Phaedrus

One thing I notice is that your ad mentions screening, but doesn't say what that screening is. A reference? Two? ID verification? Something else? I'm fine with screening, but I like to know what I'm getting into before I contact someone. And I don't like surprises during the booking process, because going through most of it and then backing out is a waste of everyone's time.

TBH, I think we'd need a return to a general feeling within the industry that boards have their benefits, and that posts longer than a tweet are worth reading. I have no idea how to achieve that, though; a great many providers seem to be of the opinion that all boards are cesspits and the people that hang out there are no better. I'm not sure whether that's from direct experience of such boards, or just hearing it second (or third, or fourth) hand from other people. And I'm also not sure how you'd overcome such hostility in order to rebuild the community.

Yes, I always check that it's OK, and tell them who it'll be for. Never been an issue, but it just seems like common courtesy...

This is worth re-iterating: if it's a work device then your employer has the right to monitor everything you do with it. You have no privacy there at all. But more than that... consider a work phone for your work life, a personal phone for your personal life.... and a private phone for your private life :) I have a cheap android phone on a cheap contract, purely for this stuff. It costs me maybe $20 a month, which you can probably afford if you can also afford to see ladies on anything like a regular basis. I never use that phone for anything relating to my normal life, and never use my normal phone for anything relating to the things we discuss here. That won't stop government-level tracking of me - anyone who can get access to the phone provider's records will know who I am, so it's not a sufficient solution if you're *really* paranoid - but it *does* stop the relentless data-slurping that Apple and Google do, and that's really what I'm concerned about. It means that there's (hopefully) no chance of cross-contamination between various contact lists, social media accounts, emails, or anything else. That may not work for everyone - you have to have a separate, unexplained phone and there's a bill that gets paid every month, which you'd have to explain if anyone else was watching your bank account - but it works for me. It also means that for anyone worrying about device tracking on their regular phone, you can just leave it in the office (or wherever) while you step out for a "meeting"...

I'd have thought that anyone advertising GFE would be willing to do that... just be up-front about what you're looking for when you book!

Gah. Double post. Please ignore.

Shit. You got me. You know how elite companions often don't have that many clients? I am, in fact, so utterly super-elite that I have... no clients at all! How's that for exclusivity?

A question for the OP: could you perhaps go about this differently? The fact that you've been scammed on deposits multiple times indicates that something's up. Scammers have always been out there, but not everyone gets scammed. How do you go about choosing which SP to see? If you just go to LL (or wherever) when you're horny, and pick someone that the little head seems to like... well, getting some scammers is inevitable. The thing is, you have to do your research, and research takes time, and is best done when you're *not* looking for some action right now. As others have said here and elsewhere: look for a proper website. Do a reverse image search on the pics. Look for an established presence in the industry; whether that's an active and reasonably long-standing social media presence, or positive feedback from other clients. TBH the long-term presence alone is probably enough - it's all I really go on. Anyone pulling a scam simply won't last all that long before word gets around and they're forced to adopt yet another new identity, and so building up that long-term presence is almost impossible if you're just trying to make a quick buck from the next mark. I don't look at ads until I've *already* decided I might want to see someone and I'm at the point of looking at rates, screening requirements, contact methods, etc. That's what happens to work for me, and obviously YMMV... the point here is that a slower approach may serve you better than making a decision in a hurry. As regards looking for a regular: I get that this is the end goal for you, but again, perhaps... slow down? Providers get many, many messages from people claiming they'll be the best regular ever, and pretty much all of those are from people running a scam of their own (usually that they want a discount, I suspect). Claiming you want to be a regular before you've even met might be a red flag for some providers. Even on the first meeting, making it a regular thing probably isn't going to be on the agenda immediately. Think of it like a first date: do you actually *want* to see this provider regularly? No matter how well you might think you know someone from their online presence, the reality may be different. It happens, sometimes; I've met people in the past who I thought I'd get on well with, and... we just didn't really hit it off. That's not anybody's fault; it's just the way life goes, and you have to be prepared to simply accept that this time things didn't work out and it's time to pursue other opportunities. Finally, I'm afraid there's one thing I really must push back on: Hate to say it, but I think you're being unreasonable here. When you book a first appointment, you're booking that one appointment... and that's all. You met, and had fun, for the agreed length of time? You've got what you paid for. She owes you nothing more at this point. She said she's available for something regular? All that means is that she's happy for you to book again sometime; it is not a commitment to being available exactly when you demand it. The way to become a regular is simply to book again, and again, and again.... regularly. Telling her you intend to do that means very little; actually doing it is what counts. Please remember that the vast majority of people claiming they'll be a regular are, as I said, blowing smoke. No sane provider is going to abandon a tour for someone she's only met once, and the reason she didn't tell you about it before you met was that it's none of your business. If you *really* don't want to meet someone who doesn't tour, it's up to you to check providers' schedules and pick someone who doesn't - and if you take a long-term approach to your research then you'll probably just figure this out without explicitly looking for it, because most providers who are touring will talk about it. And if you're seeing someone regularly and you want to have a say in whether she tours or not.... well, to me that sounds less like being a regular and more like a SD/SB kind of relationship, which is an entirely different ballgame. If you want to keep her at home then you'd best be prepared to pay - in advance - for the privilege, and even then she may not agree. Hope all of that was of some use to you, or at least food for thought. Good luck!

Really sorry to see you go, Lydia... you've done a huge amount for this board and community while you've been here! Happy travels, and good luck with whatever the future holds for you

So... is the double point of the fabric secured in any way? Or is what remains of your modesty at the mercy of the slightest breeze?

A belated Happy Birthday to you, Lydia!

Thanks, Lydia! One thing to re-iterate: If you send a mail to one mod, you'll get a response when the person you chose is next online and has time to deal with it. But if you use the report feature you'll get a response when *any* of the mods are online and have time to deal with it, which will almost certainly be sooner. That's the "Report post" link that appears in the top-right of each post when you mouse over it in a browser - not sure what it looks like on a phone, alas.

Sorry to hear all that, Lacey. Sounds like you've had an awful time. I guess you could do a GoFundMe. If you did, it might be better to keep some of the details out of it and only put in things that will help tug at people's heartstrings. So, saying that a guy punched you in the face and now you need a lot of expensive dental work is probably worthwhile, but leave out the bit where you'd just had a fight with his cousin. It's probably fine to say that you've been struggling to find work as a result of both this trauma and the pandemic, but maybe forget to mention exactly what kind of work you do because as you say, sex work doesn't always get a lot of sympathy. It's probably worth keeping expectations realistic, though. We hear about the GoFundMe campaigns that have gone viral and raised a ton of money; my understanding is that the vast majority don't, and make very little. It's not like there's a deal where you put yourself out there and in return you'll get your medical expenses taken care of; you could put yourself out there and get nothing. The only people who reliably make money from GoFundMe are the ones running it.

I see that we have a vote for "Don't care". I'm calling BS on that... everyone has an opinion on this!

Ugh. Sorry this happened to you! You'll really need to get advice from other providers on this one, as they're the ones that will have been through it themselves. But if you want some random guy's opinion... TBH, I don't think there's anything you can gain from discussing it at all. Discretion demands that you can't confirm that you saw anyone. It sounds like the wife had figured out that you're an escort before she called, if she started out asking about services, so an innocent-sounding lie is probably off the table. It may well be that your best bet is to do nothing; don't call back, don't answer that number for a few days, and let the two of them sort it out for themselves. And if it ever gets abusive or threatening, cease all contact completely. Bear in mind also that the reason the wife is contacting you at all is because of some lack of discretion on your client's end of things, so you may want to be careful with him in future...

Sounds like a classic 419 scam to me. They've been around a very long time, although this is the first time I've heard of one being done with escorting as the excuse. Normally it's a Nigerian prince who needs to move millions out of the country, and you'll get a good chunk of it when they do, but they just need a bit up front to cover expenses...

Happy New Year, all!

Good for you for catching it. It's not always easy to realize it's happening. I've had it in the past. TBH I think the only real solution is what you've done - to step back, and give yourself the time and space you need to recover. Of course, that requires that you have the luxury of being able to do so, and not everyone does. The other option is to keep going until something breaks, and that's never good.

Yup. They all look like the "after" shots on a plastic surgeon's website...

Excellent interview! And I definitely agree with all the stuff about social media.

So... I think most escorts would be fine with all this. There are quite a few who only provide covered services for anything penetrative (search for "safe GFE") or similar. And even those who don't use condoms for everything would probably be fine with using them if you asked for it. It's also absolutely fine to want to go for things other than insert-penis-into-orifice-and-pump-away-until-done. You're paying for someone's time; what happens in that time is up to the two of you. Finally: you could also consider seeing a MA. As long as you stick within "normal MA limits" then penetrative stuff and condoms just aren't on the agenda at all, and MAs are all about the stuff you mentioned.

Yeah, that's unacceptable. I get it if you don't want to name the place, but if that happened to me I'd definitely have posted something in the Warnings section so others could avoid the same thing. Without knowing the details, it's possible that the MA was caught between a rock and a hard place if she had some sort of obligation to whoever just walked in, so it may not be reasonable to blame her too much... but if that were the case it'd be yet another reason to stay away.

Awesome interview, Lena! Thanks for giving us an insight into this!

Sounds like you got scammed, @JoeShmoe. Sorry to hear about your experience, but I don't think there's much you can do other than learn from it and move on. And yes, if you'd bought a second card I have no doubt they'd have pulled the same scam again. And again, and again, until you stopped. There's no way I'd give a deposit to anyone unless I was confident they were genuine. For me, that's not just a matter of googling - it's knowing that someone has been around for a while, has a proper website, etc. Also, I think that reputable providers will mostly ask for deposits via Interac to a suitably discreet email. Gift cards as gifts are fine; gift cards as deposits is... definitely dubious.

What they said. Twitter has really taken over as the place where people interact, I think. I much prefer the way boards work, simply because Twitter interactions are really limited to the folks who are online at the time, and that's assuming the algorithms actually show your tweets to folks. I would never have found this conversation on Twitter, for example, because nobody scrolls that far down their timeline...