Aspen Wilde

I feel so much compassion for those who have shared their stories in this thread. So many of these trials are difficult for me to imagine. But what I do understand is that we all struggle. Everyone knows pain. Everyone could tell a sad story. I think the act of sharing these is very powerful. My pain has been largely internally generated. One of the hardest but best things I ever did for myself was to admit that I was struggling with mental illness. You could call my particular demons depression and anxiety. I had to, and continue to have to reassure myself that this doesn't mean I'm weak or pathetic, and to fight the messages my brain is sending me- self destructive thoughts I no longer believe, but that I generate anyway. Fighting mental illness- like most other illnesses- is incredibly exhausting. It can feel like your brain is against you, when logic tells you one thing but your emotions are louder. It's hard but necessary work. Even now I hesitate to post this, but I'm telling myself that my story is important too. Partly it's the fear of stigma around mental illness. Many people do take it as a sign that you are broken or damaged somehow. But the silence and shame around this issue is part of what makes it so much harder for people experiencing mental illness to seek help. 1 in 5 Canadians will experience mental illness in their lifetime. That's not small potatoes. It's important for me understand that even though I sometimes go through bouts of feeling like hell, I'm still a complete person. Someone worth knowing, with fabulous insights and exuberance and love to share. This particular kind of trial doesn't define me. I am much more than my pain. I wanted to share this for the others on this board who have similar experiences. Because sometimes it's incredibly hard to move forward and face your pain when shame and fear of appearing weak confounds your already confounded brain. But mental illness doesn't make you weak, and the process of healing can make you understand how incredibly strong you really are. This thread humbles me. It reminds me of exactly how much moxie us humans can conjure when we need to. Much love and thanks to everyone who has shared- and to those who have not, as well.

World peace, egalitarianism and social justice? *fans self* My most fervent desire indeed. Of course once we achieve world peace I will live in a friendly and diverse clothing-optional community where I can practice my writing and swim every day. Oh and there will be orgies. And potlucks. And campfires. All the time. Yep, I think that about sums it up. EDIT: I almost forgot about the library... :O

Radiohead - Nude

I could use a hug... I've been such an insomniac this week though, I may just fall asleep on your virtual shoulder.

Candlelight. Girlfriends. I was 16 and she was 20. Both virgins. It was actually really nice, and put a bounce in my step all week long.

Happy birthday Penelope. :) I hope your year is filled with magnificence.

I tend to accumulate journals and notebooks, buttons, and the paper detritus of my adventures- movie ticket stubs, boarding passes, and the like. Oh and books. They're a pain in the ass when you have to pack up and move, but I find it very difficult to part with any of them. Magazines, too. I have all my back-issues of Philosophy Now.

Yoga is my favourite exercise/mindfulness practice. Anything could be going on in my life, but when I step onto the mat, I can start to focus on my breath and the postures I am going through. I find that by waking up my body and moving in different ways, it helps me move through any mental blocks I'm dealing with. Viewing the world upside down can help with problems of perspective! And of course a day without backbends is a day wasted. For cardio, I dance like a madwoman.

Boney Bailey. The one. The only!

I would have been kinder to myself.

Frozen pierogis, fried up with onions, doused in hot sauce and served with sour cream is my new very unhealthy and delicious guilty pleasure for any time of the day.

Hey Meg, happy birthday! Hope you're celebratin' up a storm.

Many thanks!

I have a pair- they were pretty cheap, hard plastic with a little marble inside. They feel really neat! I find the sensation subtle but very pleasant. They're definitely a fun incentive to dance! (As if I needed any other incentive to boogie.) The only problem is that since I purchased the cheap, hard plastic kind, I can hear the marble clicking around in there when I walk! It's not terribly loud, and I imagine it would sound louder to me since they are in my body and I'm slightly paranoid of people noticing and wondering wtf that clicking sound is emanating from my vagina, buuut- now I only wear them around the house. I think I'd like to get a pair that's better made, because the idea of wearing them around in public is pretty exciting!

I'm not a big fan of receiving email notifications for my subscribed threads, but so far the only solution I've come up with is to manually go to my subscriptions and change the settings for each thread to 'no email notification'. Is there a way for me to set my preferences so that it defaults to 'no email notification' rather than 'weekly email notification'?

I can rephrase: I believe this, because this is what I have learned through my science education (in part publicly funded and in part through reading on my own time). I have never encountered compelling evidence to refute this belief, so it sticks with me. If where you're going with this is a question of what constitutes knowledge, I'd agree that it's a very compelling question, although somewhat tangential to this thread.

All I know is this: I am made up of matter and energy that has been recycled countless times and that has travelled all across the universe to make up who I am today. When I die, the particles that make up my body will disperse, take on new forms, and serve other purposes, both for sentient beings and beings whose sentience we have not yet ascertained. Even as I live, the matter in my body is shifting, changing, cells are dying off and new cells are taking their place. My body never stays the same body- my mind, too, never stays the same mind. I often find myself pondering the significance of the notion of 'self'. Everything that I am is interdependent with everything else in my world- the food I eat, the ideas I encounter, the people who make up the society of which I am a part. Without any of these things, I would not be 'I'. So when it comes to death, the question of an afterlife is simply, 'does this consciousness of mine continue beyond the death of my physical body?' And where to? Will it encounter new context in order to create a new sense of self? (As I strongly doubt the notion of a fundamental self, or soul) My guess is no, but I'm open to the idea of being wrong. No matter what, I will find out. My preference, though, is that it would not. As much as death is frightening, I imagine that my small human perspective is too frustratingly narrow to be tolerable for an eternity. The law of conservation of mass is, I think, satisfying enough for me as a way of making sense of my own death. That I am and always have been a part of something much larger than myself, wholly natural and scientifically observable. Perhaps it lacks inherent meaning, but I find the existential creation of meaning to be an entertaining craft project on those lonely nights. </armchairphilosopher>

I have never taken the straight (and narrow!) path to my goals. My life is full of meanderings and pit-stops and detours. And I can appreciate that.

I hope you get nothing practical and everything fantastical done today! Happy birthday, Old Dog. :)

Pasta puttanesca! With more olives and more capers and more olives and just a few more red pepper flakes- tangy, spicy, and so delicious.

I was just wondering this myself. They really don't have much in the way of competition. Grapples definitely induce a stern "Hmmmm."

I support this only if they come in a sparkly, glow-in-the-dark version.

No, I'm a fairy. :) But assertions of magicalness aside, the most honest answer I can give is I'm not sure. Allow me to explain. I was a pretty solitary, nerdy kid- I got bullied a lot, so I didn't have a lot of friends, and I spent most of my time reading. I remember very well wanting to be all sorts of things but who I was. A horse. A wizard. A Ranger From The North, a la Lord of the Rings. Growing up, I begrudgingly admitted that I couldn't be these things, at least not full-time (hooray for theatre!), but I still had this sense that I was in some way wholly and utterly different, as if there was something just a tad 'off-kilter' about the way my brain lined up with the rest of the world. I get the sense now that this was partly low self esteem, a protective mechanism to explain away how isolated I often felt. As I grow, I see more and more the ways in which I am actually very squarely human, that I am so very like everyone else in ways that both fill me with hope and make me very ashamed. As Maya Angelou says "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." Sometimes this frustrates me, and sometimes this helps me feel less alone. I'm still an introvert. I still see the world in a way that is unique to me and my experiences, something that often makes me friends, and occasionally alienates me from people. We can't make everyone happy. Does it matter whether I'm part of the human race? Biologically yes, it's helpful to have a body that works in ways that doctors can recognize and understand. But does it matter if I think the same way as the majority (whatever that is)? Or if I live in the same way? Am I am member of the human race in the same way that I would be a member of a club, having agreed to certain rules and principles, paid my dues, and attended the meetings? I don't care. If there are meetings, I'm playing hooky. I am a person, and to me that means I am a self-aware being with desires and thoughts and feelings, capable of experiencing both pleasure and pain, and deserving of respect. Sometimes I'll meddle in the affairs of humans- there are some things I'd like to do to make life better for myself and others, which will require venturing out into the world and interacting with others of the species. But sometimes I will bow out, sit at home and be a hermit, and try to tune out the noise of the rest of humanity so that I can get in touch with my personhood. And that's okay too. Too long; didn't read: No really, I'm a fairy. ;)

I know what you mean, mrrnice. Solidarity hugs?

Possibly. :D They do seem to be a fan of that special. Which is nice, because I might be an even bigger fan of that special.