The Blog Most Clients Don't Want to Talk About... Provider Personal Relationships

[LisbethNova 5627]

This next blog is definitely not spoken about very often and might even be a topic that many girls would avoid. However, for those of you may already follow me on Twitter and read this blog, you may already know that I am not one to really hold back on my opinions. For those clients who want to believe that all of us ladies are fancy free, single and don't care about our mental well-being at all, I would recommend to stop reading now. This blog is probably way too honest for you to handle and I would never want to jeopardize your sexy fantasies with all those wonderful ladies out there. This article is for realistic readers as both providers and clients alike.

 

As someone who has been in the industry just a couple years, I can honestly say that it is a difficult world to be on your own. Unfortunately many of us providers are quite isolated from one another and face further complications trying to sustain personal/private relationships in our free time. This job can obviously be incredibly taxing on us emotionally, mentally and physically and without proper stable relationships it can be extremely daunting. It's an industry that can definitely do your head in if you don't have anyone who respects your personal boundaries and time. Having the right friendships and partners in our lives can help us sustain ourselves in this industry even longer or at least long enough that we can get out of it feeling positive about our experience. I guess I have learned from the good, bad and the ugly in my own experience, but I hope I can offer some insight to what many providers may have experienced or may need to keep in mind in their own lives so they can make healthy and happy choices for themselves.

 

One of the most important things I could learn from being in this industry is that it's incredibly important to know your personal boundaries with both your clients and your personal relationships. I will go more into detail about boundaries with clients in another blog, but I think it's important to discuss in this context, because I think that providers may need to save certain physical and emotional actions for their own private lives. Whatever these actions may be, some providers may feel better saving certain things for their partners. There are so many unspoken rules and variables between client and provider relations that vary depending on the individuals involved. It is truly difficult to know when to draw the line in the sand, but again I will be discussing this in a later blog.

 

Due to the nature of this business being sexual and incredibly personal, many women in this industry can often become confused about their own physical and emotional boundaries in their private lives. First and foremost, I can say that entering into this business changed my perspective and my boundaries with people BIG TIME. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I was in the swing lifestyle before, which I can honestly say really started to feel like sexual slavery, as my partner and other partners in the lifestyle made me feel I should feel obligated to give particular sexual experiences, whether I was feeling up to it or not. Suddenly, my sex life outside the business became incredibly important to the point where previous partners who thought they had endless access to sex with both myself and my industry friends whenever they pleased became questioned. I had never felt more threatened by both my previous partners and their spouses to get on board with whatever or with whomever they pleased. After giving so much of yourself to other people, nothing is worse than having your personal relationships guilt and threaten you into situations despite the fact you may have had a rough day or may not feel like doing something crazy and kinky.

 

It is important for some of us to feel grounded in our personal relationships and simply want to come home to something just boring normal vanilla, especially after a long day of spanking, slapping and sucking. Or maybe we had a long therapy session with someone who has been severely traumatized. Or maybe we had to be ON all day long, that it would be nice to just kick back, watch some TV, smoke a joint and have a laugh. Whatever kind of provider we are, don't we need balance in our lives?

 

I am not going to say that every day I have some hectic, intense experience. And I am not going to say that I don't enjoy these experiences, but nothing is worse than having the people around you in your personal life making you feel guilty or bad about what you do for a living. Especially when it's something you feel passionate about. There is truly nothing worse than having partners disrespect what you do to the point where you feel so guilty, that you give most of your money or treat them to things whether they be sexual or nonsexual out of feelings of guilt and obligation, because you worked hard all day. At the end of it all, there is nothing left for yourself.

 

The importance of having time for yourself and the personal relationships you have as a provider are so crucial to feeling supportive in this industry. For myself personally, it has been a serious struggle and maybe that is why I decided to speak out about it today. I hope that other girls will take my advice, as I know how difficult it can be to balance yourself in a world that doesn't necessarily have the full support of not just mainstream society, but those within the system. There really are no rules in the escort world. We make our own and struggle between understanding what is right or wrong for ourselves. I hope many know how to create their own social world that will fulfill them emotionally so that they can feel the support they need to keep going in this business. It is a wonderful world that we all deep down love, but if we don't have the support to take care of ourselves first, it's easy to get lost in it all.

[YoungBeautyMirella 5600]

Very nicely said. I often get clients that make comments like "You are so beautiful, you could be doing anything you want, why don't you have a man taking care of you at home?' or 'You're way to good for this, how do you not have a man?'. I find it a bit comical that some men assume because I occasionally am an SP, I must be single, or literally see clients from morning til night. You always see clients talking about their wives etc but it is like it is taboo for SP's to be married or engaged or a girl friend, it is like we have to act single so we seem 'available'. A gentleman who I have seen more times than I can count(since I first started this until now), ended up creeping me(as he put it) on social media (he e-transfer me so had my email) and he texted saying 'I'm really sorry but I creeped you on *insert website* and I didn't realize you are with someone for so long. I really really like you and feel very guilty because you look so happy (I am!), love the man you have because he is very lucky and you don't have to see me anymore if you don't want too, I dont want to feel bad'. I told him it is up to him if he wants to stop seeing me, and that I of course have a personal life, as being an SP is not who I am, just something I am doing for a short while. Now that I am planning on 'retiring' by the summer time, I have no problem saying that in my personal life, I am not single and am in fact getting married to my best friend in the summer. I am very very happy. Beyond happy. Of course I still think that asking an SP about her personal life, whether she is single etc is off limits, unless of course she tell you you may, it is still dumb to assume just because a girl is an SP, MA, or dancer that she has no life and no man/woman would want to be with her :P

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Exhausting is the word that comes to mind. No one can be "on" all the time, no matter what your job. It's especially true in this lifestyle/industry. I only give so much of myself during an encounter, certainly little emotion. I keep that for my wife. It's no different for you women. I would never ask for more than you're comfortable giving.

 

G F E is a nice concept but it can be taken too far, imo.

 

Good post, LisbethNova.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I have experienced a few times over the years from a few clients that say they have a problem if the SP they see is married. Can anyone say Pot.Kettle.black? esp when they tell you they are married. I find there is a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to clients and making judgments when it comes to women in this business having personal relationships.

 

I don't judge because there are many reasons why men see escorts or massage providers but we seem to be questioned with the good old "Do you have a boyfriend and does he know what you do?" Ugh... I don't want to get into all of that on an encounter. I don't get into it even if I was dating someone. I have clients wanting to date me all the time. I get a marriage proposal a couple of times a month. lol. Not really anyone's business but my own where my relationship status is concerned.

 

I'm currently single and prefer to be that way. Relationships are just a secondary extension of happiness for me. If it happens and it has, that's great but this is what I do for a living, not who I am and I am completely upfront about it. There is no time for insecurities or jealousy or I let them go. If they were to decide to use my job against me or make me feel guilty, I am done. This has never happened because I separate my personal life and what I do for a living.

 

I've learned to get in touch with my inner self so needing a man in my life is not the be all or end all for me. Some day it will be nice but I enjoy being single right now. In the past, it's been nice but they have to be 100% supportive of what I do and the past partners have, it just didn't work out for other reasons or people mature and want different things in their lives.

 

I lead a very boring, mundane life but I do have a great support network so I am grateful. :)

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

I always assumed that ladies in this profession had personal lives including romantic interests and potential long term relationships. I would think it is difficult terrain to navigate, requiring really clear boundaries and good communication.

 

For a handful of moments, a provider gives a gentleman her full attention. He'd have to be a narcissist to believe that those moments were enough to make the rest of her life happy and fulfilled; that she grocery shops, assembles Ikea furniture, plans her summers at the cottage and cuddles on the couch alone, emotionally sustained by the hour she saw him that month!

 

I'd never question a lady about her relationship status because that would be an intrusion of my great, blundering foot over a line that is probably critical to her balance.

 

However, I've never met a woman I didn't hope was content in her present and full of dreams for her future. Such contentment and dreams are likely to involve lasting relationships.

 

Just my thoughts

[Amanda-Lee 11094]

I like your thread LisbethNova, it really defines that we as SPs do have a life outside what we do. For the last couple of days, I've had three people keep texting me 'cause they really want to see me, during those times I was busy with my own life. They got sad and said they will try again, well those two other times, I was still busy. Reminded them to schedule a date and time. Some have gotten mad at me or when I tell them when I will be available they snobbly say, "that's too late for me. Do you ever have free time?" I find it rude and have blocked them.

 

I have a life and if I am busy I am busy. I typically leave my work phone at home when I am out, sometimes I bring it if I have a scheduled appointment. I have my set working hour, plus I make other times available.

 

I'm not shy in saying, "sorry, I am busy relaxing, I will be available tomorrow at X time to X time." They guilt trip me with saying, "awe I've been wanting to see you, you can't just see me?" Not the point.

 

Not many really understand we have a life, others understand and appreciate that.