In this time and age, this is pathetic!!!!

[Loralee Reach 245]

Did Tyler Clementi Reach Out for Help Before Suicide?

 

 

 

 

(Sept. 30) -- The Rutgers University student who committed suicide after two students allegedly streamed a video of his gay sexual encounter over the Internet may have reached out for help before killing himself.

 

A message board thread on justusboys.com contains several messages by a user identified as "cit2mo," who is believed to be 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, the Manhattan news website Gawker reported.

On Wednesday, Middlesex County, N.J., prosecutor Bruce J. Kaplan announced the arrests of Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, both 18. The Rutgers freshmen have been charged with two counts each of invasion of privacy for allegedly using a camera to view and transmit a live image of Clementi on Sept. 19.

 

Ravi has also been charged with two additional counts of invasion of privacy for allegedly attempting to use the camera to view and transmit another encounter involving Clementi on Sept. 21, the same day that cit2mo started a now defunct thread titled "college roommate spying" on justusboys.com.

 

"So the other night I had a guy over. I had talked to my roommate that afternoon and he had said it would be fine w/him," cit2mo wrote. "I checked his twitter today. He tweeted that I was using the room ... and that he went into somebody else's room and remotely turned on his webcam and saw me making out with a guy."

 

Cit2mo added: "So my question is what next? I could just be more careful next time. ... [but] I'm [kind of] p...-- at him. ... It would be nice to get him in trouble but [i don't know if] I have enough to get him in trouble."

 

The situation described by cit2mo, as well as the dates of the posts, appear to match the issues that Clementi was dealing with, indicating that he was most likely the person responsible for the posts, Gawker reported.

 

On Wednesday, The Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J., cited a now defunct Twitter profile that Ravi allegedly used in which a poster made a tweet on Sept. 19, saying that his roommate had asked to use their room until midnight.

 

"I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay," the message read.

 

A similar tweet, on Sept. 22, mentioned the instant message/live feed service iChat.

 

"Roommate asked for room again. Its happening again. People with iChat don't you dare video chat me from 930 to 12," the message read.

 

The Twitter message was posted on the same day that cit2mo posted the following message to justusboys.com:

 

"So I wanted to have the guy over again. I texted roomie around 7 asking for the room later tonight and he said it was fine. When I got back to the room I instantly noticed he had turned the webcam toward my bed. And he had posted online again saying 'anyone want a free show just video chat me tonight' or something similar to that."

 

Cit2mo goes on to say that he contacted his resident assistant. "We'll see what happens," the poster wrote. Cit2mo also said that talking to his roommate "didn't seem like an option" and that the second occurrence "set me off."

 

The last post by cit2mo was made on Sept. 22. In it, he said that he had provided a written statement about the incidents to officials at the college and that they "seemed to take it seriously."

 

Not long after that post by cit2mo, Clementi posted his last message to his Facebook profile, according to WPIX-TV and The Star-Ledger.

 

"Jumping off the gw bridge sorry," Clementi wrote.

 

Clementi is believed to have jumped off the George Washington Bridge shortly after the message was posted. A body recovered from the Hudson River on Wednesday was positively identified today as his, according to several local media reports.

 

Through a statement issued by a lawyer, Clementi's family confirmed that he had committed suicide.

 

"The family is heartbroken beyond words. They respectfully request that they be given time to grieve their great loss and that their privacy at this painful time be respected by all," the Clementi family said.

 

"His privacy was violated, very, very violated," Rutgers student Daryl Chan told The Herald News, a New Jersey newspaper. "His roommate was a very tech-savvy-type dude. He set up cameras all over the room and didn't tell him. A lot of the RAs are troubled by it."

 

Other friends described Clementi to the newspaper as a gifted musician who had won several scholarships and awards for his musical abilities.

 

"He was so incredibly talented. I could not believe how good he was for such a young boy," Diane Wade, a violinist with the Ridgewood Symphony Orchestra, told The Herald News. "Such a nice kid all the way around. ... As a parent, he was the way you want your kids to be -- polite, courteous, serious about the work he was doing and a hard worker."

 

In an e-mail to AOL News, Clementi's friend Blake McCrossin says he can sympathize with his friend's situation.

 

"I remember telling him how I felt when I was 18, freshman in college, and I too was fearful of how my friends would change if they knew I was gay," McCrossin said. "Little did I know one who was most judgmental about my sexuality was myself. So, when people say, 'Why would he kill himself over this?' I can sympathize with the fear that Tyler felt. ... We truly need to realize that diversity is a part of this world."

 

A friend of Ravi's told the New York Daily News that he was an outgoing ping-pong player and Frisbee enthusiast who enjoyed pranks.

 

"I think he's a good person," Michael Zhuang, 17, a neighbor and former classmate, told the newspaper. "I don't think he's a homophobe. It would've been no different if it was a girl in the room."

 

Ravi's friends have made similar statements to The Star-Ledger and have claimed that Ravi told them he had accidentally turned on the webcam in his room while he was in Wei's dorm room and that he shut it off when he saw Clementi in a sexual encounter.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

It absolutely shocks me how many people think it's perfectly acceptable to film others in a state of undress, or during a sexual encounter, without their consent. With the shift in attitudes over the last 15 years or so, I think I can only blame internet pornography.

[Guest S***e]

Not only do I share your shock Megan, but I cannot understand in this current climate how this could or would happen. Social media has gone awry and, in fact, society has gone amok. This is one of the most sad and disturbing incidents I can recall in recent years, but you have to remember that people will embrace new technology for good and for evil. This is a clear case of the latter.

 

It absolutely shocks me how many people think it's perfectly acceptable to film others in a state of undress' date=' or during a sexual encounter, without their consent. With the shift in attitudes over the last 15 years or so, I think I can only blame internet pornography.[/quote']

[bdawk 100]

This story breaks my heart...It's also incredibly sad and disturbing at the same time...Such an invasion of privacy

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

Pathetic yes, but I'm not so sure it has that much to do with this day and age or that the internet can be used as a vehicle to help inflict cruelty.

I agree with Megan that we have had a shift in attitudes in recent years but that applies to the majority IMO and not those select weaklings that feel the need to prey on the easy targets to make themselves feel empowered.

There are still plenty of hazings and initiation rituals that go on in high schools, colleges and universities where someone will get hurt or killed for someone else thrills. This may not fit that exact mould of this story but the concept of cruelty is the same.

Live and let live. How far away from this simple idea are we still?

Let's see how the courts and the defense lawyers deal with this one and we might get a glimpse at the answer.

 

J

[omehgosh 736]

Wow, what a sad situation. It really makes you think about things... I mean, immediately I blame the idiot roommate for Tyler's death. The guy's obviously an idiot, one of those types of kids that you just wish you could beat some sense into... I start to think though, I knew assholes like that in school too - but I don't remember any of them being (or at least seeming) the type to actually want to kill anyone. In fact, as much as I hated these types of kids (up until high school when I sprouted, I was always getting it from these these guys... I really, really hated them...) back then, now I can look back and see that these kids were usually very dumb (at least in some sense), very insecure inside, and/or troubled in some way (abusive parent, broken family... something), and even if they weren't any of those things, they were, at the very least, just stupid kids acting like stupid kids. We were all stupid kids at some point - and to be completely honest, I can't say for sure that I was more of a stupid kid when I was six years old than when I was eighteen.

 

I really hope this kid is punished for what he did... but I'm not sure, after thinking about it a little, that I hope he's punished for the death of Tyler. Is he really responsible in any way at all for Tyler's suicide?

 

Of course, many people are going to blame him for it, on some level... and I suspect he might be used as an example and charged to the fullest extent possible... but I really wonder if he's the one responsible.

 

How come Tyler didn't tell anyone about the web cam stuff if he knew about it? Assuming cit2mo posts were his, he apparently did know, but he was worried about not having enough proof? It seems to me that spying on someone is a very serious offense (I mean, isn't that even illegal for law enforcement without certain procedures being followed?) Why would Tyler worry about that at all? He seemed to know what was going on - wasn't there someone he could tell to have it stopped? If there was someone he could tell, why was he afraid to tell them?

 

It seems to me that Tyler should have had someone he could tell about this, and have confidence that it would be taken seriously and looked into, even if he only suspected this was going on. Tyler didn't seem to have this option... or maybe he did...

 

Maybe Tyler could have told someone about it and it would have been taken seriously even if the possibility were only suspected. Maybe Tyler was worried about telling someone because of what he was doing. Was Tyler worried about someone finding out he was gay? Was he worried that someone might find out he was having a sex with another boy?

 

If so, then I wonder why he'd have to worry about that. ALL males, and I'd argue this until I was blue in the face, have experienced or do experience homosexuality. I don't know exactly how it works, but I'm pretty confident it's normal... I'm a completely heterosexual male, and totally confident in my sexuality, but I have had homosexual fantasies. Hell, when I was going through puberty I had sexual fantasies about cats and freakin' trees even! Seriously, there wasn't much I wouldn't have stuck my dick into if it had a hole! I was treesexual, pillowsexual, watermelonsexual - Christ, I'm pretty sure I even thought about having sex with my mom at some point!

 

My point is, I don't care what anyone says, I think there's a bit of homosexual in every single normal male - I don't get why anyone would think it strange that some males have more of it in them than others. I don't understand why it matters at all that some guys are into guys, some guys are actually girls inside, some girls are into girls, and other girls are really guys... It seems to me it's all bloody normal and that's just the way it is. WTF?!?

 

I'm getting really worked up here... Tyler's roommate is a total dick, no doubt - I wish someone would look at the bigger picture though and make it so the "Tylers" out there don't end oup killing themselves because they're pushed over the edge by some dickhead teenager.

 

I don't think the roommate was the biggest reason for Tyler's suicide. I think Tyler was let down in many more important ways long before I he got stuck with that freakin' moron roommate.

 

I also don't think we should forget that Tyler actually killed Tyler. It's easy to look at the person who killed themselves as the victim, but I don't think we should overlook the simple fact that ultimately, no matter how you look at it, a suicide "victim" is responsible for his/her own death. I can't imagine what his parents must be going through. If you think I'm being a jerk and don't give a shit about Tyler, then please go back to the beginning of my post and start reading again - I'm just saying that we have a tendency to blame everyone and everything other than the person that committed suicide.

 

That's enough ranting from me. Thanks for sharing the article Loralee!

[Loralee Reach 245]

Stigma still hurts...and filming someone so young creates a very deep and controversial image of the self. Sometimes suicide is the only clear sight in the mind of a person who has been hurt so deeply as this lovely young boy. Imagine! just imagine the jerks who film him getting free and perhaps in their malicious minds, in their prejudging brains they still think "bad thoughts" about gender and sexuality. Gender is one thing and sexuality is other....

I am really appalled by this and yes, Megan, Spike and all of you are right also. I have three sons and I could not imagine anything more cruel than denying their right to choose their own sexuality rights....

very sad!

LoraLee:-(:-x

[Guest s******ecan****]

I don't think the roommate was the biggest reason for Tyler's suicide. I think Tyler was let down in many more important ways long before I he got stuck with that freakin' moron roommate.

 

 

The parents must be simply crushed, how to pick up the pieces of such a tragic event is certainly beyond my comprehension.

 

I agree, clearly Tyler must have reached a vulnerable stage long before he was unlucky enough to fall in with this sick creep of a roomate (who obviously has his own issues if he felt the need to do what he did to Tyler). What is really tragic I find is that Tyler must have felt he had no where to turn to to talk about this. It seems likely he was afraid of being "outed" to such an extent that he took this drastic action.

 

Homophobia still remains shockingly acceptable despite the progress we are making as a more tolerant society. Politicians and religious leaders can still get away with speaking publicly about their raw hatred of homosexuals, unthinkable when it comes to racial minorities.

 

It is up to all of us to do what we can to create an enviroment where it is safe for GLBT people to be who they are without fear of persecution.

[Guest S***e]

Agreed...cruel people will use whatever tools they have available to further their attacks on others. I'm in my 60's and have seen the evolution of such tools over the years. Cruel people are just that, cruel. I'm sad to say that in my lifetime I've witnessed way too much of it.

 

Stigma still hurts...and filming someone so young creates a very deep and controversial image of the self. Sometimes suicide is the only clear sight in the mind of a person who has been hurt so deeply as this lovely young boy. Imagine! just imagine the jerks who film him getting free and perhaps in their malicious minds, in their prejudging brains they still think "bad thoughts" about gender and sexuality. Gender is one thing and sexuality is other....

I am really appalled by this and yes, Megan, Spike and all of you are right also. I have three sons and I could not imagine anything more cruel than denying their right to choose their own sexuality rights....

very sad!

LoraLee:-(:-x

[cat 262460]

It broke my heart, so young, so much life ahead of him. I'm sorry...

 

cat

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

At issue here are two different situations. The broadcast or streaming of the webcam content without the consent of the participants. This is wrong on so many levels the parents of the students accused should ask for the tuition money back, their kids are just plain stupid!

 

The bigger issue here is the persecution and outing of Tyler and forcing him to choose what he thought was the only way to deal with this situaiton. A terrible end to a young and what could have been a promising life. The pair responsible for the promotion and organization of the web streams are ultimately responsible for the death of this young man. Had they not chosen to be so selfish,vindictive and cruel Tyler would still be with us today.

 

I cannot tolerate the actions of those who choose to knowingly manipulate and take advantage of others for their own gain, be it financial, emotional or otherwise.

[fortunateone 156618]

At issue here are two different situations. The broadcast or streaming of the webcam content without the consent of the participants. This is wrong on so many levels the parents of the students accused should ask for the tuition money back, their kids are just plain stupid!

 

The bigger issue here is the persecution and outing of Tyler and forcing him to choose what he thought was the only way to deal with this situaiton. A terrible end to a young and what could have been a promising life. The pair responsible for the promotion and organization of the web streams are ultimately responsible for the death of this young man. Had they not chosen to be so selfish,vindictive and cruel Tyler would still be with us today.

 

I cannot tolerate the actions of those who choose to knowingly manipulate and take advantage of others for their own gain, be it financial, emotional or otherwise.

 

Yes, that is my POV too. I believe that bullies/harrassers/stalkers need to be held accountable not just for what they are doing that crosses the legal line, but the consequences of those actions. Empathy prevents people from doing this; technology seems to give them an "out" or excuse. And the technological ability to take bullying to a whole new level makes some think it is ok. But there are consequences, and just as if a student was face to face bullied in the past which often led to depression and suicide, now the bullying is broadcast into a whole new level of shame. I don't think it is enough to say that these people didn't realize the severity of their actions; they full well knew the possibilities. They are not 12 years old, they are adults, and by this time should have had some sense of decency and humanity. They chose this path, and it was not only illegal it was immoral and they deserve to be charged. Based on their own actions, they deserve to have a record on this, and the bonus might be that someone else out there will think twice before doing the same thing, so many as well they will be charged to serve as a lesson, but that is what charging people is about anyway: punish the guilty and warn those who are thinking about doing the same thing.

[E.D. man 691]

send them to texas and give them the chair

[VedaSloan 119179]

This is the kind of thing that completely enrages me.

 

And it happened so soon after the whole facebook gang rape thing. When does it stop?

[Phaedrus 209521]

When does it stop?

Probably not until all (or most) of us can simply accept everyone else for what they are. Which, human nature being what it is, will probably be a while, alas.

 

On the bright side, there are people who get it. If you haven't seen it already, have a look a Dan Savage's 'It Gets Better' project at http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject.

 

And on the subject of suicide generally, an ad from a Serbian group that also gets it: http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2010/09/suicide-ads-projected-under-bridge-jumpers.html

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Yes, we should all make this our motto, sadly is not that easy for us humans to learn to respect and understand others, stories like this one are the clear example. Such a shame.

Live and let live. How far away from this simple idea are we still?

 

J

[VedaSloan 119179]

I don't think there are too many GLBT folks on here, but I'm going to post this anyway.

 

I'm just curious as to what everyone thinks of the Dan Savage "It Gets Better" campaign that was started following Tyler Clementi's death.

 

There seem to be two opposing sides and I'm not saying either is right, but I'd like to know what everyone else thinks.

 

On one side of the debate are the folks who are against the campaign and their reasons have been summed up nicely here:

http://tempcontretemps.wordpress.com/2010/09/30/why-i-dont-like-dan-savages-it-gets-better-project-as-a-response-to-bullying/

 

To counter that, one of the Jezebel writers did a piece as well:

http://jezebel.com/5655406/defending-dan-savages-it-gets-better-project

 

Both articles have Dan Savage's clip for viewing.

[Phaedrus 209521]

I don't think there are too many GLBT folks on here, but I'm going to post this anyway.

Maybe not, but there are probably plenty of folks who care about them.

I'm just curious as to what everyone thinks of the Dan Savage "It Gets Better" campaign that was started following Tyler Clementi's death.

I think it's a fantastic idea (which is why I linked to it in an earlier post) - although I think it started a bit before Tyler Clementi's death - he, alas, is not the only young person to have committed suicide for this reason - he just seems to have hit the headlines harder than some others.

 

The Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/about-trevor/organization) is also a great idea.

[Lowdark 5613]

Tyler's suicide is a genuine tragedy. The only thing I can think of that was worse for this poor young man was the isolation, loneliness and utter despair he must have felt prior that the idea of killing himself seemed like the only recourse. I do not believe in the death penalty, but if the two "men" repsonsible for the online video were to disappear tomorrow, I wouldn't lose any sleep. But this issue is much deeper than that.

 

Bullying existed long before the internet, the internet simply made it eassier (and more noticeable). Bullying is arguablly as old as Humanity itself and it will never go away (among women as much as men). I was the little guy at school and attracted bullies like a magnet, and the thing was, when I learned to and started fighting back, things actually got a little worse for a while. And the best resolution to that problem of my life was to leave my home town as far behind me as possible. Then I discovered new breeds of bully. There were still plenty who wanted to push you around with their fists, but those were the easy ones to deal with. The co-workers who stabbed you in the back, the politicians who blatantly lied to you to buy your vote, the list never ends.

 

But the true tragedy for Tyler, for all of us, is the stigma that drove him to this. When I was a kid, being called gay was just about the worst thing a guy could be called. To some it was a reason to start a fist fight. In too many people's eyes, being gay (or different for that matter) makes you less. And it's that attitude that is ultimately responsible not just for poor Tyler, but for so many other young men and women taking their own lives (gay or not). We can never kill bullying, just like we can never solve dishonesty or banish corruption, but we can help those who are victimized by it to take a stand. When you see someone getting pushed around for no good reason, convnce them to stand up for themselves. And then stand with them when they do. Don't let ignorance and prejudice pas when it victimizes and individual. Bullies respect nothing, but they understand fear. When they're chosen prey makes a stand, and has others standing with them, they may just be afraid enough to reconsider. It is the only language they speak and perhaps the only way we can manage this problem is by helping others become fluent in it. In the ned, we can only hope that Tyler has a measure of peace and his (and many others) tragedy will help convince everyone else to lend a hand here and there.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Maybe not, but there are probably plenty of folks who care about them.

 

I think it's a fantastic idea (which is why I linked to it in an earlier post) - although I think it started a bit before Tyler Clementi's death - he, alas, is not the only young person to have committed suicide for this reason - he just seems to have hit the headlines harder than some others.

 

The Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/about-trevor/organization) is also a great idea.

 

Sorry Phaedrus, didn't realize you'd already linked to it!

 

My personal thoughts are that the message is a good one and while it may not help EVERY teen facing the same issues, it hopefully helps some.

 

Though, I do remember hating the advice "it will get better," because when you're in that moment, it feels like it will NEVER get better, all you can think about is the present. That can be frustrating when you want a solution NOW.

[Phaedrus 209521]

My personal thoughts are that the message is a good one and while it may not help EVERY teen facing the same issues, it hopefully helps some.

True. But if it helps only one, it'll still be worthwhile.

Though, I do remember hating the advice "it will get better," because when you're in that moment, it feels like it will NEVER get better, all you can think about is the present. That can be frustrating when you want a solution NOW.

Yup. If we could wave a magic wand and exorcise the demons of hatred and bigotry, I'm sure we'd all do it. Unfortunately, people can be utterly horrible sometimes, and the fact that a sizable chunk of the adult population believes that this particular form of hatred and bigotry is OK doesn't help. And I think that "This, too, shall pass" is a better message than the resounding silence that some kids seem to have to deal with.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I just heard of this otherwise I would have posted earlier. Seems like this young man is now an inspiration to start acting about this horrible discrimination and bullying.

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20020164-504083.html