Sweet Emily J

[B]Why I changed my mind about sex work[/B] [I]I feel uneasy about sex work, but here's the thing: it's not about me. It's about the safety and dignity of those who are actually involved in the industry[/I] [B]By SA Jones[/B] [URL="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jul/29/sex-prostitution-st-kilda"]http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jul/29/sex-prostitution-st-kilda[/URL] [QUOTE] I feel uneasy about sex work. I worry that it objectifies women and compounds our difficulties in carving a place for ourselves as cerebral and corporeal, as full persons. But hereâ??s the thing: itâ??s not about me. However sincere my concerns, however fluently I may be able to quote Andrea Dworkin, such views tacitly align me with the slut-shamers and the conservatives who do such a good job of "othering" sex workers, of making them a thing apart â?? alien and aberrant. This othering means that when a sex worker is murdered â?? as happened in Melbourne's St Kilda suburb last week â?? our outrage is muted. Yes, we think itâ??s awful and we hope the assailant is caught, but she was putting herself at risk, but she knew the dangers, but she didnâ??t "keep herself safe" â?? as if what Tracy Connelly experienced in the last moments of her life was any less horrifying for her than it would be for us. Or as if her family and friends grieve differently, or her partner is any less traumatised by finding her body, or her assailant will confine their violence to sex workers so the rest of us can live without fear (Adrian Ernest Bayley, anyone?). Iâ??m done with the buts. To (mis)quote EM Forster, in any contest between an ideology and a friend, Iâ??m coming down on the side of the friend, on the real, flesh-and-blood reality of the person. My support and my energy must be at the service of the sex worker rather than a politics that, however well-intentioned, diminishes their personhood and allows Tracy Connelly to be reduced to a tawdry headline. Feminism has always been conflicted on the question of sex and sexuality, inheriting as it did two such different traditions. One tradition is devoted to protecting women from the laws and customs that subjugate them to men and menâ??s bodies; and one argues for the reclamation of the female body and its pleasures. For various reasons, my own politics tended towards the former for a long while. The problem with this position is that it so easily falls prey to the model of menâ??s sexuality as rapacious and threatening. A former professor of mine, the late Patricia Crawford, referred to this as the "sex or burst theory", whereby menâ??s sex drive is an unsophisticated hydraulic system requiring periodic release, or catastrophic consequences will ensue. Sex workers and porn are socially positioned as providing this "release valve" that supposedly keep the rest of us (good) women safe. The objections to this model are manifest, not least in that it sets up a dichotomy between men and women, where (gendered) desires are oppositional and women whose sexual experiences fall outside a fairly narrow, vanilla band are cast as aberrant. Even mad. It makes black and white what in reality is the complex, messy and contestable nature of desire. It means we agree to sacrifice "release valve" women like some kind of human shield. It reinforces sexual double standards whereby sex amplifies men but diminishes women. So the same act makes men studs or virile or magnetic, whilst rendering women sluts or needy or a bit pathetic, with sex workers the ultimate example. Throw in all our baggage around sexual competition and fears about fidelity and thereâ??s a potent recipe for womenâ??s hostility towards sex workers. Iâ??ve no claims to expertise on sex work. But I have been, and am, friends with women who are sex workers. For the most part theyâ??re white and middle-class and well-educated, like me. And pretty well-versed in feminist theory, like me. Their choices and options look similar to mine, and theyâ??ve chosen sex work. Who am I to question that choice? To tell another woman what she can and cannot do with her body? To suggest, as some feminists do, that this â??choiceâ?? is in fact Stockholm syndrome whereby the sex worker is identifying with her oppressor. "But how would you feel if your daughter chose to be a sex worker?" my girlfriends ask. The answer is, I would feel very uneasy. But if she made that choice my first concern is for her wellbeing and human rights, not my ideological purity. Her bodily integrity is inviolable regardless of the number of sexual partners she chooses to have (or not have) and in what shape or form. I would want her to be part of, and not apart from, the greater community. Her choices respected. Her rights protected. I want that for Tracy Connelly, too. I want it for every woman. [/QUOTE]

Kickstarter-funded Sex Work Documentary Puts Women in Danger By Frankie Mullen http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/frankie-mullin/kickstarterfunded-sex-work-documentary-puts-women-in-danger_b_3644828.html

UB40 - Red Red Wine :)

Cake - Sheep Go To Heaven http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0mx5ERj1eI

Plain white cake :) Cold, out of the fridge. Simple is best for me!

Ooooh, I have this exact one, except red!! :) However, I have never tried it... yet! I am excited to hear that it works and is fun. Who wants to try 'er out with me!? :biggrin:

Ahhh!! I friggin love someecards!! :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: This is my new favourite thread!

Milo felt like having some breakfast in bed this morning... hehe :)

I do not support this idea from the information, thoughts and ideas I have read so far, but I am keeping an open mind and I am interested to follow the discussion to see how it progresses.

Interesting topic. I completely understand all the reasons why ladies choose not to show their faces and I respect everyone's own choices to live and operate as they see fit for their own situation, since everyone's circumstances are different. For me, I am completely "out" about what I do. Everyone in my life who matters, knows what I do. And I don't hide it from people I meet. My face was already "out there" from some amateur adult stuff I did when I was younger, so when I first started this, I didn't really feel a real need to hide my identity. I know that what goes on the internet is there for life, but it really doesn't bother me. Since my family knows, and respects my choices and love me for me, and I don't have children, and don't want any ever, I am free to live my life any way I want. I don't really understand about the facial recognition thing or how it relates to this. I mean, I understand the technology, but don't really get why US border services would do that to random innocent people crossing the border, however it doesn't surprise me at all. But in any event, I was already banned from the states several years ago for something completely unrelated to this (a really stupid thing when I was 19). I even bought an all-inclusive trip to Vegas last winter, thinking that after all these years, my federal pardon would be enough to allow me to cross, but nope, it wasn't. So fuck them. I have no interest in going to the United States ever again in my life, so that is not a concern at all for me, personally. I also feel like being 100% open with people about my profession, and not hiding my face, this is my small personal contribution to the fight against "stigma" we face. At this point, I have no interest in attending rallies, protests or meetings, but I do think that it is important for us to be heard and give an identity to the modern day prostitute. We are not the creepy skanky diseased, drug addicted scumbags that the media often portrays us as; we are normal people. By me being open with family, friends, and especially strangers, it shows a range of people that we are just regular women. We are mothers, daughters, nieces, friends, and we don't look any different than they do. We have just chosen a different type of work! I really like this job, and plan to be in it for as long as I do enjoy it, so I am putting everything I have into it, no holds barred. If the day came that for some reason I wanted to leave this profession, I could quite seamlessly slip back into my previous career at any time, and because of the type of work I used to do, I am lucky enough that being an SP would have no effect over my ability to be successful at it. One of my best friends from my teenage years, who I haven't spoken to in a few years texted me out of the blue the other day, with just the words "Emily J?". My heart skipped a beat and I laughed to myself. I guess he saw me online somewhere. I didn't know how he would react but it was a great conversation and the last thing he said was "If anyone messes with you, let me know and I'll set them straight!". :) LOL. So, I have come to accept and just assume that everyone knows. And that's fine because I heard a saying once that stuck with me.. "Those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind." And I really believe in that. I only have one life, and I am not going to live it on other people's terms. I've always strived to live a completely honest existence and it's a good feeling. :)

I understand your frustration, and what you described sounds like a total turn off, but if someone asked me this question when booking, I would decline the date without a second thought, as it's questioning my professional standards. I am in agreement with the ladies here. Professional women who are entertaining a guest, will give him her full attention and the phone will be on silent for the entire duration, and better yet as Cleo mentioned, in the other room. In general, I refuse to be a slave to my phone. Anytime I am in the company of another person, client or other, I always have my phone off. Face to face interaction trumps everything else. As for a client using his phone, I do not mind this because I mostly entertain during daytime working hours, and often these men are actually on the clock, so I understand sometimes situations need attention. Fortunately, nearly all of my guests also turn their phone off and would rather focus on us for our short time together. :)

My kind of man...