bcguy42

A dear friend works in counselling women in this situation. This is something that must be addressed. [URL="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/08/ray-rice-domestic-violence-video-janay-palmer-victim-blaming"]Don't watch the Ray Rice video. Don't ask why Janay Palmer married him. Ask why anyone would blame a victim[/URL] Don't watch the Ray Rice video. Don't ask why Janay Palmer married him. Ask why anyone would blame a victim. That we feel entitled to images of a woman being abused speaks volumes not only about the man who battered her, but about us â?¢ NFL suspends running back Ray Rice over domestic violence accusation â?¢ Ray Riceâ??s wife lashes out at media and public over suspension and video release Hannah Giorgis theguardian.com, Monday 8 September 2014 21.20 BST Early Monday morning, TMZ released a â??cleaned upâ? video of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice beating Janay Palmer, his then-fiancée and current wife, in the elevator of an Atlantic City casino. The footage shows Rice, the 206lb (95kg) NFL star, delivering a blow to Palmer that slams her against the elevator railing â?? that knocks her unconscious. He then drags her body, limp and unresponsive, out of the elevator with a shocking lack of apparent concern. After investigating the accusations against Rice â?? to which the Baltimore Ravens running back pleaded not guilty and entered an intervention program for first-time offenders to avoid a trial â?? NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell handed him a paltry two-game suspension in July. Thousands of people, far and wide, called into question the NFLâ??s judgment for such a featherweight punishment of an act so violent. Now, within a matter of hours following the release of the tape, as those questions ratcheted up, the Ravens have terminated Riceâ??s contract. Strangely but not surprisingly, scrutiny has also increased around the womanâ??s behavior â?? the woman who, by the looks of that very tape, was brutalized. That we feel entitled (and excited) to access gut-wrenching images of a woman being abused â?? to be entranced by the looks of domestic violence â?? speaks volumes not only about the man who battered her, but also about we who gaze in parasitic rapture. We click and consume, comment and carry on. What are we saying about ourselves when we place (black) womenâ??s pain under a microscope only to better consume the full kaleidoscope of their suffering? This broadcasting of victimsâ?? most vulnerable moments as sites for public commentary is not new. Indeed, victims of abuse have always been forced to recount their traumas to audiences more intent on policing their victimhood than finding justice. With YouTube and TMZ and all the rest, victim blaming extends far past simply being shunned by your immediate community â?? it means having your most horrific memories go viral without your consent. It means having millions of people virtually dissect your wounds, not to heal them but to decide if your injuries were bad enough for everyone to feel bad for you. Black women are often systematically excluded from both the category of â??womanâ? and that of â??victimâ?. Our pain, these days as ever, can never be pure enough. When Chris Brown assaulted Rihanna in 2009, images of her bruised face surfaced and spread across the web. Despite the female pop starâ??s wishes that the photos not be publicized, they were used by everyone from feminist advocates trying to make a point about Brownâ??s violence to someone promoting the male pop starâ??s concert in Sweden. People couldnâ??t turn away; there was something addictive about her visible agony, both as misery porn and an all-purpose rhetorical tool. We viciously ingest every vivid detail of womenâ??s victimization, line our stomachs with their blood and tell ourselves weâ??re watching because we want people to be â??educatedâ?. If only people could see enough black eyes, bloodied faces and broken ribs, the theory goes. Then they would know the truth, we tell ourselves. Only then would they care. But that deluded fetishization is every bit as untrue as it is exploitative. In reproducing victimsâ?? trauma over and over, we only expose them to more harm. Throughout this six-week public ordeal, Janay Palmerâ??s pain has been minimalized, her judgment called into question. â??Why did she marry him after he beat her?â? reverberates around the web and in our minds, an accusation masquerading as a concern. When victims reveal their experiences (or have their experiences revealed by someone else), viewers reach for pre-packaged answers, rather than listen to victims themselves. It is easier to believe that a woman â??provokedâ? catastrophic violence from a supposedly otherwise peaceful man than it is to come to terms with the fact that a well-liked public figure is abusive. It is easier to conceive Palmer as an accomplice in her own beating than it is to realize that almost half of black women killed by their partners were killed as they tried to leave. The official Baltimore Ravens account tweeted this earlier in the summer: (May 23 the Ravens tweeted "Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.") That is evidence of how far we will go to avoid demanding accountability from perpetrators as we continue to watch their victims bleed for us. That is the most perverse of pleasures, the hollow indulgence of someone elseâ??s pain. We are wedded to our own numbing ignorance, to the slow venom that silences victims and emboldens abusers. It is comforting to think you could never be a victim, that you are better or smarter or more innocent than that wayward woman who â??shouldâ??ve knownâ?. But in a world in which one in four women is the victim of intimate partner violence and black women are disproportionately targeted, this victim blaming is not just irresponsible; it is lethal. Black women are punished when attempting to defend themselves: 94% of black female homicide victims are killed by people they know and 64% of those victims are wives, ex-wives or girlfriends of their killers. Who will support victims when abuse is not recorded and pre-packaged solely for our consumption but subtle and drawn out, or when the state itself commits violence? If we viewed victims as more than a link to be tweeted, more than statistics to be reported to a broken criminal justice system, we would have to grapple with their complex humanity. We would have to offer meaningful solutions to violence, holistic responses to trauma, and accountability for abusers whom we may love. We would have to do more than just watch.

I still haven't the faintest idea what I'm going to do when I grow up.

And the hits just keep on a'coming! Having just put my mother to rest, my oldest brother revealed he has throat cancer. Aggressive treatment begins soon. I told him he is required to get better. I have a strict quota of one funeral a year and this year's been taken. Fingers crossed....

The 4th post in this thread quoted the entire original post. So if someone has come to this discussion late and wonders what Jessica is talking about, go there. On topic, my take is Life Happens. If you play at this for a long time, something like the OP's experience is bound to happen. Oh, and you'll get farted on mid-DATY. Have a chuckle at the absurdity of life and move on. And leave the donation.

As I write this, I am halfway through a two week jaunt to the Jersey shore and I just have to say this about that. A person is made up of several parts. Personality, intelligence, wit, simple physical beauty. I've observed many women here and interacted with quite a few and come to this conclusion. Despite their best efforts, Jersey women suffer in comparison to CERB women. I know more than a few women of CERB so I have a decent sample size from which to draw a reasoned result. Cute, brilliant, and charming as the women on the beach are, one woman from CERB standing up on the boardwalk giving me a come-hither look and I'm out of here. Just thought I'd mention that. Oh yeah, and it's 28C today. :p Additional: it was mid-afternoon when I wrote that. On reflection, it may come across as shallow, sexist or some such. If that's the case, so sue me. I stand by my original statement. :)

Ah... An early birthday present. Please save a spot for me. Cash will be delivered as soon as I receive instructions!

I've always hoped that all those Aeroplan points I've been collecting would be useful if I ever needed to go home on short notice. For a while this afternoon, that did not seem to be possible. I rechecked one more time this evening and yeah! We can get to my preferred airport a mere 70 miles from home with only a reasonable surcharge on the dates and times we need. So flights booked, car booked, hotel booked. We're ready to roll. That, plus some heartening phone calls with folks down there, all makes for a pretty good end to a day that started so darkly.

And that was that. The last cookie has been baked, the last poem written, the last story told. Mom passed peacefully early this morning. So it goes ....

Got a call from Dad. Mom is in a coma. There is no expectation her situation will improve. I spoke with my brothers. The Hospice team says their best guess is one to three days. Our schedule is to leave this coming weekend for our annual run to the Jersey Shore. The packing we thought we were going to spend all week doing in a leisurely fashion is going to get done tomorrow. Depending on how things work out, we'll do a quick fly-down home from here and leave as scheduled on the weekend or drive down to the Shore, stash our stuff at the campground and fly in and out from there. Either way, it looks like there will be a lot to ponder whilst sitting on the beach sipping Black Russians. For now, I wait for the last call.

Jerk Off Instruction you're welcome

I'm going to hazard a guess that being on CERB for at least a year gets you rep points. The usernames supplied with low post counts and low thanks (the ones I checked) all signed up over a year ago from today. If you go to the "New to this..." forum and check the "Hey am new - so I have to post first?" thread, there are many 1 to 6 post with a thank you with very low rep points. Hmm.. never noticed that correlation before. Now that I've learned something new about Rep Points, I'll leave them alone for another year.

Happy Birthday, Malika! I just know you have found a way to enjoy it to the fullest! I wish you very many more...

I'm just curious and too damned lazy to look for myself, but the OP said there were users with over 10,000 rep points "even if they only have 1 post and 1 total thanks". Can someone point me to an example of that, a user with one post and or only one thanks who has over 10,000 rep points, either by posting here or by PM? Thanks...

There is a reason Rebecca is one of the most recommended women on CERB. She deserves it. Who knew such a tiny person could bring such eroticism and pleasure to an encounter. She does what she does well and things you've not thought of even better. If you are a conscientious lover and pay attention to her you will find yourself well rewarded. Her location is easy to access and provides discretion. Appointments are easy to arrange by phone or text. With all due respect, bring your "A" game. You're going to be happy you did.

Three years and three weeks have passed since I first saw Malika. And my most recent recommendation of this lovely spirit was posted three months ago. The third three? There were three distinct phases to the most enjoyable physical portion of our time together. Not one to go into extended descriptions, let it suffice to say Malika's oral skills remain amongst the best. Getting her to swear whilst you return the favour is a badge of honour. She will take you to heavenly places in many positions. Before, during, and after one has the chance to chat, sip wine and explore the world with a witty, most charming person. When Malika visits Ottawa, if you are reading these comments and wondering if you should see her, my recommendation is yes. Oh, two important details: Malika wears an impressive amount of art. And she is seriously allergic to shell fish. Wait to have the king crab and lobster until after the session!

I think it is possible for the OP to "surprise" his SO with an SP but not by having one jump out of the closet. As one of her gifts, present her with a document that says you wish to help her make this fantasy a reality if she so chooses. To that end, as a couple, you will determine the type of person she has dreamed about. Then, if she so wishes, you will seek out suitable candidates for her consideration. Should she find someone to her liking, she then has the option of helping to plan the session or she may agree to be "surprised" some evening (or morning or afternoon). I believe this approach avoids the serious pitfalls discussed earlier. Good luck!

And the insanity continues... Charities may be asked for donor lists under CRA proposal floated by minister Just in case you were wondering if this government has any sense of decency...

I must confess to a bit of confusion with regards to this contribution to the discourse.

Your expectations are quite reasonable. Your recent luck has, however, been terrible. As stated earlier, move on and give it another go - either with the same provider if you accept her explanation or a different one. This behavior is certainly not the norm and the chances you will continue to encounter this with others is very slim. Good hunting to you!

The scary part for me is that Peter MacKay and Belinda Stronach were considered the social progressive counterbalance to Harper after the Canadian Allience - Progressive Conservative merger. But then she got out of Dodge by crossing the floor to the Liberals which also terminated their romantic relationship. That weekend he gave a few weepy interviews from his farm while being comforted by his dog. Shortly afterwards he famously did or did not refer to Stronach as a dog in the House of Commons. If he still is the leading social progressive for the Conservatives we are all in deep trouble.

A few days late with this one... In her Father's Day card to me, one of my daughters wrote this. "Thank you for always teaching me something and teaching me that I am not the center of the universe but I am the center of your love."

Yes, reasoned debate is possible. I know this because the Easter Bunny told me so.

I used my real name and real physical and email address. I wanted my MP to know I was serious and I figured they would pay more attention than if it were from [email protected].

I have a letter to my MP mostly composed. I'll post it here when it is finished. One of the things I was going to request was that she back a proposal to have the SCC take a look at the law prior to passage or, if rammed through, have the SCC suspend the law until it could be reviewed. And then guess what what I ran across: Refer prostitution bill to Supreme Court 'immediately,' NDP says and Update on Canadian Whistleblower Edgar Schmidt Yes, the articles are related. Hmm...

A thoughtful discussion from The Globe and Mail of the government's failures is proposing C-36. I find it interesting that this effort may be part of the ongoing pissing match between Harper and the SCC. So what if a bunch of "perpetrators, perverts, and pimps" get swept up in this or more women die as a result of this temper tantrum from the PMO. He will have made his point and too bad, so sad about the unintended consequences. [URL="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/proposed-prostitution-laws-aim-to-shut-down-conversation/article19059986/"]Proposed prostitution laws aim to shut down conversation[/URL] [FONT="Verdana"]June 6, 2014 Proposed prostitution laws aim to shut down conversation By SEAN FINE Ottawa's new rules meet some of the Supreme Court's concerns with those they struck down, but still leaves sex workers open to harm The law on prostitution has become the latest battleground between the Conservative government and the Supreme Court. In a year when the government has suffered overwhelming losses at the country's top court, and Prime Minister Stephen Harper has publicly taken to task Supreme Court Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin, Ottawa raised the stakes by introducing a tougher law on prostitution than the ones struck down last year. The court was unanimous: laws that banned street soliciting and bawdy houses put sex workers at risk of grave harm and were out of proportion to the aim of protecting neighbourhoods from a nuisance, and therefore unconstitutional. But the court did not tell the government how to reform its approach; nothing was directly ruled out. "So the government took that bet, that challenge," University of Ottawa law professor Carissima Mathen said, and set out to ban the commodification of sex itself, while also stating a higher-order purpose: protecting women, children and communities from being exploited and degraded. Chief Justice McLachlin has spoken often of the "dialogue" between the court and Parliament. When a court strikes down a law, it is not the last word; Parliament drafts a new one. But that notion of dialogue took a new turn this week. "I see this as more of a monologue than a dialogue," University of British Columbia law professor Joel Bakan said. The proposed new law, which still must be debated and voted on before it takes effect, "putatively meets some of the Supreme Court's specific concerns, while at the same time it contradicts their overall concern" about the safety of sex workers, he said. In the old prostitution laws (those rejected by the Supreme Court), soliciting sex as a buyer or seller on the street was banned, in keeping with the anti-nuisance purpose. In the new laws, advertising sexual services is banned, in keeping with the aim of preventing degradation. The Supreme Court ruled in a 1990 case that, even though the sale of sex was legal, the right to communicate about it had less value under the Constitution than other forms of expression, said Richard Moon, who teaches law at the University of Windsor. But after last year's ruling, the value of the right to advertise "may be greater because it is not just about the sale of sexual services â?? it is also about enabling sex workers to operate in a safer way," leaving the new law open to a challenge on that ground. A sex worker would not be prosecuted under the new law if she advertises herself. But those who post a prostitute's ads on websites or in newspapers such as Toronto's Now (which has 11 pages of sex-related ads in its latest issue) could be charged, and face fines or jail sentences. And because potential clients might never find a lone blogger's website, sex workers would have to advertise on better-known sites, which would be illegal if the law passes. The Canadian government said it is setting aside $20-million for support services to help prostitutes get out of sex work. Justice Minister Peter MacKay said that, in the government's view, prostitutes are victims, and the new law would protect them. But advocates for sex workers say the advertising ban would drive sex workers from the relative safety of their homes or places where they can gather in groups â?? and where clients can be screened â?? to the streets. And a ban on selling sex where people under 18 could reasonably be found would drive sex workers further away, to dark, industrial zones. The new law "is a gift to predators," said Jean McDonald, executive director of Maggie's Toronto Sex Workers Action Project.[/FONT]