Nathalie L

It's definitely alarming. I've never had a request like that either and find that as I age, my business gets better and better. I know many providers who have experienced a similar trend. Weird...(and yes, alarming)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the Sun reporter, Valerie. It takes a lot of courage to trust the media, and to speak with them about our experiences. Too often people don't reach out to us on issues that are important. However, as workers I do believe we have a responsibility to represent this industry accurately and fairly. I was wondering how you came to the conclusion that there is a high and illegal demand for underage escorts? I also agree with Kat and Cleo regarding the use of the term "prostitute". I think it's really important not to compare ourselves to street-based workers in a negative way. I feel so lucky, so incredibly lucky, to be able to work indoors and I fight really (really) hard in my personal and academic life for the life, liberty, and security of the persons of all sex workers, be they indoor or not. I count myself among the lucky ones, you know?

Actually we do them every month, on the first Wednesday of the month :) This is just the first time I've posted about it in the general discussion. I wanted to reach out to those who might not have access to all the sections of CERB.

There will be a sex-worker only social from 7:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday February 5th. It is open to sex-workers from any sector of the industry including erotic massage, escorts, cam workers, erotic dancers, people who offer BDSM services, phone workers, agency workers, and independents, etc. It is also open to any person of any gender and sexual orientation. There will be vegan, vegetarian, and gluten-free snacks available. Please feel free to drop by for 15 minutes and then leave, or stay for the entirety of the two hours. Please PM me for the location. Again, this is for workers only. Thanks, Nat xox

I'm pretty late to reply to this thread. I wish I had seen it when I started my master's degree - there's a lot of useful tools here I would have appreciated despite doing a lot of them already (orgasms, yoga, reorganizing, scheduling, planning, exercise, healthy eating). The first thing that seems to drop off when I'm stressed and/or anxious is exercise and healthy eating. I convince myself that I no longer have enough time to practice yoga, meditate, or bike because I have "too much work to do". I've realized as time goes by that that's simply not a good excuse. I prioritize my physical and emotional health over everything else (or at least, I try to). I agree! Meditation is about paying attention to your breath. Breathe in, and count, breathe out, and count. Sometimes I can only meditate for 20-30 seconds at a time. At other times, I can meditate for a few minutes. I try not to get frustrated with myself when my thoughts wander but just compassionately recognize that I'm a human being and it's going to take me a while to learn how to let go. Damn right ;) Learning balance is still a work in progress for me. Sometimes I can't shut things off. I'm totally a workaholic and type-a personality school wise. Surprisingly enough that hasn't transitioned into my cycling practices. When it comes to physical activity I'm totally a type b and very laid back =P (I think I'm a bit lazy!) Really beautifully said Danjo. When I have friends and family who fret about fretting, I tell them to just embrace it, sleep, engage in some self-care type of activities. Sometimes we just need to ride the wave of worry. My mother used to always say "with sleep comes perspective". She's a smart cookie and I agree. Often when I go to bed worried I wake up and forget what I was worrying about.

I personally have no problem with it. I find pubic hair on women really erotic, if only because the first girl I has sex with had a massive bush and I had never seen something like that before. My pubic hair was a bit paler and less dense than hers, so I was really aroused and caught off guard...(anyway, that's another story) I keep it trimmed myself, but have been known to neglect my trimming practices every so often in favour of a 100% au natural look. I did have laser hair removal of my bikini area though, so it will never look quite as bushy as these mannequins ;) I hope it makes a comeback too :)

January is Human Trafficking Awareness month. People in the sex industry, clients, and their allies around the globe are posting on Twitter using the #notyourrescueproject hashtag to make sure people understand that not all sex workers are victims of trafficking and to make sure our voices are heard in the debate about what's best for us. It's a pretty nifty read and I encourage people to participate. Here's what I posted: Here is a compilation of some of the Tweets so far for some of the non-Twitter users out there who are curious :) Click Here. Here are a few articles about it if you want more information about how this all started and why it's relevant: Sex Workers Declare They're #NotYourRescueProject with New Twitter Campaign Sex workers and their allies promote hashtag #NotYourRescueProject Not Your Rescue Project

Thanks RG. You're a very valuable member of this community :) I <3 your rambles.

This year has been quite something. I don't even know where to start. It's been a year of momentous personal growth and the concretization of really important interpersonal relationships. It's been a year of friendships lost and found again, giggles, laughter, love, and hardship. In 2013 I traveled South America for a month, presented my master's research at an academic conference, met many of my academic crushes, decided to take a year off between my MA and PhD, and decided to (potentially) not pursue a PhD at all. Lately I've been thinking of doing another master's degree in therapy/counseling. I love being self-employed, and one of the things I love the most about being an escort (excluding the sex) is the interpersonal connection, empathy, and compassion. I think I would be a good therapist :) I feel like it's been a year of many shifts and changes. What would I have done differently? Nothing. I'm exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I need to do. I've never been one to experience much regret. What's the point? It is what it is. I take all such moments as an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to make sure I learn and don't make the same mistake twice. I think I've done a good job so far. What's my action plan for next year? Finishing my master's degree! The winter semester is going to be really intense... I have one course left, and my entire thesis to write before I defend it in April. Wish me luck! Then, when April is done, I want to basque in the accomplishment and maybe do a little bit more traveling. I would love to go to Japan in late March or early April (2015) for the bloom of the Cherry Blossom trees... I want to sing in a karaoke bar, buy random stuff from vending machines, and visit an extravagant host lounge. I know that's 2015, but I'll plan it in 2014. ;)

I feel judged by this thread, which is making me slightly defensive. I apologize if that comes comes across in what I'm about to post. I didn't realize contacting clients and mentioning I'll be touring was considered wrong by some folks on CERB. I've contacted clients in the past to provide them with my schedule before setting up and advertising for a tour. The clients I've contacted have expressed an interest in seeing me again when I'm in town. Sometimes they're someone I've established a connection with and seen more than once, sometimes not. I disagree that it screams 'desperate for a booking'. It's just good business practice. I want to prioritize those I've met before and give them preferential treatment when deciding on when and if they would like to see me.

Thank you so much for contributing to the board and being a part of our lovely community. I hope you're doing well, Nat xox

I agree with OutForFun. There are laws that already address forced confinement, kidnapping, fraud, stealing, human trafficking, etc. Those laws aren't being challenged and new laws aren't needed to address 'pimping' specifically. I think there are other laws that can address situations of exploitation and coercion.

Miss Jane, you have a knack for identifying the issues in a particular problem systematically and with accuracy. I admire that about you. Once again, I think you're bang on with this assessment. I also agree with most who have posted that it will remain an issue until more people are willing to have conversations about non-monogamy, open relationships, and polyamory. Of course it's easy for me to explain to people that marriages are complicated and not so black and white, that people make choices in the context of their marriages that their spouse might not agree with, that sometimes promises are broken but that these people (some of my clients) are not 'bad' people. People in this industry who are married, as Mirha-Soleil so eloquently stated, are looking for something that is usually lacking in their primary relationships. However, that's not a reflection of loving less... it's simply a recognition that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs. That's a huge part of the logic of non-monogamy. Discretion and destigmatization, indeed. I wonder how that can change. I suppose some of the academic studies coming out that showcase (anonymously) the voices of clients are a place to start? Also, a lot of the autobiographies and narratives of sex workers talk about clients too, their stories, their thoughts... RG, I definitely get your point. I do think it's quite powerful to have seemingly normal 'allies' advocate for destrigmatization. It does carry a lot of weight with my friends when I say "I adore my clients" because they trust me, love me, and know me. However, if I told someone I didn't know, love, and trust about my work and the clients I see, they would probably put me in the same box as my clients and say there's something wrong with me (not always, but I'm speaking very broadly now). I'm not 'normal' either, you know what I mean? So I don't know if it's as legitimate. That being said, I do agree with realnicehat that it's really powerful when people stand up for themselves. In a context where that's not always possible (i.e. now with most clients) we do the best we can... Maybe people won't 'come out' as being clients of sex workers, but maybe people will come out as wanting a non-monogamous relationship. Thoughts? [This doesn't address the issue of the criminalization of clients, though *sigh*] Is the younger generation open about sex? Maybe. Has their communication styles followed through to support more openness? I'm not sure. It took me a really long time to become self-aware and properly advocate for myself and my needs. In fact, it's still a work in progress and probably always will be as my needs and desires shift. Until you can do that, and do it well, non-monogamy and sex in general is difficult. Learning how to communicate takes time...

It's interesting. Some people who are really (really) marginalized aren't standing on their 'own behalf' but are being represented by non-profit organizations (Canada v. Downtown Eastside United Against Violence Society). The S.C.C. gave them 'public standing' which means even if they don't have a specific person who stepped forward to advocate for decriminalization they can speak on behalf of workers who otherwise can't come forward. However, given the privilege, both economic and otherwise, of clients in this industry, I doubt this would happen in any court system. =( I wish it could though because the issues are just as important if 'Johns' are criminalized.

Do you enjoy the feeling of a woman's fingers inside of you while she's pleasuring you? Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be taken slowly and sensually by a woman who is wearing a dildo and harness? Anal play and prostate massage are something I enjoy providing to my clients. However, I'm not a professional dominatrix. I enjoy gently and sensually dominating some patrons, under the right circumstances and still offer a full service experience in these encounters. I'm a bisexual switch that enjoys pleasuring and being pleasured, no matter what the activity. Here is an excerpt from one of my recommendations about anal play. She took her time, gradually building from one finger to two, then a butt plug, and finally a dildo, eager but patient, assertive yet gentle, and unbelievably intense, especially as she worked away with that last toy. I honestly can't say who was more aroused, her face was hot and flush, so attentive, and utterly focused on my experience, my pleasure. Although exposed in many ways, I felt safe and in control because Nat is, more than anything, caring. A unique woman. By Blue_Eyes56 Rates*: $520/ninety minutes $600/two hours $720/three hours *these are my rates for sensual and gentle domination which include strap-on and anal play. These rates are different than my GFE rates. For information about my GFE packages, please visit my website. To book an appointment, please send me a PM or e-mail at [email protected] with: - your first and last name - your telephone number - the desired date and time of your appointment, - a reference from another independent SP/MA and finally, - a little bit about yourself... Fondly, Nat xox

Very good question. The only recommendation I would give is no regulation; I wouldn't rewrite the laws at all. That might seem shocking but it's really how I feel, backed up by a shit ton to evidence that says regulating this industry puts the people who work in it at risk. This is mainly because policy makers don't ask us what we need, and if they do, they don't meaningfully integrate our feedback =( It might seem like the laws, or zoning restrictions are there to 'protect' us but they actually put people at risk. Hopefully the SCC will decriminalize all three statutes and allow sex workers (both indoor and outdoor) to work safely, whatever that means for them. A lot of people seem to be scared that decriminalizing prostitution will mean a huge increase in both indoor and street-based workers but countries that have decriminalized have not noticed any significant increase in people in the trade. After all, there's still stigma. I know it's not entirely realistic to think "Oh Nat, just tell them not to regulate it at all"... in Canada we seem to be moving towards a Nordik model whereby the 'Johns' (I hate that word) are criminalized. I would hate to have a model like that in Canada (hate!). So I would definitely say "Don't do that!". I would also argue against any kind of zoning laws, or licensing laws. I don't want my incall to be in an industrial zone 20km from the city center where I have to pay $10,000 for a license, and I don't want street based workers to be 'zoned' to particular neighborhoods or exiled to work on the Toronto Island. I think the best 'solution' is no solution. Just leave us alone. I feel naive though. I know that won't happen... =/ ... =/ It all makes me quite nervous.

I think everyone goes out sometimes. I'm not sure what let loose means but I don't think anyone prevents themselves from living because they are an SP or an MA. It's a rule that if you recognize an SP or MA while you're out and about that you don't approach them, the same goes for an SP or MA who recognizes a client out in public. We keep our distance, pretend we don't know each other, and perhaps send a PM or an e-mail to be like "Hey! I saw you!" in a not-so-creepy way ;) Alternatively, (and if more appropriate), you don't e-mail or PM at all... especially if there wasn't mutual recognition or you've never met the person privately.

JoyfulC, I understand where you're coming from, but I think the stigmatization of clients has another effect that we aren't taking into consideration here. When clients are stigmatized, and we don't fight that stigma, it can (and does) lead to their criminalization. There are lots of 'John sweeps' happening in Canada and they don't always happen in the context of outdoor/visible sex work. In Canada we seem to be moving towards a model of regulation that would criminalize the clients of sex workers, but not the sex workers themselves (known as the 'Swedish' model, because this is the system that exists in a lot of Nordik countries). It's easy to criminalize clients if society thinks they're 'gross' (etc). That's another reason why I think it's important to destigmatize clients...

Happy Birthday sexy pants!

I might be the odd one out in saying this but to be entirely honest, I don't find it very comfortable. =/ I really like the 69 position, because I'm on all fours and/or laying down. I can disperse my weight in a way that's more comfortable for me, but I really need to be able to grind, sit, and writhe to get off... so sitting on someone's face is kind of difficult. Also, there isn't always a headboard to hang onto and hanging onto someone's head can also be uncomfortable (for my shoulders because they're all hunkered down -- I have a long torso you see). Sorry to be very logistical about it, but when it comes to really really getting off, and cumming so hard I laugh with joy...well... I much prefer to be on my back ;)

To answer your first question, I was hoping for more ideas to bring things to light and I think this thread has done exactly that :) If there are more suggestions, by all means, post them. To answer your seconds question, I'm not entirely sure. Similar to GLBTQ movements for rights related to gender identity and sexual orientation, I think both sex workers and clients will face less and less stigma as time goes by as local, national, and international sex workers' human rights organizations shed light on the industry for the general public. Also, a lot of sex workers are less and less 'closeted' about their experiences... Other thoughts? I don't want to bump the thread if it's dead, but I'm curious :)

That's exactly how I feel!

Very good and provocative question. Not only do people in the general community ask me this, but I have clients who has asked me this on occasion. I don't think my clients have asked because of a lack of self-confidence, but rather, because of a genuine curiosity about who I'm attracted to, and under what circumstances. To those younger people who are attached to a movie star poster on the wall, I say "grow up". There is so much more to physical attraction than the purely physical. For me, it's the whole package deal that counts. I'm attracted to gentleness, kindness, a touch here, and a touch there. I'm a hopeless romantic, too. Respect, being treated well, and feeling cared for all make me feel...well...aroused. I find intimacy arousing. Usually, when I first meet someone and sit down to talk, I notice something. It's hard to put a finger on what, but there's always something. For example, handsome fingers (where will they go?), beautiful eyes (where will they look?), or a chest of hair that I can softly run my fingers through. I don't focus on one thing; for me, attraction is a whole package deal. When people talk to me about 'gross' physical characteristics based on weight, age, height, ethnicity, etc, I tell them we clearly have different definitions of 'gross' and challenge them to think beyond the 'poster'.

Predominantly women have reacted this way when I've mentioned I'm an escort. They're fine with my choice to be an escort, but wonder how I manage to have sex with people I find 'repulsive'. Younger men I've spoken to have reacted similarly, but the older gentlemen I've spoken to (in a general sense) haven't reacted the same way at all. My theory is perhaps they've visited an establishment, MA, or SP already, and/or have considered it sometime along the way. Of course, this is simply based on my personal experiences. From what I've read so far, most people would like to me to continue mentioning that my clients are normal folk with a broad range of motivations for visiting me. Do you think it's effective for me to invoke the figure of the brother, uncle, cousin, father when talking to these people? It shocks them, but I think it gets the message across...

I'm 'out' about being an escort in my personal life. When I meet new people, I test the waters before I tell them but I don't hesitate overly long. The issue I often face when meeting new people is something along the following. They say, "it's alright that you're an escort, but... your clients... aren't they kind of gross? Isn't it nasty to have to do things you don't want to do with people you aren't attracted to, or who are dirty?" I'm always really amazed that people say those sorts of things. I adore my clients, and I'm lucky to have had very positive experiences. They ask me lots of mean questions (i.e. about hygiene, weight, appearance, STIs, etc) as if this were a reason to stigmatize, or dislike, not my job as an escort, but rather the clients that seek my services... Ewwww seems to be their reaction. So I've done a few things to 'humanize' clients in the minds of the people I meet. I usually say, "Do you like your dad, brother, uncle, cousin?" "Well, of course", they say. "He's probably my most typical client", I respond. They are shocked. I say other things too, of course, but that's usually where I start... My question is for the clients on the board, if you could say anything to the people I talk to, what would you want to say about yourself? While I'm really good at defending my clients in these situations, I'm curious to see what other people would say if they could be open about their involvement on CERB.