Thx to all for the advice and heartfelt thoughts - I appreciated the analysis of love and lust- have always understood that transactions take place before and after me -we ( or better I - I guess) crossed that line and to get back behind that line is probably impossible. I have seen other ladies from cerb and other sites - always been able to control the emotions - not always easy but this time! Last time felt great and then realized that well the fantasy had ended and it was another Joe blows turn and it just became a hurt that is hard to handle - I do understand as a hobbyist that it is a fantasy world but this time well - can't talk it out with friends or family so I chose here to vent thx again