Pooner Diaries: late one night

Birdboy · October 13, 2010

It's late. It's dark. It's so quiet. I hear nothing but the beat of my heart in my ears, the soft rustle of sheets as I turn in my bed. I can't sleep. It's all I can do, to lie here in the dark and think of her.

I treasure my memories of her. Her warming my breath with hers, our hearts beating a crazy rhythm in unison. The feel of that soft skin. The way her face transformed. Seeing it change from merely very pretty to heartbreakingly beautiful though the alchemy of a simple smile.

Her gentle laugh.

It wasn't so long ago, really, since she was last right here beside me. But it feels like a small eternity now. And I suspect that it will be a eternity of waiting, in vain, before she is here again.

Our first meeting was supposed to be a lark. A bit of fun, I figured. A romp with a pretty face. But that door swung open, and thunder struck us both. Our first kiss was magical. We both pulled away, a little surprised by the electricity between us, hot sparks waiting to burst into flame.

And burn we did, that first time. It was a conflagration that consumed us both, our passion glowing white-hot, the throes of our releases sweeping away the world around us. Our worlds shrunk to my mouth on hers, her hands in mine as we romped. Again and again and again.

She had become a habit, before I realized it. She was supposed to be a casual fling that I would enjoy occasionally. But I saw her often. And I realized one day, too late for caution, that she had captured my heart.

I knew nothing of this woman, save the small talk she shared, the light jest whenever we met. But I felt, in the deepest marrow of my bones, the resonance of our souls rumbling its basso profundo whenever we were together. And I knew she felt it too.

But she's young. Too young to know better. Too young to realize how rare what we have is. Too young to know that this kind of magic doesn't come easy in this hardscrabble, fast paced world. And sadly, too young to care very much back.

I set her free. I let her get away, to go on to her next adventure. I know that she's resolute in the belief that the next bit of magic, the next bit of incredible chemistry is just around the corner. I didn't try to explain otherwise. Some things can only be learned, not taught.

Letting her go was the right thing to do, the gentlemanly thing to do. And lying here, in this bed, it was the hardest thing in the world to do.