Old Dog

This is another one of those viral threads on amazon where the reviews for the product are absolutely hilarious. BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen, 1.0mm, Black, 16ct (MSLP16-Blk) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004F9QBE6/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk

Good lord... it's almost magical!!!!! I actually plan to be in THAT EXACT LOCATION AT THAT EXACT TIME tomorrow!!!! Spooky....

That's where they have to balance both acts. If you are an RMT then you can't touch the happy spots. If you touch the happy spots you can't be an RMT. And I'm not a lawyer... I just play one on TV.

As a man, you should never go lobster or crab fishing in the nude, especially in cold water. Never have sex in the missionary position while a cat is in the room. Rapidly moving dangly things tend to make them overly curious. Llamas may look goofy and cute, but they bite and leave permanent marks. You should always try to tickle your partner after doggie style. You just can't stop the inevitable. Not all feet are sexy. My ex had feet like a squirrel and her toenails looked liked dried boogers; on the positive side, someone else has to witness that horror now. The first time your child learns how to stealthily remove themselves from a crib will coincide with the only time your wife will get frisky and want morning sex. Sex on carpet feels great at the time, but sucks as soon as you get up and see how abraded your knees are. When the only available toilet is out of order, your mind will convince you that you have to poop. Those tangential friends that have you on Facebook as a high school pal only list you so that they can bomb you with Farmville requests every hour. Fresh from the womb, newborn babies, even your own, are really rather heinous looking. They may be a miracle and all that, but let's face it... ewww. Everybody loves Bohemian Rhapsody, and will sing it whenever it is heard. You can never successfully sneak barefoot in a dark house filled with heavy wooden furniture. One of those fuckers will attack your toes. In the 1970's, how did we miss the fact that in all male group called "Queen" that at least one of them was gay? We had nooooooo frickin' idea. As a parent, you will say things to your kids that you swore you would never say - because your parents said it to you. Then you will silently scream and think, "shit, I am my parents." I think dirty thoughts when my Outlook folders say "you've got a very clean inbox" and "you don't have junk here." People without kids always think they'd make the best parents. Whoever designed the opening in tighty whitie underwear was an idiot. I don't know a single man that ever used that as a penis extraction exit - it's like twister for your dink. My 14 year old self always emerges when I see naked boobs. Nice lingerie. Take it off. You will never feel more guilty than when a family member says, "you make this better than mom." Mom food is sacred.

I'm with Jazzi... it's walking the very thin edge of the wedge.

Luc... Check out this thread for Ottawa... lots to choose from! http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=117343&highlight=duos+2013

I told the boys at Fat Bastards we have to market ourselves better... not on a single list!!!! Did we mention that we are running a lite beer special??? You get all the BFE you want which normally would cost you a regular beer, but we will actually take a lite beer and let you have the can for return!!! We may even offer a bacon sammich special which means that you GET a bacon sammich, BFE and cuddle time for the price of a regular BFE experience. Now, watch boys... here come the lists.... OHHHHH yeah.

Sons of Anarchy, Seasons 1 and 2 - Officer June Stahl. Perhaps the most detestable human being ever. The actress made her even more detestable. True Blood season.... ummmm.... whatever. Alcides ex-wife, Debbie. I am not one for violence against anyone. But this character just deserves a face punch. Repeatedly. True Blood... every frickin' season. Tara. Beautiful actress. ANGRY frickin' character. Too angry. Always angry. Unreasonably always angry. Frickin' unreasonably always angry.

Pol Pot and only because he inspired this: Burlesque or Burl Ives?

The Death Star. Only the new one, that didn't have a two meter gap to fire photon torpedoes against. Oh, and I'd have to have a blue and green storm commander helmet uniform thingy. I'd want to stand out. Those guys in white and even the guys in red would be saying, "Oooooh look at the blue and green guy, he must be a VIP. Must be Vader's replacement." I'd walk to the cafeteria and order penne all'arrabiata and they'd say, "ohhhh, he must be Vader's replacement. All the Darths order that." Soooooo, yeah. That's where I wanna go.

I am the same... wait.... ohhhhh, never mind. My nipples could cut diamonds now.

Listen... you guys always get bacon sandwiches. EVERY. FRICKIN'. DAY. On May 9th, you must bring your own. My special social bacon sandwich offerings are to have aphrodisiacal effects... and to that end, I don't want to sleep with either of you, again.

You are a woman after my own heart... and other parts.

pssssst.... lady.... one of your boobs slipped out... ummm.... no the other one... oh.... never mind.

Like Cato said... Monday started off slowly but built as the evening went on. The entertainment is always first rate.

The Blue Jays thus far this season. I know it's early but JEEEEBUS.... it would be bad if just part of the game was lacking, but pitching, defence and offence??? On paper this team should be 7-2 or 8-1 not 3-6.

I am speechless...

A beer means you get the safe BFE... the only exchange of fluids is your beer in our bellies!!! BFE: LAYN (look at you nekkid) GAB (get a boner) WPOTV (watch porn on TV) ECT (eat cheezies together) TYB (touch your boobies) GAB2 (get another boner) GJAMHGWI (grab junk and make helicopter gestures with it) LBALYDYSTU (lay back and let you do your stuff to us) MSSN (make silly sex noises) DYB (drink your beer) FAOC (fall asleep on couch) GAB3 -- (get another boner, your mileage may vary) PWABIOD (pass wind and blame it on dog) We offer unrushed safe BFE for a beer. It has to be cold and unopened. Skunky beer will mean we will only get one boner.

Great point Isabella!! I know for the likes of me, hosting is easy because I am on my own. I don't have to worry about people walking in or being caught in the act. The rapport thing is important too. For me it's less about "services" and more about the individual. I would much rather develop a rapport here or through other messaging processes before inviting someone to my home - I think it just enhances the experience and sets the tone - everyone is at ease.

Essentially it means getting your car cleaned inside and out so that it looks, feels and smells like the car you bought new... it's like a spa treatment for your car.

A couple of Canadian authors to consider.... Terry Fallis has three books - he will make you laugh and make you tear up. The Best Laid Plans and the sequel, The High Road are light hearted political novels set in the Ottawa area - if you are from here you will be able to map out the books in your head. His last novel, Up and Down, is about a senior citizen astronaut... and it is amazing. Alan Bradley has now 5 books... they are silly little capricious mystery books centred around a precocious 11 year old girl named Flavia de Luce.... it's a Harry Potteresque and very entertaining... start with "the Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie".. and get hooked! I have to agree on Christopher Moore - I have read everything the man has written and he does entertain - he even entertains in real life on Twitter @theAuthorGuy.