Limerick challenge

[Old Dog 179138]

Where do you come up with these??? Remember you're not supposed to mention CERB members' names but those were priceless!

 

Additional Comments:

A madam operated a house of ill repute

It was the best in the city - no dispute

Frequented by politicians and many others

Men of reputation were found beneath the covers

Since they paid, they didn't need to be cute

 

This is harder than I thought!!!

 

Hey!!!! I needed something to rhyme with windy and dicky.... heheheheh

[NotchJohnson 214123]

I was looking for a date for the evening

have been searching since morning

look up on CL is time wasted

when cerb as been suggested

found my date for the evening

[omehgosh 736]

Great thread Scott!

 

@ Cato - brilliant!

 

There was a young Cerbite named Cato

Who loved to administer DATO.

He'd lick and he'd thrust,

Till she came, 'twas a must,

Then he'd flip her over and mate-o.

 

@ Seymour - LMAO - even a masterpiece can be improved!

 

Alternate ending:

 

There was a young Cerbite named Cato

Who loved to administer DATO.

He'd lick and he'd thrust,

Till she came, 'twas a must,

Then he'd immortalize her with a reco :mrgreen:

 

WIT - Ha ha ha! Nicely done!

 

I once knew lady-twins from Belgrade;

In stilettos they swayed and sashayed.

Whether Serb or Cerb-Slavs,

They did nothing by halves --

So let's all cast our votes for free trade!

 

ALL of these posts are awesome though! Nice work! I'm going to hold off on picking my favourite, however, until Berlin posts hers (* fingers crossed * :smile:)...

[Mikeyboy 27133]

Amongst our fair maidens, a winner,

With a penchant for Mexican dinner,

But oh our fair Cindy,

Just a little too windy,

Is CERB?s only jet propelled spinner.

 

 

and....

 

 

With promises sweet, hot and sticky,

I booked with Notorious Nicki,

CERB rated her highly,

And now I?m quite smiley,

She did fabulous things with my dicky!

 

 

and...

 

 

There once was a man, his name Larry,

On CERB he would constantly tarry,

His only pursuit,

Were pleasures hirsute,

Oh how he loved his courtesans hairy!!!!

 

 

and last for today...

 

 

A CERB banished girl, quite a shrew,

Had filled her vagina with glue,

She said, with a grin,

?If they pay to get in,

They will pay to get out of me too!?

 

 

bwahahahahhahhah

 

Old Dog...you rock! I'm still laughing:sm185:

[omehgosh 736]

I once wrote a limerick - it sucked

I knew from the start I was fucked

Who needs poems and rhyming?

I'll practise orgasm timing

Oh shit! I forgot to use "CERB"!

 

Did I mention the time I wrote a really sucky limerick?

[Seymour 3970]

Here are a few - enjoy..

 

 

it came to pass they voted with fervor

for a CERB member known for candor

valued with his group called RHAG

tricks hidden in his virtual bag

redheads he's known to savor

 

 

her comment was of type shill

yet she persisted with will

the ire of mod she faced

being banished from CERB disgraced

sneaks in as another - you know the drill

 

 

 

it causes angst amongst the member

newbies questioning without ponder

the search is your friend

on CERB someone will append

enough, to the albums yonder

 

 

she had her style

beat the competition by a mile

retired from CERB without whimper

leaving admirers not so chipper

hopes for a return from exile

 

 

a challenge of mayhem and mirth

looking for limerick to not brag about girth

members are plenty and interest not feign

CERB, oasis of pleasure again and again

farewell, I've found my berth

[VedaSloan 119179]

I once wrote a limerick - it sucked

I knew from the start I was fucked

Who needs poems and rhyming?

I'll practise orgasm timing

Oh shit! I forgot to use "CERB"!

 

Did I mention the time I wrote a really sucky limerick?

 

You are putting a lot of pressure on me, but here goes:

 

There once was a 'ho named Berlin,

the sight of your dick sent me hurlin',

but you reeled me back in

with your mouth full of sin,

and now you've got my toes a-curlin'.

 

Ok, that was terrible. Hahaha. I also forgot to mention CERB. Goddamnit. I just can't compete with Seymour and Cato and WIT. You guys are too good with words.

 

A member is called a CERB-ite,

many are much tastier than marmite,

from handsome to plain,

we'll play again and again,

until our endeavours seem trite.

[Cato 160314]

Great thread, Scott! Very amusing.

 

And incredibly time-saving! I think that instead of writing reviews from now on, I'll just post my limerick. ;-)

[Guest s******ecan****]

Wow you guys are awesome....and how did I know Old Dog would have more than a few contributions!

 

Bravo all!

 

 

There once was a man named Herb

who found a lovely lass here on CERB

he showed up at her door

claiming to be poor

she then showed him straight to the curb

[Seymour 3970]

Just a couple more ..

 

the CERB ad read plain

her voice sounded vane

my friend is here too

we'll take care of you

and have you cumming again

 

 

 

her CERB photos were cropped

she's removing her top

blurs her face

just in case

cause daddy's friend's a cop

 

 

 

this CERB thread was fun

you're likely wishing it were done

thank our friend from the east

he's unleashed the beast

and then there were none

[Cato 160314]

OMG I've caught the bug! I woke up this morning with this in my head. The only way to get rid of it is to post it, so I do so with apologies for the quality.

 

There once was a Cerbite named Ithacal.

His sexual exploits were mythical.

Erect he could stay

For day after day,

Causing orgasms most paradisical [/ paradithical].

[Old Dog 179138]

Oh the ladies of CERB would implore,

That his hygeine was really quite poor,

But he never listened,

And his chest how it glistened,

With the sweat garnered three days before.

 

Now he called and he called everyone,

His mind full of visions of fun,

But the odious smell,

Like the sulfurs of Hell,

Meant his calls would be answered by none.

 

Poor Stanley could not understand,

That no courtesan in the land,

Would sate his desire,

So burning with fire,

He was forced to take matters in "hand."

[Cato 160314]

A new art form, Old Dog! The multi-stanzaed limerick!

[Old Dog 179138]

A new art form, Old Dog! The multi-stanzaed limerick!

 

Thanks Cato!!!

 

But there is one final stanza...

 

Now Stanley sits sad, and forlorn,

His CERB membership canceled with scorn,

His life full of gloom,

He sits alone in his room,

Eating cheezies and watching bad porn.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Old Satan cried with cash-strapped chagrin:

"Just what good are my wages-of-sin?

Those lovely Cerb ladies

Are hotter than Hades

But I've forgotten by bank-card PIN!"

[Seymour 3970]

some on CERB call it a hobby

others say beware the bobby

cause if incall you lust

careful the bust

it is common bawdy

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

He bragged: "I'm hard as rock, you'll cum thrice --

Therefore give me a discounted price!"

Her acerbic reply

Was: "Get-out and Good-bye! --

Though you're stiff as quartz schist, you're not gneiss!"

[VedaSloan 119179]

He bragged: "I'm hard as rock, you'll cum thrice --

Therefore give me a discounted price!"

Her acerbic reply

Was: "Get-out and Good-bye! --

Though you're stiff as quartz schist, you're not gneiss!"

 

Where do you get this stuff? It's brilliant. And too funny.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Where do you get this stuff? ...

 

It's true, the mind's inner workings are mysterious and inexplicable.

 

Ha ha ... I don't remember it, but perhaps I once read the book Sonnets of a Sorcerer. As Ron warns Harry in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (p.173), enchanted books can be dangerous: " ... everyone who read Sonnets of a Sorcerer spoke in limericks for the rest of their lives." (This didn't stop Harry from reading the Riddle diary, though. Can't say he wasn't warned! Limericks would have been the least of his worries.) I patiently waited five more books for Rowling to follow up on this and introduce a limerick-speaking character, but, sadly, nada.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Sex with cerbites is dynamite

Almost like losing your sight

But if you have no one to fuck

You'll be shit out of luck

And you will be told to go fly a kite

 

Old Dog makes me smile

So much that he makes me throw up bile

It won't be long before he says "It's all good"

And then I fully understood

Why he's got great style

[Old Dog 179138]

awwwwww now I am blushing....:oops:

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

To those hobbyists who are crude

You might meet someone who is a prude

Cause when you want someone to lust

You'll be greeted without any trust

They'll kick you out in the nude

 

If Cerb is a board

Then the Mod is a Lord

I enjoy coming here

Even more than getting it behind in the rear

I never feel ignored

 

Cerb, is it a verb

Hell, it's more entertaining than t**b

But when shit hits the fan

You know who'll be in the can

At the end of the day mod will say "Do not disturb"

 

When Cerb has a party

You know never to be tardy

Heaven forbid should you drink too much

You might need a crutch

You could end up in bed with a guy named Marty

[Old Dog 179138]

It's true, the mind's inner workings are mysterious and inexplicable.

 

Ha ha ... I don't remember it, but perhaps I once read the book Sonnets of a Sorcerer. As Ron warns Harry in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (p.173), enchanted books can be dangerous: " ... everyone who read Sonnets of a Sorcerer spoke in limericks for the rest of their lives." (This didn't stop Harry from reading the Riddle diary, though. Can't say he wasn't warned! Limericks would have been the least of his worries.) I patiently waited five more books for Rowling to follow up on this and introduce a limerick-speaking character, but, sadly, nada.

 

Damn it WIT, what you read is all true,

When you start with this style, you are through.

Every cognitive thought,

Whether wanted or not,

Rhymes with three lines and two others too!!!

[Cato 160314]

Revising my previous entry, as I've thought of a better rhyme.

(This is not meant to slander our distant ancestors, by the way).

 

 

There once was a Cerbite named Ithacal.

His body looked Australopithecal.

Yet erect he could stay

For day after day,

So had sexual exploits most mythical.

 

[Andee 220524]

There was an old cerbite named Ricky

Who often ended up with his dicky

not in a girl

when he wanted a whirl

but rather his hands ended up icky

 

Nicki: That bile comment made Old Dog Blush? I don't get it.

 

Ah, those weren't lima beans in the back of his cupboard after all!