The Hobby and Infidelity

[RobX 2084]

I was somewhat hesitant to raise this issue because it may be too much of a sensitive topic. How do hobbyists and SPs feel about the issue of infidelity as it relates to hobbying?

 

My understanding is that 80% or more of hobbyists are married. In the interest of self-disclosure, I admit to being part of that 80%. (If this 80% figure is incorrect, please correct me) . I have read posts where hobbyists have indicated that they are still in love with their wives or SO, but still hobby. On the other extreme, I have read posts from hobbyists asking for suggestions on how to cheat on their wives, who have been refused, and told that what they were considering was wrong. I am somewhat mystified by both of these attitudes - Why would someone who is still in love with his wife want to hobby? On the other hand, why would hobbyists be so self-righteous as to

refuse to provide advice to help someone who wanted to cheat on his wife? In my case, I am in a totally dysfunctional marriage. Depending on your point of view, some may say that this justifies my hobbying. Others may say that I have an obligation to either mend my marriage, or get a divorce, before considering hobbying.

 

With respect to how providers feel about this issue, I have been asked by providers during appointments whether I was married, and I got the impression that they were turned on by the fact that I was married. I realize that I may have been projecting, and that it may be that I was the one who was turned on by cheating. Regardless, if it is true that 80% or more of hobbyist are married, SPs must be aware of this fact, and must have had to deal with it on their own terms. How do SPs feel about the fact that most of their clients are married? Do you feel more of an affinity for your clients, who are, after all, a part of your world, and can therefore empathize with clients who are cheating on their wives, or do you feel more of an affinity for your own sex, and therefore cannot help but empathize with the wives of your clients?

 

Of course, the ideal situation for hobbying is probably being in an open marriage, and I truly envy those who are so lucky as to be in such a situation. However, I suspect this accounts only for a very small minority of hobbyists.

 

I would be very much interested in the opinions of both hobbyists and SPs on this subject.

[roamingguy 300292]

I'll chime in. First I'm single, so the infidelity issue for me is a non issue.

And if I was involved, I wouldn't hobby...hell I couldn't even play the field when dating, only one woman at a time (I know, I'm boring)

But in the course of chit chat with one provider, she brought up a very good point. The gist of it is with an sp there is no drama, no "other woman" wanting to steal a husband away...it is physical with no long term emotional commitment

For what it's worth

RG

[Guest s******ecan****]

I have been asked by providers during appointments whether I was married, and I got the impression that they were turned on by the fact that I was married.

 

This is IMHO an inappropriate though not unheard of question posed by SP's. The last thing I want to discuss at a meeting is my SO (only happened to me once). I think in the vast majority of cases the SP is simply trying to make small talk, to suggest they are turned on is a bit offensive.

 

As far as the broader issue goes this is entirely a private matter for each client to deal with, and I'm sure some are in good, bad, and open marriages.

[Guest S**a*Q]

Honestly I've thought of this a lot... I tend to try to figure out why people are seeing me, where they come from and why they're here... I know why I am, so I just want to figure out how they ended up there.

 

I think that if anything... I contribute to keeping relationships together. Yes if ever the SO found out, I don't know it they'd still be together... but in the case of someone who loves their wife, but "is just missing something sexually"... I think that I kinda keep them together, as I'll never show up at the door demanding a relationship, blackmailing them with a child or expecting something more than what was previously set out...

 

I know that if ever the SO found out about what went on behind closed doors, I assume there would be anger, and hurt, and feelings or mistrust and so on...

 

It's the overall lack of communication in relationships that leads to infidelity... It's not being able to tell your partner something that turns you on... It's not being able to ask your wife to wear pantyhose that you can tear off, so you find someone else... It's not being able to tell your SO that you love their feet, and want to lick them, so you find someone else... You don't want to **** the mother of your children in the A**, but you'll do that to someone else, while she's there...

 

I know I"m not supporting my side of the industry... but I shake my head at the simplicity of things that could be avoided... Just from talking a little...

 

Generation gaps have their place... I get that.. but the problems I see in relationships aren't really all that bad, one little conversation that includes honesty, an open mind and the love you have for the other, and you could be over it...

 

Instead, we hide our needs, finding solace in those outside our family, when with the right words... it could be found at home...

 

I"m rambling now... I do believe that some people just like variety.. but who'd to say that the one at home doesn't want the same...???

 

I just wish that we had better communication between our sexual partners, our platonic partners and our family... I think it would solve a lot of issues that we all deal with on a regular basis...

 

Sorry if this is all kerfuffled... :P

:) SaraRant!

 

Additional Comments:

 

The Civilian Opinion (or) My view from the Other Side ;)

 

I've been engaged 5 times... I've been cheated on more than that... i am good in bed, I am loved, I am also fucked over... WHY???

 

VA-RI-E-TY!!!!

 

We aren't meant for monogamy... We're consisitently seeking a better mate, a stronger role model for our children, a better provider for our family... It's in our genes to do that... How can we help it if we act on those deepset biological urges???

 

Yet still we try to settle down, we try to mate with one, we strive to remain true to the one we pledged our love to in front of God...

...And we are good, we stay true, we honor the family...

 

Til the day we can't anymore. We long to stray, we watch others, knowing that maybe they could be the one... It's in our genes to seek the better mate... but yet we never talk about it...

 

I believe that the human race can be married, but I do not believe that they can be monogamous...

 

We simply never speak of what we want...

 

End SaraRant...

[Guest f***2f***]

...we try to settle down, we try to mate with one, we strive to remain true to the one we pledged our love to in front of God...

...And we are good, we stay true, we honor the family...

 

Til the day we can't anymore. ...

 

I do believe that some people can do it. I tried and tried for a lot of years but couldn't do it anymore...relationships are complicated...I think all of us are different and perhaps reasons etc are more varied than we'd like to admit.

 

I think for most SPs they accept the fact that married men seek out their services and it is not their place to judge.

[777flyer 1612]

Boy, tough one to answer, but here goes.....

 

Hobbying is one of the most selfish things I have ever done......period...

 

However, I have come to rationalize it, by convincing myself that I HAVE EARNED the right to spoil myself from time to time......

 

Why you ask ? To me it's simple,

 

I have provided a stable home over the years, provided all the emotional support that was needed, the material wealth that was desired all this and worked MY ASS off without complaining or asking for a rest or demanding more than my fair share.

 

I have ALWAYS been there when needed, my support has always been unflinching for my family....

 

The time I spend with an SP is 'ME TIME', it is my time to spoil myself, to relax and be with someone who DOES NOT JUDGE ME, nor expect anything in return other than for me to be myself, and of course the donation that is required......

 

No drama, no demands, no expectations, just a good time to be had by both people, and a chance to steal away with some 'us time'......an oasis away from the day to day norm....

 

So, when I hobby, it is ME TIME.....

 

Is it selfish, damn straight !

 

Have I earned it.....I believe I have ...well, in my mind anyway......

 

That is how I rationalize my hobby.......I don't seek assurance that I am right, because I have convinced my self that it is just fine.....and I am enjoying myself.....:pimp:

 

SNK

[roamingguy 300292]

Honestly I've thought of this a lot... I tend to try to figure out why people are seeing me, where they come from and why they're here... I know why I am, so I just want to figure out how they ended up there.

 

I think that if anything... I contribute to keeping relationships together. Yes if ever the SO found out, I don't know it they'd still be together... but in the case of someone who loves their wife, but "is just missing something sexually"... I think that I kinda keep them together, as I'll never show up at the door demanding a relationship, blackmailing them with a child or expecting something more than what was previously set out...

 

I know that if ever the SO found out about what went on behind closed doors, I assume there would be anger, and hurt, and feelings or mistrust and so on...

 

It's the overall lack of communication in relationships that leads to infidelity... It's not being able to tell your partner something that turns you on... It's not being able to ask your wife to wear pantyhose that you can tear off, so you find someone else... It's not being able to tell your SO that you love their feet, and want to lick them, so you find someone else... You don't want to **** the mother of your children in the A**, but you'll do that to someone else, while she's there...

 

I know I"m not supporting my side of the industry... but I shake my head at the simplicity of things that could be avoided... Just from talking a little...

 

Generation gaps have their place... I get that.. but the problems I see in relationships aren't really all that bad, one little conversation that includes honesty, an open mind and the love you have for the other, and you could be over it...

 

Instead, we hide our needs, finding solace in those outside our family, when with the right words... it could be found at home...

 

I"m rambling now... I do believe that some people just like variety.. but who'd to say that the one at home doesn't want the same...???

 

I just wish that we had better communication between our sexual partners, our platonic partners and our family... I think it would solve a lot of issues that we all deal with on a regular basis...

 

Sorry if this is all kerfuffled... :P

:) SaraRant!

 

Additional Comments:

 

The Civilian Opinion (or) My view from the Other Side ;)

 

I've been engaged 5 times... I've been cheated on more than that... i am good in bed, I am loved, I am also fucked over... WHY???

 

VA-RI-E-TY!!!!

 

We aren't meant for monogamy... We're consisitently seeking a better mate, a stronger role model for our children, a better provider for our family... It's in our genes to do that... How can we help it if we act on those deepset biological urges???

 

Yet still we try to settle down, we try to mate with one, we strive to remain true to the one we pledged our love to in front of God...

...And we are good, we stay true, we honor the family...

 

Til the day we can't anymore. We long to stray, we watch others, knowing that maybe they could be the one... It's in our genes to seek the better mate... but yet we never talk about it...

 

I believe that the human race can be married, but I do not believe that they can be monogamous...

 

We simply never speak of what we want...

 

End SaraRant...

 

Sara

I agree with your kerfuffelled post on communication...amazing what some talking between people could accomplish

As for the monogomy, it depends on the people. If two people who are monogomous get married...safe bet they will have a monogomous relationship If one is not committed to monogomy, well it won't be a monogomous relationship

I have also found in my years, that when one person cheats (not always the case) and is caught, and pays the ultimate price (breakup/divorce)

that person regrets and wishes they could turn back the clock and instead work on making the relationship better...instead of running to someone else on the side

Hope my kerfuffelled post makes sense

RG

[E.D. man 691]

Is it ok if your SO is unable to have sex due too long term illness. To seek out an affair or SP.

I know of someone who was given permission to do either, but could not see the person more than 2 times, as a relationship may be established. But I happen to know this person in the last 2 years was consistently with the same person twice a week. But once the SO died this person played the feild more. So is this an Infidelty that could exist and not harm?

[fortunateone 156618]

For similar reasons stated elsewhere, I would rather someone see an sp than to start or encourage an affair. I do not think it is about the sex (from the women's perspective) but the time, effort, sometimes money, and so on the guy seems willing to spend on the other woman rather than her. With an sp, there is no chance of him being distracted or lured if you will away from the home, family, and his own role in it. But if he pursued a relationship outside the marriage, that is all kinds of trouble. Plus the other woman requires his time, effort and energy far beyond the 30-60 minutes he would spend with an sp.

 

I also think of it in a massage therapy kind of way. Where a woman might go do a spa day, go to a salon, get a manicure, or any other lttle indulgence, men usually don't. This sort of thing (and I do see a fair number of massage/hj only clients, as well as those looking for more) is about the closest a guy has to a "spa day". And as pointed out elsewhere, he comes in with no one judging, no one expecting anything, and (my words) no hoops to jump thru to get to the happy ending. It is very stress free.

 

I think the 80 % figure is very high, possibly too high.

 

I also think that sps who ask about marital status, family matters, or exact work place are VERY unprofessional. Please, if any of you get questions like this, tell them it is inappropriate conversation topics so they stop doing it. Sps who pry like this can give some clients uncomfortable, and that makes it more difficult for all of us. In general, an sps job is to make sure you feel secure that she understands discretion and privacy. Asking such questions is a clear sign she does not.

[Jim.Bean 241]

I played around a lot prior to marriage. When I met and married my wife it was almost a bit of culture shock that sex and love would be considedred intrinsically linked.

For me.. Love is a relational choice. I never fell in love with my wife but I grew and continue to grow to love her more each day.

Sex on the other hand is a party and I love to party with my wife, but I also love to party with others.

I spent the first 5 years of our marriage trying to ease her into a lifestyle similar to mine but she is steadfast in her ways.

After our 5th anniversary I nearly had an affair with a close friend. And to make a long story short I realized that most women link sex with love. So the potential mistress got jelous and it nearly ruined us.

So, shortly after that I met with my first SP.

It was great. Just sex, a bit of chatting but no worries of someone calling my Mrs. and trying to break us up.

Part of the reason I would rather play the feild then stick with a single SP is that fear of relationship. And as long as they are willing to take me I will be out there playin the feild with safe proffesional women that won't jeaprodize my marriage.

[Old Dog 179138]

I also think of it in a massage therapy kind of way. Where a woman might go do a spa day, go to a salon, get a manicure, or any other little indulgence, men usually don't. This sort of thing (and I do see a fair number of massage/hj only clients, as well as those looking for more) is about the closest a guy has to a "spa day". And as pointed out elsewhere, he comes in with no one judging, no one expecting anything, and (my words) no hoops to jump thru to get to the happy ending. It is very stress free.

 

In a perfect world, the analogy is just that, perfect. It's like eating at a restaurant instead of eating at home. The problem is that we as a society are conditioned to equate sex with a loving relationship. That is especially true if one or both parties are otherwise encumbered with a significant other.

 

And to make a long story short I realized that most women link sex with love.

 

Jim.... it's not just women, it's men as well. Think of it. Your view is based on a perception that your wife does not wish the same things that you want sexually.

 

Now consider something else. Would you not feel betrayed, hurt, angry or smitten if your wife was seeing another man, just for sex? If the answer is yes, then you too, link sex with love.

 

I have been on the other side, my ex cheated on me. The relationship and ultimately the sex she had with another man cut me like a thousand knives. I was the good husband. I made the efforts, held a good job, did my share around the house... virtually everything I did, I did for the sake of our relationship, our family.

 

What hurt the most was that the relationships she had outside of the marriage denied me the intimate contact that I craved. She was giving her "physical love" to someone else... and although I had opportunity to engage in extramarital activity, I could not bring myself to do it.

 

It is a tough road to tread. I don't engage in the hobby when I am in a relationship because I can't justify it to myself. It certainly is not a condemnation of anyone who can; I just can't do unto someone else what has been done to me, and I know that if I was in a relationship it would be a guilt that would ultimately be fatal to that same relationship. I understand that the SP/client relationship is altogether different than a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, lover/lover thing... but the penis and the heart are two separate things with two separate agendas.

 

All that being said, the place that I find myself now in life allows me to indulge in the hobby with only the pause for financial justification and allowance. I am not currently looking for an SO; the need for that companionship can be met by friends, family and my service provider.

 

Just my two cents...

[OldBuck 1074]

Too bad the road to Thunder Bay is so long!

[Guest S**a*Q]

Too bad the road to Thunder Bay is so long!

 

Hehe, I'm not in Tbay anymore... I thought that it was way too long too... I'm in Ottawa now...

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

I believe this is a very contentious issue with so many ways to look at the situation form both the hobbiest and S P, then the S O.

 

When I first started as a SP it did occurr to me I was helping my clients cheat on their S O. I believe most of my clients are married, you just find these things out as your relationship grows with your client.

 

I think most of my clients really do love thier S O greatly. They either have little or no sex with their partner or its not the kind of sex they are looking for.

 

I agree with Sara this can be a communication issue, but this is just easier said that done. Communication in every marriage even for things easier to talk about that sex can be difficult. People have such different ideas about sex, sometimes folks just can't come together on this sometimes sensitive issue.

 

Enter S P, we provide variety and the content our clients are looking for. I truly believe a fulfilling sex life is the next most important function to breathing, and we all deserve to have that need met.

 

We are also relieving a S O of something she might not want to do, and that person experiences a sense of relief not havning to do what she has already expressed many times.

 

I"m sure there will be many idea out there on this issue, this is mine.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I believe honesty and open communication are very important in a relationship. That being said, I am not in the business of judging people. Each relationship/marriage is unique.

 

I also believe that marriage/relationships are contract that needs to be respected. That being said, I did not sign onto that contract so I believe that absolves me of any responsibility. The obligations of the contract extend only to those who signed up for it.

 

I have to admit, I do look down upon men who lead their girlfriends/wives to believe they are sexually monogamous and then engage in unsafe activities that put them at risk for STDs/STIs.

 

I don't believe we are naturally monogamous and I'm happy to be in an open relationship where we can engage in activities with others without fear of the other partner finding out and the ultimate fear of the relationship ending.

[fortunateone 156618]

We are also relieving a S O of something she might not want to do, and that person experiences a sense of relief not havning to do what she has already expressed many times.

 

.

 

I too agree with this statement. I think many an SO feels a great deal of relief for not being hounded or pressed to do something they simply do not want to do. It causes hurt feelings on both sides, the women tend to feel as tho the only thing he is interested in is sex, and none of the romance or daily activities or simply spending time with her. When he is not pressing her on this issue, she is more relaxed and he is more relaxed, and this type of tension and arguments is greatly reduced.

[Loralee Reach 245]

I really believe men (and women) are not monogamous. The subject of "Variety" is always well received by practicing males. If a female declares that she wants variety, she will be considered a nymphomaniac,

More or less we agree that times from Christopher Columbus have changed....but the reality is different.

In our developed societies the stigma of variety is a double sword and love does not have to do anything with it.

Love is care, and many more other qualities, but probably hobbying is the escape from routine, boredom and the physiological need of man to "procreate",

Women are maternal and most of my clients certify that when they say to me that their wives do not want sex...and if they are convinced to engage in it, they are boring and unappealing...in other words the male sex drive is not interested....

The question of "infidelity" has to be raised in a different way: What is fidelity? is it castrating the male? castrating the female?

Is fidelity one of the vows couples swear to each other? Is accepted that males as well as females are both providers in financial needs...it is also well accepted that men have a natural tendency to promiscuity and females should belong only to their men and raise their children at home....

I am very glad I have met many females who are different and many males who stand apart from the crowds, but in general and going back to "infidelity" the question should be What is fidelity??

My little opinion!

Loralee:bowdown:

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I was somewhat hesitant to raise this issue because it may be too much of a sensitive topic. How do hobbyists and SPs feel about the issue of infidelity as it relates to hobbying?

 

My understanding is that 80% or more of hobbyists are married. In the interest of self-disclosure, I admit to being part of that 80%. (If this 80% figure is incorrect, please correct me) . I am somewhat mystified by both of these attitudes - Why would someone who is still in love with his wife want to hobby? On the other hand, why would hobbyists be so self-righteous as to

refuse to provide advice to help someone who wanted to cheat on his wife? In my case, I am in a totally dysfunctional marriage. Depending on your point of view, some may say that this justifies my hobbying. Others may say that I have an obligation to either mend my marriage, or get a divorce, before considering hobbying.

 

Speaking from experience in regards to being married, it is very easy to get comfortable in a rleationship/marriage and things become mundance and routine. That spark is gone. Where do you turn? What do you do? marriage counselling may help but if you have no intention of leaving your spouse and/or it's too difficult because you're in too deep or have too much to lose financially, hobbying seems like the perfect escape where you can have the best of both worlds. It's a new, exciting experience in your life where there is a spark in your life again. Who wouldn't want some attention from a sexy female willing to cater to your sexual needs all within certain boundaries of course.

 

I also think imo that a physical affair for an hour two is much less painful than an emotional affair. Having been in that position in the past, an emotional affair is much more hurtful to a woman than a physical one. Like others here, I do not equate sex with love. Look at the business that I'm in. LOL. I really don't think we as human beings are conditioned to be monogamous. However, as someone who doesn't associate the physical with the emotional, I would rather an SO of mine to see an escort than see him go and have a love affair. And I think that's why many men hobby. There is no emotional attachment. To me it is a physical release and while the client may fancy the SP and enjoy her company, 90% of the time it does not reach a more intimate level, just a business interaction.

 

With respect to how providers feel about this issue, I have been asked by providers during appointments whether I was married, and I got the impression that they were turned on by the fact that I was married. I realize that I may have been projecting, and that it may be that I was the one who was turned on by cheating. Regardless, if it is true that 80% or more of hobbyist are married, SPs must be aware of this fact, and must have had to deal with it on their own terms. How do SPs feel about the fact that most of their clients are married? Do you feel more of an affinity for your clients, who are, after all, a part of your world, and can therefore empathize with clients who are cheating on their wives, or do you feel more of an affinity for your own sex, and therefore cannot help but empathize with the wives of your clients?.

 

With regards to my opinions about clients being married, I am certainly not one to judge. I sell companionship for a living so that would make me a hypocrite. But I will say this and I find this hard to fathom and that is that many clients have asked me if I've had a boyfriend or husband and the million dollar question they ask is "Does he know and is he okay with it?" First of all, it's no one's business and second of all, I find it very hpocritical that a client would think that considering that their significant other doesn't know their activities but if an service provider's spouse or boyfriend knows what is going on and is okay with her doing her job, suddenly it's a big no no. Sadly clients do judge but do not bother to think of their own activities which have been kept from their spouse.

 

Admittedly, that is when the wheels in my head start to turn and that's when I begin to think about a client's relationship. Then I realize I have to let those thoughts go because I do not know them. I'm sure they are curious about the lives of SPs as well. Personally I do not care to know about whether or not a client is married as I do not wish to discuss my own personal situation because it's no one's business. Period. I sell a fantasy and I think judging a client or vice versa about their relationship status would inevitably destroy that fantasy. This isn't to say the topic of spouses hasn't been brought us. Part of my job is to listen and I have listened many times and if this is part of the process of the client being able to let go, so be it. That is what I am there for - Companionship whether it is a half hour, an hour or five hours.

 

I personally think people should do what they feel is right for them. We don't know everyone here or know them enough to judge them on a personal level. Each and every situation and why a man hobby's is different on a case by case basis. We are here for a good time, not a long time. Let's enjoy it while it lasts.

[roamingguy 300292]

First, I don't believe anyone has the right to judge others, for actions that have no bearing on them. Everyone, and that means everyone is or has done something that they themselves can be judged on too.

My own philosophy is live my life the best I can, and not hurt others.

I'm in no position to judge someone else (generally speaking) and their actions...because you never know, someone could turn around and be judging you

As for a client asking about an sp's relationship, dependant on circumstances, it could or could not be appropriate. I've seen four sp's so far. In two cases, questions of a personal nature were asked (initiated by them btw) but in the form of two people meeting, getting to know one another. And these two ladies I will see again

One it was more like a interview, question & answer.

The last one was my first one, from CL (my mistake)..all she wanted was money

Hope the rambling made some sense

RG

[Jim.Bean 241]

In a perfect world, the analogy is just that, perfect. It's like eating at a restaurant instead of eating at home. The problem is that we as a society are conditioned to equate sex with a loving relationship. That is especially true if one or both parties are otherwise encumbered with a significant other.

 

 

 

Jim.... it's not just women, it's men as well. Think of it. Your view is based on a perception that your wife does not wish the same things that you want sexually.

 

Now consider something else. Would you not feel betrayed, hurt, angry or smitten if your wife was seeing another man, just for sex? If the answer is yes, then you too, link sex with love.

 

I have been on the other side, my ex cheated on me. The relationship and ultimately the sex she had with another man cut me like a thousand knives. I was the good husband. I made the efforts, held a good job, did my share around the house... virtually everything I did, I did for the sake of our relationship, our family.

 

What hurt the most was that the relationships she had outside of the marriage denied me the intimate contact that I craved. She was giving her "physical love" to someone else... and although I had opportunity to engage in extramarital activity, I could not bring myself to do it.

 

It is a tough road to tread. I don't engage in the hobby when I am in a relationship because I can't justify it to myself. It certainly is not a condemnation of anyone who can; I just can't do unto someone else what has been done to me, and I know that if I was in a relationship it would be a guilt that would ultimately be fatal to that same relationship. I understand that the SP/client relationship is altogether different than a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, lover/lover thing... but the penis and the heart are two separate things with two separate agendas.

 

All that being said, the place that I find myself now in life allows me to indulge in the hobby with only the pause for financial justification and allowance. I am not currently looking for an SO; the need for that companionship can be met by friends, family and my service provider.

 

Just my two cents...

Actually my wife did fool around on me once and the guilt was more than she could bear.

When she talked to me about it I wasn't upset at all. Night out at a business trip, drinks and a sleep over with a stranger. It was consentual, and he was smart enough to pack protection. THe only thing I asked of her was to keep protection with her always, which she does. But really, it bothered her more than me.

They didn't form a relationship, no swaping of phone numbers or addys. She had a good time, good for her.

I wouldn't think of looking for a relationship outside my marriage. BUt sex... That's a whole different ball game for me

[renegade 11027]

I started to "hobby" after an extended illness by my s/o I love her immensely and would never have considered an affair period, but i had come to miss the intimacy of certain sex acts that masturbation simply could no longer satisfy. I was also terrified of std,s and felt after significant research that a "visit" to a professional was the safest alternative, i was also concerned that my extended absense from actual intercourse at my age would greatly effect performance - i was truly afraid i had developed massive performance anxiety and felt that a so called Pro would,nt judge me...although my first experience was so so and my second brutal i tried a third thank god and since then i,ve been fortunate that the majority of my experiences have been wonderful and i,ve met some very incredible ladies thanks to cerb although things still are not back to normal at home i seriously wonder if i could quit hobbying now-I don,t think i could give up some of the relationships i know enjoy.

[Loralee Reach 245]

That is exactly the issue.....how to quit????

I am sure some gentlemen had tried it....I know someone -out of Cerb- who did and went with a terrible withdrawal looking at every female as a desperate wolf.....

it is an addiction that gives a "kick" and is hard to break.....

LoraLee:sad:

[Loki318 1631]

Ok I'll try not to ramble and rant.... I have been at this a long time Oct 14th 1981 ... so 29th anniversary coming up !!!

Yup I have tried to quit, been forced to quit due to finances, and really wanted not to quit .... I'm addicted to "love"

 

My "hobby" has changed over the years both in frequency and style and budget, but always it has been to replace a few things in my "needs" that I cannot get at home. Nothing weird ...seriously there is more to married to married sex than pulling up the flannel nighty twice a week (at best) and 13 to 17 minutes to get off... (slight exaggeration but very slight) no MSOG at home... !! and many more don'ts .. I wont list them

 

At first probably 10 years I tried to teach, convience, to try etc other things oral for instance.... (I dont get it she loves it, really gets off ! but wont do it) and really nothing really weird even by standards back then !!

 

So in short I've always been replacing actions missing at home and now as an "old fart" it is more like all action missing at home!!!

 

LOL I'm an old Gent that likes to chase younger girls and the ones you pay are easier to catch ;)

 

Loki318