SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 10, 2007 Please share jokes in this section...Bring out the best humour you have and make everyone fall on the floor laughing until they crack a rib....:D http://sunsky.rare-escort.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 10, 2007 Will start it... Why don't midgets use tampons? Because they always trip over the string lol :D:D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 The Wedding Anniversary Sam forgot his wedding anniversary, and his wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!" The next morning Sam got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway. She quickly put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found inside a brand new bathroom scale. Sam has been missing since Friday. LOL LOL LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Top 10 Ways to tell someone that their zipper is down... Thought it was cute....had to share! 10. The cucumber has left the salad. 9.Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 8.You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson.. 6. Elvis is leaving the building. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction. 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. Men may be from Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus. And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped ..... 1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Tips For A Happy Marriage 1.Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a nice beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2.We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas. 3.I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back. 4.I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere i haven't been in a long time!" She said. So i suggested the kitchen. 5.We always hold hands. If i let go, she shops. 6.She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are to many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So i bought her an electric chair. 7.My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was;she told me "In the lake." 8.She got a mud pack and looked great for 2 days. Then the mud fell off. 9.She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am i to late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!" 10.Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11.I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12.I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13.The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on TV?" I said "Dust!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 The other morning I took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the hell?" I said to myself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when I shook them out. "Babe," I hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Q.) What doesn't belong in this list:Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blow job? A.) Blow job: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blow job. Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A.) So men can be open minded. Q.) What's the speed limit of sex? A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around. Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck! Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego... A.) "Is it in?" Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A.) One of his fingers is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed. Q: What's the difference between 365 used tires and 365 used condoms? A: One was a good year, the other was a great year!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alger 1898 Report post Posted January 20, 2008 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb" ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------------------------------------- It is impossible to lick your elbow. ------------------------------------------- The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ------------------------------------------- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) ------------------------------------------- The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alger 1898 Report post Posted January 20, 2008 The silent fart An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart... what do you think I should do?' He replies ' Put a new battery in your hearing aid.' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mod 135640 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 I encourage the jokes but please do not post jokes that would offend others... such as jokes about a persons Race, Religion or Culture. Thank you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest katia Report post Posted February 14, 2008 Wow! Very great jokes. I agree with mod; As long as it does not offend anybody. LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted February 14, 2008 Hi Katia...Glad u enjoyed the jokes..Look forward to seeing some posted by you..:D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alger 1898 Report post Posted March 2, 2008 I encourage the jokes but please do not post jokes that would offend others... such as jokes about a persons Race, Religion or Culture. Thank you. <phew> he left out hair color!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alger 1898 Report post Posted March 2, 2008 From the Toronto Star 'personals' : 1. Heavy drinker - 35 - Pape St. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning. 2. Ginger haired Pickering man, a born troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and thirsty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. 3. Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of the Beaches, seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde lady, with a lovely chest. 4. Lansdowne man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 5. Optimistic Jarvis/Dundas man, 35, seeks a blonde 20-year-old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freestyleswimmer 100 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 Tips For A Happy Marriage 4.I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere i haven't been in a long time!" She said. So i suggested the kitchen. 4a.I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere expensive," She said. So I took her to a gas station. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freestyleswimmer 100 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 The Birds and The Bees "John", sais Susan. "Our son Peter is soon turning 15. I think it's time you told him about the birds and the bees." "Do you really think I ought to? Why should I?" "Well you're his Dad and and a son and his Dad need to have that conversation." "Ok, then." He hollered, "Pete, come here. There's something I need to talk to you about." "Yes, Dad", said Pete. "Remember last Summer when the whole family was down in Spain's Costa del Sol for our Summer vacation?" "Yes." "And, do you remember when you and I were down at the Torremolinos beach and we met those two gorgeous Swedish lady tourists?" "Yeah, Dad." "And remember, we took them behind the beach-house and what we did with them?" "Sure do, Dad." "Well, Son, I guess that's what the birds and the bees do too." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freestyleswimmer 100 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 Jokes seems to be a popular topic in several Fora. "A sense of humour" as a title is not very indicative as the expression is bound to crop up (along with other things) on a lot of boards. How about renaming it to "Jokes". Therefore a search for a girl/lady/woman/SP/MP with "a Sense of humour" might point to different threads (and Parliament Hill would certainly not be one for MPs. As clients, maybe; as people with a sense of humour, no. They do laugh all the way to their retirement banks and they're great at scr$%^ing us). But I digress. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SunSky 101 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 Freestle...Hi...Create it then...Do a topic many can participate in... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joyful_Jillian 102 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 Ya do it - I have one I'm dying to share. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freestyleswimmer 100 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 Ya do it - I have one I'm dying to share. Ya dun tole me 2 do it; I dun it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
