bad timing to show dignity

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Good afternoon all,

 

Is not very often that I share a personal experience in here, at least not in a thread I guess that is in an effort to keep my secret identity :cool: however something is really bothering me today and want to share it with you partly looking for advice and another part giving an example of how we can regret some of the choices we make and try to avoid them.

 

I'm sure many of you have heard many times how going to extremes is not good. Well, I'm trying to fight that bad habit. In my case, for a long time I have been struggling with being too forgiving. I know being resentful is not good but I have had people do some very bad things to me and I forgive pretty easily even without being asked. So lately I have been working in finding the balance between being forgiving but with dignity.

 

Well, it turns out I had a disagreement with my mother because of some personal stuff that for a while has been in the middle of our relationship. Anyway, yesterday that came up and after hanging up all upset I wrote her an email explaining how I felt and asked her to respond it before calling me, this in order for her to realize she did wrong and hurt me instead of as usual pretending nothing happened. I did not receive the email but did get a phone call last night which I chose not to answer since i was in a bad mood and did not want to get into another argument, BAD CHOICE!

 

This morning I got some bad news, my grandma is very sick in the hospital which means my mom was calling me to tell me that and I'm pretty sure to tell me how she felt. Needless to say I feel horrible now as I have not been able to reach her. I guess the moral here and what I would like to suggest to all who may eventually be in a similar situation .. 'pick up the phone as we never know what is really going on and may regret not having done it'

 

Now the question for you is how can I find that in-between not being resentful but at the same time getting respect from others? There's also another side of this story I want to share with you but I already made this thread too long so I will leave that for another time. Thank you to all the ones who actually read it all.

 

xoxo

[777flyer 1612]

Isabella,

 

There is no magical pill that we can take to make us decide what is right or wrong, or if we have been unreasonable.....

 

The beauty that comes with age, is experience that teaches us to moderate our behaviour, so that when something happens ;

 

1. We are not too passive.....which would allow people to walk all over us........

 

2. We are not too aggressive in our response, which would illicit a mean and vindictive behaviour towards the individual who we perceive has wronged us....

 

The middle ground is being assertive......getting your point across respectfully, tactfully, but in a way that protects your beliefs and makes it clear what your position is.......all this, so the individual with whom you are making the point, does not get insulted, or try to push back on you...since you would have made your position very clear in a tactful yet firm manner.

 

What Is Assertiveness?:

 

Assertiveness is the ability to express one?s feelings and assert one?s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others. Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one?s needs to the other person. Assertiveness comes naturally to some, but is a skill that can be learned.

 

You seem like a very reasonable person, go with your gut feeling, just make sure you state your opinion in a polite and firm manner....so as to not insult or be perceived as a push over......

 

In your case, it is terrible the news you were receiving about your grandmother, but really has no bearing on your initial discussion with your mother........be firm yet reasonable......always works for me

 

Trust this helps......

[roamingguy 300292]

Isabella

PM sent

RG

[theliquor (Lost but not fo 50595]

In my humble opinion, it is never too late to show / demonstrate dignity.

Focus on your Grandmother, let the other slide, show how your priority is your Grandmother, not the other "stuff".

advice from an old guy

[GusBus 100]

Something similiar happened to a friend of mine on the weekend. He got into a fight with his dad on Saturday afternoon. His dad called him back Saturday night but he choose not to answer the phone. He got a call Sunday morning that his dad had died in his sleep of a massive heart attack.

[mark101 214]

I think theliquor advice is sound.... so when you do talk to mom, try to convey your concern for your Grandmother, which hopefully your mom is aware of already.

[pipercub 795]

Having spent time with you and having developed a special friendship I know that your Mom knows how you truly feel about your grand mother and so will understand. In my humble oppinion and knowing how you feel about family you need to separate family problems from life's problems. Dealing with family for you should be number one on your priority list and we all have our own way of dealing with family and only you know what's best for you. As for the rest I feel 777 flyer hit the nail right on the head. Good luck sweetheart and I wish you success.

[Jazzitup 5652]

Isabella,

 

Please try not to beat yourself up over the missed phone call. You don't always have to answer it when it rings. You are in control and can decide if you feel like answering it or not.

The is no point in doing the shoulda coulda dance. You made a decision, it was made for a reason and that is that. Nobody expects you to be psychic. Your motives were not mean spirited, and you are not selfish for how you were feeling and how you acted on those feelings.

 

I Hope you find this insightful.

 

Thanks for sharing a part of your life.

[Amanda Bella 421]

In my humble opinion, it is never too late to show / demonstrate dignity.

Focus on your Grandmother, let the other slide, show how your priority is your Grandmother, not the other "stuff".

advice from an old guy

 

Focus on what matters now!

Liquor is right your grandmother should be the object of love and care

these days. The other stuff can wait not her health, she is too frail.

Be the hero in the situation and say sorry even if you are right, just for the sake of you not having regreets later.

[antlerman 17064]

something taught to me a long time ago......

 

You are not resposible for the feelings of other people.....each one of us choose our feelings.....if you have said or done something that makes some one else mad.....it is thier choice to feel mad....you did not make them feel mad..they chose that feeling.

 

Just like you did what you thought was right......if your mother was upset..it was her choice to be upset..not yours....she chose to feel that way.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

 

Wow! I am very amazed to see the response and support big thank you to the ones who took the time to reply in here or via PM it really helped a lot and is appreciated.

 

The minute I clicked 'post thread' first thing that crossed my mind was ... 'and why did I post this? No-one will care' I am so glad to see I was wrong and to see i did the right thing by sharing.

 

Flyer you are so right. That is what I have been doing since I started the change and yes, it has worked :)

Isabella,

 

be firm yet reasonable......always works for me Trust this helps......

Liquor thanks for the advice. BTW I did that (and that is why I was going crazy by not being able to reach my mom). My grandma was the priority if I brought this up it was not because keeping my dignity was my main concern but because wanted to share how I felt to probably/hopefully stop some of you from making the same mistake.

In my humble opinion, it is never too late to show / demonstrate dignity.

Focus on your Grandmother, let the other slide, show how your priority is your Grandmother, not the other "stuff".

advice from an old guy

 

Piper this is very true. Although I will demand my mom's respect (for the record I'm talking about this particular situation as she has always shown respect for me) I can't act same way I would do with someone not as important as she is to me. Thank you for making me realize this :)

. In my humble oppinion and knowing how you feel about family you need to separate family problems from life's problems.

 

As an update, grandma is doing better and I'm very confident that she will make it :) I am truly grateful to the ones that showed interest in her condition.

 

Kisses,

 

Isabella Gia