unhipster 110 Report post Posted December 20, 2015 I was wondering if anyone in here could help me. My partner and I have come to the realization we want to change things up in the bedroom...but we have no idea how! We talk about 'bucket lists', role-play, SPs and MPs, and trying new things but we want to approach this carefully. Is there someone out there we could help us discover what we each really want before we start randomly trying things that might actually hurt our relationship with each other? PM me or reply to the thread if you have ideals or even names. Thanks in advance! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda-Lee 11094 Report post Posted December 20, 2015 Sounds like you two are trying too hard to fix a issue that might not even be a issue. Have you considered separating where you sleep in separate beds, go a week without kissing, sex, etc., then go out on a date after that week. I don't mean something expensive, something that is simple and romantic. Maybe you two need some space and to remember how you fell for one another. It can help because you crave the other person, than after the week you two can go on a date and things will be spicy. Most therapists recommend this. Not sure if you've tried that. It really sounds like you two need space apart to remember the beginning of your relationship because I am sure that was very enjoyable. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unhipster 110 Report post Posted December 20, 2015 Sounds like you two are trying too hard to fix a issue that might not even be a issue. Have you considered separating where you sleep in separate beds, go a week without kissing, sex, etc., then go out on a date after that week. I don't mean something expensive, something that is simple and romantic. Maybe you two need some space and to remember how you fell for one another. It can help because you crave the other person, than after the week you two can go on a date and things will be spicy. Most therapists recommend this. Not sure if you've tried that. It really sounds like you two need space apart to remember the beginning of your relationship because I am sure that was very enjoyable. Thanks for the reply and advice! We've been together a long time and love each other's company but sex has never been a huge part of the relationship. We're thinking there might be a reason for that and thought some experienced advice might help. Maybe we need someone to help us get honest answers out in the open? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brad 49548 Report post Posted December 20, 2015 Well, one thing it seems you have going for you is communication. You both want to make sure you feel safe talking about ideas and are equally comfortable saying what you think you might like and not like. As long as you're safe and keen on communicating as you explore, it will help a great deal. I'd also advise based on your phrasing and tone is to remember you can go slow: Thinking bondage might be fun? Try a blindfold only or perhaps gentle restraints before ordering the whips and leather gear! Wondering if roleplay or a toy might be fun to add? Again, start simple! Considering adding a third person? What about seeing if someone would let you just watch them first before having them join you. And if you do have someone join you make sure you've talked in full about what is allowed and what is out of bounds, and again reassure that at any time anyone is allowed to slow or stop things. You get the idea. In any event, happy exploring! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Bardot 99339 Report post Posted December 20, 2015 Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz is a practicing therapist and sexologist in Ottawa. I don't know if she is taking on new clients at this time, but she is a professor and director of Couples and Sex Therapy Training at the University of Ottawa. I learned a LOT from her. You can only reach her by phone during the day (she teaches at night): Dr. Peggy J. Kleinplatz , C.Psych. noon to 5 pm 161 Frank Street Ottawa , ON K2P 0X4 Tel. 613-563-0846 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unhipster 110 Report post Posted December 21, 2015 Well, one thing it seems you have going for you is communication. You both want to make sure you feel safe talking about ideas and are equally comfortable saying what you think you might like and not like. As long as you're safe and keen on communicating as you explore, it will help a great deal. I'd also advise based on your phrasing and tone is to remember you can go slow: Thinking bondage might be fun? Try a blindfold only or perhaps gentle restraints before ordering the whips and leather gear! Wondering if roleplay or a toy might be fun to add? Again, start simple! Considering adding a third person? What about seeing if someone would let you just watch them first before having them join you. And if you do have someone join you make sure you've talked in full about what is allowed and what is out of bounds, and again reassure that at any time anyone is allowed to slow or stop things. You get the idea. In any event, happy exploring! Thanks so much for the advice. Yes, reaaal slow... Posted via Mobile Device Additional Comments: Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz is a practicing therapist and sexologist in Ottawa. I don't know if she is taking on new clients at this time, but she is a professor and director of Couples and Sex Therapy Training at the University of Ottawa. I learned a LOT from her. You can only reach her by phone during the day (she teaches at night): Dr. Peggy J. Kleinplatz , C.Psych. noon to 5 pm 161 Frank Street Ottawa , ON K2P 0X4 Tel. 613-563-0846 Thanks so much for the contact. Once we work up the courage we will give her a call. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grass_Hopper 18263 Report post Posted December 21, 2015 If you're looking for a ''peripatetitian'', I'm in! I am not a therapist. I consider myself as a sex-pert. Lot of imagination to deal with any kind of situations, new games, soft bdsm, temptation plays, hot to cold or texture experimentation, toy unboxing, party organization, ... As for ''solving an issue that is not an issue'' is right, I believe. We all come to a point where sex become more an experience than an obligation. It may help (may not), but on longer session, I like laying down in front of a football or hockey game, sitting in angle of the TV, and just play with myself, as inviting as I can be. Having extra toys, feathers, ICE (as for why, this is my dirty secret) and a lot of lub on hand is mandatory! Also, going for shopping with your s.o. in sex shop can give a lot of ideas! Ask questions to those working there, as they would know how use them (WickedWanda's my best for customer service). And last, there is nothing to be ashamed about sex and fantasies, whatever they are. Finally, explore, drop the taboos, and have fun! I'm just a PM away! 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted December 22, 2015 Another possibility for someone to talk to: http://www.sexwithsue.com/counseling/ (h/t EmJ) [url=http://www.sexwithsue.com/counseling/][/url] 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unhipster 110 Report post Posted December 22, 2015 I love this community. Thank you all for advice and support! I hope this thread will help others too! Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
