backrubman

I think that question might not be silly a couple of years ago but these days it is pretty much like access to a telephone. In recent years certainly several weeks when in a part of the world where it just wan't easily available.

I'd call that the good "professional" friend experience :) As my wife is medically unable, I admit that my professional lady friends are a proxy for love I feel for her (but can't express in any physical way) and obviously not them. Of course that is a service they don't seem to mind providing.

Then I'd suggest that the question should be specifically directed at the "very very very special" lady :) With your reputation for thoughtfulness she won't likely won't find such an abundance of consideration creepy at all, but rather quite impressive! That aside I'd love to hear what the ladies have to say about mustaches.

There have been a few, the most recent I recall is along the lines of discretion works both ways but perhaps not location specific. We don't just expect the ladies to respect our privacy, we demand it and in return they should expect nothing less from us. Of course the ladies do have means to exchange information about undesirable clients and any client that would betray a lady's trust like this is clearly undesirable.

And when the lady chooses to undress me... you know... she takes off her shirt and then she takes off mine, etc. etc. Somehow this always manages to make me helpless :)

Actually a real life nightmare. I so sorry you or anyone else was offended. Yeah, only mentioned as it is really reliant to the issue, costs a lot of raise a child. Thanks again. I'm going to PM the MOD and ask him to close this thread. As I am forced to try to defend a decision I don't agree with either and therefore doing a poor job of it we are getting too far off track here and even too personal / judgemental. People that don't know the whole story and facts are starting to jump to conclusions without intervening logic but I can say as I blame them.

And best for her, you forgot to quote that part of what I said. I promise I don't have the reproductive organs to do this alone. While I am in agreement it is not a good idea, you ask me to sentence her to having no support and no future prospect of having the father involved if she changes her stance on this. Or he (someone other than me) may decide to become involved against her wises as that would be his right, to demand visation and have it enforced by the Courts and can do this with no support if he is incapable of paying it. I offer to be involved only with her consent and ensure I have no legally enforceable right to do so. Yes and essential. Did you put your child though medical school? Would they have had the opportunity if that is what they wanted? Now that is just ridiculously not possible. I have no right to be anywhere near any child without an invitation regardless of who the father is. And sure, why would I have an interest in visiting and monitoring the progress of some random child? Oddly I do through several charities but don't get to visit. So I was asking for opinions on how to make the best of a poor decision, and that's what I got. Additional comments: Consider the case were a single want-to-be mother visits a sperm bank if you will, do we judge her or the anonymous sperm donor? I don't know exactly where she would find this service but I know it exists as does everything good and evil in the world. Of course she knows she doesn't have to do it that way and that cost, lots of live sperm donors around she can simply approach and ask. It's still a bad decision to make a fatherless child but then if she must, why not one were the donor isn't totally anonymous and wiling to offer support and hope for a better outcome someday? I know a lot of people unfamiliar with this industry would judge both SPs and their clients harshly and we'd have a hard time convincing them there is nothing wrong with what goes on. You haven't been privy to the intelligent conversations I have had with this lady and therefore maybe don't realize how determined she really is and do you really know me? I think if both these things were true you wouldn't be so harsh in your judgement of me (or her). In any event I got my helpful opinions, judgments, responses and they are all most helpful in helping me convince her there is a better way.

Oh wow have you got that right! And yet she grants permission to "see someone" or "get a girlfriend" so I admit to writing this one off (yeah, ok, justifying it for my own purposes) as she must realize that condoms do break or otherwise fail and so by extension is she is not also giving permission to do this accidentally? I am the first to admit I am turning accidentally into on purpose for my own cowardly reasons by deciding not to discuss this with her, well at least not yet anyway. And then if I did and she didn't agree... No, not blunt, honest, much appreciated. As this moves further along I have come to recognize that there will soon be a decision point that once crossed is absolutely irreversible. Once I decide to sign documents and require her to as well only God (or the would be mother) can intervene, it is my nature.

Thanks MightyPen. I've always found you a very difficult guy to debate with because I'll be dammed if you aren't almost always completely right! On reflection I think I put too much emphasis on it being my genes and not my help. Too true. I guess I find it disturbing that the lady is so determined that this is the way it must be (and that it WILL be, with or without me), yet I see some movement in that she is offering regular updates, photos, occasional visitation all contingent on ongoing financial support, so whatever the outcome I just know my contribution (other than my genes) would make a difference she otherwise does not have access to. In fact our first conversation was with regard to being a sperm donor and nothing more, I would hate to see her go it completely alone. The views and opinions expressed here have given me plenty of more ideas and will be of great assistance in my next discussion with her about this. As you can tell I'm not going to make a rash decision and maybe there is room for a little more movement. If not, guess I'll just leave it up to the random, anonymous guy(s) in the bar as it is unlikely she will be successful with just one try. In this case she probably won't even know who the father is, sad indeed. I admit that I am having trouble understanding why such an articulate, intelligent and educated lady would want to do it like this. But numerous conversations and emails have convinced me she absolutely will and is completely determined and unstoppable. Guess that is a missing piece of this puzzle I really need to find an understanding of.

Yes I am, just the same there is whole lot more thought gone into it than that selfish goal. Whereas it will happen (with or without my cooperation) I also look at it as an opportunity to make the world a better place in a small way. I suppose for a time I though it irresponsible to being a child into this over populated world of 6,973,738,433 people but then whats a +1 to that number (rhetorical question of course). You may be right. I was also thinking of it as a charitable contribution project with extremely personal meaning to me but certainly by no means limited to that. And so very helpful. Can't want to hear an option from a lady or two. Thanks again OutForFun.

Yes, we are really looking forward to the "End of the World" party in the Caribbean. http://www.december212012.com If you watch the documentary on History Channel "Startling new secrets" (the whole thing which I couldn't find online, just the first 10 minutes or so is online) it gets pretty scary but I'm still not a believer :) There are now countless documentaries, movies and websites that point to this date as significant. Of course none of us thinks the world will really end on December 21st but it's a good excuse to gather in the warm Caribbean climate, exchange ideas and knowledge, plan our trades for the coming year, swim in the ocean and the pools, ride horseback through the jungle, socialize, celebrate and party hardy at an all-inclusive resort, lots of off resort excursions planned as well. As we have so many coming I was able to negotiate a lucrative group rate for trip cancellation (with a medical certificate) and medical insurance for all. We have at least 18 confirmed with non-cancelable reservations from all over the world (but mostly North America) before the group rate cutoff deadline. Anyone else is welcome but they have to manage their own reservations and insurance. Everyone is to bring an FMS/GRMS radio. One member of the group is a radio announcer by previous profession so he has agreed to broadcast a standard message announcing events and arrivals for 5 minutes every hour on the hour during daytime hours. Outside of that the "squawk box" channel will be used by anyone for impromptu invitations (e.g. ForEx traders gathering at the "La Plaza" bar on the beach, come join us if you like, etc.). A few are coming from Europe and have indicated trouble locating such a two-way radio so I picked up enough to supply them with one on eBay :) So we have the 18th - 21st, after that the group will start to reduce in size as many people have children and family and can't blow up their Christmas but some are staying for Christmas. We have a list of "rules" everyone has agreed to follow (not allowed to discuss or disclose the size of your portfolio, etc.) so everyone will be an equal. I'm sure there will be some heated debates and discussions but they must remain civilized and friendly and of course that is what it is all about. For some of the more organized meetings we will be using an authentic aboriginal democracy " Talking Stick" method :) I will be staying well past New Years and well into the new year (if the world doesn't end :)

Thanks RG. Really I have the same morals and values, feeling much the same way. However, the mother is going to do this, with or without my involvement and rightly or wrongly. If that wasn't the case I would never consider it. Now when we consider it will happen, I guess I feel I would contribute (financially) where others she would choose are not willing or able. So the outcome in this case is more favorable due to my involvement. I realize that is a rationalization only meant to justify what I am considering which may well be abhorrent. Quite badly I would expect. Even if she understood (and she is very understanding) it would make her feel inadequate as she is clearly unable to do this for me. Yes, she may well find out someday if she survives me but then I won't be around. Perhaps there is even a way around that one, there goes that omnipotence again. I hope you will trust that I am really a good person of high moral standards and character, but at the same time I (like anybody else) am capable of extreme badness (usually in a good or at least just misdirected way). Yes, we covered that one off. She is determined that the child would be raised by her family in her community. It only remains to be seen if this is legally possible to ensure. Truly an excellent point and one I hadn't properly considered. It is a "risk", no doubt about it. My job requires I take risks all the time, as cold and calculating as it may be I'll study the numbers and the chances of this and decide if it is an acceptable risk like any other emotionless financial transaction and while I may apply those same techniques of risk management I use every day here, I assure you this is no standard emotionless financial transaction to me. That's a given my friend. Thank you so much for your input, opinion and advice, much appreciated as always. Additional Comments: Yeah that's a great suggestion but doesn't work at all in my circumstances as my wife's medical problems make her incapable of helping care for the child at all so then it's all on me and what do I know about it? Almost nothing. I know people have done this but to me it is clearly a moral issue to legally rip a child out of the arms of it's mother. She'd have to move in and boy that gets weird in a hurry.

Maybe so. I know life as been very good to me and afforded me the opportunity to do almost anything I wanted but I have but only one real regret and this is it. These days I recognize I am human and subject to making mistakes and this could be a really big one (a whopper). But yes, you are right, I have always had a yearning to do this and now seem to have the ability but I well recognize it is not a decision to be taken lightly which is why I value all opinions anyone has to offer.

And that is why I asked this question for just those kind of insightful opinions that will make me think, as I have no experience as a parent, thanks. She has offered at least two in person visits a year, photos, regular updates and even when the child is walking and talking he or she doesn't have to know the guy visiting the mother for an hour or so is their father. I seriously don't have the time to raise a child but I can see myself (with her permission) anonymously attending school plays and other such activities. Yes it sure does! And at least to me this is dead serious, life changing stuff we are discussing here. I was kind of hoping for a response from you Phaedrus as I have always admired your wisdom. Very true. Well her initial plan was anonymous, she wouldn't even know the father's name or how to reach him, but I couldn't do that. I'd have to ensure my child had every chance to flourish and benefit from what I have to offer. You are very right, the lawyer(s) will have to help us sort this out. No this would be her first and you are very right. Very risky until we take advice. In fact the initial financial support would be held in trust or escrow pending a positive paternity test. She really seems to respect that I am taking no chances and every possible precaution after some of the risks (like me seeking custody) were explained to her. Yeah, I don't see her knowing about this while I am alive. If she survives me she would of course know all about it with the reading of the will. That may seem like I'm being a bastard but then it would be for much the same reasons she doesn't know about my CERB activities. Chivalry dictates I do nothing to make her feel more inadequate than she already does, so while I have permission for that, I never kiss and tell. Just the same, she must know (women know more than we sometimes give them credit for) but it has developed into a don't ask, don't tell policy over the years.

I have done this several times now and have existing firm plans to do it again, it has always worked out well. Of course you are responsible for all expenses and paying the lady what she asks so it is not at all cheap. Remember, while she is away on vacation with you (as nice as that might be for her) she is not able to see any other clients. It also requires a lot of trust as the lady generally has to disclose all her personal information that she would normally never do so you can make the arrangements for her. I always feel there is the risk she will have to cancel at the last minute and leave me with non-refundable travel package but so far so good :) The dynamics of having an international travel companion for a week or two are quite a bit different than the usual encounter.

I've never really had any problem with this but rather look forward to a relaxing time. But I've read on other threads (like those that describe first experiences, and there are a few of them) were one compared it to skydiving for the first time and another mentioned becoming violently ill in the moments before her arrival. Based on this I'd have to say that at least some no-shows have no-choice because they have failed to anticipate the effect this will have on them. I find the ladies are really wonderful about being friendly and not intimidating. I do always book lots of extra time so I know I'm just meeting someone and there will be some social time to start. One wonderful lady walked into my hotel suite, put the envelope in her purse and then removed and threw every piece of clothing she was wearing over in the corner and did this so quickly I didn't even see her do it (or know, guess I was distracted for 20 or 30 seconds) so when I turned around I was a little shocked to see such a beautiful totally nude woman so suddenly with a big (I did it when you weren't looking grin on her face) but I got over it quickly. Very definitely a change of pace for me but I will repeat :)

Seriously you may be over reacting to the risk(s). I was genuinely surprised in light of my occasional reckless behavior, yet all the tests (every STD tick box ticked on the requisition came back negative). While I will never deny that there is a real risk to any intimate activity don't go over board. Oh and one final thought... a condom can't save you from everything. No matter how "safe" you try to make it there are still risks.

Oh give me strength oh lord, the BEST is the lady that is with you right NOW! Nothing else matters.

I absolutely fall in love with most (for a few hours, and rarely days or weeks but only for the time I have the supreme pleasure of their company and undivided attention), nothing wrong with that (and I enjoy falling in love so often) but then I can't allow myself give it a second thought (until next time) :) It's a hazard you absolutely must adjust to. The "Pretty Woman" (as in the move by the same name) scenario does no doubt happen but it is exceptionally rare.

Most excellent advice porthos and practice makes perfect. I found all the responses here on this thread interesting. I thought about it a little more and then to help turned it around and inside out and imagined what it would be like to have no interest in pleasing the lady and it just being about me. Morally I guess I could accept that as she is being compensated in other ways but it very quickly goes down hill from there. While I admit there have been encounters were I wasn't really capable of being enthusiastic (16 hours on an aircraft or pushing yourself too hard for weeks can do that to you) and I just wanted to be tucked in for the night or distracted those are clearly very rare and exceptional circumstances. If this was my standard (when well rested and focused), it really starts to feel so very very wrong to me on so many levels.

I really think age is just a number, you are only as old as your feel you are. Seriously, I usually don't "know" my exact age, right now it's an multiple of 10 so I do know but in the ten years between decades I don't keep track. I always feel absolutely miserable when a lady MUST disclose her date of birth to me (you just can buy travel medical insurance for her on that nice out of the country excursion without it) and while I use the information only for the intended purpose I refuse to do the math.

This will become more of an issue over time. Yes there are several anti-virus programs for smartphones but for now I think if you carefully review any app you choose to install you may be ok. Of course anything offered for free (as an anti-virus tool) is likely malicious in and of itself. There are thousands of very useful and safe free applications. Google is working hard to keep anything malicious out of the market (and harder more recently) but not doing as good a job as Apple just yet but even they have had bad stuff slip in. So far I'm just very careful to read up on any app I consider installing and haven't bothered as it would consume extra resources and slow down the phone.

Well I'm no expert in porn but the question in and of itself indicates that you did not make this collection picture by picture but probably grabbed some "collections" of numerous (hundreds or even thousands) of images compiled by other collectors so certainly if you did this and I assume from your question you did then I suppose something "could" have made it in there (much like the virus, that wasn't intentional). The simple possession of child pornography is a crime and I know you would immediately delete it if you came across it. That said, I really don't think the repair shop has any interest or time to look though however many hundreds or thousands of images you may have collected as others have indicated. It would be really nice if someone in your area (of good reputation here) and a little more computer knowledge would step up to the plate and give you a hand coping all this stuff off to an external disk drive and maybe even save you a trip to the repair shop. I would even offer but my schedule doesn't put me back in the Ottawa area for certain until spring now. I did read about a conviction which made me angry because the guy had hundreds of thousands of images and only 6 were illegal. I think he was able to get a good plea bargain but still ended up with a criminal record but from that ratio is appears to me it wasn't intentional and I viewed it malicious prosecution where the resources would have been better spent on a real pedophile.

Good catch RG, yes I forgot about that one. I so don't use Outlook or any other kind of email that stores the messages on your computer anymore I over looked that one... but I'm sure lots of folks do still use an actual email program (like outlook or outlook express or the new MSN mail that replaced outlook express or whatever). I guess a new twist (in the last couple of years), even though I might use Gmail and many people still use Hotmail, the smart phone clients for these (BB, Android and iPhone) do keep the messages on the phone, don't they? So I imagine this caution applies equally to upgrading your phone or having it repaired as well. And then there is that deleting the message only moves it to the trash or deleted items folder, so you have to go in there and delete it again before it is really gone and then there is still the fact that things aren't really gone when you'd like them to be.

Darn, you picked up on my learning disability, I was hoping no one would notice :( Well done! Stand proud! :) Yes master.