PatrickGC

Just a quick afterthought: As I was mentioning meditation as one of the possible ways to combat anxiety and stress earlier in this thread, here is a 12 minute meditation clipped from a introductory course led by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Think of this as the Youtube Cliff Notes version. Covers the basics in a nutshell. Check it out if you're inspired to. PatrickGC

One thing which people don't realize is that stress and worry are states of mind which can become habits. Human beings have great brains geared toward learning and occasionally this backfires. Because we learn every moment of every day. Education does not have to occur in structured format's nor does it have to use language. Advertisers know this and as a result modern people tend to be a little over efficient in picking up "knowledge" which quickly becomes a habit. I have found meditation is an excellent habit to develop in order to counteract worry and stress. There is a cornucopia of resources and styles to choose from, however at their core is the discipline of stepping back from the situation or anxiety so it may be looked at dispassionately. This is not mindless disconnection or blind ignorance. Rather a deliberate shift in one's mental state so that you can become aware of the issues maintaining the anxiety from moment to moment. One of the key insights is that this does not have to be complicated or a long process. Indeed, if you have stopped to read this thread, you are already momentarily looking at the issues from another angle. Sometimes that's all it takes. Break the pattern.-Stop, Look and Listen to yourself. PatrickGC

Meaghan's idiot neighbor really make me wonder about the male side of our species. What kind of selfish, top-down power based, world is this guy living in? My opinion on its is very prejudiced, but in various ways I have seen men doing incredibly judgmental 18th-century things when it comes to the stereotypes held by society and in this case that refers to sex workers. Indeed this is not limited to the mainstream. I have dealt with disabled men who have acted with equal disrespect to sex workers. Being disabled you'd think they would know better, but no, the same old attitudes emerge. In this case the disabled client had arranged a date with a worker which was very involved. A fantasy date requiring a costume and a fair bit of preparation. Because I'm fairly vocal in the disabled community the client had approached me earlier to arrange something and that's how I was involved. Anyway after the sex worker had spent a fair bit of money and is the appointed date approached the client got cold feet. But rather than articulating that, he just would not answer his phone when she tried to confirm things. This man had been disabled from birth with the same condition I have, Cerebral Palsy and he was sufficiently articulate and involved with disabled rights movements to the point where he understood about double standards and prejudice. When I finally spoke to him briefly on the phone he stated that he was no longer interested in pursuing the date. I asked him politely to call the worker back and tell her this if only to be courteous. This is not what he did, rather he enlisted a health-care attendant to call the worker back and threatened legal action. WTF!!! I was aghast and enraged. Still am to some point even though it's been many years since this happened. There was absolutely nothing her or I could do, even though the health-care attendant had broken every rule in the book regarding professional behavior etc. There are times when I really wonder about how to uproot these bizarre behaviors. Although I have seen this occur on both sides of the sexes, this really does seem to be to be more openly prevalent with the male side of our species. Yet in closing I have also seen people come together to achieve great goals. But where in our culture are these bizarre standards rooted and how do we fix them? There is simply no excuse for the idiot neighbor or client anymore. PatrickGC

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I think service providers are the epitome of the entrepreneurial spirit, and without contradiction by their very work and other choices clearly state that sex and emotional connection are critical to the human experience. Whether a person is public about this career choice or chooses to keep it under wraps is very secondary to the fact that they acknowledge that both money and sex are critical to a person's well-being in this modern world. In short, it takes real balls to be this kind of true frontier entrepreneur. It's a spirit I find lacking in general "out there" in the far too pasteurized world, where someone goes off on a bizarre tangent every few moments. For example look at some of the dialogues we've all seen on Face Book. But here at CERB, and a few unrelated underground sites, there is a real sense of community. Both clients and workers are passionate about what they do. Boy does passion ever bring people together. Just wanted to put that out there and say thanks to everyone. Let's keep on going. Take care won it all! PatrickGC

Seeing someone totally enthralled by a live performance, be that music, artwork or dance and regardless of the venue. The truly swept off their feet from the energy and commitment of the artist. That "Wow" moment. PatrickGC

Initially I wasn't too impressed with Twitter. I mean, what can you say in 140 characters?... well, apparently a lot. Especially if you follow it with a link. This was made very clear one day at a conference. All the major decisions etc. were immediately posted in brief. Since then I keep a watchful eye on twitter and most of the rest of the social media. So without further ado here is my twitter link for anyone to follow: https://twitter.com/PatrickClark14 Take care, PatrickGC

As Samantha's wonderfully articulated message indicates, people do not usually enter in the sex trade for healthy well thought out reasons. More often than not there is an act of desperation on some level. Since the stereotypes are so ubiquitous in our culture if someone told me that they wanted to get into the sex industry I would treat their statement as a red flag that something serious was going on. Being a client for many years I have met people working in the sex trade on all levels from drug addicts in the survival of the sex trade to the "Madame" conducting business in nicely furnished surroundings. Of the people, after considering all the ramifications, that freely choose this profession, and this is my own personal opinion, they must have an above average work ethic. Unlike the rest of the employment sector these entrepreneurs have no support aside from [if they can find them] peer groups. On top of that they almost by default have to become activists and well-versed in the criminal code and legal discourse. I have never been ashamed of being a client or of the people I date and can afford to be extremely open about it. The two main reasons for this are: I'm single. Physically disabled. Having Cerebral Palsy means also in this context that I can come at the issues from a slightly different angle outside of the typical stereotypes. And it's been my experience that public opinion is slowly very incrementally changing in regards to sex work. Most people I talk to will privately admitted after a long discourse with them, that maybe some of their assumptions are based on erroneous information. But they are, as yet unwilling to speak out publicly. PatrickGC

Give me real and authentic any day. Complete with all that is human. Unforeseen acts of God [farts, burps etc.] laughter, ups and downs. No one is perfect, and life is far too scripted nowadays. Sometimes, the unpredictable is what makes it even more memorable.. and occasionally yes, something you'll never live down. Hopefully with a smile on your face. Personally I can still think of a few dates that had me blushing. However, that's another post and maybe somewhere down the road. Take care, PatrickGC

On this fine spring day... I had my first milkshake of the year, With real whipped cream. A sure sign that summer is in the air. What could be better than that? All the best to everyone. May you have a great day and night! Followed by many more! :) PatrickGC

Hello Peachy For me personally and I suspect others in the community, our comfort level predisposes us to appear to others as introverts initially. This however is an incorrect assumption. People in this community tend to be more sensitive and aware on average and this means we require more personal space in my case literally to recharge emotionally. To answer your question specifically my comfort level requires the following: My comfort level would equal "A Mild Introvert". Emotions and nuances of environment have always had a big impact on me. So while being a disability activist I can speak with and for people on various causes-sexual rights for all being one of them-I need regular downtimes to reflect and consider on all the levels. Sometimes being physically disabled is like a name tag which has to come off. One needs time and space to disconnect from all the issues just so you can find your center again. This has the nasty unfortunate effect of driving many people crazy on the outside so to speak ["outside" refers to those not part of my immediate group of close souls.] when I close the doors to reassert my space. Surprisingly, Internet sites like face book do not hold much of an attraction, even though I am a geek and have five old computers tied together. Sometimes I find a dialogue on these sites,CERB is an exception, just as draining as going to a party. Perhaps that is because real dialogue or debate is very much appreciated, whereas hyperbole is not. So there it is, my comfort level in a nutshell. Apologies if I rambled somewhat. PatrickGC

What a remarkable thread! In the sheer diversity of responses and suggestions. The overall common theme and advice articulated thus far is: "Client, know thyself." Clearly everyone is different in almost every emotional aspect, and there are no hard and fast rules. Everything can and will happen. But clients and service providers alike must be more aware of their motivations and boundaries than the average person is. I suspect those who choose freely to be involved in the sex industry, as a group, are more emotionally matured. This is not meant to sound arrogant or judge mental of the mainstream, but consider the thoughtfulness which is gone into the preceding posts. Others on the "outside" may consider these things, but they are not discussed sincerely and openly.I wouldn't be at all surprised if we have a higher than normal number of people here with degrees in the various psychological disciplines. Apologies, for going off the thread topic but I just wanted to knowledge the tremendous amount of sincere consideration people have put forward on the issue of falling in love with a service provider. In appreciation of the "University of CERB" faculty and alumni. PatrickGC

I really look forward to the day when we get rid of all the code words, acronyms, and hyperbole. It would make things so much clearer. That said, there is nothing like a well-written erotic fantasy... Thank goodness for all the marvelous artisans who can write and sculpt the libido so well. PatrickGC

One that I saw a recently really charmed my socks off. It touched on so many levels, the geek in me, the romantic, and the rebel. Robot & Frank (2012) Trailer and description here at Rotten Tomatoes. PatrickGC

When I was 13 years old, this was on my wall. Last year I found a degraded copy of it online. After a little industrial magic the poster is back! It is more meaningful than ever today. PatrickGC

Hello one, and all: Apologies for the long delay in posting. Bureaucracy has the more than annoying habit of erupting in a flurry, consuming a great deal of energy and an almost as quickly settling down. [Kind of like a muscle spasm, now that I think about it.-in other words: Unexpected, unavoidable, and incredibly annoying.] I am wondering about the best way for the online petition to reach the immigrant/disenfranchise/newbie sex worker populations. The more I think about it, the online petition can be done. The vocal among us already have a voice and the media as well as the bureaucracy is quite familiar in engaging with the normal "Activist Choir" and we as a community know them all too well. Even if the petition is not totally scientific people from underrepresented communities need to have input. The more people involved the more likely is the petition will have an impact Who in the community here are part of, or have access to, immigrant communities and people? Are there any sex worker driven publications, online or otherwise, from these cultures which we can enlist or publish an article to spread the word about the petition? I realize that the article idea does not take into account the various cultural attitudes and indeed may be very naïve. But you never know....:) What does everyone think? PatrickGC

Hello Nikki: I am so sorry I missed the broadcast. I just discovered this thread. As a person with cerebral palsy I clearly understand about bureaucracy and receiving services with dignity honesty and respect. Hopefully, you had a rocksolid turnout. Also, if there are any other fundraisers etc. please let me know and I will do what ever I can to spread the word. Take care PatrickGC

Hi Samantha and all: Reaching the immigrants and a new workers who adds a group I agree suffer the abuses of the most might be done by finding people already in the trade by choice who are already part of the various cultures. "Who" would be a trust, and how can their safety be assured are serious questions which mean to be answered along the way as this idea unfolds. This absolutely must be done from within the community and totally community driven. - By community I mean all who work in the sex trade and related fields. - I haven't looked at the petition links MsSarah posted but it occurred to me that ideally the petition should be hosted by one Canadian based organization [preferably grass roots] which is accountable and transparent. --- Is there such an animal? -- so that it doesn't become a statistical nightmare. As this come together, -I'm just thinking off the top of my head now- we might approach people in organizations like Free Geek Vancouver to find is such a hosting organization or maybe even a programmer who happens to be in the sex trade. This is totally not part of free geek's mandate or even focus, but they are very good at digging up resources especially open source and are run on a consensus model. I have had an off and on affiliation with free geek Vancouver for years so I can approach them it we run into problems regarding putting the petition online etc. Samantha, you have raised spot-on concerns regarding bureaucracy etc. [How many thousands of hours spent on the phone, writing reports and endless correspondence with people they don't really want to change the status quo; entrenched in their own reality.] Part of this survey process will undoubtedly be very stressful and demonizing as things proceed. Sorry if this sounds like a bit of a downer everyone but it is the true when dealing with the hierarchical machinery. Nevertheless we should proceed and keeping it run by the community. I will post again tomorrow or later tonight. Rereading the entire thread and allowing some ideas to gel to the point where they can be presented any moral or less coherent form for feedback etc. PatrickGC PS: I hope the above does not sound authoritarian or arrogant. That was not my intent. If anyone feels that I, in any way overstepping boundaries. Please do say so.

Meaghan: That is an amazing story about Tommy. Our pets are really tremendous and they are very much aware of what goes on around them. It really makes one think if indeed they are after all sentient. They just don't see the need to brag about it the way humans do :) Just looking through some of my photos from a few years ago. Here's one from a hot day in August 2011 which really was the highlight of my day. Enjoy one, and all! PatrickGC

Good idea MsSarah! Informal or not such a petition would give an indication of how big the industry is across Canada, and that the very least, might provide a sense of solidarity. Which is something that I think is sorely lacking on the whole. Outside of boards like this and affiliations with the various groups, the sex industry is seen [i think] by most as solitary, isolating work. Which indeed may currently be true. Of the workers I have no one over the years many have been staunch individualists determined to do their own thing, occasionally to the extreme. This might really help to bring them in to the larger community. Let's formalize this idea as the thread continues as far as how to make it work etc. CERB does have a very informal polling feature which might be useful in a rudimentary prototype experiment. This would also help to bring ideas forward. I am going to get ahead of myself again... A lawyer with the correct background could probably be found through Pivot Legal Society. Also, " FIRST: Decriminalize Sex Work Now! " Has a mail list server on which we could post announcements, request for feedback etc. which goes on around the world. Just brainstorming. What does everyone think of the petition idea in general? .PatrickGC

The following is explicitly my own personal opinion and does not reflect the conscience or physical actions of any other person; now or in the future. I think a good majority of the medical practice does understand the condition those who are terminally ill and under their care are in. Quietly giving them the options they can. For example full control over a morphine drip or other options. The problem is the public gets the issue very confuse bringing in all sorts of additional aspects because, once again, this issue touches close to home. We will all have to face death at some point. As a society North America hasn't a good track record in preparing its citizens to talk about death. This makes it very difficult for someone to grieve properly in many cases. You can't just "get over it" and be back at work in next week. It is uniquely different for each person, yet, common to us all. Wgat we can do however, is insist that a person's dignity is maintained throughout the medical system. This does not have to be in life or death situations, it is equally important for all people receiving care. Sending a strong signal to the staff and medical professional. A number of years ago, my father, who was in his late 60s and I believe the first practicing anesthesiologist with polio in Canada in the late 1950s suffered a major heart attack. During his first week of hospitalization some staff member changed the name above his bed from "Dr. Clark" to just "Mr. Clark". My sister noticed this before anyone else including myself and exploded, rightly so, at the staff and bureaucracy who didn't see it as such large issue. Anything that reduces a person's dignity must be corrected because it does matter a great deal to the person receiving the care. This in holds true for all circumstances whether it be terminal illness or a simple visit to the doctor's office because, frequently dignity is chipped away in small stages It's all about acknowledging and respecting people. PatrickGC

Hello Samantha: True, persons that had been forced into the sex trade do not normally join boards like this one and, as you mentioned, an online senses would be difficult because of privacy concerns. However, I wonder what media they do use? It might be useful to network with "Women, Action, and the Media" (WAM!) [ Vancouver WAM! Chapter link ] to explore alternate ways of gathering information wihch is statistically viable. WAM! Is a diverse group for sure. Sometimes the debates can get quite heated. But that also means a wide range of ideas and approaches could be generated and worked on. No doubt it would mean sex workers, misuses, dancers and researchers who may not otherwise hear about this could become involved. PatrickGC

Makes one wonder about the mindset of some clientele. Are they really there for the experience of being with some marvelously gifted entrepreneurial person? One would hope that their brain was engaged when choosing a service provider for the date. Otherwise, they are really missing out, if they think all it is is the physical. I too have been speechless or a had a case of the starters on first introductions. But hopefully they have picked up that the reaction was due to the depth of presence and all that was conveyed. I admit once a sex worker gave me a quick visual flash while passing by. I forgot where I was driving my scooter for the moment and hit the restaurant wall. It did cause a bit of excitement with the maître d' and staff. I think I was more in shock then she was. The wall just came out of nowhere :) a humbling experience and the rest of the date went extremely well. PatrickGC

Hello Cristy: It all boils down to just one thing, and only one thing. When a person's quality-of-life has diminished to the point where they feel more anguish in living. It is time to respect their wishes and assist them in dying in a manner and they choose. This is one of very few issues I take a very hard line on. I have seen personally, people suffer... A person must have dignity throughout their life! When people, groups and bureaucracies put themselves first, ahead of the person in pain, I become enraged. We cannot understand truly what the person is going through and our discomfort must take a backseat to their wishes. We can however, empathize with them; let them know they are loved and then, let them go with kindness and respect. PatrickGC

I look forward to today when the industry gets to that stage of having to write résumés. In the meantime... My last service provider was an construction site worker. She could lay an awesome foundation, and boy, could she have the beam vertical and perpendicular to the base in no time. Unfortunately, she retired and I do miss that exquisite craftsmanship. PatrickGC PS: I do computer maintenance and all it entails. Thus influencing the client-side skills, and that would put me in the "Beaver-Monkey" category.

Hello Tsukiyo_Chevalier In short and as a general rule of thumb it may also be said: [--] Be aware of the context in which you find your self and others. Then move in the appropriate direction. [--] The status quo will always resist change. Expect this, and indeed look for it. {--] Repeat step 1. The above may sound trite and way oversimplified. But in the end of the day it works for me. Take care, PatrickGC