dunkinsailor

olivia, nice to hear from you again on cerb. Didn't know if you were still around; will definitely put you back on my "love 2 see" list.

tineye.com

great idea drlove...and I ditto the sentiment. I've already had a visit from Mr. Claws this year...first name, Lobster.

Anyone can do a reverse ip lookup (provided by a slew of sites out there, such as http://remote.12dt.com/), that will give the name of the internet provider, if the ip of the sender is included in the source text of the email (if the "view source" option is available in your email program). More responsible providers cancel the internet accounts of anyone who uses their account in ways that violate the provider's terms of service. Often the provider will give a warning first, unless the suscriber has done something way out in left field.

Did you make it up to OT late Nov? How did your first "big trip" go for you? (Hope it went great, but not SOOO great so that u wanna stay there...lol)

I think it makes a big difference you have a core understanding that "falling in love" is part of an emotional feedback loop inside of us, that happens when an SO (significant other) helps bring out our core essence and magic, while at the same time welcoming reciprocation. I'd love to fall in love - if the Sp is ok with it - during a session. The aftermath is so delicious, and lasting. It's like Christmas when you're a kid - it's amazing while it lasts, but you don't need to ask your dad to rope and chain Santa for the rest of the year. It will happen again.

Right on the button Scott.

great explanation scott. drlove: I'd say find a forum on financial advice, and see what the "experts" say. Hard to crystalball a year ahead. Unless you hafta commit to the current offer soon, u could always get them to lock it in at 4.29, and then see what the variable market is like when you actually have to sign the mortgage, and pick the better of the 2 then. Is that an option? Like Dirty Harry says "Do ya feel lucky p*...well doya??" :smile:

latest business news I read said rates are likely to hold steady until June 2010 or so. Go variable 5 year, and when u see rates about to go up, lock in for remainder of term. That's what we're doing.

get a gmail email account, and set up autoforwarding of any current adresses to your gmail account. Reason: gmail has very effective spam filters, which dump any msgs it detects as spam into a spam folder, where u can review and even delete en masse if you want. With this type of email arrangement, you don't store your contact lists on your computer, so even if a harvester somehow gets into your computer, there's no address book stored on your hard drive to copy.

Maybe do a bit more screening if she answers "God yes! I've got a whole collection of them in my basement freezer"

wow dirk, that's a great result. You make a great point - a big part is the delivery, and WHY you're spilling the beans. If it's because you're cornered, and do it outta guilt, the odds aren't good. From my reading of your post, what you did was to see - sorta a hail mary - if the truth could help further the building of your relationship. And it looks like she was ready to deal with whatever pain the truth brought up, and look at what she REALLY wanted, rather than cast you as the spawn of satan. My hat's off to both of you.

Has there ever been an attempt to organize an sp association in Canada, with a charter and their own guidelines for sharing info and helping protect sp rights?

I do web programming (not php or perl tho), so for me a "bit" is.......well:) Uncomplicate it? First, ignore all I said bout programming! Maybe just have a subforum where users can ask for PM's from anyone that has had experience with a specified sp (that isn't a a cerb member).

This solution would likely take a bit of custom programming, but here goes: - create an invisible (to others) section in our profiles, where we can list the sps (with some extra info to ensure we don't get duplicate names mixed up) we've had experience with. - have a master compiled list for each region (viewable by members), that doesn't show any info about which users have listed which sps. - if a user wants to get others' insights into a particular sp, provide a way for them to post a request. In each applicable user's profile, a *star would appear by the sp's name to show that someone had requested info. Clicking on the sp's name would bring up a screen showing who made the requests, and when. If a user wanted to PM the requesting user, they could if they wanted. Otherwise, the whole system would be unabtrusive, and would provide a way to get info without setting up a separate men's area.

A third option - don't lie, don't spill all. You can truthfully say you're not having an affair. If you're pushed into a corner, you can say you've been doing what u feel you need to take care of yourself, and you have the right to refuse to elaborate. If this triggers a storm or accusations, you can let your SO know that "we have some serious issues in this relationship, and I only feel safe digging into them with the help of a marriage counsellor." The sexual mismatch IS a big issue. For most couples, the prob isn't so much differing needs, but differing negative experiences associated with sex. We "get" our partners to a certain level, but often, we don't know how to become a safe enough harbour to encourage them to risk showing us even deeper levels of themselves. It's not taught anywhere, and it also involves risk on our part, esp. "what if the process brings us even closer, but I STILL feel sexually loneliness." Somewhere the realization has to register at the deepest core in both partners that the sexual issue is robbing both big time. If one or both don't want to risk going deeper, then the natural consequence is that the next best "solutions" are NOT going to be to the liking of one or both of them. The quaility of a relationship is far more important than the type. Kids - and partners - will do a whole lot better when the SO's are good friends, and plan out well a departing of ways, rather than a mad-as-hell breakup. A secret hobby that let's one stay in a marriage and still be relatively happy isn't the best solution, but it IS one solution, even with the flaws. Any choice has a mixture of good consequences and bad consequences. Prepare as best u can for the bad ones, and cross your fingers. Or get pissed and decide you are going to do everything you can to work toward the solution you feel is best, and be ok with a possible acceptance that your partner doesn't want it too, and what choices you'll make if u reach that point. Dunno if I got a bit too heavy, but this is something I'm giving a ton of thought to too. And these are just my best guesses.

no bartering, I paid up front (the donation was in the quite reasonable range). And I didn't ask for a refund when the snafu came up - figured if she didn't offer one, just likely to inflame the situation. I did offer to get her off (I love that feeling), but the one-sided aspect is what upset her: she said that would make her feel "used" - I got the sense she needed it to be a mutual experience, and that the thought of a "one-sided romp" inadvertently touched a nerve. She said it was the first time she'd ever had such a request. My hunch is that it caught her by surprise. Btw, she and her friend (unavailable that day) are both sps, but it was her friend that offered gfe, not her. If I had gotten the date with her friend, maybe the experience woulda ended up different. Luck of the draw. My hunch is, if I ever went back and asked for the full deal with both of them, they'd see it as a challenge to let me find out what I was really missing! (I wouldn't go back tho, cause I'd never know what other hiccups might pop up).

Thanks for the advice. I'm finding a unique sense of community on cerb that - before a week ago - never knew existed. I had the experience I did cause I wavered back and forth (nervously at first) bout jumping off the diving board. A few days before I went to the city, I started making calls and emails (incl. to a few sps with great reviews in cerb). My time in the city didn't match with any availability tho, so I went thru a list of other sps from CER before I found someone available. I got my money's worth in my first time out, just not in the way I expected. Learned a lot, and I left on what I think were quite good terms. Miscommunication. Happens so rarely between a man and a woman:shock:.

Hi ppl, My first post in this forum, and don't know if my experience qualifies for TOFTT:) After a bundle of nerves, and reading thru cerb, I finally took the leap and made an ppt with an sp I found on CER. After arriving, we talked a bit, and started with a massage. Then I told her I was there cause, in my late teens and early 20's, I was a dense, nerdy kid who racked up a lotta rejections trying to get a love life, and wanted to create some better memories to replace a bunch of crappy ones (the theory, anyways). I told her I din't want sex, but naked cuddle and caressing time. Gawd, ain't irony an s.ob. The old days, ask a woman for sex, get a slap in the face. But this time, saying I DIDN'T want sex got me kicked out - there was no way she was gonna let me get her hot and bothered without mutual release. I thought on the way back to the car, "damn, you can't even get a woman NOT to reject you if you PAY her. How bad is that?" Old days, that woulda been the reason to join the monastery. Irony is, I had to laugh. And that's already made the past pain ease up a notch. If there is a next time, I've learned I gotta clarify EVERYTHING important beforehand. Definitely never thought this request would be a deal-breaker.