Old Dog

But wait!!!! There's more. Guys, the more you post, the bigger your junk gets. It's a scientific fact. Sure, when he joined CERB in the days when internet was on the radio, PistolPete was just "Pistol" Pete.... but in the past number of years, Pete is more accurately known as Bazooka Joe . Yes.... posting can make a big difference. RoamingGuy has to move to a larger apartment just to accommodate his massive wiener. Neighbours have asked him to walk down the middle of the street after winter storms; he can actually attach a commercial snow plow to his stuff. People in his town love him. They pay less taxes. CERB posting did that. Not enough for you??? Hmmmmmm???? Try this on for size. You know those providers that say they don't watch the clock? It's true, but only if you post meaningful stuff on the threads. I booked a two hour outcall in June 2012. SHE'S STILL HERE. But please read quietly, she has been sleeping since mid march... How's this? I have sold the rights to my posts to major publishers for 389 BILLION dollars. The information garnered from threads has made me a multi-trillionaire. I'm fucking LOADED. I own, that's right own three nations in Central America and am brokering a deal that will see me buy New Zealand. I am changing the name to Old Dogland. I had migrant workers seek the greatest treasures worldwide. Gold-plated toilet... pffffft. My crapper is actually made from one massive and expertly carved diamond. The seat is 3240 karats of flawless diamonds held together by unicorn phlegm. Rare?? Hellz ya. Posting did that. Posting changed my life. Posting can change your life. Still not enough??? Okay. For every post a lurker makes, Sara McLachlan and Alex Trebeck will save a homeless kid in a developing nation and a puppy. In fact, Sara and Alex will give that homeless kid the puppy. Have a heart!!!! It's for homeless kids without puppies. Think what joy that will bring. There will be gleeful kids dancing in the streets accompanied by their happy puppies... dancing for GOD'S sake. You can do that... with one post, a few keystrokes... not even pennies a day. Five posts means five kids with five puppies. Have a fucking HEART. Look at this puppy: Doesn't she deserve a home and a kid of her own??? Go on... post... touch that keyboard... it's a moment of your time, but to a kidless puppy it means an eternity of hope, joy and kibble.

Easter is March 31st.... the premier of Game of Thrones Season three..... forget chocolate and bunnies... "Winter is Coming" Anyone with pay TV and who LOVES great series television - this HBO series is AWESOME!

Additional Comments:

Ummmm... I was really talking about his sister/cousins but .... ummmmm.... if it's good for the business....

Lee... I was actually trying to arrange something with his sister/cousins (that's how it is in some families...), Phaedrene and Phaedralisa. He got confused. Phaedralisa just had that nasty gap in her teeth filled in, and Phaedrene almost has all of her hair back after the exploding still incident. Both of them need to do something about the abundant hair on their backs but I was just making a public service gesture. I also wanted Phaedrus' uncle/daddy drunk enough that he can't find the AK 47 he keeps in the barn.

Her name is Lucy... but I am sure she is also known by some other name, I have seen pictures of her before. ahhhh here she is.... again... also under the name of Gabrielle Hunter....

At Fat Bastards we tend to use bacon grease. Sure it leaves marks and stains... but with the amount of bacon we consume, it's practically free. It has the added bonus of smelling and tasting like bacon and makes our job more enjoyable. The following picture is of one of our simulated clients enjoying the benefits of our expertly applied bacon treatments. Look how simulatedly relaxed she looks.... and we can't wait to flip her over (like you would with REAL BACON) and have her indulge in the BLT special, where we delicately place two slices of tomato and a leaf of lettuce to ease inhibitions.... Just try to top that sexy massage guy!!! Sure you may have the looks and skills that we may not necessarily possess.... but we have BACON!

Phaedrus my friend... the flowers thing??? Seriously??? Just because I said I had done some de-flowering in my time doesn't mean I ate actual flowers.... Jeebus.

hehehehehehehe.... ironically... --smirk--.....

We need more restaurants like this....

Okay Crank... put on the clown shoes. But don't expect me to give you a blowjob.... especially when you paint a clown face on your junk.

Coming back to CERB after a wee respite and feeling the love. Sometimes you need to go away for a bit to realize just how good it feels at home.

Tough one... do I get a bacon sandwich after??? In this community and in this day and age, moral judgment in regard to consensual sexual conduct is frankly silly. You are a guy that doesn't want to suck cock? Okie dokie. You are a guy that wants to suck cock? Cool. You are a guy that wants to have his cock sucked by another guy? Good on ya. Bottom line. It doesn't matter. I think back to all those men and women in the truly homophobic era that had to live a lie. Men who married women and had kids who could NEVER be openly gay. Women who married men and had kids who could never be openly lesbian. It's fucking sad. In both cases they were men and women who had HETEROSEXUAL relationships but were in reality homosexual. How do you classify them? Do you need to classify them? In the end, it's all about the stigma. "oh, she's a lesbian." "you know, he's a fag." "she'll never leave the party alone, she swings both ways." Who the hell cares? A label is a way to categorize someone to whom you feel somehow superior. Whatever your sexual proclivity, it really has absolutely no bearing on your value to society.... unless you are into clown sex, then you are truly a frickin' weirdo. Seriously, your sexual appetite does not define you - it just opens avenues that others may not choose to travel... and putting a label on that avenue certainly does not make anyone a better person. Be safe, have fun and don't hurt anyone. That's my avenue.

Okay... ummm... Fat Bastards BBM offers ... umm... duos too, yunno. Me, Phaedrus, Lee Richards and HFX Andy are all over that duo stuff like, ummm.... well things that go kinda uncomfortably together. It's like we... ummm... have rules though. We aren't really interactive. I mean we are in the same place together but we all have separate rooms. So if you wanna like do one of us and then run down the hall and do another of us, like, that'd be cool. We could even run three-os or even four-os if ya want, but that's quite a bit of running for you and Andy's room isn't on the same floor. You might wanna bring wet wipes and your own towel. Just sayin.'