mrrnice2

The Beginning A long overdue piece of writing. It is a little bit of a different recco from those that I have written previously but that is because it was a very different and special experience. I have had my first overnight experience and it was with the most amazing woman. I have been keeping this to myself since then but it is time to share. I should have done so a long time ago, but perhaps better late than never applies in this situation. I had seen Cathy several times prior to this overnight visit. All previous encounters were entirely different from each other, and all so unbelievably memorable and each in their own way. There was first Cathy - GFE. Next was Cathy - Hfxdom and following that was Cathy - Duo partner. Now, Cathy - overnight house guest. For me to have asked Cathy to share my home with me, to share my space with me and to share my bed with me was a symbol of my huge respect for her, a symbol of my trust in her, a symbol of my comfort level with her and a symbol of how special she is. In normal circumstances I would think that any man considering an overnight would look for and want to have those same things in place and still would have serious 'wonderings' about it, but for me there was one added component. I found Cerb and I ever so fortunately was lucky enough to have met Cathy following the death of my wife, an event that I am still struggling with and trying to cope with. I was asking Cathy to be the first woman to visit my home since that event and I cannot express how important it was to me to have a woman such as Cathy be the one who would help me over yet another barrier. There, background context, but important context for both she and I. On to the fun stuff, and fun the evening was. Cathy arrived late afternoon and we greeted each other as old friends. I knew from the moment that we had that first hug outside, from seeing the smile on her face and the feeling inside myself that I had made the right decision and that it was going to be an ever so comfortable and enjoyable time. We laughed right away as we unpacked her car. I have never yet appreciated how much a woman needs to pack for a single night away from home. One item that she arrived with was her portable massage table and having experienced her massage on a previous encounter I was so pleased to see her have the table with her. We came inside, got a bit settled and had a tour of the house. I had asked Cathy to bring what I call the girl next door dress for when we went out to eat. Now Cathy does not dress like the regular girl next door normally, so for me and me alone she went out and got a dress that knowing her, she might never wear again! Cathy's taste in clothing is normally shall we say, more eclectic. A quick change and then we proceeded almost immediately off to a selected restaurant for dinner. Note: The entire recommendation was too long so I have had to post it in two parts.

That sounds like such a simple thing, yet how can it be so difficult to implement or be made available everywhere. Fundamentally, it is a recognition that sex IS one of the basic human needs, and logically it should follow that it be easily and legally available to all.

Thank you Luxie. For the most part I have truly enjoyed and appreciated the positivity and the mutual support that both the men and women continually give to each other. This is an awesome community, and not despite of, but rather because of the variety of opinions and views.

Hi Dorinda. I am not sure why that would happen at all, to keep their cerb name private. I am sure that I must be missing something or some "good" reason, but interestingly enough at a cerb social I would introduce myself to many of the men by my cerb name as well as my real name, and most often I did not get the cerb name back in response. I found it curious. For me, all of my contacts with women have been because of cerb, and if I use a contact form initially I always provide my cerb name. As you have mentioned, as have others, I would expect and I hope that the lady would have a look back at some of my posts on cerb and then use them to get a sense of who I am. PS. Give Gabriella a kiss for me. :)

I am thinking as I read today that what I see is the result of day after day of 30 some frigging degrees in Ontario. So, here where I am on the east coast it is 18 degrees right now, windy as hell and the sun is thinking of coming out. I am having some friends over for dinner shortly. Lobster, mussels, oysters, scallops and shrimp. I would love to have you all over for dinner and good conversation. If you can make it by 6 you are welcome. Cool air, cool heads. RSVP

Recently I was fortunate to have been able to meet with Emma Alexandra and Gabriella Laurence when they both happened to be in Halifax at the same time. I have had one previous glorious encounter with Gabriella and when I saw that she was returning to Halifax, then as far as I was concerned seeing her again was a done deal. By coincidence I then noticed that Emma was going to be in Halifax at the same time. Knowing from Gabriella initially how much they enjoyed each other and that they were such great friends, I knew that this could be a great opportunity for a special experience. I inquired of Gabriella about it. She was amazing and worked with my potential dates and times to coordinate with Emma, and voila, the day was got closer. As the time approached I made some initial email contacts with Emma and she was as good to respond as was Gabriella. Me being me, I was still a tad nervous of meeting Emma for the first time but Gabriella assured me that she was a great person and Emma's emails helped me become more comfortable all the time. I arrived at Gabriella's suite, took my deep breath, and knocked. I was welcomed like an old friend and the nice part is that I felt like and still feel like that old friend. :) A great hug, a kiss, and an introduction to Emma. Oh wow. Two beautiful women, and me! It hardly seemed right. OK. I have to say it. Emma smiled more in the first minute than in all of her Cerb pictures put together and the smile continued all evening. I found her funny, and though she proclaimed herself as a Quebecois, she could not disguise her Nova Scotia roots which were evident in her manner and laughter. We had arranged to go out for dinner, and both ladies wore wonderful dresses. It is so nice how women can dress in a way that is classy and tasteful and yet demonstrate their confidence with their own bodies. Both ladies looked great. We grabbed a cab and moved on to a restaurant where we had a good time over a good meal. There was laughter, flirting, serious conversation and it was extra special for me as a way to really get to know a bit more about Emma. I do not know of any other time in my life, perhaps never, when it was so absolutely clear and obvious that someone else was jealous of me. Our waiter was attentive, and I know that his head was spinning. He took a couple of pictures for us but I understand that they came out blurry. I DO understand why! He heard the tail end of my little story of how close it was that the day before I would have had to cancel. The last line of the story was so unbelievable that just as Mr Waiter showed up, Gabriella said," Did you say ......" It would have been the highlight for Gabriella and Emma of their "best excuses' to cancel. I am not sharing that here, but I am thankful that I did not have to use it. The conversation was interesting, and it was so clear that these two ladies are more than Cerb friends, but real friends, and that simply made my mind race for what would happen once we returned to the hotel. I knew that there was nothing put on in their demeanour. When Gabriella pointed out to Emma that I was rubbing her leg under the tablecloth, it was clear that it was time to leave. It was really nice when we got back to the room that Gabriella had a "few little things to get ready", and it was that point that Emma and I became closer acquainted. :) I still have difficulty in sharing too much of the really intimate part of any encounter, but a soapy shower between two beautiful women, being the voyeur as they passionately kissed, being included in that, the moving back to a bed and then yes, another unique and memorable experience. I shall share a little secret here, and that is that Gabriella has a 'secret' spot. It's really not quite so secret if you want to research a little bit, but all I can say is wow, and Emma and I reaped the results. I had a super evening, from the moment we met until the moment that I left. The ladies were so sincere and natural, and they gave me an evening in which it was clear that I was the very special guest of honour. Every encounter is different and every encounter leaves me thinking about one more opportunity ahead to expand the boundaries and discover new experiences. These ladies can do that for you, and I know still of at least one more specific thing that they can do for me in the future. :) Thank you Gabriella and Emma.

I truly appreciate those who bring topics to the forefront that continue to educate and that continue to give me pause and think and ponder. This is a great debate/discussion and not an argument. It is a topic that has no clearly defined "right or wrong", and as one reads through the various contributions one sees diametrically opposing viewpoints, all of them having their validities, and yes, their flaws. Phaedrus with his usual wisdom said, " I really don't think this is something where we're ever going to find a common standard that suits everyone." As one who walked into Cerb with no prior experience, and certainly believing the prevailing stereotypes, I have had my views conformed, adjusted and in many ways they have been reversed. Initially Cerb was about one thing and one thing only - sex. Ultimately I suppose it is still about sex, but what has made this so amazing has been the interactions with the women, and many of these interactions are far beyond merely physical. The terminology that is used here is in many cases not the terminology that I would choose, however much of that terminology I have 'learned' and adopted from the women who are on the board. In many cases one need only follow one link to get to a complete list of 'menu items'. Each of us are different, men and women alike. A commonality is however that desire by all of us to be appreciated as people, to be treated politely, and to be recognized that we are a whole package and not just as having a set of 6pack abs or a cute butt. Elizabeth said it well here with," First and foremost, we are human beings....." Menu items and terminology and communication of interests and desires must play a role though at times. A very personal example would be in the fact that I do have an interest in having anal sex, an experience/fantasy yet to be fulfilled. If and when I want that then I suppose that I will be looking at the very least at 'menu items', or through pms asking specifically of individual women. The terminology that I use would probably refer to anal sex as opposed to 'greek." I learned from experience that women are not mind readers and I also have read posts from one woman after another expressing her desire forcommunication of interests, likes and/or dislikes. On the other side of it, a scripted, step by step scenario of who will do what, and when, and how, is not an appealing thing to me. To quote Erin, " I like the mystery and if too much is put out there before, for me, it's a turn off. I know some hobbiests do it to ensure their experience will be exactly as they want, but how does it make it sexy if you know ahead of time"? Berlin in her usual blunt and straight to the point manner also makes me wonder, but off in another direction. "Sorry dudes, but unless you're a woman, you're never going to understand what it is like to deal with all this crap on a daily basis." And " I'm honestly sick of hearing various ladies' concerns brushed off by men who have no idea what the fuck they're talking about or what it feels like to be us." Perhaps I have no clue so yeah, that is a very real possibility. The women here know of their experiences. I only know of my own, and how I interact with a woman. I do know that I have strong sense from the writing that most men here do try to be considerate of the women that they meet with. I see that in their writing but also from the comments that many women include in their own posts. All women? All men? I doubt it. It is not a perfect world. WIT in his post used used the term "client bashing." Gotta be honest here and state that I have felt that at times, strongly. Perhaps it is me misinterpreting words or perhaps it was a poor choice of wording by the writer, but sometimes the sense is there. I have said in more than one thread how my stereotypes have changed as I see and experience more realities with real women. One powerful stereotype that is 'out there', is that deep down sex workers are men haters. Do I believe that? No??????? But some of the comments I read here DO make me realize that I have not dropped that stereotype completely, and, if it is ever found to be a reality by me, will be my reason for leaving. I will not interact with a woman who brushes me off, or who disrespects me as a person. Berlins words work both ways. Perhaps there are times when the women do not understand in the least what it is like to be us. We also want what Erin wants as she expressed so well in her original and follow up posts. Finally, Samantha's words. "The sex trade is built upon the objectification of women. I have an inkling that ....... a man has to feel a kind of dull sadness at some level, at least once in a while. Because, even if he can get that woman to see him, even if he can touch her and have sex with her, he can't have her. Not because there's anything wrong with her, or even that there's anything wrong with him, but because even he really wants something much more complex, engaging and enthralling than simple beauty, perfect breasts or a firm, round backside. What he really, really wants isn't what she's selling and he can't buy it, anywhere. Most are much more shy than they'll admit. They hope that doing this, touching here, nuzzling there, trying to be gentle when it's the time for that, and trying to be more controlling when it's time for that too, everything will be okay. Asking questions takes a lot of nerve. No one wants to seem ignorant or inept......." She could be talking specifically about me, and I am giving an educated opinion that there are many more men very similar to myself. Mrgreen expressed his views on the overuse of the word respect. respect of course does have different meanings to each of us in our own way. Mine is probably pretty old-fashioned. In my reading I see some REALLY well respected Cerb members of both sexes disagreeing, and that is fine and that is fair. I also am reading into those posts that they are written with a desire to express and share altenate opinions on views and most interestingly enough, I am pretty confident that if they were all in the same room, there would be a pretty good concensus on respect. We will learn from each other through these forums. We will not always agree. Thanks to everone for contributing and trying to help me understand a truly complex topic.

Congratulations Phaedrus on your posts. There are some members whose name being on a forum entry ensures that I shall look at them. You are one of them. Keep posting. :)

Say it ain't so! Banks???

Our bank machines only give $20's, so for a date, especially an extended date that would make a rather large envelope to be carrying around. So, I go to a bank and get $100's but now after reading this I will always wonder if she will be wondering about their value as legal tender. Another reason that I really do prefer electronic funds transfer prior to the date. Alleviates more than one awkward moment for me. Sorry to have heard that story Emma. Give em hell.

More proof of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. :) I love my shoes too - both pairs. But to be on the other side be and the voyeur/observer, wow ladies, they pretty well all work for me. A nice pair of sneakers on a well turned leg, black leather boots, or a pair of those mystifying high heels as she wears the perfect dress. Wear a pair of shoes that require some assistance to unstrap. I am there for you. It would be my pleasure.

I like Roamingguy because of his so straightforward and consistent way of interacting with others on the board and his sincerety with is writing. His jokes bring smiles ( or often deep groans ) and, who can't like a fisherman!

Lobster and Beer Fries and ketchup Wine and cheese Cathy and Angel

Let me make it unanimous. Cathy is fabulous.

Next: CLAWS Curiosity Lasts As Women Seduce. Next: ROARS

A friend has an iPhone and showed me how he could turn it into a level. I thought, wow, when I can turn it into a hammer I will get one. But I just read your post and thought to myself after my mind did a Freudian slip, OK, now it turns into a Sybian. That should be a great selling point. :)

I went to my first smartphone almost a year ago, and went with a Blackberry. Main reasons were that they seem to have a better reputation for being tougher than iPhones, and it is Canadian. However, after seeing two of my daughters with their iPhones, larger screen ( and that is something I can use because of eyes), a larger typing surface, my next one will probably be an iPhone.

I am with OttawaAdventurer and Soleil. It has to be fawlty Towers. Basil and Manuel are awesome. :)

Thanks Sky. If I could figure how to add a comment I would have put this below your post. How clear and obvious that is ( I am a slow life long learner:)....AND.....that makes me feel a lot better!

When I was an educator and telling kids about "life long learning', or when I was in workshops and seminars where I was on the receiving end of that message, never in my wildest dreams did I believe that one aspect of my life long learning would be in the area of sex workers and language development. Slut. Whore. Prostitute. Queer. Words. The first time that I received a communication here from a lady who used some of those words to define herself, I was in a state of confusion. "But she seems like such a nice person", I thought to myself. I was rather quick to write back, questioning her on the choice of words, explaining that for me, they all came with negative connotations, thoughts and attitudes. Did she not demean herself by using them? And thus, another aspect of my education had begun. She was quick to respond, and took time to try to explain how those words are being 'reclaimed', and that she and others have adopted them again with pride. I know that in the spring of this year was the first that I heard of slut walks in various cities around the country, and even at that time I wondered, but those events had already started me along the path of accepting that some women WERE redefining language, and doing it positively and emphatically. Reality however cannot be ignored. Lifelong learning is a concept, but a life time of having LEARNED something is a very very difficult thing to overturn, or at least to overturn quickly. How many generations has it taken to achieve equality between races, and no, we are not there yet either. I am trying desperately to reconcile. I know with certainty that my thinking has changed 100% in regards to a woman using those terms towards herself. I understand why, and I understand and respect them for doing so. And I think to myself, "Good for you. Be who and what you are." We live in a society, and some of us have lived in it longer than others. I have a sense that many of the men here on CERB are 'older" while many of the women are a lot younger and therefore of a different generation. Even with what I have learned to this point, I honestly in my heart would find it virtually impossible to refer to a woman as a slut. It is ingrained. It has been forever. And the curious thing is that no one ever specifically taught me that. It just seems that it was, and is, disrespectful for me, who likes to think of himself as a gentleman, a respectful person, to address someone with that language, and yes, there is even a 'tone' associated with it in my head. As I said, ingrained. I have seen over and over here in various threads that women enjoy meeting with respectful, polite, gentlemen. Is there a contradiction there, or does the contradiction lie solely with me? I cannot and should not presume to speak for a generation of men, but, I wonder if others are having difficulty 'unlearning'? Respect for others is something that I believe all of us believe in and try to practice. The respect from others for being who you are and what you are and the language that you define yourself by requires a huge jump by perhaps many of us in that 'older generation'. It is a curious phenomenon that right now, I DO respect the choices that people make in terms of language that they apply to themselves, to their choices of living openly as queer, or prostitutes. I respect the choices and I respect the women who choose that for their right to decide and be and act and define themselves as they wish. But yes, and there is a but here, education is key and that education will take more than simply becoming open with who your are and your semantics, or explaining it once. There is a generation such as myself, who have, who truly have the best of intentions to accept and respect the words/terms and language, but we have many years of indoctrination to overcome. It will take time to change the thinking and attitudes of a generation. I am trying. I am there to a large degree. I am not yet ready to call you a slut. So, where am I in reality? A lifelong learner I am.

This won't hurt a bit. I don't need a map! So simple even a child could do it.

Apologies. Withdrawing my comment for reasons of staying out of controversial legal areas.

Thanks for the link to a very interesting article/interview. Elise has expressed very well, in my opinion, yet additional detail that continues to help me remove the stereotypical vision that I arrived here with only a few months ago. When she speaks of a continuum of roles of sex workers, and how a courtesan is one component of that continuum, it makes sense and further clarifies for me the aspects of this that I most enjoy. "A courtesan is there to converse, to challenge them intellectually, is there to be with them in an advisory role, in a companionship role, it's not just, " Hey, I'm going to see you for an hour, we'll have a roll in the hay, and then we'll go on our way." The statement above from Elise provides is her means of differentiating a "courtesan" from other sex workers, and when a woman can provide that to me then I am far more than happy. That personal connection and sharing of similar and opposing ideas provides another aspect of intimacy that I seek. She does not propose or assert that a courtesan is in any way "better" than other sex workers, but merely is the same but with perhaps more of an intellectual component added into the mix. Interestingly enough, she also uses the words courtesan and prostitute along with the term sex worker, all interchangeably. The semantics continue to be a learning experience as I am on this journey. Perhaps another thread to start, but I have had one person that I chat a lot with explain to me the way that the words slut, and queer, are being reclaimed, with pride. I can think of two other terms, relating to the men that women see, that could be reclaimed, now that I am one. I digress. I also do have to say, from a personal perspective, that in meeting with a 'courtesan', as absolutely incredible as that has been, it does add the issue of having a very personal intimacy of the mind, and that causes feelings, as has been discussed here in other threads. The learning continues......

"The pain is when the dreams change, as they do, as they must." How true Nathalie. Dreams change, realities change, and having never truly thought ahead to an inevitable future, the pain of loss has been and is crushing. How can one have so long deceived themselves about and ignored an ultimate reality? While being in that enchanted city with my lover the love did evolve. The initially raw passion. The initial years of being and acting as one. The change when children arrived, understanding that the love was still there but no longer focused solely on each other, and the requirement to accept that from a partner. Later, the love of solitary, quiet times together, the familiarity sometimes allowing conversation without words, but 'knowing', merely with thought and manner. The evolution of each of us as individuals, with mutual support for each other - careers, friends and interests, but always we were 'us'. And then a different kind of love grew. The children growing up and finding their own loves and moving out to share them. And for us, time together again, acting as one. The assured confidence in each other, that regardless of anything, we were together, always. Always love, but always changing. We were so fortunate, as we did fall in love over and over as life changed. But, "The pain is when the dreams change, as they do, as they must." "Suddenly the enchanted city fades and you are left alone again in the windy desert. As for your beloved, she didn't understand you. The truth is, you never understood yourself." She understood. But now I recognize that I maybe never did understand myself, as the author has stated. It has been an incredible insight into something that I never appreciated before. Alone leaves one floundering with my new understanding that it was my wife that ultimately gave a meaning to virtually everything that I did. And now? Love will not disappear, yet evolve again in its own way. My daughters and I are closer than at any other time ever in our lives. A pretty special love, but again, a different one. Thanks for the passage, and yes, it brings sadness, but also great joy to stop and remind myself just how fortunate I have been in my life - how fortunate WE were in life. I wonder what love has yet in store? That thought scares me to my very core.

Happy Birthday Wishes to you my little pink haired girl.:)