Lisbeth Nova Blog 1: The Dark Side of Swinging.

[LisbethNova 5627]

About 3 years ago before I decided to become an SP, I began to explore the swinging lifestyle as a Unicorn (single female). As you can imagine, single females have their pick of the litter and pretty much everyone wants you just like any other rare mythological creature out there. It was exciting and fun. I realized I genuinely really love being with couples, men and women alike. Coming out of a very sexless long term relationship, the swing lifestyle was exactly what I was looking for and it really helped me discover my own sexuality and liberate myself from the rigid and torturous ideal that we all must be in monogamous relationships. Whenever I met couples that seemed healthy and happy, I admired their ability to overcome jealousy and possessiveness, which permeated most relationships. What a liberating idea it was to be able to express yourself sexually with many different partners of both sexes and still have the kind of bond and love between partners.

 

Here's the thing that people need to know; Everything I said in the above paragraph is true... but only for the lucky few who it really works for... the likelihood that you can continue in the lifestyle consistently and regularly for a long period of time is slim to none. Eventually, either you or your partner is going to have a seriously shitty experience and be completely turned off. Here are the things that I found in the swing scene that totally turned me off.

 

1. Partners not being on the same page.

 

Meeting numerous couples, I began to really see how they varied from couple to couple. All had different rules and expectations. But the worst thing I came across was a lot of reluctant girlfriends/wives who were really only doing this for their husbands sake. The worst thing ever is knowing this woman is not really into girls but is feeling like she has to go along with this for her partner. As a 3rd girl joining in... I knew to tread lightly at first and that any sign of jealousy or disagreement between them meant run the hell away!

Secondly, when I did bring a male partner with me, he would get so carried away, I was left on the sidelines just watching or stuck with a guy who I definitely had no interest in at all. It was very unlikely I would ever meet a couple with my partner who we both liked the other couple equally. Basically I would feel obligated to take one for the team, and I refuse to ever do that... unless I am getting paid!

 

2. Drama & Gossip

 

This pretty much goes along with number 1 and of course is to be expected when you are dealing with straight couples in a taboo lifestyle. Again everyone has their own rules and expectations and sometimes these rules get broken a bit and one partner might feel disrespected or become jealous if they do not feel the situation to be fair. The general first golden rule to swinging is to never use this lifestyle to "fix" your relationship. Without the proper communication and boundaries set between the couples, there is always a chance that things can blow up in your face. There have been plenty of relationships that end quite soon after exploring this world.

I will also add another personal account of when gossip became extremely apparent and very disturbing to me. I started to get invited to these private swing parties at various condos. There was one particular couple there that definitely shouldnt have because they purposely loved spreading rumours and turning people against one another. I became extremely disturbed to find text messages on my phone the day after the party with that same couple reciting all the sexual acts I performed and with whom I did things with. How creepy is that!?

 

3. DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS!!!

 

Lastly, I would warn anyone getting involved into the scene to be aware how drug fueled these events usually are. I have gone to parties where everyone is on MDMA and feeling all lovey dovey, but there isnt a single hardon in the room because the guys cant get it up! I have often had to supply viagara to help these poor boys out, but even then they would have difficulty not just with their boners but paying attention to what the hell was going on. Nothing is as big of a turn off when everyone's pupils are dilated and look like gigantic black holes and their eyes are rolling in the back of their heads. Along with MDMA, people are often doing coke and GHB amongst other things I am sure. GHB is the date rape drug and I won't lie when I say that it makes people super horny and more likely to end up doing something with someone they really didn't want to. I once saw this young girl at some parties who was always so high she could hardly communicate and 2 guys were just pummeling her. Whether she would have done that sober... I highly doubt it. Too often things happened in intoxicated states that began to feel like women were being sexually exploited at these parties. What once was a liberating and free experience... started to feel like sexual abuse.

 

I will end this blog by stating that I learned a lot about the swing lifestyle and probably would not have become an SP had I not entered into that world. However, being an SP is far more fulfilling and way more empowering than being in the swing scene. I find that I get treated with a lot more respect by clients and I have never felt like I was being exploited. Being able to compare the two worlds, one cannot help but be completely turned off by swing events. Why would I want to feel pressured to have sex with people I don't even enjoy and I don't get paid, when meanwhile I enjoy my work and get paid and have fun with some of the sexiest girls ever at the LJX parties! This choice was very easy for me to make!

[Guest]

I can confirm that much of what you said is totally true. I've been to a few swing events and never saw the drug aspect you spoke of though. I definitely saw lots of "not on the same page" type stuff.

 

I've been to Obsession several times and had a great time every time. More on the saturdays than the fridays however. I was lucky enough to meet many fun couples, who had their shit together and always had fun.

 

I'm no longer in the lifestyle as my current partner isn't into it. There are definitely things I miss about it, but I wouldn't trade this partner for it, that's for sure.

 

Thanks for the post

[LisbethNova 5627]

I can confirm that much of what you said is totally true. I've been to a few swing events and never saw the drug aspect you spoke of though. I definitely saw lots of "not on the same page" type stuff.

 

I've been to Obsession several times and had a great time every time. More on the saturdays than the fridays however. I was lucky enough to meet many fun couples, who had their shit together and always had fun.

 

I'm no longer in the lifestyle as my current partner isn't into it. There are definitely things I miss about it, but I wouldn't trade this partner for it, that's for sure.

 

Thanks for the post

 

Thank you for your input. I definitely met some amazing couples as well and not all my experiences were bad.. i had some really great ones. However, I think overtime the bad outweighed the good, so I wanted to tell people some things they may not read when researching swinging.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Taboo is a good word you used when describing this lifestyle. So much of your emotions and comfort levels and beliefs are tied up in anything taboo that you need to continually check in with your partner to see if you are still both on the same page, so to speak. Even then, one of you(usually the women) may no longer be OK with it but may be uncomfortable expressing it forcefully to their partner. Hence, misunderstandings and feeling pressured are more likely as time in this lifestyle goes on.

 

If you decide to try swinging I would suggest you agree to just one time and then let the woman decide about any future experiences by letting her bring it up. Women usually are more willing to allow something taboo to lapse if there partner is not into it anymore, whereas men can be a bit more pushy.

 

I have no experience in this lifestyle and never will so take what I say about it with a grain of salt.