tanyathetgurl

This picture of me is more focused on my feet inside 6" stilettos but at least they ARE in the foreground. .Tanya

Good morning! I have I've been into BDSM for a long time, and I was also trained as a professional Dominatrix by Ms Cleo Dubois at the Academy of SM Arts in San Francisco. I'm also a switch and a transexual girl. So, I probably have an unusual perspective from which to contribute. Feel free to ask me questions. I'm not emphasizing my BDSM skills in my work as a service provider but if someone has a strong interest, I'm open to the possibility. There would have to be a high level of mutual trust, including several in-person meetings in a public, social setting such as over a cup of coffee or tea somewhere. The getting-to-know-each-other public meeting(s) would be at no charge (I'll even buy you the cup of coffee or tea). If you're in Vancouver please say "hello." Here is a picture of me. .Tanya

I agree with the OP and I enjoyed reading all these positive comments .... ... but I'd like to also add that whoever, with good intent, supports Bill C36, would do well to read a thread like this. As SPs, we're not victims. We're professionals. We chose, and continue to choose every day. If you read "Dilbert" cartoons you'll see that being a software engineer in a badly-managed company can be more miserable than being a SP. As someone who has been a software engineer in a badly-managed company and is currently also a happy SP, I can attest to that. ... and if some bad person abducted someone and forced her to work as a pizza delivery worker that doesn't mean all pizza delivery should become illegal. Ditto for sex work. So, when folks use that argument for bills like C36 it makes no sense to me. .Tanya

Lisbeth, it seems to me you've gotten good advice and have a good approach to not just your website but also using Twitter, as a broad-based way of marketing. Kudos! So, I don't have anything specific to add, but just in general ... ... probably everyone has an opinion on what a website should look like, and some of us are quite adamant. I've been making websites professionally since I made one for HP back in 1996, and I've owned an managed a website-making company since 2007, so ... for what it's worth, the most logical advice I've seen comes from Steve Krug, the author of "Don't Make Me Think!" which is a really good (and thin, and readable) book about what makes a website good. Steve's opinions are in high demand, and last time I hired him (briefly, since he's pricey) he was charging US $400 per hour and even at that hourly rate, he had more work than he could get to. So, for anyone who's making a website, I recommend his book. It's hard for me to summarize my own idea set briefly and enough has been said already, so I'll say one thing (NOT aimed at anyone in particular) and then I'll leave it at that: in many fields of endeavour it seems unnecessary to pay a professional, and yet those who do ... get to discover that it's often a prudent decision. I'm always a little surprised that folks who'll hesitate to fix their broken TV or go rewire the fuel injection on their own car will nevertheless jump in with both feet and make their own website ... .Tanya

Yes, and thank you. :-) I like the idea, and in a broader sense I also like the implied camaraderie and benevolence.

Vitto, I haven't interacted with you and so my good wishes to you are at best of a general nature, but I couldn't help but notice the broad and sincere outpouring of benevolence towards you. That is, in and of itself, a compliment to you ... As another observation (and sorry if it's off-topic) the politicians and activists who are trying to re-criminalize this line of work would probably be surprised at how positive an environment this is, as exemplified by your thread. I didn't read any posts on here saying "I know that I chose this line of work but I fundamentally hate everything and everyone about it and I hope to soon get to also face criminal charges as an added risk." .Tanya

I was moved by your email. As to "And please the problem is mine." -- I'm not sure it's a problem though I sympathize with you for feeling that it is. What you wrote is a bit like someone saying "I'm just so peculiar that I prefer more complex wines than white Zinfandel" or "I'm just so finicky that few cars capture my imagination as well as a V-12 Jaguar E-type does." You're essentially seeking something that's on the extreme side of the SP bell curve and I'm not surprised that your needs won't be met by the typical experience. However, there are ladies in this line of business who value the intimacy AND love what they do to -- you could be free to express your concerns and then she could, with truth and candor, assuage them. I have no reason to believe you're into girls like me (I'm transexual) so I hope it won't come across as covert advertising if I use myself as an example. I sometimes swap dozens of ever-hotter emails with clients before we meet, and by the time we meet, it's meeting someone whom we each know and like, and have been emotionally open with. Baring one's soul is a lot more intimate than baring one's privates ... and in my experience, and that of clients who have experienced this, NOTHING is as hot as going to bed with someone with whom you have an intense emotional connection. What you're describing fits perfectly on the continuum that ranges from an anonymous "glory hole in a dingy public restroom" at one end of the spectrum, to a marriage at the extreme other end of the spectrum. Your needs are just closer to the latter than most gentleman on here seem to prefer. My point is that the experience you seek isn't bad, it's just unusual. But so are well-aged bottles of French wine, and Jaguar E-type cars.

I hope it's OK for a service provider to write her fantasies too. After all, I chose this line of work because I like how sexy it is. I'm into BDSM as a switch (meaning, depending on the context I can be either a sub or Domme) but the fantasy vs. reality gap is pretty darn wide. And the deal I have with client is that sex isn't certain to be included, it's just very likely (and I offer a full refund if the session wasn't worth it). So, I DO get to decide. My fantasy is to be able to decide just once. By that, I mean: If I know and like a client enough to where, for an overnight, I decide once, up front and then for the rest of the time, as long as he uses condom and lube, the answer is categorically "yes" -- he doesn't even have to ask. So I might be asleep or half asleep and feel myself being moved into position and then mounted and ridden as long and as hard as the gentleman wants. There'd be no asking. He'd just use me. Hot!! The only time I have tried this was with someone I'd known and trusted for many months and had perhaps 20 sessions with already -- but he abused the privilege and without me realizing it or approving, he omitted a condom and then gloated about it. I was sad and angry. I left immediately. That was the last time I saw him. Afterwards, I waited the appropriate length of time and then got a battery of STD tests. Everything turned out to be OK but still I resented the uncertainty and having my rules violated like that. Anyway, if someone could be trusted to respect my health & safety rules AND then treat me as their owned f-toy that'd be SO hot -- primal. Mhm.

I found this thread to be informative and helpful. I assume this is meant as a generalization, not an absolute: Escorts don't want to make conversation with you or answer a lot of questions. Be direct. Get booked. Get laid. Simple. For gentlemen who read that and don't also read reassurances to the contrary, I'd like to go on record as saying "I'm an exception" (and there might be many more). The terse dynamic is to some extent in effect because that's how many girls think guys want it. If you're a gentleman who likes to exchange several emails and ask many questions before meeting -- I like that and I welcome that. For example, a recent new prospect has sent me more than 100 emails so far and I've continued to reply back nicely, sent pictures, etc. By now he and I have built a good rapport so in a business where we each struggle to set ourselves apart, I've succeeded, just by being nice and patient. So, as a rule -- I think you hit the nail on the head. But, I hope that this generalization doesn't cramp the style of gentleman who prefer a long courtship, even though, of course, it's on a professional premise.

Welcome to "the club" and kudos on your rational and open-minded approach. As to: "No sense in letting your secrets known" -- I'm actually fine with sharing what I know. In other professions, the "best practices" are often compiled by a board or committee and circulated amongst members. In some cases they're even binding as a condition of joining the guild. What sets me apart is more the particular blend of attributes I offer, rather than a secret recipe. I understand the "arms race" concern that once these safety measures become widely known, criminals will now how to get past them. While that logic is impossible to fault, I think there's more to the issue yet. That's why, in my opinion, public disclosure would not necessarily make things less safe for those of us who are already following these rules. A former romantic partner of mine studied psychology including criminal behavior, and with a few exceptions (see the movie Entrapment for a dramatization) she learned that criminals almost always take the path of least resistance and/or where they are least likely to be caught (e.g., they'll most likely burgle the hotel room closest to the stairs, or a corner house), and by extension, they will find and target girls who are sloppy about their personal safety. Unfortunately, even if "rules of safety" were widely known, many service providers would ignore them anyway. I'm not 19 anymore but when I was, I behaved as if I were bullt-proof and I suspect this is such common behavior that this is where the criminals will focus: gullible, naive targets without a well-developed sense of risk management. I actually love your "let's help each other" premise and I'm hereby personally inviting you to a cup of tea and a chat when I get to Vancouver on the 30th. I believe there's a lot of mutual empowerment possible, not least because sometimes I'm approached by a client who's not a good fit for me and it'd be nice if I could refer him to someone whom I know and trust. Please contact me and I'll be happy to share with you my safety-related principles. (Anyone else is welcome to ask too.) .Tanya

I enjoyed your post -- and ... welcome! One thing I'd like to comment on, from my perspective: you might be depriving yourself of a deserved compliment when you write: "As a hobbiest you need to realize that there's no chase for the service. There's no rush for it and that it will happen. That I think was the strangest feeling I got... the expected service was delivered without a chase for it. " As a service provider, I can and (often) do say "no." I am agreeable with meeting less than 25% of the people who contact me. So, if someone met you and she was "green light" ... that's with YOU. With someone else it might not have happened. So, please take this as a personal compliment. Once you're in the door, it's still not a "sure thing" either. For example, I reserve the right to nicely say "no" and to refund a client's money in full and to stop the session. I love my work so by the time I'm with a client, I'm typically emotionally enthused and aroused -- so it's very likely the client will seduce me but there's no guarantee. To put it crudely: I'm not an orgasm vending machine. Very few girls are. So you're still "scoring" in a "guy sense" just with a less-daunting challenge than if you were seeing a girl socially.

I suspect many people on here read more than they post, so I think this thread will eventually do much good -- and starting it was commendable. There's a scene from Renaissance-era Venice in the Dangerous Beauty movie where a courtesan is about to be punished by the legislature while the men of Venice stand awkwardly by, letting her go to her punishment even though so many of them had spent quality time in her bedroom. Integrity would drive them to stand up for her even if it publicly outed them. It's a lot to expect, but in the movie it does happen, and it's a very moving part of the story. So, gentlemen, once again, today, you have the opportunity to stand up and be counted. That doesn't mean you have to take out an ad saying "yes, I slept with hot girls in exchange for money" but certainly signing the petition would be a brave and commendable step. If you decide to do so -- thank you. .Tanya

Much frustration is being aired here, and I empathize. However, as a transexual girl I was raised as if I were a boy, and for some years I actively tried to fit into guy culture, trying to live as a guy even though I'm a girl, brain-wise. So, I have an unusual perspective from which to contribute: I've basically seen things from both sides of the "gender" divide. Very few people intentionally misbehave, and I'm not talking about them in the remainder of this post. And so ... the reason why terse gentlemen come across as they do is .... they literally don't know any better. They actually think it's OK or it's the best they can do. There might be some contextual issues such as they're pressed for time, or tired ... but for the most part, the recipe that gentlemen use, as to how to treat a girl is ... how they treat their buddies. They just don't know any better. So, I see my work to include being a diplomat and gentle educator. Even though gentlemen might not know the cultural nuances, they're very smart people and they're often acutely aware of their lack of social skills, so a little kindness from me tends to be much appreciated. Example #1: One of my clients is a nice man, but he's super-awkward socially especially in the bedroom. The first time I met him, he confessed that he'd needed a glass of wine to soothe his nerves before coming up to meet me. During the session, he was socially very awkward but I gently guided him in the right direction. After the session, he paid cheerfully and insisted on tipping me so high an amount that it was the most money I've made per hour in this business, ever. Example #2: He re-booked and the second time it was a doubles session with a close lady friend of mine. She's a lot less patient than I am, so I was spending some of my time smooth ruffled feathers. At some point she had a not-so-happy look on her face, and the reason why is that, fingernails and all, the client had decided the next logical thing to do was to stick his finger inside her butt. It was obvious that she wasn't happy about it. So, I let a few seconds pass and then I offered him a fresh condom and said "for if you want to perhaps stick your finger up her butt" and he said "oh, it's already there" as in "I'm fine, I don't need one, too late" but just by keeping it offered to him, I got the message across and he removed it and reinserted with the lady being less unhappy with the improved approach. At the end of the session, he paid well, and he wants to book yet another session. Example #3: This happened today, literally. The small print in my ad is detailed and it needs to be. That includes "I'm not available in Vancouver until the 30th." But, even so someone just emailed me and wants to come over. So I could think "read my ad first, dummy" or I could think "wow, he's so enthused due to my pictures that he didn't even want to read the ad before making contact." Example #4: This happened today too, literally. This weekend a client was immensely enthused. He sent me more than 100 emails in a 3-day time-span. He said some very nice things. Then, Monday and Tuesday he was terse and quiet. It was a huge contrast. I figured he was getting cold feet and just didn't know how how to end it nicely, so I wrote him a "good-bye" email that would offer him a gracious "out": "Hello again, you've become rather quiet and I'm inferring you need some distance and I respect that. :-) Thank you for everything." ... and then he wrote back explaining his enthusiasm was as high as ever but he was inundated with crises at work. So, again, being nice and having empathy saved the relationship. Last point: when I was eight years old, one of the comics I read showed a scene between a boy who was in love with a girl, and he gave her flowers but was too tongue-tied to say anything. He just blushed and sat there and responded non-verbally. So, it's a pretty well-known phenomenon that guys get shy and terse and socially awkward when they like the girl a lot. So, when a guy is behaving as such, I entertain the notion that it's his way of saying "you're so hot, I can't even function as I normally would." And it's that actually very, very nice?

After doing some shopping around, I've chosen this one (CERB.CA) due to the high standard of social decorum and (key point) how that translates into better clients as to discretionary income and etiquette.

I'm new here, and saying "hello." After having read with great delight the benevolent approach behind this particular board, I was happy to sign up. The contrast with some of the other boards "out there" is stark! Ironically, the sub-culture here makes for a self-selecting higher-quality group of people, not unlike the dress code at a fine restaurant (and as to the latter, I have an off-topic but not-off-colour personal-experience story that some might enjoy; please ask if you're interested). It's a fine line as to how to present myself without coming across as offering my services, because probably what most sets me apart (ostensibly) is that I am a transexual girl and a passive one at that, which adjective has nothing to do with my personality and only describes what I do and don't do with clients, in bed (even though the shape of my private parts would seem to hypothetically enable a wider set of activities than ends up being offered to my clients). The key word in the previous paragraph is "ostensibly." As to my brain structure, i.e., mentally, emotionally, etc. I'm just one more girl, and the plumbing is relatively unimportant even if visually paradoxical. What makes me female is how my brain works, not how my crotch is shaped (or how it was shaped at birth). I delayed "coming out" and tried to deny a mountain of circumstantial evidence that screamed "you're a girl, admit it" and I insisted on taking the Internet-based Stanford University BEM test and that finally helped push me over the edge and laid my final doubts to rest. As it turns out I'm not just fundamentally female but as to where I fit into the female scale from ... how do I say this ... from "butch dressed in paramilitary gear" to "giggling girl dressed in pink" ... I'm at the 85th percentile, which means if you put me in a group with 19 other girls, then on average I'd be the 3rd most feminine. And so here I am, celebrating my unusual flavor of femininity by monetizing it. I'm sometimes asked to address University students or to speak at social events, and I'm open as to everything I do. If you have any questions for me as to the whole transgender / transexual aspect, and/or its implications, please feel free to ask me. If you prefer to send me a private message, that's fine, or if you ask via a question thread (of which you make me aware), that's fine too. Transexual issues are enveloped in mass confusion and that may apply to you even if you're nice and accepting, so there's a lot to learn in this field, and new developments (like the recent Dutch scientists' autopsy work, and the US APA DSM-V work) are happening quickly. It's hard to keep up. Transexual girls are coming out of the woodwork left and right now that it's understood to be a genetic anomaly, not a mental illness. Happy to be here! The above is, I realize now, rather bland, but if your questions are about sexy subjects more relevant to girls like me, e.g., A-levels, then that's totally fine too. I own my own small custom software development company so if you're still using MS Excel spreadsheets to run your business, and wondering why you're working such long hours, we should talk!! .Tanya

I'm a transexual passive-only escort and for many of my clients, I'm their "first time" -- and they are understandably overwhelmed by all the uncertainties. To the extent viable, I actively try to manage these variables down to a psychologically pleasant level for my client. Me saying "and my rate includes the tip" removes a major social-propriety question-mark in the minds of many gentlemen -- and it also helps them plan their budget. And, at least initially, when they're still shopping by price, it also helps them to compare apples to apples, and it heightens their awareness that some girls do appreciate a tip to the point of expecting it, and thus forewarned, the gentlemen can better calculate their finances accordingly. Ironically, even so, one gentleman insisted on tipping me heavily (as in close to 400 dollars, total, wow, for one hour). I didn't immediately accept it but he was adamant. I finally relented. :-) In such situations when the gentleman is adamant enough, then I think he's driven by the need to communicate his appreciation in a way where he'd feel frustrated if I continue to refuse. So, my "tip included" policy has this "except if" clause built-in. Probably the mainstream of SPs are perfectly fine using a more low-key approach than I do, but I hope my input is helpful nevertheless. .Tanya