Caged

I agree. That's why I said I think it should be the responsibility of the advertizing industry like BP for example to ensure potential clients are aware of the remedies available to them, so that people like yourself have no need to worry about it while still benefitting from it safety-wise by getting those who could benefit from such remedies to leave the industry before they ever meet you. Remember too that the industry is so unregulated that some industry workers in Canada speak neither English nor French beyond what is required to place a simple ad on such websites. I should know: I communicate with my partner who was once in the industry in her language. They are also the ones who are likely to be the least comfortable calling the police except in the worst of emergencies due to visa concerns. My partner had told me of at least one man suddenly starting to strangle her when she slapped him, and she'd spent only three months in the industry. Only then had he snapped out of it and left. We can ask ourselves: though he was probably aware he had a problem, how aware was he of the existence of available remedies? Had it even crossed his mind that remedies existed or did he think he had to face his problem alone? What if he hadn't snapped out of it when she'd slapped him? How could she pass the information along to the English or French to blacklist him and vice versa? Also, how can a worker screen a client through the language barrier? It may be that non-English and non-French workers face different challenges from the two dominant ethnic groups in the industry and that this may have skewed my view of the problem in this thread. Of course linguistic, racial, or other prejudices may lead some to believe that if they are not English or French it is therefore their problem, just as it's a client's problem if he doesn't know help is available until he attacks someone or otherwise puts someone's safety at risk, but I would think that just as anticipation and prevention is preferable to reaction, the safety of all workers and the wellbeing of all clients ought to be considered, just as in as any other industry. It would seem to me that the more unregulated the industry is, the more we need to regulate the pertinent advertizing industry to compensate for the sake of worker safety, and as ironic as it might sound, caring for the wellbeing of potential clients could increase worker safety, so there could even be a selfish reason for workers, or at least those outside the English and French communities to support something like this, though I recognize that Lyla will naturally tend towards English due to the site's language.

You bring up many good points there. Except in cases of nonconsensual relations, I am not sure how the criminalization model benefits anyone, except maybe fines when sexual relations are engaged in in public when it then becomes a problem of public decency. If it is happening behind closed doors in a person's private room, and it's consentual, the government should treat it like any other business. To treat it like any other business has its consequences though, since it would mean regulation like any other business. It could also mean regulating its advertizing given that it would be logical that those with mental sexual health problems would likely be overrepresented in the industry, just as other high-risk industries' advertizing is regulated to ensure people know help exists and where to turn when they need help. It's one thing to say a person should seek help, but he also needs first to be able to conceptualize that help does exist, and secondly know where to look for it. I could even see an anonymous help ine for escorts to report clients who clearly request unprotected sex, where the escort could give his phone number, email address, or other contact information, not to punish him or out him, but rather for the helpline to then call him, send him a text message, or an email informing him that if he is struggling with compulsive sexual behaviour, where he can turn for help. I think it's reasonable to guess that most if not all clients who request unprotected sex suffer some form of compulsivity didorder. They'd have to be quite ignorant to not be aware of the dangers involved. That said, if advertizing is properly regulated to ensure adequate educational content, problem clients would already be seeking help before they even contact the escort. Additional Comments: I can also mention that my partner, who has since left the industry herself soon after meeting me, likewise suffers PTSD acquired prior to entering the industry. We shouldn't assume that PTSD sufferers working in the industry necessarily acquired it while working in the industry. She also worked from the safety of home, yet faced one man who suddenly tried to strangle her before she slapped him and he came to his senses, apologized and left, and another got into a tugging match with her. Possibly a contributing factor is that she does not know English (we communicate in her language), but it still indicates that mental health problems are certainly well represented in the industry.

I've been out of the industry since October at the latest, and even then only because I am locked in a stainless steel chastity cage and have difficult access to the keys (I would have to break a security box to access them: just getting bolt cutters would require less effort). The only reason I had not left the industry years ago was because I was unaware of the existence of a chastity cage and could not even imagine that such a thing existed. Though I had read about sex addiction therapy and Sexaholics Anonymous and other 12-step groups, I was skeptical as to how talking over a cup of tea could help me to control my compulsive behaviour, which also involved compulsive engagement in high-risk behaviour (a compulsive fetish revolving around blood led me to fantasize about unprotected menstrual sex and eventually masochism including macabre masochism which is when I'd learnt of the chastity cage), and rejected the ideas of 'sex addiction,', hypersexuality disorder', 'sexual compulsivity disorder', or any other such idea as being a cop out or an excuse for such behaviour. The thought had also never occurred to me that such behaviour could be related to PTSD, BPD, and especially OCD, let alone that I myself might be suffering any of these, let alone all of them. In my mind, I was just an aberration and asking for help would have been a cop out, trying to make excuses for my behaviour, or laziness in not just exercising my own will-power, so I decided to just try to be 'normal' and just try harder in controlling my behaviour through will-power alone. I realized just how compulsive my behaviour was once I was locked in the cage. I'd literally tried to pull it off to the point of excruciating pain on more than one occasion, only to go to bed irate at not being able to act out on the urge before finally giving up on my attempt. Somewhat like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde, I would make plans during my calm state to thwart my efforts during my 'insane' state. I now also use a Screen Time app to control my access to the internet. Once I'd learnt of a chastity cage and was securely locked into one, I'd started to wonder what other remedies might exist of which I was unaware. Only then did I consider therapy and SA. My therapist was not particularly useful in teaching me to control the behaviour, but at least he helped me to understand its source. I was shocked to walk in asking for help relating to my sexual behaviour and to walk out informed that I suffered PTSD, BPD, and OCD, though as interesting as it was information-wise, it provided no insight on how to control the behaviour. I then turned to SA for help, where I did find a group that was less focused on the theoretical reason for the acting out and more on the practical question of how to control the behaviour. In retrospect, if pedophiles can be compulsively so, if homosexuals can be compulsively so, if rapists can be compulsively so, then why not more 'vanilla-ish' heterosexuals? I simply could not accept that my behaviour was compulsive until it hit me in the face. I just thought that I was just not trying hard enough to control my behaviour, and maybe that was the case. Either way though, I finally had to admit to myself that whether that was the case or not, that I should seek help, yet even then I had to overcome various obstacles, firstly awareness that help existed, secondly that it would be fruitful, and thirdly having to overcome pride and shame before I could do so. The fact that many in the industry are willing to have unprotected sex does lead to another question: given that public schools the world over have been teaching about HIV and other STD's in compulsory sex ed classes for the last 30 years at least, if not the last 40 years, to what degree do mental health problems influence the decision to have unprotected sex? When making such a decision, are the participants thinking clearly or are they suffering something akin to temporary insanity? I remember reading a study done in the US indicating that PTSD rates among workers in the industry are comparable to soldiers, police officers, paramedics, and others who work in emergency services, and PTSD is known to cause something akin to temporary insanity in some cases, whereby the person, suddenly emotionally terror-stricken sometimes for no apparent reason, will just go on mental autopilot. Sometimes it can also happen that emotional exhaustion leads them to go on a kind of mental autopilot even when relatively emotionless. It might not always be obvious to others when a person is in that state of mind, and even the sufferer himself might fail to recognize this, thinking he's just being lazy in trying to control his behaviour. I have later learnt that it is in fact common for those who are diagnosed as having PTSD to not have suspected it when first seeking therapy for a seemingly unrelated compulsive behaviour.

Also, just to comment on points that were raised previously, I know for a fact that unprotected sex is easily accessible among some of the demographics that advertize on BP, mostly but by no means exclusively among those who don't know the local language, bearing in mind that even among that demographic many would refuse to give even unprotected oral sex. If one should ask each time though, he'd be surprised at the ratio that do offer it, even among locals.

Some sites actually do that already? As far as I'm concerbed, if what you say is true, then those sites have already fulfilled theirbresponsibility. You can't blame a person with a sexual problem for not knowing help exists. The very idea that help exists for this might never have crossed his mind. Once he is made aware of where to turn for help, the ball is in his court from there on in. I'd be interested to see such a site to see how it is presented, just for interest's sake.

Interesting points, roamingguy. I would think the online advertizer could be responsible, such as BP for instance on the grounds that if you advertize a product or service, you should also ensure truthful advertizing and take social responsibility for what you advertize. Since BP and other such websites are the ones doing the advertizing, they should therefore take responsibility for it. By the way, sex addiction used to be in DSM in 1987, but was then removed in 2000, though the 2000 DSM included 'sexual disorders not otherwise specified'. There is now talk of reintroducing it into the DSM under the name hypersensitivity disorder on the grounds that such a disorder is acknowledged but it's debatable whether it's an addiction, though obviously this is just pedantic hairsplitting in the mind of the sufferer who just wants help for the provlem. I also don't see why anyone ought to take on any responsibility beyond just making sure the sufferer is aware of where to turn for help. Essentially an educational model. Beyond that it would be his responsibility. Following the alcohol example, making alcoholics aware help is available and where to get it should suffice. Beyond that, it's his responsibility.

Thanks for all the replies. I think there was a misunderstanding of my question, and that might have been my fault for not wording it clearly, so I'll make a more concrete comparison to alcoholism: Let's say I'm an alcoholic, have never heard the term alcoholic before, know I have a problem, want help, am too ashamed to admit to anyone close to me that I need help, have never heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, and cannot even imagine that help exists and so seeking help has never crossed my mind, me thinking that my own will power alone is all the help I will get. Now let's suppose the alcoholic beverage industry decided to label its products with a quick sentence saying that if you need help to quit drinking, just contact AA, and provides the AA website. This would hardly be accusing each buyer of being an alcoholic, nor would it be claiming to psychoanalyse the customer or provide professional medical help. Rather it would merely be informing me that if I fall in that category, that help does exist and showing me where I can find it, but offer no help beyond just pointing the finger in the right direction. Considering STD risks in this industry, it would seem to make sense that BP and other such websites inform clients with compulsive behaviours that help exists, and just point the finger in the right direction, since some might have never heard of sex therapy or support groups for compulsive sexual behaviour, let alone imagine the possibility of its existence. We see similar labels on cigarette packages and bar walls concerning drinking during pregnancy and I believe lottery tickets too, and food products will often include allergy warnings and all include a list of ingredients. Toys will often include warning labels too. The advertizing of many products and services is highly regulated for reasons of public safety. So I guess my question is whether websites such as backpage should be equally regulated with the same public motives in mind. I guess another way of looking at it is that if we hope for this industry to ever become legally 'normalized' and like any other industry, then the best way to garner public support for it would be to convince the public that it accepts its social responsibilities just like the food, toy, alcohol, cigarette, gambling, and every other industry. After all, if it insists on a 'social exemption' in one area, then it's natural that this can only turn the general public against it.

Considering that there is growing research not only on the reality and compulsive nature of sex addiction and some effective remedies to teach the afflicted to control it, but also on its tendency to escalate either towards ever riskier or ever more violent or more shocking behaviour, we can conclude that sex addicts are also far more likely than most to ask for unprotected sex. What can be done to help sex addicts out of the industry? For example, is the solution for escort ads to inform those seeking unprotected sex of the help available to them and to contact a therapist or SAA? Or might there be another solution to help sex addicts out of the industry to get the help they need for everyone's safety? Any ideas on this?

Thanks for the advice everyone. I finally did find someone through another channel about a month ago and things are going well so far.

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I'd like to know how to enter into a strict chastity-Keyholder contract for over one year. I have an idea in mind, but would like to run it by this forum in case I might have overlooked something that you could recommend from experience based on the following scenario. 1. He would likely want to buy an off-the shelf chastity cage like the CB6000 at a local sex shop or online first and learn from it before buying a custom-made cage like the Jailbird for example. 2. He would likely not want to give the keys to anyone until he receives his custom-made device, so as to avoid having to go back multiple times to adjust or replace it. 3. Supposing he is a straight male, it would make sense to give the keys to another male ideally, or at least a non-straight female. 4. Should he choose to give the keys to an attractive straight female for fetishistic or other reasons, especially if she resides in his home town, he will need to consider problems of conflict of interest and so introduce checks and balances to the contract based on game theory (which itself could raise the level of excitement by in fact making a game out of the contract). 5. The contract could go something like this: He gives her a yearly Keyholder fee plus a security deposit and his postal address upfront. She holds the keys until a predetermined date over a year later before which she is to return him neither the keys nor the security deposit unless he requests them in writing or text. Should she become sexually or otherwise personally attracted to him, she reserves the right to return him all the money and the keys and so terminate the contract at any time. Should he request the keys in writing, she returns him the keys and half of the security deposit, and so terminate the contract. She also subtracts a set amount from the security deposit for each time he verbally requests the keys until half of of the deposit is consumed, in which case she is to return him the remaining half of the deposit and the keys, and so terminate the contract. For safety, hospitals all have bolt cutters. Any advice on how to improve this?