Why "no black males"

[Mikeyboy 27134]

I have to admit that I was a little shocked the first time I read that in an ad. I mean, if I saw that on a sign in a restaurant or any other type of service industry, I'd walk out. Hell, I'd go get my picket signs and call the media.

 

This is different however. This is the most intimate of acts and everyone has the right to choose who the consent to engage in it with, based on whatever criteria they feel is important to them. As harsh as the words look when printed, they have the right to feel that way and that should be respected.

 

It has made me wonder on occasion however if there is perhaps a group of local men who happen to be black who are treating the ladies poorly and causing them to take such a drastic blanket stance. Just a thought.

[Helena D'Orville 33237]

Barney, you need some SERIOUS education on escorts. Have you ever heard about independent escorts? I agree with what has been written previously, this naive statement is offensive. Please, inform yourself.

 

Wakeup Call for all those people who think the ladies don't have a manger etc. , they all do have someone else running the show, for protection , setup , etc Its a business like any other there is always a top guy or lady running the show . Have a nice day everyone

[Hfxguy 591]

ladies and gents have the right to see who they want,this is true.I think its very un-professional to put that in your ad.That being said I would never want to see someone who would say something like that.Weather im white,brown, black.etc. Lots of ladies have a questionnaire to fill out when u book.Maybe ask the question there instead.......just my 2 cents!!!

[denpetty 1363]

Everybody, male or female, has the right of who they want to see or don't want to see. There is always reason why girls put no black males, only see a certain age group and that cause that is their preference. I agree with a lot of these comments on this thread and even a little bit what Barney said too. It might be offensive in a little way and he could of re-word it differently too to make it sound better. Through experience, I came across some girls saying they were independent but they were not so that is why I agree with some of the things Barney said.

[Exotic Touch Danielle 31734]

But to assume All ladies have someone working behind them is just ignorant!

Some girls do yes but that doesn't mean all do

And to assume all black gents are like that is also ignorant as far as I am concerned

[Genevieve Marceau 68000]

I understand the concept of personal preferences. I also understand that a woman prefers to avoid a specific community in order to avoid meeting someone that they are related to...Yet, we rarely see "no Caucasian men" or "no Asian men"...

 

So, regardless of a few justifiable exceptions some ladies have to avoid seeing black men, a question remains: why is the dark knight so unpopular, compare to any other group?

 

Personally, I don't have any race restrictions. I accept to see men of color with great enthusiasm, and I have had nothing but amazing experiences, hence why the subject of race is a sensitive one for me. None of my encounters matched the stereotypes brushed by the media, including the myth regarding the size of their manhood.

 

Again, we all have the right to choose who we see, but black men seems to be greatly disadvantage compare to other ethnic groups. Why?

 

Anyway, more for me! hehe ;b

[Samurai 7678]

I had asked a white female provider from Quebec, who was visiting Halifax, why she had "no black males" on her ad and she said she had a number of times found herself in a situation with a man who ended up not wanting to be a client but rather wanted her to work for him and it was a scary and intimidating experience. Then a short while ago I had a nice visit with a black female provider in her 20's and she had "no black males" on her ad. I had asked her why and she eluded to the same issue. I personally can't speak to the accuracy of their experiences but I do find if very unfortunate that a few may have ruined it for the rest of the respectable gentleman who would want nothing more than the rest of us, a respectful and mutually rewarding experience.

In the end I Believe that it's not race that makes the person, it's the person that makes the person. But I cannot and will not judge as we all have our own perspectives and experiences we draw from to survive. It's too bad some of these providers wouldn't join Lyla then they could ask other providers about potential clients. Back page on its own can be a scary place for both sides. What ever the case (and with no judgment) I find these race specific ads unfortunate.

[Janebondage 2264]

On 7/9/2015 at 4:24 PM, Guest said:

Hi!

I am really curious why some providers advertise "no black males". Why is that?

Yeah whatever the reasons are there own but I personally wont  work with other providers that don’t accept POC clients. It’s just uncomfortable all around for me. Especially after talking to some of the experiences my clients have had. It’s been disgusting to hear. Peroid! 

[Guest MelanieRose]

7 hours ago, Janebondage said:

Yeah whatever the reasons are there own but I personally wont  work with other providers that don’t accept POC clients. It’s just uncomfortable all around for me. Especially after talking to some of the experiences my clients have had. It’s been disgusting to hear. Peroid! 

And you 100% have the right to do that! 😊

 

I feel bad when people ask if I see black men, like of course I do! I see people of all races, religions, body shapes, abilities, etc.. It's easier now that I have the privilege to screen my family out, this world has proven to be too damn small for my liking, lol. But yeah, just like the good people, the bad people can also come in all colors and forms. 

 

 I have found it to go both ways in this industry. On my end, I know how it feels to have a booking show up to my door, take one look @ me and leave. When I sent a text asking if something was wrong, he said that he doesn't see black girls. Another one thought my old neighbour coming home from work @ the exact same time I was buzzing him in must have been "my pimp" next door. I know if this was one of my white neighbours, they wouldn't have thought anything of it.. Another one, scared to go into my hotel because there was a black man in a car in the parking lot. Like I know it's wild to think, but black people park their cars in parking lots, too.. Lol. Would it have been an issue if someone whose white was sitting in their vehicle? I'm willing to bet no.

 

Prejudice and racism is very prevalent and in my opinion and personal experience, it always will be. Sure, we can sweep it under a rug, try to change the unchangeables mind's, but it's still not going anywhere. Just my opinion. 

 

 Atleast the client who left because of the color of my skin admitted how he felt, where a lot of people won't and their feelings end up shining through at a later time.. That hurts & I would rather someone be upfront about it 🤷🏽‍♀️. He came with references from a few white providers who had no issue seeing him... But why he would pick a girl whose visibly not white is beyond me. Personally I don't feel that all money is good money and would have absolutely no interest in seeing someone like that as a client.

 

This is often a heated topic that's been discussed many times on here as well as twitter. A lot will try to force people out of putting "no black men" in their ads but honestly I would much rather someone say they don't want to see me than them see me because they felt forced and then me have a not so desirable or even a traumatic experience. 🤷🏽‍♀️

 

Good and bad comes in all forms, if someone doesn't want to see me because of the color of my skin I just chalk it up as being their loss. 

[Mikeyboy 27134]

1 hour ago, MelanieRose said:

...I know how it feels to have a booking show up to my door, take one look @ me and leave....

 

... if someone doesn't want to see me because of the color of my skin I just chalk it up as being their loss. 

 

It very much WAS his loss. He missed out on an amazing experience and a wonderful person 😉

[Guest]

  Not knowing the contexts, environments and experiences that prompted the request, I think it's better to label it as a clear preference instead of rushing to judgement.

  A person may not be racist but may prefer avoid circumstances that may trigger unwanted responses. We can always ask why, but the answers can be much more uncomfortable and complex than we actually wanted to know.

 

   

[Guest MelanieRose]

50 minutes ago, Greenteal said:

A person may not be racist but may prefer avoid circumstances that may trigger unwanted responses.

I feel like a lot of the time that's the case, trauma can really play on the mind..

 

 Admittedly I've been guilty in the past of being nervous to see a group of people based on experiences that have happened to me a long time ago.. Though I was able to recognize that it was discriminatory of me to put a large group of people into one category based on one experience.. I didn't mean to discriminate, but the way our brains respond to things, I feel like it happens more than most will ever admit.. I realized that bad things could happen no matter where the person is from or what religion they belonged to, but it took a bit for my brain to align with my heart I guess. There's people who have respect for women and people who don't respect women everywhere.

 

  I can understand the aspect of trauma changing your way of thinking but hopefully people can eventually recognize and question the way their feeling so that they don't miss out on a large group of amazing humans. ❤️

 

I feel like if it IS solely because of a traumatic experience or trigger then a lot more people would have "no white men" in their ads, but I never see that...

 

A lot of it is discriminatory and prejudice when it all boils down to it.. But at the same time I can only speak from my own experience. 

[good-date 1711]

why "no black gents"

I asked a white service provider this once and she said....well doesn't matter what she said...suffice to say her response indicated racism but that doesn't mean she speaks for everyone who specifies "no black gents".

I asked a black service provider why she stated "no black gents" and she said that in her experience, 3 out of 5 end up booking just to intimidate her to work for them.  Her words!

I'm a white male that hopes Whites, Blacks, Asians and every other ethic origin, continue to cross breed more and more so that we eventually end up so mixed that this becomes a none issue.  Personally, I have yet to find an ethnic origin that doesn't have beautiful people.  

But I can't judge people for reacting to their personal experiences, but it does feel unfortunate.  

[Exotic Touch Danielle 31734]

On 8/5/2015 at 9:50 PM, Helena D'Orville said:

Barney, you need some SERIOUS education on escorts. Have you ever heard about independent escorts? I agree with what has been written previously, this naive statement is offensive. Please, inform yourself

On 12/16/2021 at 10:06 PM, good-date said:

why "no black gents"

I asked a white service provider this once and she said....well doesn't matter what she said...suffice to say her response indicated racism but that doesn't mean she speaks for everyone who specifies "no black gents".

I asked a black service provider why she stated "no black gents" and she said that in her experience, 3 out of 5 end up booking just to intimidate her to work for them.  Her words!

I'm a white male that hopes Whites, Blacks, Asians and every other ethic origin, continue to cross breed more and more so that we eventually end up so mixed that this becomes a none issue.  Personally, I have yet to find an ethnic origin that doesn't have beautiful people.  

But I can't judge people for reacting to their personal experiences, but it does feel unfortunate.  

It is very unfortunate and sad but instead of being upset over why just reach out to those that will and enjoy the time and experience with her

[misterdynomite30 174]

It used to throw me off when seeing SP ads that say "No ___ Allowed" (fill in whatever the blank is..

Black, White, Asian, Tall, Short, Body type, Broke, from an area of town, etc etc)

 

But then I'd remember when I used to go to dating sites and meeting girls who were too vague 

about what they wanted physically in a man (i.e. 'looks') and when we met, one in particular told

me face to face upon first meeting :

 

"Oh, HELL NO!!" ....turned around and just left. It was the only words I heard her say.

I drove 2 hours to see her and was just left there with no explanation as to what criteria I didn't fit.

It was self-esteem-crushing on top of being a big waste of my time, gas money and energy. I left 

baffled as to why it happened but that never fixed anything. 

 

So when I see an ad that tells me exactly what she doesn't want in physical appearance, I see it

like she's letting me know ahead of time exactly who she potentially is. It doesn't matter why she's

that way and i'm not here to convert her or change her mind. I just keep it moving and scroll down

to the next ad. 

 

IMO her reason for not wanting to see a particular type of man (if i fit that criteria) is irrelevant to me

personally. I can't give that upset energy away to just anyone. I have friendly and reliable regulars

that I've been seeing for years and we get along absolutely fine and that's all I care about. 😉

 

[Guest]

If a service provider is interested in seeing one type of client so what? It’s their offering. 

 

It’s the same as when I’m searching LL. I don’t message every listed ad…. I look for someone I’m attracted to. Forget the racist implications for a min. Any number of things could be a deal breaker for said SP. Her body, her rules. My body my rules. 

In this space, above any other industry I’ve dabbled with, it’s everything to be comfortable with who your seeing and being able to be in the moment with the one your with. 
 

Hopefully sites like lyla, showing reviews of not only SP’s but customers as well, should be praised for a positive experience! So in the near future if a SP has a positive experience, and comments on their time with you, this goes along way to quelling worries about pimping, bad experiences etc. If that’s a main reason a SP might say “no black gents”  than you might have an accepted and great date! Also changing that SP’s view some and being more open to said clients. 

It’s important for SP’s to also recognize the people they see, it really should be a 2 way street on Lyla . This helps SP’s in their selection of clients but also the SP’s in getting legit inquiry's. 

Remember life experiences and learned behaviour is apart of peoples views regardless of if it is right or not. 

If an SP states something offensive to you… why the hell would you want to spend any more time on said person? You will find a great connection elsewhere.

☮️ and ❤️.

[Guest MelanieRose]

On 12/27/2021 at 1:30 PM, NervousNelly said:

If a service provider is interested in seeing one type of client so what? It’s their offering. 

 

It’s the same as when I’m searching LL. I don’t message every listed ad…. I look for someone I’m attracted to. Forget the racist implications for a min.

 

It's not that people are only seeing one type of client, it's that a lot won't see one type of client, and that client is always a black male. Despite all ethnicities being no stranger to harrassment, abuse and pimping.. I saw on the news a few weeks ago about an underage girl being trafficked to NS from NB who eventually called 911. She was drugged, and didn't even know where she was 😥.. The perps were both white.. But even if someone was abused by let's say, a white man or an Indian man, we likely still won't see an ad saying no white or Indian men. That doesn't seem fair.

 

On 12/27/2021 at 1:30 PM, NervousNelly said:

So in the near future if a SP has a positive experience, and comments on their time with you, this goes along way to quelling worries about pimping, bad experiences etc. If that’s a main reason a SP might say “no black gents”  than you might have an accepted and great date!

 

 I don't feel like people should have to jump through extra hoops and work to get onto a positive recommendation thread of clients to get seen.. I guess if someone doesn't want to see black men it's just best to find someone who does.  

 

As much as I like Lyla and have met amazing people here, clients who sign up for lyla as a whole are no safer to see or of any greater or lesser quality than any other site. The plus for clients is that they can minimize their risk. They can look here and say oh okay well this person has seven positive recommendations, so that's seven people who have had a safe and enjoyable time.. Or clients can check websites and social media to get a feel for the person they want to see..  Providers don't have that comfort, often times inquiries just come to us with a 7 digit phone number and the word "hey" lol. I haven't seen the positive recommendations of clients used. But even if it was used, I probably wouldn't use it as someone could be super nice to me, and then go to one of my colleagues and treat them poorly. A lot of people including me won't do references anymore for this reason.. Screening can be useful to avoid abuse from happening, but not bullet proof and not everyone has the privilege to do it. Kind of off topic, but just sharing my thoughts. 

 

Some black men will only see white providers. Some white men will only see white providers. Some providers both white and black won't see black men. Same as people's personal lives, it goes a lot of ways... I like to stay in my lane, It's really not my place or business who anyone else see's or doesn't see. To each their own is how I feel. But I do find the topic and the views to be interesting.

 

It would be insightful to hear from a client whose black on their thoughts and experiences with this. Might be a good interview!  @lydiahardwood

 

[Prince Clay 24]

On 8/5/2015 at 8:23 AM, Barney said:

Wakeup Call for all those people who think the ladies don't have a manger etc. , they all do have someone else running the show, for protection , setup , etc Its a business like any other there is always a top guy or lady running the show . Have a nice day everyone

 

It's common enough to be the norm, but I know at least two sex workers who take matters into their own hands and have no backup. It does seem risky, but they are independant, socially capable women who make sure they know who they're seeing well ahead of the event. 

 

I've always wondered about the "no black gents" thing. It's given me mixed feelings, especially when I see it on a black woman's ad. I never see "no white gents", but I'm not sought after, either. It seems to me that most escorts are looking for "the perfect client" ...and sadly in their imagination that perfect client is rarely black. So people say it's due to having black "handlers" or "agents" but still looks like petty racism from my view of it.

[misterdynomite30 174]

On 2/26/2022 at 9:33 AM, Prince Clay said:

 

I've always wondered about the "no black gents" thing. It's given me mixed feelings, especially when I see it on a black woman's ad. I never see "no white gents",

Maybe she doesn't want to bump into family members or acquaintances that she doesn't want them to know that she's an escort? Can you imagine if your uncle or 2nd cousin showed up as your client? 

The 6 degrees of separation in Halifax in this small community is interesting and some of them would rather leave the business anonymously when the time comes to leave.