RobX

I'm curious as to whether SPs have a preference with respect to the different types of appointments - a regular 1-on-1 with a client, duo, couple, stag. etc. I imagine each of these has their own particular appeal and drawbacks. Below are my impressions of the positive and negative aspects of the different types of appointments. All of this is pure speculation on my part, and meant just to start the discussion. I imagine a 1-on-1 with a client is probably the most comfortable scenario, especially for an SP who is just starting out. A duo may be the most fun, especially for an SP who is bisexual or pansexual, and who has feelings for her duo partner. On the other hand, there may be a risk of competition between the SPs as to who plays the dominant role during the session. An appointment with a couple has the potential to be the most exciting scenario for the SP, affording the SP the rare opportunity to tempoarily share in the exclusive intimacy of a couple. On the other hand, this scenario may also be the most stressful, especially for an SP who is not totally self-confidant. Finally, a stag may the preferance of an SP who has exhibitionist tendancies. On the other hand, given the free-flowing alcohol and the male bonding / gang mentality that may prevail, respectful behavior toward the SP may be in short supply, and there is a higher risk of abuse. I would be most interested in hearing the opinions of the SPs on the board with respect to this question. What type of appointment do you prefer, and why?

During my appointments with MPAs or SPs I've noticed that names are never used. We just call each other "you". I guess that's because I know that whatever name she uses, it is not her real name, and she has no idea of whether the name I give is my real name or not. I have had MPAs and SPs ask me my name, but they have never addressed me by name during the appointment. Sometimes it does seem odd to have intimate relations with someone but never address each other by name. I'm curious to know whether others' experience is the same. Also, I'm curious to know whether MPAs and SPs ever develop an emotional connection with their professional name. Does it become like a nickname, which can have hold as much emotional significance as one's real name, or is it more like the name of a character in a role you are playing, which carries no emotional attachment what so ever?

For me, conversation and a certain level of connection with an SP is very important. Unfortunately, I myself am a very reserved person and I fall into the category of people from whom, as described by Angela of Ottawa, "it is difficult to get one or two word answers out of them". In stressful situations, such as one's first time with an SP, it is even worse. While some people talk incessantly when under stress, I seem to shut down completely, which was exactly what happened during my first time with an SP. From visiting MPAs, prior to my first time with an SP, I have found that regardless of how outgoing an MPA or SP is, she cannot carry the conversation on her own, and in order for a connection to be established, both must make an effort at establishing a connection, regardless of how difficult that may be for someone who is very reserved. One of the most unexpected characteristics of hobbying for me has been how important being able to establish a conversational connection with an MPA or SP has played in the overall success of a session. Before I started hobbying I had assumed that a conversational connection was a given, and was simply part of the "services" that an MPA or SP provided. Fortunately for me, I have experienced one "magical" session with an MPA where the conversation between her and myself just seemed to flow naturally and effortlessly. My quest now is to try and find a way to somehow recreate that magic on a more regular basis.

I have been doing some research in preparation for my first visit to an SP. In one of the areas - the issue of buying treats or gifts for an SP - I have come across completely contradictory advice. Here is a sample of some of the advice I have come across regarding this issue: Given all of this contradictory advice, I am not sure how to handle this issue. Does the fact that there are so many different answers mean that there is no right answer, and that it therefore does not really matter what I decide in this area? Or is there a specific safe approach to follow when visiting an SP for the first time? If it will help, the website of the SP I am planning to see lists only water as her favorite drink/food item. Does this mean I can safely offer her only a bottle of water without seeming like a cheapskate? This SP's website does include some gift suggestions, including a link to her favorite lingerie store. Are such suggestions meant only for regular repeat clients? Having never visited an SP, my only point of reference is a regular first date. One would certainly never consider buying lingerie for someone on their first date. Are clients expected to buy such gifts for an SP for the first visit? Thanks,

[URL]http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/14/sex-workers-victims-laws-prostitution[/URL] Not all sex workers are victims - Thierry Schaffauser - guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 14 April 2010 11.22 BST New laws on prostitution are sexist ? being paid for sex does not objectify me any more than working in a low wage job did On the 1 April 2010, the Policing and Crime Act became effective. We are facing not a feminist measure, but an ideology that sees women as unable to be sexually independent and free of their own actions. Anti-sex-worker laws are sexist. They are essentialist, paternalist and reinforce the division of women. It is an essentialist conception to consider sex work as always a violence whatever the period, the place, or the conditions. Sex workers are often seen only as women when many men and transsexual people are also working, and women are always seen as victims by essence. All acts of violence against a sex worker are thus analysed as intrinsically the result of sex work itself and not the conditions in which sex work is exercised. It stops the real violence that exists in the sex industry being visible. We are told that we must stop sex work to avoid this violence. If we refuse, we become accomplices of the patriarchal system. We are accused of being responsible for maintaining an industry that harms women. Yet bell hooks warned feminists of the dangers of a "shared victimisation" sisterhood. A victim's status for women reduce them to beings who must be protected. It participates in the denial of their capacities. It denies sex workers the free disposal of our bodies, our self-determination, our capacity to express our sexual consent like children under 16. It reinforces the idea that sex workers are too stupid, lazy, without any skills, and without consciousness of their alienation. Many anti-sex-workers' rights activists think that rape is the conditioning to becoming a sex worker. These claims about rape in our childhood or Stockholm syndrome are used to de-legitimate political attempts to be recognised as experts on our lives and to confiscate our voice. How could we say that a victim of rape has lost her capacity to express her consent because she is traumatised for life? We never say that for other people. Another paternalistic way to deny our voice is to claim that we are manipulated by pimps. It is a common accusation since the beginning of our movement in 1975. This strategy has been used against many groups. For instance women were accused of being manipulated by the church to be deprived their right to vote. Instead of fighting the "whore stigma", middle-class feminists prefer to distance themselves from it, and by doing so reinforce it and exclude those who incarnate this identity. This participates in the segregation between women. This may be a form of internalised sexism by other women who think female sex workers give them a bad name. According to some anti-sex-workers' rights activists, sex workers maintain the idea that men can own women's bodies. Sex workers are told that they create a sexual pressure on the whole women class. On the contrary, I think that it is by using expressions such as "selling your body" that we reinforce the idea of sex workers being owned and women as objects, while sex workers try to impose the term the "sale of sexual services" between two adult subjects. How can we talk about the ownership of our bodies when we are on the contrary those who impose their conditions? Isn't it an excuse not to question their own sexuality? Being penetrated doesn't mean that I give my body. Being paid for sex doesn't make me more of an object than when I was working for the minimum wage. What makes me an object is political discourses that silence me, criminalise my sexual partners against my will, refuse me equal rights as a worker and citizen, and refuse to acknowledge my self-determination and the words I use to describe myself. * guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2010

I checked the FAQs but could not find the answer to my question regarding nominated threads: In the "Thread of the bi-weekly awards" section, the last line following the list of nominated threads indicates "Remaining nominations cumulated". Sometimes, the votes associated with the latter can be quite substantial. For example, in the "Topic Of The Fortnight 7, Week 15, April, 2010", 50% of the votes were for "Remaining nominations cumulated". Since this line is not a hyperlink, my question is how can one view the list of threads included under "Remaining nominations cumulated"? If the answer is already posted somewhere on the board I would appreciate it if someone could just point me in the right direction. Thanks,

I have been a member of CERB for almost a year now. I am also a member of several other escort review boards. The purpose of this post is to compliment CERB and it's members on the overall friendless of this site. I have found that on other sites one has to be careful what one says when posting in order to avoid angry replies or PMs, It is almost seems as if that there are a lot of people on the other boards who have been skipping their anger management classes. It is therefore refreshing to be able to post on CERB and not have to worry about flames and arrows in reply. I have found that the members of CERB are friendly, helpful and responsive. CERB is definitely living up to it's motto of a providing a positive and friendly environment, I would also like to make special mention of the ladies of CERB. I find the participation of the ladies of CERB to be exemplary. The ladies of CERB come across as thoughtful, considerate and genuine, I sincerely believe that if we could find a formula whereby the average citizen could hear what the ladies of CERB have to say, it would go a long way towards changing society's view of sex workers and sex work in general.

The idea for this question comes from the movie "Chloe". In the movie, Julianne Moore's character asks Amanda Seyfried, who played the escort in the move, "How do you do it". Amanda Seyfried's character answers: "I try to find something to love in every client I meet" (Note: Since I am quoting from memory the quote may not be quite exact, although I think I got it right because I found it to be the most memorable line from the movie). I would like to put aside the somewhat condescending nature of the question asked in the movie, and opt for a more narrow interpretation. I would therefore like to ask the ladies of CERB: How are you able to bring yourself to provide your usual level of quality service to clients whom you find unattractive or downright repulsive? Before ending this post I would like to relate a personal antidote to illustrate my perception of how difficult I believe it may be for an SP to service an unattractive client. On the surface this antidote may seem only peripherally relevant to my post. However, it's purpose is to provide an idea of my empathy for how an SP must feel when dealing with an unattractive client. After graduating from university my first job was in the Toronto area. I had lived there for only a month and didn't know anyone in the city when I ran a 10K. After the race a quite average looking (plain Jane type) woman, 10 years older than myself, starting hitting on me and we ending up spending the day together. At the end of the day she asked me if I wanted to come back to her place to have sex, and I said no. I was a painfully shy person. At the time I did not have a girlfriend, I had not had sex for months, I did not know anyone in the city and was painfully lonely, I was acutely aware that she herself was also desperately lonely, because of her age I knew she was in her sexual peek and could have taught me a lot, and I felt bad for rejecting her. Yet, I said no to her because I felt zero attraction for her and could not be intimate with someone whom I had no attraction for. She was not repulsive in any way, just ordinary looking, but if felt repulsive to me to be intimate with someone for whom I felt no attraction, despite all the extenuating circumstances which I have just enumerated. The fact that I felt zero attraction for her trumped everything else. I have related this story to give you an idea of my interpretation of how repulsive it must feel to an SP to have to service an unattractive client. Getting back to my question to the ladies of CERB: How are you able to bring yourself to provide your usual level of quality service to clients whom you find unattractive or downright repulsive? How are you able to deal with the psychological dissonance you must feel from having to service an unattractive or repulsive client? Do you have a specific philosophy or approach which helps you deal with these particular situations? Thanks,

I'm curious about about how SPs feel about about receiving DATY from a client. I remember having the opportunity to perform DATY on an MPA when I first started sees MPAs. In fact, it was only the my second time seeing an MPA, and I remember being amazed that she would let me to perform DATY on her. I am revealing my age here, but my impressions of how sex workers relate to their clients dates back to my reading, during my teenage years, of the book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask" by Dr. David Reuben. One of the things I remember from the book is the assertion thay sex workers do not seek to be aroused during sex with a client, and that they never achieve orgasm with a client - ie. the client may think she came, but she was just faking it. I am therefore curious how SPs feel about receiving DATY from a client. Do you enjoy it? Do you feel that having a client perform DATY on you is like having the client pay to service you? Have you ever achieved orgasm during DATY from a client? Do you wish that clients had better technique so that they could pleasure you more, or are you glad that they don't so that you can remain detached? Do you ever/usually/always fake it with client? P.S After reviewing my post I realize that some of my questions may be a bit too direct, and it may be rather unfair of me to expect a direct answer. However, my intention is not to offend anyone, and I apologize if I did. I guess my basis question is: How do SPs feel about receiving sexual pleasure from a client? Thanks,

[URL]http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/07/sex-work-crime-legislation[/URL] Recent legislation is further criminalising prostitutes but doing nothing about the reasons why they choose this work. The Policing and Crime Act came into force yesterday. Its anti-prostitution measures were put forward by government feminists who advocate the "Swedish model". In 1998, Sweden passed legislation making it illegal for men to purchase sexual services. This was part of a package also covering stalking, rape and domestic violence, so few have questioned it. Soon, the criminalisation of prostitution ? not the neglect and exploitation of mothers, nor support for breastfeeding, nor the rape conviction rate, nor pay equity ? became the measure of a government's feminist credentials. On 26 March, Iceland's feminist head of state banned stripping and lap-dancing. UK ministers, who have introduced repressive law-and-order measures ? from Asbos to detention without trial ? and put double the number of women in prison, have lapped up this criminalisation. While attention has focused on criminalising clients (though less harsh than the total ban government feminists had advocated), the measures that target women remain hidden. Police powers to arrest women deemed to be loitering or soliciting have been reinforced, and women are coerced into "rehabilitation" under threat of imprisonment. It is also easier to close brothels (where two or more women can work together more safely than on the street), and to seize women's assets and savings. Sex workers' warnings ? that driving prostitution further underground endangers safety, as women will not report violence if they risk arrest ? have been dismissed. In anticipation of the new law, raids have escalated. One woman faces brothel-keeping charges, which carry a seven-year prison sentence, for working at home with a friend. Another who reported a serious attack by two men threatening to torch her premises is being investigated; the men are not being pursued. While ministers justified the act with discredited claims that most women in the sex industry are trafficked, the financial reasons driving many women, especially mothers and young people, into prostitution ? debt, inadequate benefits, low wages, homelessness and high rents ? have also been ignored. In fact, the Welfare Reform Act, which pushes single mothers "out to work", was passed at the same time as the policing act and is also coming into force this month. Entitlement is to be replaced with exploitation. If jobs aren't available, mothers and others may have to work for their benefits ? that is, for £1.60 an hour. Children who are already living in poverty may now be deprived of their mother's care: in order to keep her benefits or find a job, she is no longer home with them. Those who rage against prostitution have not a word for mothers struggling to feed their families. Yet mothers, on the lowest of women's wages or on benefits, now face abolition of income support, the only benefit which has recognised their caring responsibilities. This two-pronged attack on women has been led by women MPs in a parliament with a record number of women (12). In this, too, it follows the Swedish government ? comprising 45% women ? which is also waging a campaign against benefits. Reforms introduced in 2008 have had a terrible impact on single mothers and on people who are seriously ill or have a disability. A quarter of single mothers now live in poverty, compared to 10% seven years ago. People can be asked to show receipts of what they are spending their money on and are denied food stamps if their fridge is not totally empty. Opposition has been fierce: 100,000 people signed a petition against the reforms, and candlelit vigils have been held for people who committed suicide after their benefits were cut. Doctors have protested that people with terminal cancer should not be required to do paid work. Nurses in Britain have complained about the same pressure being put on patients here. Women in Sweden are entitled to 18 months' paid maternity leave. (It is half that in Britain, and for less than half the money.) But they must report for work immediately afterwards, or their benefits are cut. Sweden's ministers for EU affairs, Birgitta Ohlsson, and for finance, Anders Borg, are demanding "more women in paid employment". "Millions of women in the EU cannot work because they are responsible for their family. From an economic point of view, this does not make sense." (Guardian letters, 25 March) But does it make sense for children? Are they happier? Are mothers? Since only 12% of women with children in Britain want to be in full-time employment, the answer is likely to be yes. Children's right to the love and care of their parents is being sacrificed to the market. A job, any job, is more respectable than caring for one's children. Except, of course, the job of sex work. Yet benefit cuts increase the number of women in prostitution. Faced with no benefit or job, or only the lowest-waged jobs, many mothers will sell sexual services. (We estimate that 70% of prostitutes are mothers.) It pays the bills from more generous wages and affords more time with the kids. But those arrested end up with a criminal record, effectively excluded from other jobs ? a life sentence. Are we mothers less degraded working 40 hours a week for under £5 an hour than if we make three times as much working part-time in a brothel? One lap dancer's reaction is unanswerable: Nine out of 10 women turn to prostitution or lap dancing to get money to survive. I work with students, mothers and all kinds of other women. Recently my mum couldn't afford a pair of school shoes for my brother. When I worked a day job I couldn't help her, but now I can. If the government is offended by the work we do, then give us the financial means to get out of the industry. Women are not ashamed of what we have to do to survive. But we are furious that those who claim to know what's best for us are ready to see us starve as long as we keep our clothes on, or put us in prison when we take them off. Such feminism ultimately defends the market from women, rather than women from the market. Who else will benefit from the increased competition for scarce jobs, and the longer hours and starvation wages we are urged to submit to? * guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2010

Thanks to all those who replied. The answers to my query on this and another board, whether in posts or PMs, were nearly unamimous in recommending outcall for one's first time with an SP. However, the replies were almost evenly split between agency and indy. I have therefore decided to go with a top-rated Outcall Indy for my first visit, partly because I think I would feel more comfortable explaining that this was my first time, and discussing my preferences directly with the SP, via email, prior to my visit, than I would doing so with a Agency owner or receptionist, whether by phone or email. Thanks again,

Interestingly, the Prostitutes's Education Network - http://www.bayswan.org - cites a 1986 study which found that the vast majority of sex workers studied did indeed develop higher self-esteem after becoming sex workers : Prince, Diana, "A Psychological Profile of Prostitutes in California and Nevada," San Diego: United States International University, PhD. dissertation, March 1986. The article states: ?Some researchers suggest that prostitutes, in general, suffer from 'negative identities' or lack of self esteem. A 1986 study by Diane Prince, however, found call girls and brothel workers had higher self esteem than before they became prostitutes. 97% of call girls liked themselves 'more than before.' ? This study is referenced in several articles and publications: Prostitutes's Education Network: Prostitution in The United States - The Statistics ( http://www.bayswan.org/stats.html ) San Francisco Task Force on Prostitution. Final Report 1996 ( http://www.bayswan.org/15Resource.html ) Citizenshift. Media for Social Change: Empowered sex workers: Do they exist? By: Margo Caulfield In: Research for Sex Work 3, 2000 ( http://citizenshift.org/blogs/mmlib/blog_BleuRouge/Empowered__sex.doc ) Sex, work and sex work: eroticizing organization By Joanna Brewis, Stephen Linstead ( http://books.google.ca/books?id=ww72PkI_AqcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=Sex,+work+and+sex+work:+eroticizing+organization&cd=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false )

The idea for this topic came from a quotation I read : "Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part." - Aimee Mullins It occurred to me that the SPs on the various escort review boards I have visited come across as exhibiting very high levels of confidence and self-esteem, contrary to the mainstream opinion that sex workers have very low self-esteem. It would seem logical that SPs would have high self-esteem deriving from their physical appearance, for the same reason that models have high self-esteem. As well, confidence with their own sexuality is undoubtedly an additional source of self-esteem. On the other hand, while models are held in high esteem within society (most teenage girls probably dream of being a model), thus reinforcing the sense of self-esteem of those who have succeeded in becoming models, the reverse is true for those who choose to become sex workers. Sexwork is almost totally denigrated by mainstream society. The profession is criminalized, and the four- and five- letter words used to describe sex workers are the same words used against women by men who abuse, hate and fear women. Sex workers cannot generally openly reveal or discuss their work with others, and they are denied the confidence-building experience of having their parents tell them they are proud of them for their career success. Despite this, SPs still come across as having very high levels of self-esteem. I am therefore curious how sex workers are able to maintain their self-esteem despite mainstream society's denigration of their chosen profession. Or, is the confidence displayed by sex workers merely a front that masks a deep-seated emotional fragility? I remember asking myself the same question following the suicide of Nelly Arcand. To finish up on a positive note, I would say that there are probably multiple possible reasons why sex workers are able to maintain their self-esteem despite society's view of their profession: - Sex workers have a higher level of inner confidence than most people, are therefore well able to withstand criticism, even when it seems that the whole world is against them - Sex workers are acutely aware that they provide a valuable service to those who otherwise would be living totally desolate lives, whether in dead-end dysfunctional marriages, or because, for whatever reason, they have difficulty finding satisfying female companionship - Sex workers derive confidence from their own sexual liberation, free from the burdens and hang-ups that a large part of mainstream society suffers under. I would be most interested in how sex workers feel regarding this issue.

Iceland's strip club ban: A feminist victory? http://theweek.com/article/index/201336/Icelands_strip_club_ban_A_feminist_victory Some commentators call Iceland's strip club ban a win for women everywhere. But what about the adult right to bare all? posted on March 30, 2010, at 1:18 PM Is Iceland's strip club ban a victory for women ? or a danger? Photo: Corbis Best Opinion: Guardian, The Frisky, Feministe, Jezebel The government of Iceland last week outlawed all businesses that profit off the nudity of employees ? strip clubs, most notably. Many feminists have cheered the move. Janice Raymond, a director of Coalition Against Trafficking in Women believes it is "a victory... for everyone worldwide who repudiates the sexual exploitation of women." But other observers eschew the idea that stripping is inherently exploitative and wonder if the ban won't backfire. Is Iceland's new law visionary ? or just short-sighted? Iceland has become a beacon of true feminism: This small nation of 320,000 people "is fast becoming a world-leader" in feminist politics, says Julie Bindel in the Guardian. Why? Thank "a strong women's movement and a high number of female politicians" who worked together to pass this legislation. Hopefully, this ban will serve as a "shot in the arm" to other countries ? the U.K., most notably ? that should be doing more to stop the exploitation of women. "Iceland: the world's most feminist country" Wrong move, Icelanders: This is definitely "not a feminist victory," says Miriam at Feministing. If history is any guide, the industry will just be forced underground and that will "harm the workers more than anyone." The best option "would be a highly regulated industry that made sure dancers' rights were protected" ? think "good wages," unions, a safe work environment, and tough enforcement on human trafficking laws. "Iceland bans strip clubs..." Actually, Iceland is a unique case where this makes sense: In general, it's true that banning an industry just forces it underground, says Matt Yglesias at Think Progress. But that's "probably not true of Iceland" ? a country so tiny that people don?t even have last names. Here, "the authorities would find out about" any underground clubs ? after all, there are no secrets in a country of 320,000. From a U.S. perspective, this is more analogous to a small town banning strip clubs. "Iceland bans strip clubs" Don't forget, strippers are people too: It's true that stripping isn't all "glitter and fun" and third-wave feminist empowerment, says Jill Filipovic at Feministe. "I?d be willing to bet that most strippers strip because it pays pretty well." So, sure, some feminists are declaring victory because Icelandic frat boys won't be able to "male bond over seeing naked ladies anymore." But keep in mind: "the ladies will be the ones who are dead broke because of it." "Iceland bans strip clubs"

I am planning my first time with an SP. After receiving advice on this and other boards, I have decided to go with a top-rated Outcall Indy for my first time. The advice I have been given also recommends that I warn / tell the SP, when setting up the meeting, that this is my first time visiting an SP. I wonder how much additional information I should, or should NOT, provide ahead of time - specifically that I am a more reserved person, and that I am middle-aged. Essentially, I would be telling the SP that I am a very reserved middle-aged man who is visiting an SP for the first time. I wonder if this risks scaring off the SP, because of the potential awkwardness of the session, and the fact that the SP may have to work extra hard to ensure that the session goes smoothly. She may just decide to pass and opt instead for a session with a client with less baggage - for example, an outgoing client who is used to visiting SPs. On the other hand, because she is a top-rated SP, she may be used to handling such situations and it may not phase her at all. How much of this should I mention prior to our meeting? I would appreciate any advice anyone has with regards to this issue. Thanks,

B.C. community latest to consider outing johns ( http://www.montrealgazette.com/community+latest+consider+outing+johns/2703953/story.html ) By Douglas Quan, Canwest News Service March 19, 2010 Collectively, they are known as "johns." But men who are caught hooking up with prostitutes in Merritt, B.C., could soon be known by their real names. Police in the small town about 250 kilometres east of Vancouver say they are considering joining scores of other law enforcement agencies across North America, including ones in Alberta and Ontario, that have turned to public shaming as a way to deter prostitution. The plan is to release to local media outlets the names of accused johns once they've been charged, said Staff Sgt. Scott Tod, commander of the RCMP detachment in Merritt. "The reality is we live in a small town. Everyone knows each other. Seeing your name in the paper has far more impact," he said. The Canadian Civil Liberties Association is opposed to the practice. It punishes the person before they've been convicted, said Nathalie DesRosiers, the association's general counsel. "What if they're not guilty? They will already have been punished," she said. Kate Gibson, executive director of Vancouver's WISH Drop-In Centre, which provides services to female sex-trade workers, said she worries such a tactic could drive prostitution further underground. "It surprises me that there are people going in that direction. What does it serve to do?" she said. "If there's a problem with public disorder, then there's probably more imaginative ways of coping with that and supporting those in need." In Lethbridge, Alta., where the police department started identifying accused johns and prostitutes last October, there has been some backlash from relatives of those named, said Chief Tom McKenzie. But the practice is no different from the department's practice of identifying people who've been charged in connection with property crimes, impaired driving and other offences, he said. McKenzie said he thinks the naming policy has probably made men think twice about soliciting prostitutes. "If people think, 'My name will appear in the paper,' it will deter behaviours," he said. McKenzie added that smaller communities like his lack the resources and social agencies to help prostitutes and their clients. The police department in Belleville, Ont., started naming johns and prostitutes last August, and it seems to have had the effect of reducing demand, said spokeswoman Sgt. Julie Forestell. "Business is all about supply and demand. If there's no demand, maybe suppliers will have to go to another business," she said. In the U.S., some municipalities have gone further by publicizing the names of accused johns on local television programs and websites. Last year, the city of Minneapolis beefed up its approach dealing with johns. In the past, a convicted john there could waive that conviction if he agreed to go through a restorative treatment program, or "john school." But now, they can no longer waive that conviction and are required to go through treatment. Plus, their names and pictures remain on a website, www.johnspics.org. Councilman Gary Schiff said the city has seen a dramatic reduction in prostitution. It takes police twice as long to make an arrest now when they conduct a sting, he said. Michael Shively, senior associate at Abt Associates in Cambridge, Mass., is doing a study on prostitution intervention programs across the U.S. He says he's aware of about 350 cities and counties that routinely publicize the names ? and, in some cases, pictures ? of accused johns. Though not totally proven, he said such a tactic probably does have the effect of deterring some men. The one downside, he said, is "collateral damage" to spouses and children. Shively said the best approach for dealing with johns is one that combines punishment with education ? teaching johns about health risks and exposing them to stories of the lives of prostitutes.

I'm curious as to what type of clients most SPs prefer. Do you prefer as a client: Mr. Insecure - Someone who has difficulty relating to women. who is totally shy, and may be a virgin,. You may may be his first time with a women. You have to take charge. You need to make him feel comfortable. You need to initiate everything, or do you prefer : Mr. Cool - He is is sure of himself . He knows he can make you come. He is in charge, and he makes sure you know it. You just have to lie back and take it. Admittedly, these are two extremes. My motivation for asking the question is that, in my sessions with MPAs I always let her initiate everything, rather than asking for anything specific, and I'm curious to know if this is the best approach to follow when visiting an SP for the first time. Thanks.

I have not yet been with an SP and I am wondering whether to start with incall or outcall, agency or indy. My impression is that there is a certain logical sequence to follow - incall agency - incall indy - outcall agency - outcall indy. My understanding is that, ultimately, the most enjoyable experiences are to be had with an indy SP, but to visit an indy outcall the first time one sees an SP might be too intense and too much of a stressful situation. Am I on the right track or totally out in left field?

Research study: [URL]http://www.eaves4women.co.uk/Documents/Recent_Reports/Men%20Who%20Buy%20Sex.pdf[/URL] Article in the Guardian (UK) discussing the research study: [URL]http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes[/URL] Julie Bindel The Guardian, Friday 15 January 2010 Why men use prostitutes The reasons why many men pay for sex are revealed in the interviews that make up a major new piece of research Seven hundred men were interviewed for the project, which aimed to find out why men buy sex. Photograph: Christina Griffiths/Getty Images/Flickr RM 'I don't get anything out of sex with prostitutes except for a bad feeling," says Ben. An apparently average, thirtysomething, middle-class man, Ben had taken an extended lunchbreak from his job in advertising to talk about his experiences of buying sex. Shy and slightly nervous, he told me, "I am hoping that talking about it might help me work out why I do it." I, too, was hoping to understand his motives better. Ben was one of 700 men interviewed for a major international research project seeking to uncover the reality about men who buy sex. The project spanned six countries, and of the 103 customers we spoke to in London ? where I was one of the researchers ? most were surprisingly keen to discuss their experiences. The men didn't fall into obvious stereotypes. They were aged between 18 and 70 years old; they were white, black, Asian, eastern European; most were employed and many were *educated beyond school level. In the main they were presentable, polite, with average-to-good social skills. Many were husbands and boyfriends; just over half were either married or in a relationship with a woman. Research published in 2005 found that the numbers of men who pay for sex had doubled in a decade. The *authors attributed this rise to "a greater acceptability of commercial sexual contact", yet many of our *interviewees told us that they felt *intense guilt and shame about paying for sex. "I'm not satisfied in my mind" was how one described his feelings after paying for sex. Another told me that he felt "disappointed ? what a waste of money", "lonely still" and "guilty about my relationship with my wife". In fact, many of the men were a mass of contradictions. Despite finding their experiences "unfulfilling, empty, terrible", they continued to visit prostitutes. I interviewed 12 of the men, and found it a fascinating experience. One told me about his experience of childhood cruelty and neglect and linked this to his inability to form close *relationships with anyone, particularly women. Alex admitted sex with *prostitutes made him feel empty, but he had no idea how to get to know women "through the usual routes". When I asked him about his feelings *towards the women he buys he said that on the one hand, he wants *prostitutes to get to know and like him and, on the other, he is "not under *delusions" that the encounters are anything like a real relationship. "I want my ideal prostitute not to behave like one," he said, "to role-play to be a pretend girlfriend, a casual date, not business-like or mechanical. To a third person it looks like we're in love." I felt compassion for Alex. No one had shown him how to form a bond with another human being and he was searching for something that commercial sex was never going to provide. But another of the interviewees left me feeling concerned. Darren was young, good-looking and bright; I asked him how often he thought the women he paid enjoyed the sex. "I don't want them to get any pleasure," he told me. "I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated." I asked if he felt prostitutes were different to other women. "The fact that they're prepared to do that job where others won't, even when they're skint, means there's some capability inside them that permits them to do it and not be disgusted," he said. He seemed full of a festering, potentially explosive misogyny. When asked what would end *prostitution, one interviewee laughed and said, "Kill all the girls." Paul told me that it would take "all the men to be locked up". But most of them told the researchers that they would be *easily deterred if the current laws were implemented. Fines, public *exposure, employers being informed, being issued with an Asbo or the risk of a criminal record would stop most of the men from continuing to pay for sex. Discovering the women were *trafficked, pimped or otherwise coerced would appear not to be so *effective. Almost half said they *believed that most women in prostitution are victims of pimps ("the pimp does the *psychological raping of the woman," explained one). But they still continued to visit them. An upcoming new law will make it illegal for men to pay for sex with a trafficked or pimped woman ? and a punter's ignorance of a woman's *circumstances will be no defence. Critics have suggested that this is *unfair, that a man can't possibly know whether a woman is being exploited. Our interviews challenged this *notion. The men knew, to some extent, about abuse and coercion in prostitution ? they weren't operating under the *convenient illusion that women enter the trade because they love sex. More than half admitted that they either knew or believed that a majority of women in prostitution were lured, tricked or trafficked. More than one third said they thought the prostitutes they visited had been trafficked to London from another country, and a small number said they suspected that they had *encountered a trafficking victim based on the woman's inability to speak the local language or on how young or vulnerable they appeared. "I could tell she was new to the country," said one man. "To be new in a country and be a prostitute ? it can't be a choice . . . She looked troubled." Another said that he had "seen women with bruises, cuts and eastern European accents in locations where lots of trafficked women and girls are". One man suspected that an African woman he had met was *trafficked *because "she was frightened and *nervous. She told me she had been tricked. I had sex with her and she seemed fine with the sex. She asked me to help her, but I said there was little I could do. She might have been lying to me." One of the most interesting findings was that many believed men would "need" to rape if they could not pay for sex on demand. One told me, "Sometimes you might rape someone: you can go to a prostitute instead." Another put it like this: "A desperate man who wants sex so bad, he needs sex to be relieved. He might rape." I concluded from this that it's not feminists such as Andrea Dworkin and myself who are responsible for the idea that all men are potential rapists ? it's sometimes men themselves. Half of the interviewees had bought sex outside of the UK, mostly in Amsterdam, and visiting an area where prostitution is legal or openly advertised had given them a renewed dedication to buying sex when they returned to the UK. Almost half said that they first paid for sex when they were below the age of 21. "Dad took me and my older brother," said David. "He paid. Maybe he wanted to make sure we weren't gay. We went to a brothel. Dad didn't do it, and I don't think he told my mum." Another man paid for sex during a stag trip to Thailand with eight of his friends. He was disappointed. "It was a Russian girl, it wasn't the *escort experience. She didn't want to talk, just lay on the bed and wanted to do the [sex] act only." Many men seemed to want a real relationship with a woman and were disappointed when this didn't develop: "It's just a sex act, no emotion. Be prepared to accept this or don't go at all. It's not a wife or girlfriend." *Others were clear that they paid for sex in order to be able to totally control the encounter, including Bob, who said, "Look, men pay for women because he can have whatever and whoever he wants. Lots of men go to prostitutes so they can do things to them that real women would not put up with." Although some of the men said they thought the women they bought *enjoyed the sex, many others admitted that they thought the women would be feeling "disgusted", "miserable", "dirty" and "scared". Ahmed said he thought the woman might feel "relief that I'm not going to kill her". Only 6% of the men we spoke to had been arrested for soliciting *prostitutes. "Deterrents would only work if *enforced," said one. "Any negative would make you reconsider. The law's not enforced now, but if any negative thing happened as a consequence it would deter me." Perhaps the new law will make Albert think twice about paying for sex. He told me, "If I'd get in trouble for doing it, I wouldn't do it. In this country, the police are fine with men visiting prostitutes." All names have been changed. Why do you think men pay for sex? Do you think more should be done to stop them? Email your views to [EMAIL="[email protected]"][email protected][/EMAIL] or write to Women, The Guardian, Kings Place, London N1 9GU guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2010

The same story appeared in the French papers but from a different angle, focusing on a statement by the borough mayor to call in the police if the citizens actions do not have the desired results: "The mayor may take action against prostitution" [URL]http://fr.canoe.ca/infos/quebeccanada/archives/2009/12/20091207-162233.html[/URL] What is interesting is that in the morning printed edition of 24 Heures, the first paragraph of the story includes the following statement (the English translation is mine): [quote]The new mayor of Mercier-Hochelaga-Maisonneuve, Réal Ménard, promises to use police repression, if mediation with community agencies does not work.[/quote]When I checked the article online tonight, the mention of police repression had been removed from the article, and the line had been changed to: [quote]The new mayor of Mercier-Hochelaga-Maisonneuve, Réal Ménard, promises to call in the police if mediation with community agencies does not work.[/quote]Also, if one reads the rest of the story, apparently the mayor's idea of "mediation with community agencies" includes posting pictures of prostitutes online.

[URL]http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/story/2009/12/08/montreal-prostitutes-hochelaga-maisonneuve.html[/URL] Montreal residents fight prostitution online Last Updated: Tuesday, December 8, 2009 | 1:30 PM ET CBC News Residents in Montreal's Hochelaga-Maisonneuve district have launched an online group to fight street prostitution. Residents are taking pictures of sex workers in Hochelaga-Maisonneuve and posting them on Facebook.Residents are taking pictures of sex workers in Hochelaga-Maisonneuve and posting them on Facebook. (Facebook) As of Tuesday, some 377 people, mostly residents in the southeast borough, had joined a group on the social networking site Facebook, where people discuss drug use and public sex they've witnessed in the area. The Facebook group, called "Prostitution en plein jour" also features photos of prostitutes who work in the neighbourhood south of the Olympic Stadium. Sex-trade workers have walked the streets in Hochelaga-Maisonneuve for years, says resident Frédéric Leroux, but the situation has worsened in recent months. "On the same corner, I saw a kid, waiting for a school bus, and I saw a prostitute, waiting for a client," said Leroux, who has three children. Police are doing little to solve the problem, and that's why fed-up residents turned to the internet to take action, Leroux contends. He said he doesn't blame the prostitutes, but rather clients, or johns, who drive the demand. Advocates who work with prostitutes say the Facebook page is the wrong approach to solving an age-old problem. "I think it's insane," said Émilie Laliberté, a former sex-trade worker who now does outreach for STELLA, a Montreal organization that supports people who sell sex on the streets. "It's totally [disrespectful.]" Sex-trade workers are driven to the streets because current laws don't allow them to work anywhere else, and they "don't have the right of protection and security as any other citizen," Laliberté said. "The fact that our work is being criminalized puts us at risk to suffer violence any time, anywhere." Decriminalizing prostitution would allow sex trade workers to practise their trade in clean, safe areas behind closed doors, Laliberté added. She suggested residents talk to local prostitutes about their concerns. "If you bring your kid to the school, and the sex worker is there during the morning, you can just ask her maybe she can go to a corner more far away," she suggested. "The key is communication. It's not by bashing sex workers online that they're gonna get what they want."

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2009/11/27/11949581-sun.html Unlicensed escorts, agencies fined By RICHARD LIEBRECHT, SUN MEDIA The Edmonton Sun Cops told them ahead of time a sweep was coming, but still nearly three dozen Edmonton escorts and escort agencies dodged buying city licences, earning them more than $100,000 in fines, say police. "It just becomes a point of flaunting the bylaw," said Det. Chuck Prince of the Edmonton police vice unit. "They all know, and I tell them when I see them, make sure your licence is up to date." Between Oct. 29 and Nov. 25, police levied 37 fines against 20 women and 15 agencies for allegedly offering sex services without proper documents. Fines totalled $134,000. One agency was nailed with a $20,000 bill. But it's more than a money grab. Prince said licensing escorts and agencies is key to keeping the industry clean and gang-free. Escorts face a yearly criminal record check when they hold a licence. Cops will decline or take their licences if they've been involved in violent, drug-related or recent crimes. That helps cuff the hands of organized crime to take control of the girls. "Someone has to control it. Because if we don't do that, we will have nothing but trouble as organized crime moves into the area, and the ages of the girls drop. They're not 18; they're 14 or 12," said Prince. "You take the control away, someone steps over the line, and nothing happens, they take one bigger step over the line." To add teeth to their cause, fines are set high -- $2,500 for operating as an unlicensed call girl, and an extra $2,500 for operating an agency without papers. A licence for a single escort costs $125. Agencies are charged about $3,800. "It gets expensive," said Prince. He said he thinks this sweep will sink in with the escort community. After their first night of the operation Oct. 29, "the word was out big time. When we went on .......... the next day, there were about a quarter of the ads on there as usual," said Prince. It's fully legal to operate as or hire an escort in Edmonton. They provide sexual and massage services in private residences, and are contacted by phone, said Prince. "Prostitution in Canada is not illegal," he said. "It's communication in a public place that is an illegal act." [email protected]

There is a new research paper out this month on the history of prostitution laws in Canada, by Simon Fraser University criminologist John Lowman, who has written extensively on prostitution laws in Canada, entitled "Deadly Inertia: A History of Constitutional Challenges to Canada?s Criminal Code Sections on Prostitution" ( http://24.85.225.7/lowman_prostitution/HTML/deadly_inertia/Lowman_Deadly_Inertia.pdf ). The paper provides a history of prostitution laws in Canada, focusing on the various court challenges to these laws over the years. It concludes with a discussion of the new challenges to the law currently before the courts in Ontario and BC.

There was an article in Saturday's Montreal Gazette consisting of an interview with a salesgirl at Lingerie Romance, an Erotic lingerie shop in Montreal, discussing Halloween costumes, entitled "At Halloween, suddenly everyone is sexy: pirates, cops .. ( http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Halloween+suddenly+everyone+sexy+pirates+cops/2141040/story.html ). At the end of the interview the salesgirl mentions some of things that customers talk to her about. The interview ends with a funny, or sad, depending on how you look at it, remark from the salesgirl: "People get extremely personal here, too, due to the sexual nature of the store, I guess... They tell me all kinds of crazy stories you wouldn't believe... Sometimes I meet men in their 50s or 60s who don't know what a clitoris is. Then my job practically becomes sex education - I take out a book to show them a diagram and they say, "Oh, I never knew that existed." Their poor wife!"

An article in today' Toronto Sun ( http://www.torontosun.com/news/torontoandgta/2009/10/25/11517611-sun.html ) states that a Toronto City councillor is trying to shut down the massage parlours in T.O. because he : "worries clubs could become legal depending on the outcome of an appeal by dominatrix Terri-Jean Bedford and prostitutes Valerie Scott and Amy Lebovitch. The case involves three provisions of the Criminal Code dealing with prostitution."