Rant and question about SPs using dating sites

[Guest O***wa**W]

Warning, this is mostly just a rant about using dating sites while working as an SP. I dont have access to the SP only board, so hopefully it is okay to post this here.

 

 

OK, here is the situation. I have had a legitimate, non work related profile up on a dating/social site for years and never had a problem until today. I have the account since before I started working in this business. I am single but wasn't actively using the site very often. On two or three occasions men contacted me on there and asked about my rates, or said that a friend told them about me or some such thing. Now these men have to have contacted me through an ad in order to have seen my photos and thus recognized me on the dating site. It was a legitimate account, fully filled out with real data, I was not using it to solicit, nor did I talk business on it. Those men I told to contact me though my ads that this was a private profile, not work related.

 

There seemed to be no problem, but when I went to log in today to check my messages, my profile had been deleted. I thought it had just been too long since my last log in, or that maybe I forgot my user info, so I made another one, spending almost 2 hours filling out the info, uploading photos and looking for my friends on there to add again. I logged off and went out to dinner, came back to check it, and again, my profile was gone!

 

I emailed them and they said " your profile appears to have been used to solicit users for monetary gain or gifts.". Which wasn't the case. Also, they automatically detect and delete new profiles from anyone who has had a profile deleted. No warning, no way to say goodbye to my friends on there, or to copy my ad text, mail or anything. I am furious. I emailed them telling them I never once used the profile to solicit, and that I thought the policy was bogus and unfair. It was one users word against mine. There certainly wasn't any message proof.

 

For any of you other single Sps, do you use dating sites? Has this ever been an issue for you?

[Kate von Katz 49953]

I was on POF but that was while I was out of the biz. Frankly I find dating sites are an absolute headache. Every single person that contacted me was one or more of the following:

 

- just looking for sex

- looking for someone to feed his ego

- abysmally unintelligent (yeah, I have an IQ requirement for boyfriends)

- just looking for an online flirt-fest

- and they almost always became indignant and childish when I said I wasn't interested.

 

My advice? Stay off sites like Lavalife and POF. Put a bit of money into a membership on a paid site and that should help not only with finding someone serious about a real relationship, but the jackasses usually aren't on the paid sites.

Posted via Mobile Device

[VedaSloan 119179]

Ok, POF and Lavalife and all of those sites are completely lame.

 

BUT, I'm on OkCupid and I love that site. I would say waaaay better quality/calibre of peope.

 

And I've never had a problem.

[Guest O***wa**W]

Ok, POF and Lavalife and all of those sites are completely lame.

 

BUT, I'm on OkCupid and I love that site. I would say waaaay better quality/calibre of peope.

 

And I've never had a problem.

 

Yeah, I like the way OKCupid is set up not only for dating, but for friends, activity partners, journaling, and the like as well, seems like it would get less nutty.

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I was on POF but that was while I was out of the biz. Frankly I find dating sites are an absolute headache. Every single person that contacted me was one or more of the following:

 

- just looking for sex

- looking for someone to feed his ego

- abysmally unintelligent (yeah, I have an IQ requirement for boyfriends)

- just looking for an online flirt-fest

- and they almost always became indignant and childish when I said I wasn't interested.

 

My advice? Stay off sites like Lavalife and POF. Put a bit of money into a membership on a paid site and that should help not only with finding someone serious about a real relationship, but the jackasses usually aren't on the paid sites.

Posted via Mobile Device

I agree with you put a bit of money in to it, as I am single and use a few sites for personal activity nothing business related ever. I do have to say even the ones I have paid for some of the guys were just looking for sex.

[wendigo 687]

Online dating and POF in particular are a pain from a male's perspective as well. I did meet one genuinely nice lady but the chemistry just wasn't there. As for the rest, let's just euphemistically say that most of them had a tremendously inflated sense of self worth. And yes, there are women on that site who are just there for sex, but they were the ones who looked nothing like their pictures anymore - in the not so good way!

[drlove 37204]

What about e-harmony? Is that site any good??

[Guest O***wa**W]

What about e-harmony? Is that site any good??

 

My best friend used it and hated it. She heard such good things, and wanted to try it, despite not wanting her money to go to a company led by such a jerk. They are very sneaky and tricky to get you to pay more. They would send tons of matches, then none as her subscription was running out, then once it was over, they would email her saying she had tons of new matches waiting but needed to pay to see them, and tons of other things like that.

[Ava Foxx 1747]

My best friend used it and hated it. She heard such good things, and wanted to try it, despite not wanting her money to go to a company led by such a jerk. They are very sneaky and tricky to get you to pay more. They would send tons of matches, then none as her subscription was running out, then once it was over, they would email her saying she had tons of new matches waiting but needed to pay to see them, and tons of other things like that.

 

My sister hated it too. Apparently there are entire blogs dedicated to how awful e-harmony is.

[roamingguy 300292]

Back when I was still looking for Miss Right I tried the dating services.

I tried Lava Life, and two of the prospective woman were Russian brides. I communicated with them, they were going to be the best wife/girlfriend ever, best sex I ever had, best housekeeper, best cook, etc etc etc, so I played along till they dropped the bomb, they needed money to buy a ticket to come to Canada...in the neighborhood of $30,000-$40,000.

Needless to say, I passed on the "offer"

RG

[Guest s******ecan****]

I was on that site to find sex partner only ... and realized that I should get paid for being that much horny all the time. :mrgreen:

 

 

LOL! Bravo!

[E.D. man 691]

POF may be lame but it is free for everyone both men and women.

and if you get 5000 points and stay over you keep your instant messaging.

But it does have an upgrade feature which allows you extras.

so to me POF is not lame.

[VedaSloan 119179]

 

To each their own ... I don't go anymore on that kind of site ... and it's the last place I would try to find love! ;)

 

 

Ha, you'd be surprised what you find online. I met my partner of five years on MySpace waaaay back when. And I met my lover of almost two years on OkCupid.

 

So you never know!

[Lowdark 5613]

For most people, those sites are a waste of time. Pay sites make money from people being single, so you have to wonder how much they really want you to find someone. And for all sites I've heard the majority of users are men, putting a lot of guys behind the 8 ball. I know that on POF a big complaint for a lot of the guys who use it for sincere purposes are that they get ignored by the majority of women. Women complain that many of the men they do politely respond to saying "thanks but not interested" respond with insults and abuse. Outside of a small group I'd hazard a guess that they are a waste of time for most people.

[sexy bbw vero 425]

Ha, you'd be surprised what you find online. I met my partner of five years on MySpace waaaay back when. And I met my lover of almost two years on OkCupid.

 

So you never know!

 

I'm pretty sure there's some exceptions. But I think mostly, guys on dating site are looking for sexe.

[Carrie Moon 68826]

I disagree that all are looking for sex or are rude (sure some are).. It's like anything in life. Go to a bar. Are all the guys there interested in sex? of course on some level.. most of us are interested in that being an aspect of meeting someone of course but online dating is not that much different from a bar.

 

Not only have I met some great people on dating sites I've introduced someone I met to a girlfriend of mine and they've now been married over 5 years. Like anything you get out of it what you put into it.

[Boomer 33202]

Well I have to put my two cents here. I'm a widower and that has a lot of currency on these sites. I have a profile on both Lava and POF, and also with Life Mates.

 

It took me a many times to tailor my profiles so it started to attract the women that I want to meet. It's very important to think about what you're there for and what you want from these sites. Take your time to design a profile that reels in the right fish. I don't tend to give any hint that I'm interested in sex, There is no rush so I leave any move towards introducing this into the equation until I can decide whether I want to establish a relationship first. In the mean time there are many wonderful MP and SP resources to fulfill that need. I get quite a number of inquries, but based on my criteria don't follow through with very many.

 

I also am very careful to maintain a good firewall between the two of us until I'm ready to devulge my identity. So as an SP, seperate the two, they don't belong together, and if you're looking for a relationship through the dating sites most of the seriour gents won't be able to put the two together.

[Carrie Moon 68826]

Well I have to put my two cents here. I'm a widower and that has a lot of currency on these sites. I have a profile on both Lava and POF, and also with Life Mates.

 

It took me a many times to tailor my profiles so it started to attract the women that I want to meet. It's very important to think about what you're there for and what you want from these sites. Take your time to design a profile that reels in the right fish. I don't tend to give any hint that I'm interested in sex, There is no rush so I leave any move towards introducing this into the equation until I can decide whether I want to establish a relationship first. In the mean time there are many wonderful MP and SP resources to fulfill that need. I get quite a number of inquries, but based on my criteria don't follow through with very many.

 

I also am very careful to maintain a good firewall between the two of us until I'm ready to devulge my identity. So as an SP, seperate the two, they don't belong together, and if you're looking for a relationship through the dating sites most of the seriour gents won't be able to put the two together.

 

Great points.. I have had a few male and female friends I've helped with their profiles on dating sites. Some sites (pof) have a forum and it's a great tool to see what if anything the person has to say on a variety of subjects.

 

I'm not active on any now but when I have been if a guy emails me with no pic or very little on his profile I explain to them it's like trying to get a job without a proper resume &/or cover page. No-one will take them seriously and neither will I. If they persist I just keep singing the same tune back to them.

 

A lot of people put almost no thought into their profile and sometimes it's because they've already decided there's no point to dating sites. I am soooo not interested in someone who see's the cup as 1/2 empty regardless of the circumstance.. or people who are ashamed to be on a dating site or lie about how we met. I move on very fast.

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I disagree that all are looking for sex or are rude (sure some are).. It's like anything in life. Go to a bar. Are all the guys there interested in sex? of course on some level.. most of us are interested in that being an aspect of meeting someone of course but online dating is not that much different from a bar.

 

Not only have I met some great people on dating sites I've introduced someone I met to a girlfriend of mine and they've now been married over 5 years. Like anything you get out of it what you put into it.

I agree have 3 girlfriends that have met men off these sites and are now married and some have families. It it working out pretty well for them. For us SP's it may be difficult when the time comes to tell them what our jobs are but if they do love you/us they should understand, you would think.

[Boomer 33202]

Hey Lexy

 

I think you have to seperate the two. If it evolves, there aren't too many guys could live with a lady who they have to share. But that said it still has to be brought out and discussed and decisions made. There is nothing more poisoness than keeping secrets.

[Carrie Moon 68826]

Absolutely agree Boomer. I tell everyone up front what I do when I'm considering dating them. Much much easier. There are a lot of guys actually who can handle it but no-one can handle deception well.

 

Speaking of blind-dating.. anyone watch millionaire matchmaker? it's hilarious!!! tonight's episode the one guy brought a cute monkey on his date..

[40ishsxaddict 203]

thats original!...

[Lexy Grace 103697]

Hey Lexy

 

I think you have to seperate the two. If it evolves, there aren't too many guys could live with a lady who they have to share. But that said it still has to be brought out and discussed and decisions made. There is nothing more poisoness than keeping secrets.

I do agree and why start a relationship off with lies and secret, it's destined to fail.

 

Additional Comments:

Absolutely agree Boomer. I tell everyone up front what I do when I'm considering dating them. Much much easier. There are a lot of guys actually who can handle it but no-one can handle deception well.

 

Speaking of blind-dating.. anyone watch millionaire matchmaker? it's hilarious!!! tonight's episode the one guy brought a cute monkey on his date..

I love millionaire matchmaker but I missed it tonight and agree with all that you have said.

[E.D. man 691]

I'm pretty sure there's some exceptions. But I think mostly, guys on dating site are looking for sexe.

I disagree, I am looking for a one on one relationship. I have tried the paid sites and they suck for men.

POF has functions, such as pool, made by its members and dances, that are free in some places where you can meet people at these events.

So you need to look hard like Atomic rooster which has a free monthly dance by POF members.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I agree have 3 girlfriends that have met men off these sites and are now married and some have families. It it working out pretty well for them. For us SP's it may be difficult when the time comes to tell them what our jobs are but if they do love you/us they should understand, you would think.

 

I used to flip-flop back and forth about whether I wanted to be open up front about what I do in dating situations. Now I use being an escort as part of my screening process. I'm open about it, even on dating sites. How people react lets me know whether they're worth knowing. The downside of course, is having to put up with asinine questions like, "do I *really* like sucking cock?"