Athos

I really love women's shoes. Again, a product of having spent a lot of time in shoe stores as a kid. I don't love them in any sort of fetishistic way. I just really like the aesthetics of a woman's shoe. So I always notice shoes. Porthos

I eat eggs sunny side up ... eat the white first without breaking the yolk, then the yolk in one mouthful. I'm sure there are others that do this. The explosion of taste is amazing. Taking my underwear off, I let them drop to the ground, and then flick them up into the air with my toe, catching them. The only exception is when I'm with a lovely lady, in which case I don't care what happens to them. I don't take my watch off, ever (not sure why). There is one exception for one person. Eating tangerines, I try to make sure I take the peel off in one piece. I talk to myself all the time. I start the day by checking CERB (which can't be too idiosyncratic in this crowd) I can't/won't drink tea made out in a pot that has had flavoured/spiced tea in it. Chai tea requires its own pot, or at least I need my own pot that has never experienced Chai. Porthos

I absolutely notice ... clothes, overall appearance, nails, hair, shoes. I grew up with older sisters, and spend a lot of time being dragged around to clothing and shoe stores as a kid. My sisters are all quite a bit older than me. I have a fine appreciation for such things as a result. Porthos

Watching Game of Thrones with someone special. Nice way to end the long weekend. Porthos

Now that summer is here I like iced coffee. Not those things Tim Horton's sells, but real iced coffee. I often keep a pitcher of cold coffee in the fridge during the summer (yes I know I'm an addict and no I have no plans to join a 12 step program). Coffee, Ice, a little cream. mmmmm. Yesterday I had a very good Iced Americano at my local coffee shop. Porthos

beach ... i'm an ocean person hang gliding or parachuting (haven't done either ... just curious)

I'm not ashamed in the least. And I think the ladies I have met through this business are some of the smartest, kindest and wonderful people I know. They are people I would have been proud to know if I had met them in any under circumstance, and I'm proud to know them in this context as well. Undoubtedly, as clients, it's very important for us to think about women in this industry as having made a choice. And I think most of the women I see have made that choice, relatively freely. However, as Samantha rightly points out, one has to think about the context in which that choice was made. It's also important for us to remember that there are different aspects to sex work. On CERB, we see providers who can exercise choice. They have the resources and capacity to do so. The women who participate on this board are an amazing collection of beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful and articulate people. There are sectors of this business, however, where that choice is far harder to exercise. We need to think about that, at least occassionally. Finally, I sometimes wonder what I would do if my daughter, who is now 13, came home someday from university and told me she had taken up escorting. I think I'd take her aside, and have a long conversation with her about why, but mostly talk about how she was conducting her business. Is she safe, does she have a good incall location, how is she screening clients, etc., etc. Most importantly, I'd want to know that she had found a supportive community of other providers, who could help her and advise her. I'd also have to figure out a way to explain how I know so much about it. Porthos

I must confess to finding British accents incredibly sexy. Irish and Scottish do me in. Porthos

I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life of late. Not really about "regrets" but about what I want. The conclusion: I am truly blessed to have amazing people in my life. Friends, family, lovers. My job is one I love and I am very, very happy. I wouldn't change a thing. Makes for a great day!!! Porthos

I usually anticipate that I will receive exactly what I've paid for. If it's two hours, then I should be leaving fairly close to the two hour mark. I think, with established clients that you trust and have a good relationship with, variations on that are certainly fine and appreciated. I'd probably recommend more hesitation with first time clients. I remember a very special lady, who I was a regular with for many years. We saw each other probably twice a month, usually for 2 or 3 hours. Once, towards the end of the appointment, we were laying in each other arms. I said I should go, and she said "don't worry ... I have nowhere to be and nothing else on". I stayed for another hour of absolute heaven. two weeks later, appointment up, we're in the same position. I say, "I should be going". She kissed me and got up to get dressed while I showered. It was exactly as it should have been. Porthos

Frankly they should be in jail. It's called fraud. The same people who gripe and bitch about "welfare fraud" and people ripping off the system. At least poor people actually have the excuse that they are POOR!!! These two are inexcusable. Porthos

This is an interesting thread. I have attended similar events in the past, although not any of the CERB socials. I've also had a good time at them. Although I do enjoy parties, in general I'm not a huge party person. I think in some ways I'm fairly complicated (or boring depending on your perspective). I'm a bit of a gregarious introvert. Most of my friends and colleagues would be very surprised to learn that I can be quite shy. If I'm at a party I'll tend to gravitate to those I already know, and not mix and mingle with people I don't. I'm fully able to do so, and if forced to I will usually end up making new friends. I can also be the so-called "life of the party." I can quite enjoy the limelight and attention. My kids think I'm the biggest extrovert around and are dismayed by my inclination to dance or sing in public. But, having said all that, if left to my own devices, I'd probably stay in, read a book, or watch t.v. I think the socials are a great idea. I'm not particularly worried about running into anyone I know, and I'd consider attending if the schedule lined up. But I also don't feel I'm missing out terribly by not being there. Porthos

just waking up ...

I don't think we disagree at all. When I speak of the "dreaded L word" I mean it in the narrow societally accepted way ... love as defined in a certain way and largely in terms of monogomy. I think it's fully possible to love different people in different ways. And I even think it's possible to love multiple people in a romantic and deeply passionate way. It's not easy, but I think as humans our capacity to love is nearly infinite. The world would be a far better place if we could rid ourselves of all those societal hang-ups and realize that. This thread connects with a lot of thinking I've been doing lately about my relationships with people in my life who are very important to me. So I'd like to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments.

It's very early, and I haven't had my required morning coffee transfusion. So this might not make sense. Christy, I think you are quite right .... In most instances there is, and indeed should be, a distinction and difference between a relationship you have with an SP and the relationship you have with an SO. That's easier to maintain depending on the nature of how you approach the interaction and what you are looking for. If you are seeking a degree of intimacy with the lady (for whatever reason), maintaining boundaries can become more difficult. It can be hard for both for the client and the lady, depending on the circumstances. And, perhaps, neither party wants to maintain those boundaries. Yes, this is the dreaded "L" word. Can you fall in love ... or at the very least, "deep like". I think you can, and I think you can even achieve that within a client-SP relationship (As RG said in his earlier post). It's really hard, and probably pretty dangerous terrain. Lot's of potential for hurt feelings, wild emotions, misunderstandings. The simplicity of the intimacy found in the "typical" (I realize no encounter is "typical") gets replaced by deep emotional connections, which sometimes are fraught. And of course, I'm talking about the situation where both parties develop feelings, not where one does and the other does not. Anyway, I think many of us are talking from a very generalized perspective. I can "imagine" this happening, rather than I'm actually living it. But as others have pointed out, it likely happens very, very rarely. And that is probably a good thing. Because I am quite positive it would be very complicated. And at one level, men probably see SPs because it isn't complicated. Porthos

I'm not convinced that love is always a choice. Often it might be, but I'm not sure that really describes how most of us fall in love. I think the expression "falling" in love is very apt. Just as gravity is an undeniable force that makes us fall to the ground, love is an undeniable force that sometimes seems to just capture us. Inexplicably, and there is nothing you can do. Yes, I suppose you can choose to walk away, but that is a denial of the love. Not a choice to not be in love. In any event, another similarity with gravity ... love also sometimes makes you fall flat on your face!

I'd add something to my earlier post. Renegotiating boundaries is a process that may happen gradually, often subconsciously. Sometimes it can happen quickly and surprise you. But it is something that does require reflection and careful thought. It can be incredibly intense, and also extremely difficult emotionally. There are both risks and rewards. porthos

Great news TL ... hope things continue on the same trajectory. Enjoy the golf with the ladies

enjoying time with a lady you care about ... especially when it's only a few hours at a time, spread over weeks, or even longer, always means that you're subject to that really intense "new relationship energy". Minus all the things in between that happen in a regular relationship that lead to its dissipation. As others have said, if she has warned you and made it clear that your feelings are not reciprocated then you need to back off and exit her life. Of course, this would be the case in any relationship, whether it be with a co-worker, friend, or someone you met at a party. Don't try to book for a while until it well and truly out of your system. Even then, it might be unwise. Don't put her in the position of having to tell you that she won't book you. Porthos

I've been reflecting on this thread, and wondering what to post (and whether to post). Of course, honesty and trust are important in relations. And what level of trust you seek with a provider will vary depending on the person, how often you see them and the nature of the relationship that develops between you. I've found that I trust most of the providers I have been with. But, having said that, I tend to see a relatively small group of ladies. Most of them know my name, where I work, the city I live in, and, if they needed to, could contact me directly. I have no problems with this, and not once has that trust ever been abused. Trust, honesty, intimacy ... they are all bound up together, and define the nature of the relationship we, as clients and providers, have with each other. At one level, this is true of everyone and in just about every context. And everyone has different comfort levels with how to draw those boundaries. I draw them one way, others might draw them another. This difference is reflected in innumerable threads throughout the board, but it's always interesting (and useful) to reflect on our own personal boundaries. I know my boundaries have changed a lot. I look for something very different in my relationship with a provider now, then I did when I was starting out 15+ years ago. The level of intimacy has definitely increased. And occasionally, I've learned, deep levels of trust can be discovered. Levels of trust that go far beyond just knowing personal information about a person. This challenges boundaries for sure, and requires a lot of maturity and even more honesty and trust. It seems to me, as I've reflected on it, that boundaries, to the extent that they divide two people and set the parameters of their relationship, are always subject to mutual renegotiation and change. The process of redrawing the boundary line can, it seems to me, to be very much part of a process of deepening a relationship, and finding out unexpected things about yourself and your provider. The difficulty, of course, is that it has to be a mutual process. And once the boundary has shifted, shifting back would, undoubtedly, be a very difficult thing to achieve. Some fairly random thoughts as I try to avoid work. Porthos

congrats RG ...looking forward to many more posts full of wisdom and good advice. Porthos