Old Dog

You know you are only empowering the damn dirty apes. They will take over the planet one day, mark my words... and Charlton Heston is no longer around to save all of our sorry and relatively hairless asses.

... is world peace, the end of global hunger and a bacon sandwich.

Whew. It's not really SPAM made from penisesesessessusses... although they might have interesting graphics on the can. For something completely different yet ironically related, a can of spotted dick:

Christian Bale is not Batman. Morgan Freeman is not God. Angelina Jolie is not Lara Croft. Jane Smith from Nepean is not really the sultry Alotta Fagina, although like Batman, God and Lara Croft, she is a carefully crafted role executed to the highest standards. Men get to see the persona named Alotta Fagina because that is the entity with whom she is willing to share. Jane from Nepean remains cloistered. While Alotta lounges on a chaise wearing satin, silk, and chiffon sipping champagne with impeccable makeup, Jane is at home sleeping on her couch wearing track pants and a t-shirt with paint stains. While Alotta is a capricious bon vivant, Jane worries about her cable bill, her condo fees and her mortgage payment. She hopes her car will last at least two more years. When the lines gets blurred, the role changes. Like many of you, Alotta wishes anonymity when she reverts to Jane. She may be a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a mother or perhaps a wife. She has taken risks not unlike our own; her private life is her refuge - a place not to be breached unless invitation is offered. Enjoy the company of your provider. The intimacy you share is magical. Just remember that when you are finished, you BOTH get to return to your other lives.

I am sorry to have upset you. That was not my intent. My parting words on this topic. Thanks.

I learned that my thoughts are narrated to me by the voice of Morgan Freeman. It's actually soothing, but a little disconcerting.

I understand your point... but let's face it, the corporate demon argument is used and has been used for decades now to support countless claims of corrupting the minds of the world: Rock music was turning kids away from Jesus. Video games were making kids commit heinous acts of violence. Rap music made stupid white kids think they were black. Comic books were making kids lazy and --gasp-- a communist threat. Big band music made girls easy. Lingerie ads in magazines made early teenage boys masturbate behind the La-Z-Boy (okay that is the truth...) ...and so on and so on and so on... The argument has some credence but only in the way that those who have minds that are easily manipulated will be easily manipulated. The vast majority of people will understand that they have certain parameters within which to work and will NEVER achieve that 36-24-36 frame, the washboard abs and the perfectly symmetrical breasts. I guess my whole thought process comes down to the fact that we readily avail ourselves to any number of external forces and if we become offended, we are instantly victims of a cruel corporate monster. It's easier to shift the blame to a faceless aggressor than accept the fact that none of us is our own ideal and that we have to accept the hand that we were dealt. Once we can accept that, then the perceived shortfall in others becomes far less distasteful, in fact, the imperfection that each and every one of us bears makes us all the more attractive as human beings. I hope you don't see this as aggressive, for that is certainly not my intent. I am just older and with that comes the cynicism of experience. Life is beautiful, and so are all of you.

I learned that while it is very impolite, there is no force on earth that can help you maintain control of a withheld fart if you sneeze or cough with any degree of vigour. I learned that as you age, the urge to pee in the morning is accompanied by the urge to pee again only five minutes later. I have learned that although it would be great to go back in time with the vast wealth of knowledge I have accumulated, I cannot alter the time/space continuum. Damn.

We were in violation of fire and health codes. Apparently some of the materials were considered a bio hazard. I told the chief offender that his practice of wearing his intimate apparel on the "frontwards then backwards, inside out then outside in" and then repeating was not the most hygienic... but then he explained that his underwear wasn't marked Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.... it was marked Spring, Summer, Fall....

Fat Bastards has a drawer full of used underwear... but we were ordered to have them burnt.

Congrats hun!!!

Happy birthday buddy!!!

My ex-wife was strange... still is... does that count?

I DID see Mr Nice dance!!!!

We'll have to make you misbehave and for longer on the next one!

Awesomeness!!! It was wonderful seeing some old friends, making some new friends and having a great time with both! Kudos to Angela for a magnificent job!

Awwww... I was hoping to have a drink or two ON you.... belly button shots!!!! And spanks Annessa??? MmmmMMMMMMmmMMMMMMmmmm

Looooook verrrrrrry carefullllly.....

Bacon and Skyrim??? Hmmmmmm

I used to be a young pup... ... but I have grown to discover that the quintessential advantage of age is looking backward fondly and sometimes not so fondly at life experiences. In short, young guys haven't learned from their fuck-ups because they haven't had enough fuck-ups from which to learn. When I was a young guy, I mistakenly thought that what defined me as a man was the presence of a penis that could snap to attention at will.... that and the fact that I could fill the whole toilet bowl with bubbles when I peed with great force... but I digress. I now understand that what defines the true man exists about three feet north (or 91 cm for you young bucks.) I was cocksure and swaggering when I was young... but I failed to realize that the reality of a sexual experience was the subtlety of movement, the touch of flesh, the art of seduction and the absolute joy of intimate companionship. In fact, I was "zip, zip, grope, grope, lick, lick and BAZINGA!!! insert tab A (penis) into slot A (vagina) thrust, thrust AHHHhhhHHHHHhh. (repeat every 20 minutes.)" It was satisfying... but nowhere near as satisfying as what I experience today. I talk now. I laugh. I enjoy the whole experience and appreciate it more because I am older. I love being with a complete woman now... where before it was just a few parts that were of particular interest. I guess the long and short of it is that I have learned a lot since the late 70's... and now I know that it's more than just about my penis, and my desires.

wondering if there may still be a place.....