Violence agains men is real!!!!

[Loralee Reach 245]

I came across an issue that is very painful to every person who has suffered it in their own skin....violence....

In general one hears the stories about violence committed against women, perhaps because we ladies have endured it for many years and in some societies, as we all know, the abusive behavior, the castration of women is an everyday issue.

Nevertheless I want to open a thread about violence against men.

I had the pleasure of meeting some gentlemen who are dominated by their partners and can not even hold their own bank account. In my life experience I also came accross females that are belittling their partners in front of strangers in a way I could not imagine why the boys can tolerate it....

There are cases and cases....does anyone want to cooperate in this "opening up" of violence against our men?

I love to read what everybody has to say about this painful situation.

May be some gentlemen wont like to be identified, as well as us who suffered it, try to keep it in the shadow and wear the "mask" of "not-me"....

let's open this forum to the reality of life, Violence exists and damages all of us in one way or another......

LoraLee

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

This is a perfect example of how patriarchy hurts men. Yes, violence against men is very real.

[E.D. man 691]

violence against men has increased by women in the past few years, but still police look at it like get a set of balls man.

If a man fights back he is the one arrested and charged.

The truth is finally coming out about bad behavorial habits by some women. Like my 1st she used other people to do her dirty work.

I believe this is why I go to dance clubs and the lovely ladies on cerb.

The lack of emotional attachment is a good thing when you need short term comfort for these men.

I am willing to bet that 25% of the men you see are affraid of emotional attachments due to violence or emotional abuse.

[Loralee Reach 245]

Yes.....u are so right and so is Megan....

When I was younger, in my first marriage I had a brutally jealous husband....I went to the police and they told me "he is your husband little lady".....yesterday, a lovely client, tender to my heart, told me about the scandalous behavior of his wife and how much detachment he feels for every lady in the planet......so sad, you are right!!!!

Hopefully we will be able in this community to help one each other to end those awful cases of abuse and empower the ones who need it!!!

I am up for it and so are many ladies in our wonderful CERB community!

LoraLee

[E.D. man 691]

LoraLee Reach your an amazing lady for bringing up this thread.

[Loralee Reach 245]

Thanks ED. I have suffered abuse and violence and I never opened my eyes wide enough to realize how many men are in the same boat.....

Thanks ED, hopefully someday you will trust someone and realize that not all women are the same garbage, as not all men are abusers.....

Take good care of yourself!

LoraLee

(I hope to hear from every gentlemen in this forum, some of the young guys have seen the abuse in their homes.....they hide it, but it is real!!!)

[stevecurious 42059]

Thank you Loralee and E.D. Man for both bringing this topic to light and for expanding on it! Although thankfully I have never been the recipient of violence I try to empathize with anyone who has. Unfortunately since my first hand knowledge is non existent I can not know how one truly feels but that does not mean that I do not care. I believe that we all need to help those who suffer at the hands of a violent partner and to eliminate this behaviour from our so called developed society!

 

Congrats to you both for having the strength to talk about this topic in an open, clear and honest way. I applaud you both!

[Loralee Reach 245]

Thanks Steve....

you have a great soul my dear!!!

I just would have loved more response on this issue. I know the "macho mind" may interfere with this subject, but it is so good to talk about it....as I said, the gentlemen can enter as anonymous and share their stories....

I will tell one more here regarding my ex husband...he was so jealous I could not talk to any man in the grocery stores or the mail man or anything, or I would get it at home......he scared me to such a point that I shook like a leave, uncontrolable, many many times.....he also asked me to write down all the expenses of the house to the letter.....10 for soap, 3 for post, etc....it was torture and it took a lot of me to leave him because of the fear he imposed on me....

I am opening up publicly and I hope it helps others to do the same, it is nothing better than just express those ugly feelings......

Love to you all!

LoraLee

[Peachka 4334]

I just would have loved more response on this issue.

 

It has only been 2 hrs since you posted the thread....I'm sure there will many responses to it. Personally, I have not experienced this myself.

[E.D. man 691]

Thanks ED. I have suffered abuse and violence and I never opened my eyes wide enough to realize how many men are in the same boat.....

Thanks ED, hopefully someday you will trust someone and realize that not all women are the same garbage, as not all men are abusers.....

Take good care of yourself!

LoraLee

(I hope to hear from every gentlemen in this forum, some of the young guys have seen the abuse in their homes.....they hide it, but it is real!!!)

as even several other threads i did fall in love again but with an Sp who fell in love with me also, but unfortunately at the time I was 29 and she was 23 and she had a goal of raising money for her own fitness club, she owned afitness depot for about 5 years and then sold it and now is a fitness consultant married with 2 kids. She is and was an amzing woman who got me to trust again and give women a chance again, but I do watch for the signs of abusers now, by listening carefully there are tell signs for these pople, its just like reading a player at a poker table.

[Mutau 2516]

When we speak of any type of violence, whether by men against women, women against men or even male/female adults against young males/females, it is important to note that it is not only physical violence of which we speak. There is also sexual violence, mental cruelty, inappropriate behaviours (both public and private), psychological violence and many others.

 

It all boils down to each of the genders recognizing that our partners, or others in society, are deserving of the common and basic respect due to a fellow human being. The CERB motto would serve us all well in general society.

 

But I digress. Loralee's topic is violence against men. Speaking about it will expose what is happening but what can be done to prevent re-occurrences or even prohibit some violence taking place at all?

[Loralee Reach 245]

Dear Mutau, a gentleman like you can not even imagine what goes on behind family doors. The doors that suppose to be the safest are in many cases not safe at all.

You treat us and your own family as queens and kings, you are a real gentleman and I am a witness of it.

I really believe that by talking about this we all benefit. May be violence against women has also a root in violence against men.

Let's see what answers we get about this.

Here goes another story:

Once in a business transaction with a husband and wife, I had to turn my face away from the couple due to the screaming the woman was attacking the husband with. she called him names and slapped his face in the presence of myself and a loawyer....we really did not know were to hide.....it was absolutely embarrassing for us, imagine the man.....!!!!

LoraLee:-(:-(

[VedaSloan 119179]

I love how the assumption is that violence against men is committed by women. Actually, women committing violence against men is a very very small percentage, when in fact, MEN still commit the majority of violence, against other men, and against women. I'm not trying to say that women are blameless or that they don't do horrible things from time to time. What I'm saying is that the focus and onus should still be on men.

 

You know what really pisses me off though? Prison rape and the fact that it is expected and joked about. Roughly 300,000 inmates (this is a US statistic) are sexually abused every year, by both other inmates and guards. That is unacceptable.

[rickoshadows 937]

Actually, women committing violence against men is a very very small percentage, when in fact, MEN still commit the majority of violence, against other men, and against women.

 

Perhaps when you refer to physical violence, it may be a small percentage, but I would add that when you factor in verbal abuse, witholding affection, and other controlling behaviors, the statisitics would even out. I remember reading somewhere that nearly half of all domestic violence incidents were initiated by the female partner even though the vast majority of charges were against the male.

 

I think many of us can relate to trying to argue with a woman, every little detail from the past 30 years will be thrown out there, whether it is relative to the issue at hand or not.

 

I can also remember an occasion at an airport where an older woman admired my highly polished shoes, pointed them out to her beleagered looking companion and asked him why he didn't have shoes like that. I actually felt embarrassed for him.

[Loralee Reach 245]

Rick sweet man, I know about that, just rest assured the stigma against men has to stop as well as the violence against women......we are all victims of the same society patterns....

LL:sad:

[VedaSloan 119179]

Perhaps when you refer to physical violence, it may be a small percentage, but I would add that when you factor in verbal abuse, witholding affection, and other controlling behaviors, the statisitics would even out. I remember reading somewhere that nearly half of all domestic violence incidents were initiated by the female partner even though the vast majority of charges were against the male.

 

I think many of us can relate to trying to argue with a woman, every little detail from the past 30 years will be thrown out there, whether it is relative to the issue at hand or not.

 

I can also remember an occasion at an airport where an older woman admired my highly polished shoes, pointed them out to her beleagered looking companion and asked him why he didn't have shoes like that. I actually felt embarrassed for him.

 

 

Violence refers to physical abuse. Perhaps if the thread was entitled "Psychological abuse against men is real" I'd be more inclined to agree.

 

Throwing out details from the past 30 years is a result of poor communication and bad argument skills, not a specifically "woman" thing. So please, don't generalize to all women, ANYONE can be that ignorant.

[Loralee Reach 245]

Dear Erin, do you realize how many men are being mistreated?

I know by experience that we girls are more abused that they are, but I humbly think that if the cause of the abuse, in any way can be the abuse these guys had when they were children, or what they saw at home happening, may be a litytle bit of what we have sufferes ourselves.

Erin, I am not fighting against you, please, just try to see my point. I am not denying anything you say, but I can not arbitrarily blame all man for the fault of some....we are evolving as a society and the prisons are also full of women gangs who pray on another women...this is a sex issue of the stronger get the weakest....

Let's se if we can agree, we are both educated and able to have a conversation without hurting each other. My point is to help the boys who, whatever their age, have been victims of abuse. Men in general do not talk as open as we girls do. but they hurt and they have to be able to get an outing...not all man are shit Erin....

Cordially, and peacefully , without intention to create havoc

as a University Graduate I have studied Human issues and men are always taken behind women, that is absolutely not fair Erin,

LoraLee, your colleague and friend

[VedaSloan 119179]

Dear Erin, do you realize how many men are being mistreated?

I know by experience that we girls are more abused that they are, but I humbly think that if the cause of the abuse, in any way can be the abuse these guys had when they were children, or what they saw at home happening, may be a litytle bit of what we have sufferes ourselves.

Erin, I am not fighting against you, please, just try to see my point. I am not denying anything you say, but I can not arbitrarily blame all man for the fault of some....we are evolving as a society and the prisons are also full of women gangs who pray on another women...this is a sex issue of the stronger get the weakest....

Let's se if we can agree, we are both educated and able to have a conversation without hurting each other. My point is to help the boys who, whatever their age, have been victims of abuse. Men in general do not talk as open as we girls do. but they hurt and they have to be able to get an outing...not all man are shit Erin....

Cordially, and peacefully , without intention to create havoc

as a University Graduate I have studied Human issues and men are always taken behind women, that is absolutely not fair Erin,

LoraLee, your colleague and friend

 

 

I didn't arbitrarily blame all men for the fault of some, I merely made the point that is still men who commit the overwhelming majority of violence.

 

And nowhere did I say "all men are shit." Please don't put words in my mouth.

 

My point was also not to deny the fact that some women commit violence and mental abuse toward men, but that many of the posts in this thread seemed to generalize women as unable to communicate in healthy ways, as always being verbally abusive. And that I disagree with.

[Old Dog 179138]

I think this thread has been mis-titled... I do believe that the thread would have been better read as abuse rather than violence.

 

Physical violence is not necessarily the exclusive right of men, but they certainly do their best to maintain a very healthy lead in the statistics. I would suggest however that the statistics are extremely misleading, akin to the deadbeat dad stats. It is a very small percentage that sully the reputation of all men.

 

As for the abuse of men? It happens and it is a socially accepted thing. Verbal and psychological abuse are the weapons of choice. There are no open wounds, no bruises, no broken bones... there is no physical manifestation. If a man suffers it publicly, he is declared "pussy whipped."

 

There is only one real outreach for men in this matter and we, my friends, are staring at it. Psychological abuse in these cases cannot be mended by therapy, police intervention or any other "accepted" profession. Men turn to courtesans, escorts, SPs etc for that sense of retaining their masculinity. They come for that intimacy that is denied, that non-judgmental lovemaking, that sense of open communication with a member of the opposite sex.

 

You, my dear friends, help to heal.

[E.D. man 691]

I love how the assumption is that violence against men is committed by women. Actually, women committing violence against men is a very very small percentage, when in fact, MEN still commit the majority of violence, against other men, and against women. I'm not trying to say that women are blameless or that they don't do horrible things from time to time. What I'm saying is that the focus and onus should still be on men.

 

You know what really pisses me off though? Prison rape and the fact that it is expected and joked about. Roughly 300,000 inmates (this is a US statistic) are sexually abused every year, by both other inmates and guards. That is unacceptable.

 

sorry berlin there has been a 25% increase in violence against men by women in the past 5 years, and to dismiss this as a small percent makes me vialy ill as I was a member of the men attacked by a woan in the early 90's where to get help was virtually non existent (sic) If if wasn't for the SP i referred to earlier I probably would be dead. I am sorry but this statement makes me sick that you make above in the 1st paragraph.

[VedaSloan 119179]

sorry berlin there has been a 25% increase in violence against men by women in the past 5 years, and to dismiss this as a small percent makes me vialy ill as I was a member of the men attacked by a woan in the early 90's where to get help was virtually non existent (sic) If if wasn't for the SP i referred to earlier I probably would be dead. I am sorry but this statement makes me sick that you make above in the 1st paragraph.

 

I am sorry for what happened to you. And my sincere apologies if I have offended you. That was not my intent. I am curious to see where you have gotten your stats, if you care to share them.

[E.D. man 691]

I am sorry for what happened to you. And my sincere apologies if I have offended you. That was not my intent. I am curious to see where you have gotten your stats, if you care to share them.

there was an article in the ottawa sun last year. The fact alot of women to men violence goes unreported.

I know of men who won't go to the police because, some of them said they would be charged because its a hesais she said siuation and witout proof they were told they would be charged.

[antlerman 17064]

First.....physical violence....mental torture......all are abuse in one form or another.

This is a very sensitive topic as ones words can easily be misread or misunderstood just by the way we interpret the words used.

Hello, my name is antlerman......and I am still dealing with the effects of abuse, both physical and mental from my first marriage.

I am not small person, and my first wife was a small person, but that did not stop her from tormenting me for years.

I am a very respectful person of others and their feelings

Some people say "man up"....or get out....but unless you have been there you do not truly understand.

Just like I can not truly understand what any woman has gone through in any type of abusive relationship.

My abuse consisted of many things;

- threatened with physical abuse

- -kicked so hard under tables that my shins bled…and not because I did something wrong…but I was kept in place by being reminded that she was there.

- Punching of the arm in public so often it was bruised……people look at that and say…”hehehe..she is just hitting his arm..he is a man….silly goof….” You get hit 10 to 20 times in the arm when she is wearing rings…… ouch!

- No access to any money…..not even an allowance without begging

- No contact to any friends without her control…..she would not pass on messages from friends and family…and I would get in trouble from them….because of her….

- Sex….oh my God….it was like….clean the garage and we can have sex…..all clean….she is asleep…..

The list goes on……

I have gone though many hours of therapy and group sessions to learn to deal with my emotions and learn to grow again as a person……..

So to me….it does not matter if it is against men….women….race….age…..it is all wrong……

[Loralee Reach 245]

Thanks Antler.....It is so sad to see human beings destroying each other in the quest of misused power, excess of power and a sick ambition for control! It is like a contagious disease, a chain effect, a domino effect....we all get damaged, victims and victimizers....kids learn it from the parents or the school mates...and eventually they apply it to others....a never ending story? I hope not

It was very nice of you to share your story.

xoxoxo

LoraLee

[E.D. man 691]

University of N.H. did a study of violence of both sides and they found that the women intiate violence more often than men do including stalking.

I do not know how to put a link I googled women violence against men and also found that the reported violence to the police was actually more than 25% in the last 5 years. again I do not know how to link.

I have had several people try to help on this and I couldn't comprehend.