Issues with "Menus" vs inquiring about a service

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

 

So to the ladies who have issues with being asked for menus, I pose this question to you: Is there a difference between "asking for a menu" and inquiring about a specific service or services? I understand that inquiring in a rude or disrespectful manner is one thing...but if I inquire in a respectful and polite manner (which I like to think I do) if X or Y service is available, will that also automatically get me blacklisted as someone who "asks for a menu"?

 

I totally respect a woman's right to determine how she is approached or contacted, but I guess I'm just looking for clarification on what is considered "asking for a menu". The language used in this lifestyle is often open to interpretation.

 

When it comes to a "menu", I don't like to be addressed as though I'm a drive thru. Or if they ask point blank "What's on the menu?", there won't be a response from me. I'm a human being, not MacDonalds. If you ask someone "Can you tell me about your services?" will receive a much better response.

 

I will ask the gentleman to call me to have a brief conversation and have no problems speaking with them as it gives me a chance to let my intuition give me an answer as to whether or not I want to meet them based on my conversation with them.

 

It is when I receive texts such as "Do you offer xxxx"? and then another text " What about xxxx?" and again "How about xxx?" I will nip it right away telling them to call. If they don't, I know they weren't serious or we weren't compatible and I move on.

 

While wanting to know certain things is important as both parties do not want to waste their time, be put on the spot with something that isn't offered or be disappointed, it's all in the delivery and how the person approaches the SP.

 

I will tell the person to give me a call but if they persist with text messages asking for a laundry list of services, I will stop responding knowing they are not the type of person I would want to meet.

 

Asking literally what's on the menu and using acronyms from the get go is a turn off for me because I find it impersonal. I want to speak to them to decide and things usually turn out better this way.

 

It's not really about what you're asking for (unless it's really something that is off the table by industry standards), it's how you ask.

[AmiAndrews 290]

I don't answer phone calls either. I used to, but found I was getting all sorts of pests who just wanted to ask questions, entertain themselves, and waste my time. I deal with much less BS now that I'm email/text only. Everything begins with me via email. As for how to approach me in those emails, I think it's attractive when a gent words things in a classy and creative manner when asking about something specific that he is looking for, or needs, in a date. As others have mentioned, asking questions is not off the table...but it's all in the approach.

[Guest discr33t]

I think,

If menu is a top thought, then those who dislike the term are likely not a good fit.

 

Menu adverse are likely more focused on crafting an experience guided by connection and nuances of the encounter.

 

If the specific menu option plays a larger role than the overall execution of the experience. So important in fact, that one is not interested in the encounter unless it is offered. Than it is good to find out up front.

 

Let's say I'm looking for 'blah'. If it is more important to 'blah' than to connect, seek a menu posting person who also meets the secondary needs.

 

If 'blah' is high on my list, but it is more important to have 'blah' further accentuated by connection, nuance reading, and the specifics of someone who doesn't discuss the menu, cordially book at the standard engagement length. Once interacting find a good moment to inquire about 'blah'.

 

I say this, because you've already stated your preference for a heightened experience, and not knowing will increase anticipation. In the experience I bet you'll find that if 'blah' was not served, you were more than pleasantly surprised about how the experience was crafted. And if it is served, you may make cloud-nine.

 

Thing is if you ask a non-menu person to set aside their craft and preference, to accommodate you, they may have less enthusiasm for what you're looking for, and likely will form a slightly negative opinion of you, before you've even met, which would take time to overcome, if it even happens.

 

Caveat: Requests to accommodate special considerations for accessibility, physicality, etc., I would feel is well accommodated for, if possible.

 

Additional Comments:

Sometimes I am looking for something specific, and a person who offers menus is quite ok with me telling them what I am looking for and setting that stage.

 

Other times I am looking to experience someone new and may not be sure if they accommodate my favourite interactions. This case, I just relax into the situation and find the right time to inquire further in person.

 

If it's accommodated then this person becomes someone I can call for something specific.

 

If not, then the person becomes someone to call when I am looking for something else.

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Victoria Phoenix 3403]

Whether it Be, texts, emails, or phone calls, proper étiquette, has Not died gentlemen! For example: Hello how are You? Or how about, If You could possibly find time to fit me into your schedule, I would love to get to know You better?,, In my opinion, these conversation starters, Along With many other suitable ones, are Much better then: Hey what's up? How Much for a BJ? I only have half the donation! Or whats on the Menu?

I have learned, to use my delete button every single time-if I were to answer back, then I am the Time Waster!

In my opinion, the beginning of the conversation, however it Is initiated, is what attracts You to the gentleman, or Not

 

 

Passion Awaits Victoria xo

[50 Shades Raven 31380]

asking questions to find out if you are compatible is fine, but when they ask 'what's on the menu', 'what do you offer', puts me right off. Especially if they start the conversation with that.

 

It doesn't take much to introduce yourself.

As Victoria Phoenix states, it is how the conversation is initiated that is attractive.

 

I do find it rude when I receive messages such as 1.)'how much', 2.)'what do I get for $xx', 3.)'available?'.

1. I don't know what you want or how long you would like entertainment.

2. my rates are available on my website (clearly visible in my ads everywhere), so why ask.

3. since you haven't specified which day, week, month or time, how in hell do I know?

 

When someone asks for a menu, I ask them what are they specifically looking for, this way I can let them know if it is something I offer.

I would much rather do that than try to text an entire plethora of activities.

 

Some providers do state their activities in their websites, some of us do not.

If you are looking for specifics, ask, chances are the answer could be yes, but if it isn't something offered, the answer will be a polite no.

 

Having the courtesy ask in an introduction is welcomed, the one liners are not welcomed, specifically by me.

[Amanda-Lee 11094]

One day I was fed up with the whole "menu" questions and I decided to go online and find a McDonalds and got the address. After the conversation went on, I was asked for the address, they go to that address and say, "I'm at McDonalds, where do I go?" I replied with something like, enjoy your menu. He was confused, he apologized and wanted to see me, told him I am not interested in disrespectful men.

 

It was my highlight of that day. I will do it again if the time comes.

 

I've given the police stations address for disrespectful men. Yea that is where you belong, so smarten up.

 

The menu and lists are annoying to receive and read.

 

Not long ago, I got a call asking for my rates, he was typing it all down, told me, "Okay, well I will need to see if I will book you, need to call others." I felt like he was cold-calling me. I ended the conversation with saying he is disrespectful and saying that to a lady you wont be booked.

 

Menus happen in all forms. Not for services but rates. Some try to map every ladies location out too.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

However, instead of just listing rates for time, such as 1 hour for $300 let's say, they will list rates for time under specific headings such as GFE and PFE for instance. So, doesn't that imply purchasing a service instead of just time? I'm confused and just wondering about the legality of this set up under the new legislation. If anyone has any input, it would be appreciated... thanks! :)

 

This may not be important but isn't the word 'service' a noun as well as a verb? ;)

 

Additional Comments:

Asking literally what's on the menu and using acronyms from the get go is a turn off for me because I find it impersonal. I want to speak to them to decide and things usually turn out better this way.

 

It's not really about what you're asking for (unless it's really something that is off the table by industry standards), it's how you ask.

 

I also have just realized that entertaining the acronym users has a tendency to make a girl feel like she isn't competitive enough, or should add to her already extensive experience. Almost like a manipulation, which is common in this industry. So for us girls it is a constant struggle to be true to ourselves and reaffirm our own convictions. I think that is a part that is truly undesirable about a 'menu' listing.

 

Additional Comments:

Let's say I'm looking for 'blah'. If it is more important to 'blah' than to connect, seek a menu posting person who also meets the secondary needs.

 

If 'blah' is high on my list, but it is more important to have 'blah' further accentuated by connection, nuance reading, and the specifics of someone who doesn't discuss the menu, cordially book at the standard engagement length. Once interacting find a good moment to inquire about 'blah'.

 

.

 

I have always had a good time when 'blah' is involved ;)

lol

[Guest]

I rather you ask what you expect for the session and ask if that is what I can enjoy too otherwise both can be disappointed .

 

But please do not do like a gentleman who wrote a few weeks ago and actually booked me and only as aftertought wrote ,oh by the way I will want to do x and z...all activities that are clearly stated as a no-no on my site...sigh

 

The booking is the end of the discussion ,not the beginning..

[Regent 35404]

As a fetish provider, I have a fairly complete menu of activities I offer on my site, and I prefer to talk in detail about what the encounter will look like before booking. The only time I'm bothered by this sort of thing is when a potential client treats the booking process like foreplay or wank fodder, instead of being respectful and treating it as a negotiation.

[Guest discr33t]

On the other hand,

If all I want to do is 'blah' and I only want to see ladies who 'blah' and I prefer to 'blah' and go, with little further interaction,

 

"Hey babe, details (if not given) please, and do you 'blah' ", might be the most effective and quickest way of finding someone who sees the act of 'blah' similar to the way one wants it.

 

As long as one is ok with not seeing those offended, and any of their friends likely.

 

Best used with non-establisted sps or those with a minimalist presence in my opinion.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

On the other hand,

If all I want to do is 'blah' and I only want to see ladies who 'blah' and I prefer to 'blah' and go, with little further interaction,

 

"Hey babe, details (if not given) please, and do you 'blah' ", might be the most effective and quickest way of finding someone who sees the act of 'blah' similar to the way one wants it.

 

As long as one is ok with not seeing those offended, and any of their friends likely.

 

Best used with non-establisted sps or those with a minimalist presence in my opinion.

 

oops i was thinking 'blah' had no specific meaning, my bad

[dread pirate roberts 4036]

This issue must be one of form, not substance.

 

There are literally dozens of posts in which new members ask "can anyone recommend a Lady who does X", to which the standard reply is "find a Lady who attracts you and ask her if she does X". This answer is so uniformly given, without controversy, by Ladies and clients alike, that it *cannot* be inherently wrong to ask a Lady "do you do X?"

 

The issue, therefore, must be the *way* in which the question is asked. If it is asked in a way which is demeaning or insulting, then that is a problem. But of course to address a Lyla Lady in a way which is demeaning or insulting would be just as objectionable if the question were about location, donation, or for that matter the weather.

 

This is really only Castle's initial question in starting this thread: given that there are right ways and wrong ways to ask "do you do X", what are the right ways?

[Guest S****r]

In my communications with a new person I usually say, "Please tell me a bit about yourself and what would be a perfect date for you."

 

This way he can easily state what he is hoping for and then I can either confirm that this either can or cannot happen with me.

 

Does that help?

[Brody Boivin 8445]

In my communications with a new person I usually say, "Please tell me a bit about yourself and what would be a perfect date for you."

 

This way he can easily state what he is hoping for and then I can either confirm that this either can or cannot happen with me.

 

Does that help?

same here!

[dread pirate roberts 4036]

In my communications with a new person I usually say, "Please tell me a bit about yourself and what would be a perfect date for you."

 

This way he can easily state what he is hoping for and then I can either confirm that this either can or cannot happen with me.

 

Does that help?

 

It certainly does help, yes, and seems like a very sensible practice.

 

Unfortunately it seems not to be the practice of all Ladies, or else Castle's initial question would not have arisen. So it is still worth seeking advice as to how a caller can raise the issue of whether particular options are or are not available without being off-putting about it.

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

Perhaps, because his desires are based on getting around his physical restrictions, he should accept that there will be difficulties when inquiring, and it doesn't matter if a girl does or doesn't accept menu inquiries.

 

Either he has to be creative (which I guess that is what he was looking for here, I hope, and not just waiting for ladies to change their procedures so he can be accommodated) or just learn to not want what he can't have.

 

Essentially he has a disability and people with disabilities always have to approach each situation with their own spin. To expect girls who are for the most part dealing with healthy and virile males, the thought that they must try to ascertain whether each inquiry that demands that much detail is actually someone who has actual restrictions is a bit much to ask for. So the accommodating must be done by the seeker and not the girls.

 

You must be creative and find a different way to communicate for your situation. Remember... you can be viewed as someone who is not serious because past experience of girls is something you cannot deny (Once bitten, twice shy). One suggestion: if this is so important to you to find a specific girl who will follow your specific instructions to a 'T', without actually seeing them in person to discuss WHILE paying for their time (in a session, that has the possibility to be directed by you, or a paid coffee date) then take out an ad, with specifics and wait for a response

[Guest S****r]

Perhaps. OP, you could ask the lady, "May I tell you what, to me, would be a perfect date?" In your description you could say, "since I have difficulty with X, I really enjoy Y." Then she can respond with whether you are both a good fit or not.

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

And even if it can be awkward to discuss that before please take the time because one of my not so nice meeting was when I started ( with an agency) and the gentleman didn't tell my booker that he had had a stroke so was half paralysed.

 

I was not prepared and never had any experience handling the acrobatics involved with that restriction...

I did my best and he said he was happy but I think it would have been a better session if I had known,if only to think about different positions...

[VedaSloan 119179]

It's illegal to ask about services. I don't answer illegal questions and this is in the client's best interest.

 

One day, one of you is gonna get popped by LE and then perhaps you'll stop being so careless with these questions.

 

In fact, as a client, I'd be concerned if the escort in question was answering these types of questions because it could be LE.

 

Seriously though, every client is different and if you need me to guarantee a particular service before I've even met you, I'm not the escort for you anyway.

[Guest discr33t]

It's illegal to ask about services. I don't answer illegal questions and this is in the client's best interest.

 

One day, one of you is gonna get popped by LE and then perhaps you'll stop being so careless with these questions.

 

In fact, as a client, I'd be concerned if the escort in question was answering these types of questions because it could be LE.

 

Seriously though, every client is different and if you need me to guarantee a particular service before I've even met you, I'm not the escort for you anyway.

 

Umm, If I say, "Hey baby I'd like to connect! BTW are you into this?", Not sure that's illegal.

 

Especially if she responds, "I sure do, but that'$ up for discussion in person, when do you want to meet!"

 

But please correct me if I'm wrong on that one!

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

Umm, If I say, "Hey baby I'd like to connect! BTW are you into this?", Not sure that's illegal.

 

Especially if she responds, "I sure do, but that'$ up for discussion in person, when do you want to meet!"

 

But please correct me if I'm wrong on that one!

 

By quoting "this", even if a code, you have just solicited a service. Now, if it is actually upheld in court, is another thing. Do you really want to chance it?

 

Go back to the old "cop" shows. If you watch them, the undercover cop always wanted to get the guy to "specify" what it was he wanted.

 

Jeopardy "I'll take xx for $20, Alex" - bing bing bing "you are now on America's most wanted".

 

You are asking for time to be with the lady. Her advertisements will give you an idea. Don't ever ask for specifics - even if you think you are being clever.

[dread pirate roberts 4036]

Seriously though, every client is different and if you need me to guarantee a particular service before I've even met you, I'm not the escort for you anyway.

 

It certainly would be unreasonable for a client to ask a Lady to guarantee before meeting that she WILL provide a particular service. But lots of providers are in a position to (and indeed on their websites do) guarantee that they will NOT provide a particular service. In that event it doesn't seem unreasonable to inquire whether that is the case, IF there is legitimate room for uncertainty. If a client is looking for a particular type of experience and the Lady is definitely not interested, it's a waste of everyone's time not to have that discussion until after setting up an appointment and being together in person.

 

(The legality of such a question, I agree, is another matter.)

[Guest]

There is nothing illegal in telling someone you have a disability and asking if it might cause a problem...

No need to be paranoid either about LE...unless someone is underage or into drugs they won't bother with a few emails exchanges with ladies...We are getting close but not yet in Orwell's universe...

[VedaSloan 119179]

It certainly would be unreasonable for a client to ask a Lady to guarantee before meeting that she WILL provide a particular service. But lots of providers are in a position to (and indeed on their websites do) guarantee that they will NOT provide a particular service. In that event it doesn't seem unreasonable to inquire whether that is the case, IF there is legitimate room for uncertainty. If a client is looking for a particular type of experience and the Lady is definitely not interested, it's a waste of everyone's time not to have that discussion until after setting up an appointment and being together in person.

 

(The legality of such a question, I agree, is another matter.)

 

Do your research. Read her reviews, her website and her social media (if she participates). That'll give you a good idea of what she will or won't do. Also, I'm not sure I understand you correctly---are you saying you'd inquire about a particular service even if she already stated she didn't provide it on her website? That would be a waste of time.

[dread pirate roberts 4036]

are you saying you'd inquire about a particular service even if she already stated she didn't provide it on her website? That would be a waste of time.

 

No, not at all: I said "IF there is legitimate room for uncertainty."

 

If a Lady had already said she didn't provide the service, it would not merely be a waste of time but rude to ask.