Hobbyist

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

I've had a number of hobbies over the years.

 

I love to read, run, and cook. I have a couple of silly collections that still make me grin. I play a mean game of RISK, and a cheerfully lousy game of chess. I'll travel a long way to throw myself into a lake, river or ocean that I haven't swum in before, and am considering writing the "Field Guide to the Best Cheeseburgers in Canada" before I die.

 

Those are hobbies. They involve things.

 

I hate the term hobbyist when it refers to seeking companionship with a woman.

 

Women are not things or games or sports.

 

I don't collect them, rate them, put them into top ten lists. I don't map out scripts for perfect experiences and measure their performances against them, or tick off boxes in a "must try next" list. I am not angling for a personal best or trying to achieve a high score.

 

When a woman touches me with her attention I am illuminated. I am not adding you to a collection. I am living my life, and grateful to have you in it, even if briefly.

 

Not intended as a denigration of people who cheerfully use the term. It simply doesn't work for me.

[roamingguy 300292]

I agree with you. Stamp collecting is a hobby. Intimate interpersonal relations aren't a hobby. To me this is a mutually beneficial lifestyle that should be based on mutual respect between two adults

That said, hobby and hobbiest seem to be accepted terms in this lifestyle. Which I don't think is done with any malicious intent

 

A morning rambling

 

RG

[Guest w***bt]

well said to revel in the company of a lovely woman is a delightful time of sharing.

[rollhay 1215]

I completely agree with the dislike of the term "hobbyist" The only way to change it is to come up with a better one. Ideas out there?

[mrgreen760 37785]

Client, customer, benefactor, John.

 

Peace

MG

[roamingguy 300292]

I completely agree with the dislike of the term "hobbyist" The only way to change it is to come up with a better one. Ideas out there?

 

How about terms like Date for both Ladies and Gentlemen

Also can be used to describe what happened..as in I had a date

And for the men, how about Gentleman

And for the ladies well how about, Ladies, Companions

Conveys a much more positive image of this lifestyle doesn't it

 

RG

[henryporter 1836]

I notice that RG keeps referring to it as a lifestyle.

 

Thats the term I like to use.

 

Hobbying has always seemed weird to me but I can see it as a tongue in cheek wink wink term for something you do for distraction or enjoyment.

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

Client has the virtue of being accurate. Date is as well, with the added colour of affection. They'd be my choices as replacements for hobbyist.

 

And I agree that the term hobbyist didn't arise from deliberate disrespect, but words do matter. They have an impact on how we think and the attitudes we cultivate.

 

Hope I haven't offended anyone. It's just what was on my mind at 3 am.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

I don't remember calling what we do here as a hobby but always referred what I had with a lady as a "date". It could also be called "leisure" or "leisure time" defined by Wikipedia as "Leisure, or free time, is time spent away from business, work, job hunting, domestic chores and education. It also excludes time spent on necessary activities such as eating and sleeping."

 

Some people will grow a garden for leisure or travel to another country or ride a motorcycle and that is what they enjoy so I say go for leisure.

 

My 2 cents.

[Ice4fun 78407]

I never used the term hobbiest until I saw it used extensively here on this site and assumed it was a commonly accepted term to describe the lifestyle choices we have made... I stopped using the term earlier this year when I started a similar thread to discuss the term and got feedback from several ladies that indicated that they did not really like the terminology so that was good enough for me...

 

http://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=218552&highlight=hobbiest

 

I thought why continue to use the terms when it was not welcomed by the people I hoped to continue meeting.

 

Just my Opinion

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

I hate the term hobbyist when it refers to seeking companionship with a woman.

 

Women are not things or games or sports.

 

I don't collect them, rate them, put them into top ten lists. I don't map out scripts for perfect experiences and measure their performances against them, or tick off boxes in a "must try next" list. I am not angling for a personal best or trying to achieve a high score.

 

 

And thank you for that.... (PS - I love RISK) But I have realized that people who consider themselves hobbyists have created a niche for themselves. They are the ones who give the 'new' girl all her business, just enough for her to think, yes I can live off this. They are the ones who introduce the girl to the business by setting the standards. And letting her know what will be expected of her. They are the ones who can make or break a girl, so they are very important. They are the ones who can determine where she takes her business.

 

So all those measures and rating are important for a girl's business, and leads to where she advertises and what she offers. It's just too bad she doesn't know that, or if she is lucky, she learns early and can use that to her advantage. If not, she will be stuck in a limbo, with no opportunity for growth or expansion as the hobbyist is the only way to make an actual business out of this, or suffer the consequences of just getting by. I bet you didn't know the extent of the hobbyist, the far reach and influence they have. There is a big learning curve to this and you can't be a success (by that I mean plan to get out of it) without the hobbyist doing his thing.

 

I completely agree with the dislike of the term "hobbyist" The only way to change it is to come up with a better one. Ideas out there?

 

A rose by any other name is still a rose

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

And thank you for that.... (PS - I love RISK) But I have realized that people who consider themselves hobbyists have created a niche for themselves. They are the ones who give the 'new' girl all her business, just enough for her to think, yes I can live off this. They are the ones who introduce the girl to the business by setting the standards. And letting her know what will be expected of her. They are the ones who can make or break a girl, so they are very important. They are the ones who can determine where she takes her business.

 

So all those measures and rating are important for a girl's business, and leads to where she advertises and what she offers. It's just too bad she doesn't know that, or if she is lucky, she learns early and can use that to her advantage. If not, she will be stuck in a limbo, with no opportunity for growth or expansion as the hobbyist is the only way to make an actual business out of this, or suffer the consequences of just getting by. I bet you didn't know the extent of the hobbyist, the far reach and influence they have. There is a big learning curve to this and you can't be a success (by that I mean plan to get out of it) without the hobbyist doing his thing.

 

 

 

A rose by any other name is still a rose

 

Thank you for this. You've given me something to think about. I'm glad that the gentlemen who classify themselves as hobbyists have a positive impact on people's lives.

 

My concern was less with their role than the implications of the term itself. We live in a culture that is quick to commodify and dehumanize women. That reduction from a person to a thing, interchangeable, replaceable, and disposable, is more than wretched to me. Psychologists would say it is a key transition in the trajectory that enables abuse and violence against women.

 

I think that most of the men I've seen using the term hobbyist actually hold women in high regard. They're not the problem. But our culture is influenced and ultimately shaped by the words we use. Choosing to employ different terms that more clearly reflect the personal value to which each provider is entitled, might ultimately matter, if only a little.

 

Shakespeare was, uncharacteristically, wrong about roses and names. If we called them skunk-cabbages, I think you'd see very different shopping trends around Valentine's Day.

 

Best wishes

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I don't see any harm in using the term "hobbyist" which means an "activity" or "interest" pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Pretty accurate, imo.

There is a PC movement to avoid any words or ideas that might cause perceived offense to another. The natural conclusion of unrestricted removal of words and ideas by those who find them offensive could lead who knows where. Next thing you know, places for Socratic thinking such as universities will ban uncomfortable topics that infringe on someone else's safe spaces ...oh wait... that already happens. :) I'd rather not restrict words or ideas as it's use helps me understand the motivations of people who use certain words or hold certain ideas. Better the devil you know.

Besides, isn't coping a better strategy than moping? Isn't debating ideas better than banning them? It is if you want to be able to handle adversity in life, which isn't going away anytime soon.

Obviously I'm allowing for certain restrictions, but let's keep freedom of thought and expression alive and healthy.

Merry Christmas! (or should I say seasons greetings?):)

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

Clearly, I raised the question for discussion and debate, not to stifle same.

 

Interrogating the language we use is useful, interesting, and often entertaining. I happen to have an opinion on this bit of language, and hoped to hear others. Thank you for yours.

[Mikeyboy 27133]

Client, customer, benefactor, John.

 

Peace

MG

 

We can't forget that most of the terms used in and around this industry (and that is truly what it is if we want to be completely honest with ourselves) were created to intentionally be vague. An 'insider language' that may pass unnoticed in the 'outside world'. I never gave the term hobbiest any more thought than that. I don't believe it was ever intended to be in any way disrespectful. Merely discreet. If some find it unintentionally offensive for some reason, then perhaps it is time for a new term, although I doubt you'll find one that achieves the goal of being discreet and offends nobody. The whole subject of sex and sexuality are too sensitive for that.

[Eric Northman 16522]

For me the term seems fairly accurate. It's not a lifestyle. It's just something I do for fun occasionally and most terms and descriptions of 'us' are pretty negative and derogatory. Hobbyist seems fairly innocuous and I think if you were to look back you'd see that it arose precisely to have a term to call ourselves that doesn't make us sound like like criminal perverts. As has been said above, you're welcome to come up with a better term but I, for one, prefer having a little code that we use here that won't be part of the general vernacular.