Fiamma Chi

Oh I know not all older women are cougars. I think in the original post I noted that women don't date younger men as often as men date younger women. I was merely being facetious, and I apologize. Making light of the situation is how I deal with things. When I said full circle, I was referring to myself, not to women in general. Because generally I attract older men now but when I get to be their age, they probably won't find me attractive(assuming I look my age) so I will have to date men even older than me, stay a bachalorette...or be someone's Sugar Mama. Although since Mae West was able to do it I think I'll be in good company. LOL And I find it disappointing too, but not sad. I don't find it sad because.... a mature woman doesn't need a man who's too immature/shallow approach, so it's his loss, not her's. At least that's the way I see it. If no one admires a diamond does that make it less beautiful? I think not. I think SOME(operative word) men are intimidated by women their own age, but their ego's won't let them admit to it. They are not just attracted to younger women, they simply don't feel as intimidated by them as they would a woman their own age. I think mature women are simply GORGEOUS. And they have way more to offer than someone my age does usually: intellectually,personally,mentally and spiritually. So the man is only hurting himself, not the woman. But I appreciate your thoughts on the subject, and indeed everyone else's. And I wasn't talking about ALL men in this post. Or even most men. I meant a small subset of men that are shallow when it comes to looks without being attractive themselves and then complain about how they can't find a date, in a city where people are not ugly or obese, and women outnumber the men. The odds are in their favor but they still complain because they are being unrealistic. As to why...I could only guess. And people have offered good answers.

It's not really sad. I'm not all that surprised. I guess...cougar it is for me. At least then everything will be full circle. The circle of life.

It's not that ugly people are uppity . Biggie Smalls had a song called "One More Chance" where he raps that he's "Big black and ugly as ever, however I stay coochie down to the spot." LOL In another he raps about how"girls used to diss me, now they right letters that they miss me." And if you know who I'm talking about you know he was right. LOL love Biggie Smalls but he was ugly. And he knew it, but he knew what he had to offer and he worked with that. I can understand that. For me, I'm attracted to intellect first, looks second. I once dated a guy who was looked like a model. Perfect body, handsome face, nice package....but he couldn't even answer a basic chemistry question when it was multiple choice :( Not only was he dumb but, he didn't think...at all. He just played sports and video games all the time. He said he like me because I was intelligent and pretty, which baffled me because he wasn't intelligent at all, so why was he interested in someone who was? I guess he expected me to be fulfilled with what he offered but...I wasn't and the relationship didn't last :( It's like women that want to marry a doctor, but they themselves don't even have a GED and can barely read. Not saying they can't marry one, but a relationship with that kind of power imbalance probably won't last or be likely to happen. Do they dislike themselves enough that being with someone that makes up for what they lack makes them feel better about themselves? :( Or is it just sexual? I guess it depends on the person. But if getting your dick wet is important, seems like having standards you can actually meet would mean you were always getting what you needed. :)

From men and women both.

I understand that, but what happens when sex isn't really physically possible? Having a relationship with someone just based off of that seems naive, because beauty fades and many men especially as they age don't even have the same sexual stamina. I have an older sister who used to be beautiful, but she was vain, malicious, and selfish. We didn't get along. Now she has Lupus and her beautiful hair has fallen out, she's gained a lot of weight, and she has several scars from her illness on her face & body. Her beauty isn't gone but it's definitely diminished. And she calls me all the time to talk because once her beauty faded the attention she received from people in general went with it, and she's lonely. She wonders why her interactions with people go badly, and I explained that it's because of the way she treats people. She can't get away with the things she does, particularly to men, as easily as she used to and she's upset about this. I'd say it serves her right.

I feel you on that. My only thing is attractive people can afford to be shallow. Ugly people usually cannot. If you're happy and it's not hurting you then good. But usually being unrealistic is harmful to the person and that bothers me. It's like when I see middle class people with stable jobs run their finances into the ground buying things they just cannot afford, and then if they get laid off, they dream bitterly about the time when they "had it all". They would still have it, and possibly more, if they hadn't tried to "keep up with the jones". Wealthy people can afford a Mercedes in every color, and more than one house. But if YOU can't afford those things you have no business buying them.

That's fine. You want what you want but can you afford it? I may love Vera Wang but if I work at a Tim Horton's can I afford it? Probably not. If I had to get my hands on some, to that point that it's the only thing I'll wear, I'd have to beg/borrow/ or steal it because it's simply beyond my means. Is it worth all the potential inconvenience(possible jail time/being a moocher)? I mean I could learn how to sew and recreate designs that I like, or just wait until sales come, save my money. Or work on generating an income that allows me to buy it. But in the mean time I'll probably have to shop at like H&M or Forever 21. If I consider that beneath me, and walk around naked in winter because I can't buy designer clothing when it's in season, who's fault is it that I'm cold all the time?

This is a crass generalization on my part, meant to offend no one, this is just based on my limited experiences, but it's really been baffling me lately. I had a friend over to my place, he' s a nice smart guy who's interested in me. My roommate is a pretty girl but she's a little heavyset now. She used to be skinnier and she actually has a picture of herself on the refrigerator that shows her when she was skinny followed by the way she looks now. He said, " Ugh, that's not possible. Those are two different women." Now I don't really have a preference when it comes to looks. I go by an individual basis when I date. I look at the whole package: the guys intellect(most important), personality, our compatibility. This friend in question is: skinny (like bony), he has very bad acne scars on his face, he's prematurely balding, and he's not ugly, but... he's not what you would call generally attractive either. A few notches below that. I entertained him because he's nice, persistent, and smart ( I'm not high maintenance. If a man can make me laugh, think, and entertain me I'll be attracted to him, usually regardless of his looks) but when he said that I immediately lost interest in him. Mostly because a facet of character that I find important is self awareness. Deluded people turn me off. Mind you this same guy complains about how he can't find a girl. It makes me wonder if it's because his standards are unrealistic? I mean... especially in Toronto. Women outnumber men here and I don't see very many obese people, morbid or otherwise, walking around. Or very many butt ugly people for that matter. At least in the downtown area. Shouldn't guys have it made here? Everyone has their preferences, and indeed ugly women can be shallow too, but I find this behavior more common with men. Especially with regards to age difference. I'm hardly one to talk because the last guy I dated was 44, but he didn't look his age. He looked about 15 years younger, went to the gym regularly, and kept himself in shape. Many older men will look at attractive women their own age and be dismissive, but they'll look at younger women and approach. The woman doesn't even have to be attractive all the time, just young. I don't know very many older women who feel comfortable chasing men half their age. Most would see it as undignified. I mean...you may deserve it, but can you afford it? (figuratively speaking) I don't really care that much but if I date older guys now, does this mean that when I get older and if I look my age, no one will want me? And I'll have to be like some creepy cougar or live my life alone. Makes me feel cynical to be a woman sometimes.