeting, too!) So I recommend oral, prostate massage, and learning a few balloon tricks! :-)