Challenging the Myths About Clients

[Guest C*****tte]

All sorts of myths exist about clients. Loser, pathetic, cannot get it unless he pays for it.

 

I am seeing such inaccurate descriptions in comments on news sites. This is not at all my experience of my clients. My clients are affluent, educated, accomplished men who for a variety of reasons seek out an arrangement for intimate pleasure.

 

Yes, some are lonely - often lonely within a marriage. Just a reflection of how challenging a long term marriage can be.

 

Yes, some have better social skills then others. Some clients are quite shy in general, but especially about sex, romance and intimacy and have difficulty negotiating this terrain outside of an arrangement with an escort.

 

Yes, some have a very high sex drive, seek variety and don't want to risk their current positions with an affair with a stranger, colleague or friend.

 

None of this is pathetic to me. Just a reflection of the grey that exists in what some wish was a black and white world.

 

How do we change the misconceptions?

 

I think it will be useful - especially if we do not want to go towards a Swedish model of law reform where clients are criminalized.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I think a lot of the stigma about clients comes from stigma about sex workers.

 

"Sex workers are nasty, low-life people, so obviously the men who would want to have sex and give them money must be nasty, low-life people too."

 

When people ask me what "type" of men come to see me (stripping and massage), I always reply "heterosexual men" although there have been 2 exceptions even to that.

[antlerman 17064]

There is alot of people who only look at sex workers as street walking drug addicted desperate people.

 

They then think that only low life men pay for sex with addicted street walkers.....not as you point out refined educated men........

 

People do not know enough about the different levels of the sex trade...people do not know of the educated...accomplished.....business minded ladies that work here.....

 

so the misconception goes both ways....

[Guest s******ecan****]

Thank you Charlotte for such a well thought out and supportive post. I will admit to haveing the same sort of misconceptions about clients prior to becoming one myself. Three things changed my views and led to my decision to become involved in the hobby.

 

First was the program "Diaries of a Call Girl". The main character and her clients are classy individuals representing the very best of our industry. This led me to consider that maybe there was some truth to how they portrayed the industry.

 

Then the "Eliot Spitzer" incident LOL. This revealed to me that beautiful, healthy, attractive, and professional SP's really do exist.

 

Lastly was when I found CERB. I spent about 6 months reading posts, contributing on occaision, and viewing profiles of ladies, and recognizing the existence of true gentleman before deciding that a lot of my on prejudices and misconceptions about the industry just didn't hold water.

 

I remember very vividly being influenced by CERBITES like Emma, Emily, Pistol Pete, Cato, WIT, Annessa, and many others, who all made me feel like I had nothing to be ashamed of by choosing to indulge myself. Thanks to all of you Gents and SP's who have brought class, dignity, and respect to the industry.

[Guest C*****tte]

Totally understand how the misconceptions come about... but how do we change them? There are people who want to criminalize you, the clients! Will you sit back and accept this? Can you imagine how that will affect the way in which you seek out a provider? You will think we are all cops all the time. There is enough mistrust already due to abusers (I don't consider men who are violent or thieves clients).

 

Basically I am seeking a brainstorming session. :-)

 

I am part of an activist group and we have been organizing around the issues of stigma, violence and law reform for many years. We have lots of experience with looking for creative ways to make change happen. Even though it is an endless road we do our part and then the next generation takes on the fight and we can breathe a little.

 

Writing to members of parliament and to newspapers have been mentioned in another thread. Any other thoughts on how to change misconceptions? Most clients cannot out themselves but there must be creative and subtle ways to challenge misconceptions.

 

Do men ever talk to another about their 'secret lives'? As in, I know a guy who.... What do you think about that?

 

Signed,

 

A gal who even after 10 years of activism is still hopeful.

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

I totally agree with you Scott.

Well said.

 

J

 

Thank you Charlotte for such a well thought out and supportive post. I will admit to haveing the same sort of misconceptions about clients prior to becoming one myself. Three things changed my views and led to my decision to become involved in the hobby.

 

First was the program "Diaries of a Call Girl". The main character and her clients are classy individuals representing the very best of our industry. This led me to consider that maybe their was some truth to how they portrayed the industry.

 

Then the "Eliot Spitzer" incident LOL. This revealed to me that beautiful, healthy, attractive, and professional SP's really do exist.

 

Lastly was when I found CERB. I spent about 6 months reading posts, contributing on occaision, and reviewing ladies, and recognizing the existence of true gentleman before deciding that a lot of my on prejudices and misconceptions about the industry just didn't hold water.

 

I remember very vividly being influenced by CERBITES like Emma, Emily, Pistol Pete, Cato, WIT, Annessa, and many others, who all made me feel like I had nothing to be ashamed of by choosing to indulge myself. Thanks to all of you Gents and SP's who have brought class, dignity, and respect to the industry.

[Guest C*****tte]

Scott: I think Belle's blog and others like it, subsequently the book and the show definitely help clear up some myths and bring some humanity to the subject. Thank you for mentioning this!

 

I am off to school (10 hours of class and studying - yippee) and then have a little Ottawa visit to make so I won't be online much. I have been energized like many other activists by this ruling and wanted to reach out to ladies and clients alike with my reactions. Thank you for the opportunity to share and be heard. I should be back in a couple of days.

 

xoxo

[etasman2000 15994]

Do men ever talk to another about their 'secret lives'? As in, I know a guy who.... What do you think about that?

 

The closes I have it to talk to a friend of mine who is a LE in Ottawa about the legalities of escorting.

[Reddog01 30280]

I guess I am in line with Scott's thinking. Growing up I fostered the same misconceptions until I needed something myself (typical eh?). I don?t consider myself pathetic or a ?low life? nor do I think that of the women that have chosen prostitution as a profession.

 

I rationalized my first experience, which was in Amsterdam a couple of years back, after a stressful deployment in a war zone. I guess I thought I deserved it having cheated death a number of times. Looking back, I realize that I sought intimate human contact to celebrate life - life in general. I guess I needed comfort and stress relief; to hug someone and escape for a few moments - I found solace in an SP. After Amsterdam, it was Australia, where prostitution is legal in some States. So I guess from this trend legality has something to do with it from my perspective. If it is accepted by a society I can identify with; then it?s good with me. Although far from a GFE, which I prefer by far, my experience in the Netherlands and Australia started me on the road to hobbying which I just took up earlier this year.

 

As a new hobbyist, I have engaged with a handful of Escorts through out-calls (only in Canada and Australia) and one in-call in England. All the women have been exceptional, extraordinary in their own ways. I have never had less than a two hour visit so I can delve into the person a bit if she lets me. They have their own reasons (I never ask why) but all seem to enjoy the services they provide and have tangible goals to reach. I just love meeting them as well and found I have a real appreciation for the opposite sex that was lost to me when I was younger.

 

How do we change Canadian Society to accept this profession? Charlotte, as you pointed out it is difficult for clients to stand up and be counted for obvious reasons unless you have no strings to a SO and an understanding employer. I think legalization will only be accepted based on the added security such a framework will bring to the industry. Unfortunately, the violent crimes against sex workers that have taken place in the past (Pickon Farm for example) and still take place with little repercussion, need to be highlighted to the government(s) and law makers. Exploit, sympathetic and understanding politicians and lobby groups from this angle. Legality will bring security to the women and clients alike. Unfortunately there will always be an underground industry for illegal activity but legalization of prostitution as we know it, will allow law enforcement to concentrate on reprehensible areas of the industry such as underage exploitation, child pornography and sex trafficking.

 

By the way, I never have talked to anyone about my hobby, save this board. Thank God for this outlet and community.....

[masterowls 249]

I believe strongly that the only way the stigma around the industry, both for the clients and for the ladies is going to go away, is for us to do what gay people have done. I think we should have a sex work pride parade. We need to stop acting as if we have something to hide. Ladies, you need to think about the message you're sending when you don't show your face in your pictures. Gentleman, while you might not want to advertise the fact that you see ladies, if the subject comes up, you may want to explain why you hobby, instead of trying to deny it. If the subject came up, you're probably already busted, so why not use the opportunity to educate people. If we all do our part, eventually, most if not all of the stigma will by virtue of the fact that nobody is ashamed of what they're doing, disappear. This may seem a radical approach, but I believe it will work in the long run.

All sorts of myths exist about clients. Loser, pathetic, cannot get it unless he pays for it.

 

I am seeing such inaccurate descriptions in comments on news sites. This is not at all my experience of my clients. My clients are affluent, educated, accomplished men who for a variety of reasons seek out an arrangement for intimate pleasure.

 

Yes, some are lonely - often lonely within a marriage. Just a reflection of how challenging a long term marriage can be.

 

Yes, some have better social skills then others. Some clients are quite shy in general, but especially about sex, romance and intimacy and have difficulty negotiating this terrain outside of an arrangement with an escort.

 

Yes, some have a very high sex drive, seek variety and don't want to risk their current positions with an affair with a stranger, colleague or friend.

 

None of this is pathetic to me. Just a reflection of the grey that exists in what some wish was a black and white world.

 

How do we change the misconceptions?

 

I think it will be useful - especially if we do not want to go towards a Swedish model of law reform where clients are criminalized.

[Guest s******ecan****]

Do men ever talk to another about their 'secret lives'? As in, I know a guy who.... What do you think about that?

 

 

...funny I was planning to post a thread about this subject this week titled "How do you feel about your secret life?" It was to be for both clients and SP's.

 

 

As for creative ways I think for starters that recent documentary (or report?) called "Meeting John" would be an excellent resource for activism since it has credibility (academic study) and also disproved these myths. It should be constantly referred to and rebroadcast whenever possible.

 

Perhaps activists can approach the authours of that work to lobby them for follow up studies.

 

The most effective support that the Long Gun registry has is the fact that Police Chiefs support it. Have activists approached LE? I know many ladies here have mentioned LE is generally sympathetic to them. LE has the credibility to give powerful support were they to come out in favour of a regulated Sex industry. That alone would be a big leap forward in breaking down the myths about how the public views clients. If LE do not consider them criminals than public perceptions will change as well.

 

Activists could always pursue a print or ad campaign but these are expensive propositions.

 

A tagline or slogan would be helpful but I'll leave it to someone more creative, but the essence would be to find one that gets the point across that buying sexual services is a perfectly natural (though perhaps uncommon) occurence.

[E.D. man 691]

Do to my medical problem spontaneous sex is not possible. In my last relationship. i told my partner that we both need to be responsible about sex. My pills work better when i don't eat do to my diabetese. So i told her I would need to know if she was desiring sex. But she felt that all the reponsibilty fell on me.

Well I think this is wrong what if I guess wrong.

Alot of ladies don't like dealing with E.D> including sex workers. Luckly the majority on here are very helpful and understanding. Myself I am not a loser or pathetic, but my social skills at picking out a woman for me sucks. But otherwise in general my social skills I think are fairly good.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Thank you Charlotte for such a well thought out and supportive post. I will admit to haveing the same sort of misconceptions about clients prior to becoming one myself. Three things changed my views and led to my decision to become involved in the hobby.

 

First was the program "Diaries of a Call Girl". The main character and her clients are classy individuals representing the very best of our industry. This led me to consider that maybe there was some truth to how they portrayed the industry.

 

Then the "Eliot Spitzer" incident LOL. This revealed to me that beautiful, healthy, attractive, and professional SP's really do exist.

 

Lastly was when I found CERB. I spent about 6 months reading posts, contributing on occaision, and viewing profiles of ladies, and recognizing the existence of true gentleman before deciding that a lot of my on prejudices and misconceptions about the industry just didn't hold water.

 

I remember very vividly being influenced by CERBITES like Emma, Emily, Pistol Pete, Cato, WIT, Annessa, and many others, who all made me feel like I had nothing to be ashamed of by choosing to indulge myself. Thanks to all of you Gents and SP's who have brought class, dignity, and respect to the industry.

 

Another well stated post by Scott.

 

Totally agree about being influenced by valuable cerbites you named and many other cerbites for which the list would be too long lol (yourself included). Also Lets acknowledge cerb which makes it possible for valuable members to come on board, and bring their class, dignity and respect to industry and the mod who works so hard to keep this board classy and dignified and respectful and therefore giving the industry the respect that it deserves.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I've seen clients from all walks of life from the educated, blue collar, students, guys who are virgins and the list goes on. I wouldn't classify any one of these men into one group as losers, lowlifes or pathetic. HOWEVER, while 90% of guys I've seen have been nice and respectable and would never consider lowlifes, the other 10% are left to be desired and could be considered pathetic or losers because of their negative behaviour or actions towards sex workers and this is justified by many SPs.

 

One more thing to add....Much like there are myths with clients, there are many more myths about sex workers that definitely need to be challenged. I have witnessed hobbyists on other boards putting down women in the trade by stereotyping them and acting as an armchair psychologist. If *they* are putting down women in this business, then they have to think that they are fueling business for these women so it goes both ways. How can anyone who participates in this industry as a hobbyist or escort and consider the other party a loser or pathetic? A lot of people can be hypocritical and judgemental and look down on others but as a wise old friend once told me, if you pay for it or receive pay for it, you're now part of the club.

[fortunateone 156618]

I hope this site is helpful for the OP. The person running it posted on review sites (and CL I think), directing all clients to a survey, and then also volunteers for more indepth interviews (I am going by memory on the details, I just remember the posts,comments and discussion around it, then he came back when the results were tabulated and the site was updated).

 

http://www.johnsvoice.ca/

 

About the Research Project

This research was designed in such a way that the results could be used to highlight the voices, experiences, issues and concerns of sex buyers. The topics that were covered and the questions that were asked were developed so that the data collected may be used to speak directly to current debates concerning the social, legal, political and health issues relating to the buying and selling of sex in Canada.

One of our goals was to collect information that could be used to enlighten current policies, practices and understandings pertaining to prostitution by including one of the most valuable voices on issues surrounding commercial sex in Canada - those of clients!

Why Conduct This Research

Right now there are important events that are placing the issues of buying sex into the public arena; these events include: the rapidly approaching 2010 Olympics, public debates about the effects of prostitution on women, children and communities, and challenges to the prostitution laws in the Supreme Court of Ontario and British Columbia.

These activities further emphasize the importance of obtaining a more rounded and fair picture of the issues confronting ALL people involved in the buying and selling of sex.

The picture of sex buyers has mainly been painted by religious, moral, political and social interest groups who's sole interest is in the abolition of prostitution in Canada.

We believe there is another side of this story to be told - we wanted to give the opportunity to clientele of sex workers to represent their own stories in a non-judgmental, anonymous, and confidential environment, without fear of being subjected to oversimplified generalizations about their values, beliefs, and behaviours.

 

 

 

The results are in a link (pdf) and once it was done there was a story or two in the papers and CBC interview, etc.

 

 

I agree with all the posts and dont really have much to add. The clients I see are stable, nice, kind gentlemen. But I know there are clients out there who are slimeballs, I have seen their POVs on different forums, I have received phone calls and emails from them, I have had messages left at 3AM from them. I know they are there, and thankfully I know how to avoid them.

[777flyer 1612]

I have never, EVER considered myself a loser or pathetic for partaking in this hobby.....quite the contrary, I see myself as fortunate in being able to afford the luxury of participating in this hobby.

 

I was involved with a co-worker, and that lasted a few years, I wanted to avoid the pitfalls that such an affair can bring.....possessiveness, demands, unreasonable expectations and ultimately broken hearts...

 

Therefore, I decided to partake in this hobby, because I wanted the occasional companionship of a lovely, bright, articulate AND sexy woman.....we both KNEW ultimately what this relationship was about, yet when we are together, we are able to completely surrender ourselves to each other and enjoy the passion and sensuality that such a relationship can bring.....

 

I don't for a minute consider this to be a hobby for those missing anything, it is a hobby for those that 'Get it' and what this type of relationship can mean to two mature people.....

 

I am on the road and away from home at least 14 days a month, often times with some very beautiful women, yet I avoid falling into another EMA, preferring to save my pennies for an encounter with my favourite SP....and yet NO DRAMA.......

 

SNK.....

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

All sorts of myths exist about clients. Loser, pathetic...

 

ha ha ... yes, I'm a loser. No, I am not pathetic.

 

... if you pay for it or receive pay for it, you're now part of the club.

 

yup ... and the club is called ... "the Human Race"!

[PistolPete 61421]

Yes, some have a very high sex drive, seek variety and don't want to risk their current positions with an affair with a stranger, colleague or friend.

 

How do we change the misconceptions?

 

I know that I'm not pathetic or a loser but I'm enjoying my sexual drive and variety at the youthful age of 50.

 

I honestly do not think we will ever change misconceptions it does not matter if it is in this subject or other subjects of world news today.

 

I do not want to sound negative,but the public has for a great many years think that the oldest profession-prostitution is taboo,and it is like the 3 monkeys for the public- See no evil,speak no evil,hear no evil.

 

Where as I have been to Netherlands a couple of times, and the oldest profession is welcomed,fostered by the public because it has been educated,run accordingly and most of all keeping the women safe and off the streets.

 

Public perception may or not change regardless of how this all might turn out, if the public does it will likely be years down the road.

 

I don't know if rally's or surveys will turn the tide,it is something that is very "new" to Canadian's if this law changes.

 

Niki's point was also very valid, on other Boards throughout Canada the people in charge need their heads slapped for allowing slanderous,put downs,stereotyping women that are in the profession.

 

So the myths need to change,will that happen? I will wait and see with all the rest of us,but also doing my part what ever is required.

[Guest S**a*Q]

I think it's ignorance that leads myths. When I tell people about what I do, I get a lot of those same thoughts. I think it's because they don't know, they don't want to know of have never thought that prostitution is not always found in the "seedy underbelly of a city".

 

I noticed the same when someone would find out what I do before they met me... They immediatly assume that I'm the hooker on the street corner, in fishnets, as portrayed in movies and whatnot. Then they meet me and well, that theory goes out the window, as they realize that I am intelligent, business oriented and doing this out of choice, not a need to stave off an addiction, or because I have no skills at anything else.

 

The client situation is the same, people would always assume that my clients are the stereotypical "John". I know differently, :) Hehehe, my ex was SURE that everyone I saw was "socially stunted or ugly or..."... Little did he know most were hotter, nice and treated me better than he did. :) Hehehe.

 

As society ages, the babyboomers are retiring and the Generation Y'ers are filling those voids. I think that there'll be a shift in social "sexuality", as between these two social groups, there is a huge difference in how each one views sex and sexuality. The new generation sees it as less taboo and more open...

[masterowls 249]

Unfortunately, I do get a lot of resistance from family members regarding my hobby expenses. However, my attitude is that they don't live in my body, or fully understand what it feels like to me to need companionship and not have it. My standard response is to say, "I'll stop, if and when you can provide me with a way to meet somebody who will be willing to take care of my needs, in the meantime, it's really not up for debate." That argument tends to keep them quiet. None of my family like the idea, however none of them have been able to overcome my logic either. LOL

[Sovkhan 100]

Everyone goes through phases in life and being able to explore them fully allows people to move on instead of being stunted in place.

 

Few things are more intriguing than the opposite sex and sexuality, the fact that it's 'the oldest profession' should've legitimized it by now. At least people have an outlet to explore their desires even if it's perceived as being shady.

 

I've had nothing but fun myself and it's helped me get over a few insecurities.

 

Shades of Grey > Black/White