Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 So... this afternoon I went through the annual HELL of preparing my own personal learning plan for work. If you have ever been a public servant or have known one, I am sure that you have gone through this ... essentially you have to identify skills, courses and other sundry and inane things that would enhance your value in both a personal and professional manner.... So I started.... 1. Effective writing. Okay. Ummm. I know how to write, just sometimes I have to remove the smartass from the documents I prepare for directors, directors general and vice presidents. I recall a document that I prepared and revised 17 times for one Director General.... she kept on wanting more and more detail. I added a history of pants, a history of medieval siege weapons and an entire section on people named Dave. She reverted to revision 3 as her final document. then I thought... hmmm... what skills would I really like to have???? So I continued. 2. Jedi mind tricks. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Darth Vader squeezes that guy's throat with his mind??? I want that mad skill. Think of it. Cute girl... stare at her... MINDGASM. Asshole in the next cubicle... stare at him... instant poopy pants. Teller at bank... stare at her... MINDGASM and a stack of c notes. (I really like the MINDGASM part) 3. Bagpipe lessons. Is there a more annoying instrument in the world??? I love my heritage, and some of the tunes on the pipes are haunting and beautiful BUT... wouldn't you just love to accompany KISS doing "Detroit Rock City" on the pipes??? I know I would. 4. The ability to morph and teleport. Okay. It is kind of a crazy tandem of skills, but think about it. Sometimes you have gas. You could let one fly, disappear and reappear as someone else. The guy closest to your original position would get blamed BUT you would feel the relief. That is a skill worth having. You could make it up to everyone by giving them all mindgasms. 5. The ability to stop time. You are running late for work and have an assignment due almost instantaneously when you get in. Take your time... you have like forever. Stop time... take a nap, shower... eat... write a fantastic assignment and show up in the nick of time with a killer report. When you restart time, give your boss a mindgasm. 6. A vibrating penis. No need for mindgasms. 7. Mind reading. Not that fake psychic stuff, I mean REAL mind reading. "Hmmmm... I wonder if I have a chance???" and in her mind..."he is really kind of sweet." Then you stare and release the mindgasm.... alright... your turn..... Additional Comments: One more power... the ability to edit the title after you hit send.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kate von Katz 49953 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 Empathy. The world would be a lot nicer if we all felt what others feel. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NotchJohnson 214123 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 Personal physical powers Accelerated healing. Ability to heal rapidly from any injury;. Can sometimes result in the slowing of aging. Duplication (physical). Ability to create physical duplicates of oneself. X-ray vision. Ability to see through solid matter. Superhuman senses. Ability to see, smell, taste, feel and/or hear more than a normal human. Mentality-based abilities Omniscience. Ability to know anything and everything. Innate capability. Ability to naturally have skills and/or knowledge typically earned through learning. ESP Empathy. Ability to read or sense the emotions and/or control the emotions or feelings of others. Physics or reality manipulation Time manipulation. Ability to affect the flow of time by slowing, accelerating, reversing, or stopping it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest s******ecan**** Report post Posted July 28, 2010 The power to perceive anti-chaos, or the power to see perfect order. Particulary useful in anticipating and avoiding or taking advantage of random events. In other words no more guessing as to which grocery store line up is the right one to choose, which traffic lane to move to etc. My power would instantly know. No more "shit hawks" dropping crap on me in the park. No need to decide which would be the better day to travel, restaraunt item to order etc etc. This is not to be confused with the power of knowing the future which is far too vanilla and not nearly as exotic sounding. If I can't have that then the power of Slackerness might be interesting. This provides an invulnerability to money or effort and was best exemplified by "The Dude". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 Empathy. The world would be a lot nicer if we all felt what others feel.Posted via Mobile Device Then could we give them a mindgasm? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kate von Katz 49953 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 K, but you should test it on me first :-) Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 K, but you should test it on me first :-)Posted via Mobile Device if it doesn't work, can we revert to old style? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reese 253 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 Alllllright, then. That just about covers the entire spectrum, doesn't it? Maybe we could've lowered the bar a little to start, and make it a maximum of two each to keep the thread going. Seems i'd be a pretty lonely mortal with the ability to wink my 3rd eye, and a greatly reduced tolerance to alcohol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted July 28, 2010 Reese... NEVER!!!! There are scads of skills left... Ninja stuff.... come on... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kate von Katz 49953 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Ninja stuff? Seriously? I don't know about y'all but I was making smoke bombs and scaling trees as a kid. Though admittedly my costume wasn't nearly as cool. But when you grow up in a logging camp, you have all kinds of nifty shit at your disposal. At least until someone catches you with it.... hence the scaling trees. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Ninja stuff? Seriously? I don't know about y'all but I was making smoke bombs and scaling trees as a kid. Though admittedly my costume wasn't nearly as cool. But when you grow up in a logging camp, you have all kinds of nifty shit at your disposal. At least until someone catches you with it.... hence the scaling trees.Posted via Mobile Device I was just suggesting Ninja stuff.... What about the ability to speak ANY language.... that would rock. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kate von Katz 49953 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Even Klingon? LOL (Sorry, I'm in a goofy mood today) Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lexy Grace 103697 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Personal physical powers Accelerated healing. Ability to heal rapidly from any injury;. Can sometimes result in the slowing of aging. Duplication (physical). Ability to create physical duplicates of oneself. X-ray vision. Ability to see through solid matter. Superhuman senses. Ability to see' date=' smell, taste, feel and/or hear more than a normal human. [b']Mentality-based abilities[/b] Omniscience. Ability to know anything and everything. Innate capability. Ability to naturally have skills and/or knowledge typically earned through learning. ESP Empathy. Ability to read or sense the emotions and/or control the emotions or feelings of others. Physics or reality manipulation Time manipulation. Ability to affect the flow of time by slowing, accelerating, reversing, or stopping it. Awesome start. I'm with you T'storm. The ones I have come up with I will keep to myself;-). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Even Klingon? LOL (Sorry, I'm in a goofy mood today) Posted via Mobile Device Don't the guys on Big Bang Theory all speak Klingon??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest S***e Report post Posted July 29, 2010 One definitely must have the ability to "take it up the ass" all while maintaining a false smile! In other words be thick skinned. One must have the ability to "skate and slide" out of difficult situations and the ever dreaded office politics. A fire retardant suit is helpful in all respects. LOL Happily Retired Spike After 40 Years of Turmoil. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antlerman 17064 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 the ability to speak any language in the world fluently......... Think of the travel and places to go..... breath underwater......to be like the "Man from Atlantis"....... to fly would be cool.........save a shitload on plane fare..... and my all time favorite....be invisible and sneak into places....and masturbate......hehehehehehe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drlove 37204 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 How about the ability to travel back in time and correct all our mis-steps over the years? If I knew then what I know now... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest S***e Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Wouldn't that be great...but alas. I often think of what I could have done instead of what I did or said in the past. Hopefully, we are the wiser for it now nonetheless. How about the ability to travel back in time and correct all our mis-steps over the years? If I knew then what I know now... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antlerman 17064 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Please watch the movie...butterfly effect...... If we do go back and change things a little it will alter all events...some may be good...some may be bad.... Time paradox and time line events have been a sci-fi hobby of mine.....and we do not want to go there....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cato 160314 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 I'd like to have Dr. Who-type skills, the powers of a Time Lord. -a tardis, to travel the universe through time and space, and to translate any alien tongue -the ability to regenerate many times into a new bodily form, while retaining the memory of all previous experiences and incarnations -the ability to save the world from imminent disaster, time after time -companions like Karen Gillan and Billie Piper...yummm.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drlove 37204 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 Please watch the movie...butterfly effect......If we do go back and change things a little it will alter all events...some may be good...some may be bad.... Time paradox and time line events have been a sci-fi hobby of mine.....and we do not want to go there....... The idea of the unknown is what makes it so intriguing. It really depends on how one would use the power. For instance, I'd correct a few blunders that I've made in my life - no harm in that, right? It was already bad before, so it can only get better. I'd also have started saving and investing earlier than I did. Oh, to hell with it - I'd just buy a 6-49 ticket with all the winning numbers! :mrgreen: *lol* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ifUbehot 100 Report post Posted July 29, 2010 The ability to take our own advice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Victoria Banks 21899 Report post Posted August 7, 2010 - Read minds - Shut off concious - Cast spells - Turn invisible - Button for instant perfect hair and makeup application - See the future .. lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest *b*y Report post Posted August 7, 2010 I'd love to be able to stop time! Imagine being in the middle of a bad situation, you just stop time, leave, and press play again. Problem solved! You can change the future, today! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loki318 1631 Report post Posted August 8, 2010 I thought ALLm SP had those powers already !!!!! - Read minds- Shut off concious - Cast spells - Turn invisible - Button for instant perfect hair and makeup application - See the future .. lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
