Going beyond "how's the weather" but avoiding any storms!

[Brad 49548]

I've been thinking about how tricky the seemingly simple activity of conversation can be in our lifestyle. When on a date I like having some time to chat and make a connection, which means hopefully discussing more than the weather or how we're feeling that day.

 

But of course some questions can be too prying or even go past inappropriate into offensive.

 

Let's face it, when visiting an alluring woman you've been anticipating the pleasure of spending time with, especially if it's the first time meeting them, words don't necessarily come easily. Nerves can either make you seem boring or intrusive. I imagine ladies also find breaking the ice and getting more than two-word mumbled answers out of a gent is sometimes an issue.

 

I thought it would be helpful to try a thread where we mention questions that should be avoided, but even more useful perhaps share some topics of conversation that can be meaningful and fun.

 

 

Good topics/questions/ice breakers:

 

--Do you like to travel? Where would most love to visit? (can often lead to amusing stories, shared interests, discussion of future, etc)

--A lot of ladies will post some of their interests on their website (which I appreciate). Take a peek, and maybe you'll notice a sports team, author, movie, etc that you both like. It can be a good ice-breaker and easy connection.

--Any specialty cooking dishes/favourite meal? (or odd foods you hate). When I admit I don't like any kind of cheese that always gets a reaction!

--Do you have any pets (some of my biggest laughs with a date are sharing and one-upping each other with stories about the crazy antics of our pets. I think I disappointed one lady when I had to admit the scratches down my back were not a sign of my sexual prowess but rather a sneaky cat who used me as climbing pole to get up on a shelf).

--Are you a salty snack person or a chocolate person? Seriously, this is vital insight into a person. Not quite as much as asking whether they believe toilet paper should be hung over or under...but that's a second date question ;)

 

 

Questions to avoid:

--Have you been busy? (anything that makes it sound like you're prying into how many people a lady has seen)

--How often do you get tested?

--Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife

 

 

Obviously personal tastes will play a part, but I'd love to hear any others people have to add, especially those questions/topics that fall on the good side and can lead to a real conversation without seeming like you're prying.

[roamingguy 300292]

A long thread about this very thing, may help.

 

http://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=97946&highlight=Topics+avoid

 

RG

[GentMada 2181]

Since there is a thread about topics to avoid, let's make this one about "safe" topics especially for a first date :)

 

Very good list Brad, I would add the following :

 

• What kind of music do you like?
  
• For visiting ladies, how do you like our city? some of the ladies ask about places to visit or the best place to eat a specific dish...etc. I'm always happy to help ;)
  
• ... and of course the weather ;)
  

We would like to hear from the ladies too. What topics do you consider "safe"?

 

Cheers,

GM

[Monstermash 583]

Arriving with a Timmy's gift card or a small box of Turtles has always worked for me as far as breaking the ice without awkward small talk.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Something I've found to be quite useful is to say something like, "Do you mind if I ask <insert question here>". If she's OK with the subject then she can answer the question, but you've also given her an obvious and non-awkward way to just say, "Sorry, I prefer not to talk about that."

[waterat 20911]

Arriving with a Timmy's gift card or a small box of Turtles has always worked for me as far as breaking the ice without awkward small talk.

 

Ogden Nash, American poet:

 

On Breaking Ice

 

Candy is dandy

But liquor is quicker

 

 

I dedicate this post to our 'lost but not forgotten' friend Tom, the liquor

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Great thread, Brad. This industry can be somewhat confusing in the sense that one can innocently misinterpret the actual reality of the situation. What I mean is it can be OK to do the most personal things to each other but asking personal questions is verboten. I understand the reason for such a line but I can also see how a newbie or even a socially awkward person could cross this line occasionally. Here is my approach.

 

Walk into a room with a smile and a nice attitude and you are generally off to a good start. I prefer to let the lady do a lot of the talking anyway and I follow her lead as far as topics go. I greet her with a genuine smile and a hello and "nice to finally meet you" chit chat and usually leave it at that. I also don't feel terribly uncomfortable around silences. For some, feeling a need to say something, anything to avoid a lull can get you in trouble. At least that was my experience when I was young and dating attractive women :). I could end up talking myself out of a date at times back then until I realized they feel just as awkward and want to fill the silence too. I just let them hold up their end of the conversation now. I find many women are naturally gifted at conversation.

 

If you're feeling brave and sense immediate chemistry, "Entertain me" said with a laugh and a smile has gotten me quickly past chit chat and straight to the bed in the past but you really need to know your audience before using that one. LOL

[Guest]

A long thread about this very thing, may help.

 

http://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=97946&highlight=Topics+avoid

 

This thread has great examples in it!!!

 

RG

 

Something I've found to be quite useful is to say something like, "Do you mind if I ask <insert question here>". If she's OK with the subject then she can answer the question, but you've also given her an obvious and non-awkward way to just say, "Sorry, I prefer not to talk about that."

 

I think you have a great way of dealing with this situation.

 

For me I never mind when someone innocently asks me questions. Especially when it's part of a natural conversation. I always politely explain why I don't want to answer said question, if I'm uncomfortable with it. No problem.

 

However, when a client is going out of his way to "I call it Fishing" fish into my life, that's where the problem lays. I know when someone's fishing because they never seem to understand why I don't want to share my personal information with them and they keep on asking intrusive questions. No matter how reasonable the explanation for not wanting to share said information: Privacy, protection, uncomfortable conversation, etc. It turns the date into a game of verbal doge ball and isn't romantic at all. This kind of behavior will get a client no where with a lady. The "Turn Off" is when a gentlemen goes out of his way to disrespect a ladies privacy and tries to impose himself into the life of his companion.

 

More than often, I'm enjoying myself so much that I give certain information away naturally. Call it a connection, or what you will. However, this information given away wasn't given because a client was prying. It just naturally happened....

 

I admit that I've used small talk questions myself. However, I will respect someone if they are uncomfortable.

 

I also go out of my way to not ask questions like: A) Do you have a wife, children, or family? B) Does your S/O know you are seeing me right now? C) When/Are you coming to see me again?

 

I just think that a little respect and common sense goes a long way. I think there are defiantly some things that make both the client or escort uncomfortable talking about. It also depends on the person too; some people are more comfortable talking about some things others aren't and that should be taken into consideration too.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

It's definitely all in the tone of the conversation as well. If I feel comfortable with someone and there is a connection, I have no problem discussing certain things but if it's done in a way that is unnerving and feeling much like the Spanish inquisition, I will shut down and steer things in another direction. Asking how many kids she has or how old they are out of the blue is downright creepy and not conducive to an intimate encounter. If she casually mentions it, go with it but dont pry.

 

I had one person one time ask me questions and it was comparable to a line of questioning you would see on t.v. from a police officer or a psychologist. Just point blank questions out of the blue asking where my parents lived, if I had any children. I had to shut him down telling him his questions were very intrusive considering he just met me 5 minutes ago.

 

Children, boyfriends etc are a delicate subject. I've had people insist I MUST have a boyfriend because I'm not someone who should be single for various reasons. Then they make the suicidal mistake of saying they should be my boyfriend. lol. How uncomfortable is that? Whether or not I have a boyfriend is really no one's business and if I did, why would I make that known to every single client I cross paths with? It's really not that important. And no, I do not have a bf who is going to walk in the door at any moment. Those kinds of statements from clients really bother me.

 

Most likely I will not book an appointment with a person again if I felt I was put on the spot even if they want to see me again. If a lady opens up to you about her personal life, its because she feels comfortable in doing so. Let her do it but in the meantime, talk about the many general things that have been listed her for starters. If a relationship is established over time, conversations may get more personal as long as there is an established trust there.

[Highsexdrivebabe 11800]

Personally, I am an open book. I do not mind saying that I have a kid, that I sometime have a day job and that I have a university degree, that I lived in France for quite a while so with some gentlemen we have nice conversations of countries they went, etc.

 

I understand Peachy saying she doesn't ask questions about wife or kids but I do, not to be intrusive at all but just so we can share advices and nice stories on our kids. But also when they are back I ask them how are the kids doing? Most of the time, they go 'Wow you remember that?!' I have my own way of remembering my clients and it's not to use it against them but just so they feel they are just not a number as I like the same when they return a question I ask them. I also remember their job and ask about that also.

 

When I ask questions and I see the gentleman doesn't feel comfortable I back off and tell them I am sorry but just wanted to know them a little bit more and that I am VERY discrete but I respect they don't want to answer.

 

Should I have ever been too intrusive with a client from LYLA please accept my most sincere apologies.

 

Bisous

 

Barbara

xxoo

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

Ask away. If I don't want to answer I won't but most likely I'll answer.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

If you want to ask question, first you can't be shy or the lady can't make you feel uncomfortable. Most of us will make our research on the lady we want to visit so men being very visual people will look at pictures of the said lady. I will give you many examples of what you see and can talk about.

1) She post pictures of toys(dildos, whips, swings etc...) talk about those things.

2) She is well manicured/pedicured so tell her and talk about it (ladies love when a man appreciates those things).

3) She post pictures of her delicious bum or legs or breasts, compliment her on it and ask if she works out.

4) Her pictures were taken outside and you can see that they may not be professional but good nonetheless, compliment her(she will love that).

5) She took pictures with another lady, inquire and tell her it could be fun to have them both together one day(it's every man fantasy).

6) If it's not the first time that you see this lady because you enjoyed your first visit you can ask her if she has a new hair do/color etc...

7) Again not your first visit? Were you a good listener? You can ask her about her kid that was going through hard times at school/job etc...

 

I am a shy person but will lose my shyness quickly if I feel comfortable with any lady and I have a good memory and sometime will see a lady 1-2 years later and ask her about something she said back then and she will be impressed.

 

The main thing when asking any question is to show that you are interested and not asking because you want to make small talk.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

 

And no, I do not have a bf who is going to walk in the door at any moment.

 

lol The next time someone says that to me I think I'm going to ask do they think he will want to join in? Then I will say No, you're not his type. LOL

[Guest]

The individual escort style will vary as much as each individual him or herself. Lifestyle choices and decisions made based on what's appropriate for one's circumstances will vary from person to person.

 

There's usually a very good reason for why each individual does or does not want to do something: no matter what it is. Insert "whatever" and it all boils down to respect. I read on another thread here that respect is a two way street and I can not agree more.

 

I'm not saying that people can't build connections, have conversations, share personal moments. It's true that I try to stay clear of the children conversation. However, I haven't raised children and my knowledge on that topic is very limited. So it may seem odd for me to bring that type of subject up anyway. So unless a client brings that topic up, there's really no use for me to. For other clients it may be a turnoff for me to ask about the wife, children, etc, without them bringing up the topic first. So unless I know I have the green light for those types of topics, I tread carefully.

 

My style of companionship is a romantic girlfriend and I like to treat each meeting like a date. I have asked about how a clients job or certain project is going. However, I never ask where they work, or the department they work in. I only ask to take interest in them and what they are doing. My situation for sharing what I'm doing outside of being a companion is very limited. By me sharing what school I'm going to and what courses I'm taking, can leave me vulnerable. For example by sharing those two pieces of information a client can know exactly where to find me almost everyday, if he chooses to do so. Now, once I have my degree, I will have the opportunity to be more open. I can say I have a degree in "insert whatever here" and I do this "insert whatever here". I can talk about my job outside of escorting without the client knowing exactly where I am. I go out of my way to know each client intimately and yes I tend to know personal information about them. If the time is right I will ask how they and their interests are doing, dog, boat, children, etc.

 

I have many interests from traveling, being active inside and outside, and other leisurely things such as reading etc. So in regards to being an open book, for most things, I'd say I am. However, if I feel like my personal life or privacy can be in jeopardy; I will keep things to myself.

 

I guess my point is here is that just because someone doesn't want to share something with someone; doesn't mean they want to shut themselves off to that person. A romantic time can be had by both, if both parties are respected. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why someone doesn't want to do something but usually there's a good reason for it.

[Guest discr33t]

You look delicious, then go find out

Ice broken, mouth to busy to talk

[Manluvsex 13731]

(QUOTE=Peachy)

 

"I have asked about how a clients job or certain project is going. However, I never ask where they work, or the department they work in. I only ask to take interest in them and what they are doing."

 

I agree with Peachy on this point. It is one of my pet peeves to be asked exactly where I work on a first visit. I don't mind answering the sector or the type of work I do, but find a question about the name of my employer to be too personal. In other aspects of my life, I don't like to be asked what I do right off the bat, as I do not define myself from this is not how I define myself. Sometimes it is also a less than subtle way of categorizing people, which I prefer not to do.

[Ice4fun 78407]

(QUOTE=Peachy)

 

"I have asked about how a clients job or certain project is going. However, I never ask where they work, or the department they work in. I only ask to take interest in them and what they are doing."

 

I agree with Peachy on this point. It is one of my pet peeves to be asked exactly where I work on a first visit. I don't mind answering the sector or the type of work I do, but find a question about the name of my employer to be too personal. In other aspects of my life, I don't like to be asked what I do right off the bat, as I do not define myself from this is not how I define myself. Sometimes it is also a less than subtle way of categorizing people, which I prefer not to do.

 

I agree that asking specifically about who someone's employer is on a first meeting is probably not a great way to start off... it might be the result of nervousness by the lady... it's her 1st meeting two or it might be that she has family or friends in the same industry and is concerned her business life and personal life may collide... I treat this question like all others I am asked I am in control of the answer which is my personal information so I can assess the situation and decide to share or not... I have in the past politely told a lady that did not think that was something I could share till I knew her better.

 

Both clients and ladies are trying to rush along a social interaction that normally takes more time... we are searching for words to share that makes the other feel welcome and safe... and guess what that standard is different for everyone of us... sometimes it's perfect and sometimes not so much... I just try to give the benefit of the doubt like I hope she will. In my experience it works out fine more times then it doesn't.

 

Just my Opinion